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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Chris_W828 Just one of those weeks (poem) *explicit
  • replies: 3

To the world ur a leper,the passenger with b.o; nobody wants to be near you, neither do you tho.. You sit back and think, surely there's something u can do; but fuk no, it doesn't work, it's proved through and through.. No change in the couch, no doc... View more

To the world ur a leper,the passenger with b.o; nobody wants to be near you, neither do you tho.. You sit back and think, surely there's something u can do; but fuk no, it doesn't work, it's proved through and through.. No change in the couch, no doctors to vouch - for the meds you fu*ked up with; the one's ur now without.. no clothes that are dry, it's too cold to even try, first a sigh, then you cry, then you hope to god you die.. Come on dude relax, take a breath cos you ain't got no chill pill; no though, fu*k it, there's no way to get that glass filled.. So what's the next step? ur doomed, stuck and wrecked; off a cliff maybe? oh wait, there's none near you, you've checked.. So life seems pretty broken and fu*k yeh it is; but no one comes back, whos spirit is weak, you gotta just tell urself 'it's just one of those weeks'.. There's nothing you can do when it's just one of those weeks.. Take it like a hooker, it's just one of those weeks.. Don't think, just do, it's just one of those weeks.. You've been here before, it's just one of those weeks.. Things should get better, it's just one of those weeks..

twistnchurn My appoach and belief
  • replies: 3

I'd like to start off by saying that this is my journey and what i have come to understand. We've all had it tough and we all have it differently. -Firstly, my background does not explore or even mention feelings such as love or what not. Sadness, de... View more

I'd like to start off by saying that this is my journey and what i have come to understand. We've all had it tough and we all have it differently. -Firstly, my background does not explore or even mention feelings such as love or what not. Sadness, depression are all categorized as one big disease if you like. I've grown up most my life without my dad and i slowly realized the vital values and teachings a father passes onto his child are very important,. -From being extremely social to borderline psycho, if you will, i've learned a thing or two transitioning across the spectrum. i've concluded that we only believe to what we are exposed to. That self-acceptance is a major factor to 'true' happiness, and exposure in all aspects of life is extremely important. By exposure i mean putting yourself out there, slowly at first. Overcoming our fears, i believe fear gives room for growth, i hate to be comfortable and fearless. Probably why adrenaline rush junkies are who they are lol. But anyway In my journey being very social was the peak of my happiness, being used to exchanging ideas, familiar with other peoples interpretations, confident within ourselves. But in that life i had to learn a couple of things, in that life i didnt know what struggle was. You could tell i've been just one happy kid this whole time. I hated that, i wanted struggle, i wanted to be at rock bottom just so i could rise up again. Lost my girlfriend, lost my license, lost alot of friends, domino's effect, one by one till i was at home for 18 months without my license and all that jazz with it. Hit rock bottom, trial and error on myself consistently to break this. Long story short opposite to the typical, 'depression' belief, i believe that this is one big journey, one big lesson, the process of becoming a man and a million other titles religiously or not for self growth. i've always questioned and paused for a moment for those people who were so insightful in areas such as this, did they go through hell aswell. -Respect respect respect, i am now respectful of all people, unlike my previous self. I never understood alot of things nor did i care, why refugees all had similar personalities, why races have such strong views and another thousand questions all shared the same theory, fear, unfamiliar, anxiety etc. -Giving to the homeless, gives great gratification. Anyway there just the positives i've gained over the past 2 years. I'm 22 now. Yeah sure i can focus on all the suicidal thoughts, all my social anxieties, insecurities, 'judgmental people' (which is a form of your own insecurities anyway) in this post but i don't feel the need too, 6 months ago i would have. I think if my train of thought can make me content and hopeful for the future i think it might just help others. I have a fairly complex mind, but don't we all. Just my 5 cents

Brendo82 Brendon's Story.
  • replies: 1

Writing my story here is both a catharsis for myself and a message that I hope will become an inspiration for others. If you struggle, if you feel hopeless and that your challenges are too much to overcome, I want you to know that you are not alone. ... View more

Writing my story here is both a catharsis for myself and a message that I hope will become an inspiration for others. If you struggle, if you feel hopeless and that your challenges are too much to overcome, I want you to know that you are not alone. You are stronger than you know, and by opening up to your friends and to your family they will always have your back. I was originally diagnosed with anxiety disorder when I was 16. Facing my last two years of school, I spun out of control, unable to go out at all and making myself sick just to avoid embarrassment.The cold sweats. The dry mouth. The nausea and the dizzy spells. The racing thoughts and the jack hammer heartbeat. I had it all and I felt I was losing my mind. Through CBT counselling, I pushed on and was able to resume a normal life for a time. This was the first time I asked for help, and I have taken the power of that simple act to heart. Never let anyone tell you that seeking that help isn't a massive first step. But the issues that brought on the anxiety and the attacks were soon swept under the rug. By 24, I was back in counselling when the anxiety blew out into major depressive episodes. I was isolated from friends and family, unsure of my life's direction and carrying more and more emotional and psychological baggage. I admit that when I sought counselling on this occasion, I was not honest, and it was back to square one no matter how hard I tried to deny how sick I became. I am now 31. Recently, my accumulated baggage blew up into episodes of self harm.I found myself in front of the mirror hurling abuse at the stranger looking back. I was indulging in self created stories of how I hated myself and that failure was all I could hope for. On the blackest day of my life, I gave myself a self inflicted beating and was unable to stop. When I quite literally could take no more, something in me snapped. I admitted to my partner what I had done and broke down. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to lay back down and deny the seriousness of what I had done. Such behaviour had become my bread and butter. One look at the bruises however, and I couldn't just pass it off. I saw for the first time the chain of my illness going back to early childhood, and realised my future was disappearing with every new episode. I have now sought treatment, long overdue but much welcome. Through regular and ongoing sessions with a psychologist, a course of anti-depressants and frank discussion with my friends and family, I have resolved that this time is going to be different.I have learnt already from ACT ( Acceptance and Committal Therapy ), that I can't make my illness just go away. Denial or self bullying just don't work. I can't flick a switch and suddenly be happy. The bad days will come again, and I will be sad, and I will be angry. I will still have spells of anxiety. This is all ok - these emotions are part of the human experience. ACT therapy instead is about your thoughts - it's about recognising your thoughts both good and bad as being just stories and electing instead to channel your energy into positive activity. It's about investing in the the here and now rather than being weighed down by the things you can't change from your past and the fears about your future. I'm optimistic about the future. I'm in a clear headspace, and I am determined to take my life back. I get now that I don't have to let my illness overtake my potential. I hope that if you are reading this you too can take heart. Tell your loved ones and do the best you can. The darkest hour really is right before the dawn!

lostone73 From the other side
  • replies: 2

I really dont know where to start or even if this will get past the moderators , but i wish to tell me story . It all started 20 years ago when i fell sick with a virus of some sort . I had seen many doctors and was told i had depression which seems ... View more

I really dont know where to start or even if this will get past the moderators , but i wish to tell me story . It all started 20 years ago when i fell sick with a virus of some sort . I had seen many doctors and was told i had depression which seems to be a doctors way of telling you that they dont know whats wrong with you .I was upset there is no doubt but i dont not believe that i was depressed then and i do not believe it now . Over the next 16 years i took my pills like a good little person . There were times i stopped and started them at will .When i stopped i just stopped. I never really thought much of them other than this was a pill i was to take when things got hard. This was the pill that was to make me feel better when i felt bad . I was never once questioned about these pills . I simply went in got my script and left. I was now labeled as mentally ill and this would follow me to this very day. Over this time i had a range of health symptoms that i would see doctors about , odd ones that where never answered to where they had come from. But now i know . You see a bit over four years ago i went thought a rough patch in life . I had also stopped my drugs as i didnt need them , in the last 16 years i had never felt depressed and i didnt then . So because i was living so far from town i simply stopped talking them. I started to get these wierd symptoms again and in fact they were worse this time for what ever reason . In fact after my vision split on me one day i went to hospital. I was informed that i now had anxiety , something i had no clue what it was. I was handed two little pills and a script to take other 1 3x a day . I left the hospital happy , in fact as high as a kite. The next day i felt no better so i took the pill from my script , not even knowing what it was . This is when my nightmare that is still going today started . You see it was a medication my body did not like it . My life changed this day and in a matter of days my whole life feel apart . I gave my house back to the bank , i move into town because the shear fear of living in the bush i could not handle . Within days i would sit and cry all day and that was only when i could not sit still because i was so anxious. For the next 3 months i was treated by our local mental health team and many doctors . I would question why i felt the way i did but was simply dismissed as having anxiety and depression . The anxiety and depression that i never had before this drug. I was simply told to keep taking the drug and things would get better . But it never did . In fact if you could think of your worse five minutes with anxiety then that is what every second of every day was like for me for 3 months . You see because i was being treated by people that are meant to be trained i simply dismissed my gut that there was something wrong. I simply kept taking my misery pill three times a day. After things did not get better but in fact started to get worse i started to do my own research. I started to read about the pill i was taking and found out that not only was i having a bad reaction to it i was also addicted to it . Addicted to one of the most poisonus thing i could be taking . I had to get off it and as soon as i could . I contacted someone in Melb about reducing and i started on the 10% . The first time was a nightmare with horrible pain . The second time was beyond a nightmare and i ended up in the ER. I saw a doctor and explain what was happening and what i was trying to do . You know what he told me ? Well keep taking it . The next morning was the day i will never forget . I sat on the kitchen floor , ready to end it all, the pain was that bad . I spoke with god , something i had started to do . I heard something tell me to just get to the door . I had a appointment with mental health but i could not move . I rang my Mother in law to drive me the 300 meters down the road and crawled to the door . I made it was told i would get to see a doctor that could help and he did in one way . I explained that i was addicted to a very short life medication and what had happened when i tired to cut . He said i should never have been on them and replaced it with a long life one . I stopped the medication within a week with no problems . Or so i thought. I never felt well after this happened but again i was told again and and again that it was the anxiety and depression and this was all that was ever addressd . In hours of talk and $1000 of dollors all that was every addressed was the anxiety and depression . No matter how many times i yelled that i was never like this and it had nothing to do with my past . I was simply anxious from the symptoms and depressed for having to deal with them and what it had taken. Over the next four years i again believed the people that were experts . I even ended up trying different drugs but after a few days of calmness my anxiety symptoms would go though the roof . Again i was told to just keep taking them but would have to quit after a month with shocking symptoms . It would take me months and months to come back down to any side of normal . The normal was living with mild symptoms . I was being driven crazy on why this was all happening and of course this was making me depressed and anxious. But now today it all comes together . I am working with a great man . One that is highly trained and he tells me that the whole mess is caused from the drugs that where given to treat the problem that was never there . I was withdrawing for the first drug when i was given a second drug . These second drug nearly killed me and even when i stopped i had symptoms of my brain trying to heal . But because this was never addressed i was given drugs yet again which effected me yet again . Over and over this happened for four and a half years . Because i was never listened to , because i was simply dismissed by the so called experts that i was mentally ill. I am so angry , so sad and so ruddy anxious as yet again i come down from another drug . The symptoms are shocking and there is not a day that goes by where i wish that i was not dead . But you know what really upsets me? Yes what happened to me may be rare but it happens and people should know about this . In fact some of it is not that rare. In fact there is a post here that i read that is a persons who brain is adjusting from stopping drugs . It is not the illness returning , it is the brain adjusting from the drugs that where feeding it , the same as happens with smoking , drinking and any addiction when removed . What also should happen is that the people treating should know about it because a bad reaction matches the symptoms of the problem and when it comes down to it the only person that can tell the differance is the one it is happening to . A very bad reaction happens in 100 people in 100000 . My question is where is the support for us? I not only have to live with all this , all the PTSD it has caused , all the symptoms why my brain trys to get back to normal but also with most experts that have little clue telling me that it never happens . Research it , it happens . Luckly not often but it would have been nice to have been told this four and half years ago so i could have made up my own mind and not tricked into this hell.

The_Real_David_Charles Is a close brush with death a good tonic for life ?
  • replies: 6

Today I was driving with my youngest daughter. We missed a huge car smash by about 2 inches. Afterwards I had a couple of easy hours where I was more positive. Is a close brush with death a good tonic for life ? The thought of losing everything, in a... View more

Today I was driving with my youngest daughter. We missed a huge car smash by about 2 inches. Afterwards I had a couple of easy hours where I was more positive. Is a close brush with death a good tonic for life ? The thought of losing everything, in a split second, seems to make me want to live more. Hollywood is always portraying impossible situations that, at the last minute, get resolved. Is seeking a happy ending that simple ? There are plenty of excepts like "Thelma and Louise", "The Elephant Man", "The Godfather", etc, "Don't Look Back", "Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid". But the spirit of these "negative movies" can still inspire. Adios, David.

lissyloo Being involved
  • replies: 3

Is anyone here involved with working with people that have anxiety or doing something to make a difference? Im not even in recovery quite yet but I feel this urge to just be a part of this field one day to help others with anxiety. Are there workshop... View more

Is anyone here involved with working with people that have anxiety or doing something to make a difference? Im not even in recovery quite yet but I feel this urge to just be a part of this field one day to help others with anxiety. Are there workshops or something that I can attend to help me get through recovery? Im determined to recover!

JCPIK After quiting medication"X"
  • replies: 6

Hi, I have a few questions about quiting anti-depressant. Maybe we can share some good and bad experience here. I was on medication"X" for 4.5 years. I worked effectively on me and helped me go through the hard time. I stopped taking it ONE MONTH ago... View more

Hi, I have a few questions about quiting anti-depressant. Maybe we can share some good and bad experience here. I was on medication"X" for 4.5 years. I worked effectively on me and helped me go through the hard time. I stopped taking it ONE MONTH ago, and successfully went through all the headache, "black outs" in my brain, dizziness, sickness etc. I am feeling physically well, but this few days, I start to feel anxious (the cold weather worsen my muscle tension) and depressed for no significant reason. I drank wine occasionally to relax. Last night I had a little more than usual, then today, I felt very depressed all day. An hour ago, I was too upset to talk. I cried when I tried to talk. And there was no reason... Has any of you had same experience like mine? Does anxiety and depression just bounce back temporarily after quiting medication? Is it totally normal? I will try to find the answer from any sources available. And I will keep everyone updated if I hear anything from professionals. Jess

cass1981au coping with years of depression A mother’s fight over the years with depression, facing my fears and opening up
  • replies: 1

I wasn’t one to share my feelings and for weeks I was writing this in my head, not that I’m a writer but I needed to get it all out, and when I did a felt like I was free, I posted this on face book to all my family and friends, the love and support ... View more

I wasn’t one to share my feelings and for weeks I was writing this in my head, not that I’m a writer but I needed to get it all out, and when I did a felt like I was free, I posted this on face book to all my family and friends, the love and support I got and stories they told me or going though something like I did at some point, I have to share it with the world too A mother’s fight over the years with depression, facing my fears and opening up can't remember when I was truly happy with me, I think it would have been about the age of 21 was truly happy, fit, healthy just loving life and everything about it, It all became a blur, crying one moment, yelling the next, not able to sleep then get up in the morning nearly impossible I became one of the many that get a mental illness I lost control having depression, one day it all just got to much, trying to cope with everything nothing going right, i sat on the floor and just cried for hours, my children didn't know what to do but hug me, I kept it from my husband, but he new there was something not right, I kept it from my friends they didn't know how I felt or so I thought I was lying not just to myself but to the world, the friendly out going girl that was full of confidence that everybody know and loved was just me covering up a side of depression and anxiety, that was taking over me this had to stop and stop now I think It really begun at the age of 14 being teased horribly by some girls at my school, to the point I left the school, but didn't know I was depressed back then, after meeting my birth mother at the age of 16, I got a little more depressed not knowing where I fit in and who I really was, I knew I was adopted but I think I really didn't know at the time how I'd feel or how I would react to meeting her Then my best friend passed away 5 days before I had my first child But wasn't till I had my first child I was diagnosed with depression for the first time at the age of 23 I couldn't believe it, after 4 months of my daughter not sleeping more then an hour at a time day or night I lost the plot, we went to sleep school with her for help & i was put on meds by the doctor to cope with my life, was on them about a year looking back now I should have stay on them because I relapsed twice back into depression & anxiety, At 24 I had a miscarriage but really didn’t morn or anything because it was 2 weeks till I was getting married I will have to say I married the sweetest supportive man ever was the happiest day I can remember within this fight of depression second time I was 25 was after my son was born, sleep deprivation & anxiety of being stuck in a my little world at home with two children got to me, my body really got to me also this time after having a 4.6kg baby that left me with excess skin and couldn't get rid of the baby fat and didn't see the signs & fell into depression again, everything was going great with my life when I broke down again, this year, missing family and friends, and wanting to see them more, wanting move home so badly to Melbourne, body image, asking myself questions what I wanted to do with my life, what did the future hold and why I couldn't cope and do it all, I’m a mother this is my job, i closed myself off, i was safe in my little world, I now know I'm not that woman and you can't do it all but this time was different I saw the signs and found help, It's more a mid life crisis this time, being 31 now I'm still fighting it, day by day!!! still have anxiety, hard not to with four full on kids, I look at life differently now days, I don't like my body, but I can change that, i can see my family & friends, I can have some time off and the world wont fall apart it wasn't easy to share my feeling as i have always run from my emotions and shut them away it was easier to do that I know now life could have been easier it I talked about them out loud, I’m a Survivor, stronger then I have been in years, just letting this all out I feel free This has helped me with the healing process don’t get me wrong I have a long way still to go but a weight has been lifted, small steps, but it helped me, Ask for help, everyone's can change there way on their thinking, doing things they are really passionate about, eat right, exercise and always ask for help, I closed some door pushed people away but we cant have regrets, and cant go back, as much as I would love to some days, I’m looking forward to what my future holds, first time in years, there is always someone with a story and everyone's is different, open your ears, eyes, arms and your hearts, someone needs you and won't know how to ask for help! I’m a busy mother of four, a photographer and writing my first cookbook, I was trying to do to much all the time and ended up in a big mess, Ask for help

vip Depression and Suicide
  • replies: 1

II have been a depression sufferer since I was 17. It worsened after the birth of my son. 3 years ago I attempted suicide but fractured my pelvis, heel bone, hip bone, . I survived am still walking after surgery . I recently have come off my medicati... View more

II have been a depression sufferer since I was 17. It worsened after the birth of my son. 3 years ago I attempted suicide but fractured my pelvis, heel bone, hip bone, . I survived am still walking after surgery . I recently have come off my medication and put back my life together very slowly. It was the worst thing that happened to me in my life. Feelings of shame and guilt are the biggest emotions to deal with and the fact that everyone found out what happened. I was a very quiet shy reserved person who was too proud to ask for help when everything was troubling me I made out that I was fine. It has taken me 3 years to talk about this on these forums. I exercise regularly eat healthy and keep active with good friends who have stuck by me and family, meditate ect. I have started a small candle business with my friend and will fundraise these for beyond blue. Depression in my eyes is the cruelest, sad lonely hidden disease and thank goodness for beyond blue help people speak more openly about it. I have amazingly been able to help a few of my friends or people around me who have had depression and recently have helped a friend of a friend who is a mother that harmed herself. I look at it this way depression has taught me to be a more stronger posative person if I survived and came out at the end I know now I can accomplish anything. God gave me 1 life and a second chance I will prove to myself that I can accomplish anything now.

Rose1920 Talking to a loved one can help
  • replies: 1

I've been like this for as long as I can remember. I grew up with abuse and divorce , my dad leaving us and making a new family, and an over powering mother who's idea of parenting was that similar to how a warden treats a prisoner. I always thought ... View more

I've been like this for as long as I can remember. I grew up with abuse and divorce , my dad leaving us and making a new family, and an over powering mother who's idea of parenting was that similar to how a warden treats a prisoner. I always thought that considering all the things ive been through that I was fairly normal. Never felt like I was depressed. But there was always something different about me and I just thought everybody was like that. It wasn't until two years ago that I realised I had anxiety. I get frequent panic attacks, tight chest. Pains in the chest, shaking and all the symptoms you could think of. I'm scared of everything. I have a very small comfort zone so when I'm outside of that I get scared. Simple things as going to the hairdresser I get anxious. I have a big fear of death. And when I walk down the street I'm scared that everything will kill me. A tree will fall on my head or a car will crash into me. The "bogey monster still lives under my bed": that's how bad i am. I have had my boyfriend for 3 years now and I can tell you that his support has been phenomenal. There are times where I push him away during my anxious times but he sticks by me. Since having him and someone to talk to my symptoms have lowered. I have less panic attacks, and I'm not as afraid as I was. I still have a lot of work to do. He is the only person that knows of my anxiety and I'm worried I've put too much pressure on him. I fear of telling people as I have always been the "happy" girl and I don't want people to think of me as anything else. I want our relationship to work so that is my motivation to get this anxiety the hell out of my system so I can live a fear free ,panic free ,full life. Sorry it's so long but my objective of this was to express my life with anxiety and to show that talking to a loved one can impact very positively on your battle