Staying well

The weighing scale effect on friendships

replies: 8

Thirty years ago I was walking along Sydney Road Brunswick. It was 40 degrees. A lady with 3 kids, one a baby, had a flat tyre on her car. I was, due to the heat, reluctant to help her but that soon passed. Before you know it the sweat was running do... View more

Thirty years ago I was walking along Sydney Road Brunswick. It was 40 degrees. A lady with 3 kids, one a baby, had a flat tyre on her car. I was, due to the heat, reluctant to help her but that soon passed. Before you know it the sweat was running down my back as I changed her wheel for the spare. At the end of the task she boarded the driver's seat and drove off. No thank you came. That disgruntled feeling remained in me about that incident for 25 years until I mentioned it on afternoon radio to an announcer. He replied- "did you do it for the thankyou or did you do it to help the stranded lady out?" It was a good point, I'd never viewed it that way. For the first time in my life I reflected about my family's attitude of "if I do this for you, you should do that for me". And furthermore I began to observe this trait in myself further and in my family members. Before long I listened to one family member say "I've rang you 4 times and you've only rang me once" and another "I gave you a birthday gift worth $80 and yours to me was only worth $20. I'd realised that this weighing scale of comparison had been in my family seemingly forever. I had, prior to this event so many years ago, used the same argument on my friends. "I've visited you 5 times last year and you only came to my place once and then it was only to borrow a tool". Do you have a weighing scale in your head? If so, it could be causing you a lot of unhappiness because you will never get it weighing equally. People have different lifestyles, commitments, work obligations, hobbies, friendship and family priorities and chores. It is an area we should not judge too harshly. But then again there are exceptions and that is for you to decide. Mental illness can come with (speaking from experience) annoying thoughts that are exploded in your mind. Comparing others with your own routine, likeness for others, needs and priorities is not fair and can easily push people away. Friends under pressure to visit you when told they should might not be keen to bow to such pressure. Friendship is a fluid thing, for people to come when they feel like it. When under the cloud that follows us around we can become demanding due to disappointment of others. Of course if the friendship is never strong it will not last. But better to have a distant friend that might one day transform to a close one than pushing them away only for them not to want to see you at all. I've done that and I regret it. Dont force conditions on friends.

listening to music

replies: 10

sitting here 5.20 am keeping an eye on all my new friends( I feel like you are all my friends) even though we have never met. listening to my normal music. These songs play over and over night after night. there meanings to me all differ but all help... View more

sitting here 5.20 am keeping an eye on all my new friends( I feel like you are all my friends) even though we have never met. listening to my normal music. These songs play over and over night after night. there meanings to me all differ but all help in there own way. you see my music is like therapy for me. songs like 'just give me a reason', 'mad world' 'someday never comes' and 'standing on the outside' are just a few of my favourites. and depending on my mood is how each song makes me feel. I feel as though I can relate to so many of the songs in so many ways. 90% make me cry but then again so does 90% of my life. right now im listening to 'somebody I used to know' and oh its like the singer has stepped into my shoes for this song. big thanks to GA and Suzbj for keeping me company on here tonight. I don't feel half as bad now thankyou. hanging in there, HMP

Realism, you are what you are. It's your nature

replies: 6

For those that havent heard of the short story. It was told on the mini series with Nicole Kidman called "The Bangkok Hilton A scorpion wanted to cross a river. He couldnt find a way. Along came a frog so the scorpion that would normall sting and kil... View more

For those that havent heard of the short story. It was told on the mini series with Nicole Kidman called "The Bangkok Hilton A scorpion wanted to cross a river. He couldnt find a way. Along came a frog so the scorpion that would normall sting and kill the frog asked the frog if he could ride on the frogs back to get to the other side. The frog refused "you'll sting me and I'll die when we get to the other side" said the frog. The scorpion pledged he would do that and promised. Finally the frog gave in and the ride went ahead. Just as the frog got to the other side the scorpion stung the frog. As the frog was dying the forg asked- "you stung me and you promised with all of your heart and honour that you wouldnt. "arhh, said the scorpion....but it is my nature" With all the changes we try to implement in our lives tackling our mental conditions I wonder how much we are trying to change that is in our DNA that shouldnt be focussed upon for change. How much of you isnt right? How much is personality and how much is illness? Do you trade some of yourself in order to become well? Do you lose yourself amongst the changes that are made in your quest for inner peace? Sometime ago I had gone through a bad time, for a few months. I was taking medication and it began to work. I was getting therapy and that was working also. Then a friend told me "You might feel like you are improving but I still see the same confused guy as always, the guy that is loud when it suits him and a bit over the top". He could have kicg hit me and I'd preferred it. Such was that comment that I recall so vividly. I dont see him now. What occured was that my friend attacked what I believed to be my personality and not my mental well being and progress. I'm known to be loud when happy, tell jokes and my laugh can be loud. So lets take this a step further hypothetically. If I seek change so much so that my loud laugh goes away....have I helped myself? or have I robbed myself of part of my personality to "get well" eg under so much medication I am no longer me? I'm not advocating reducing your medication in any way. What I'm asking is, at what point do you (if you do) start to lose your personality? Can you keep all of your "nature" of what is your nature and what is there that seems like your personality but is there due to your illness. It appears to me that many of us are criticised for our behaviour because we are mentally ill but all along it is not outside normal boundaries of character.

Feeding your brain

replies: 1

You brain is an organ, an amazing piece of ...whatever its is made up of to make it think. I'm no brain surgeon (rocket scientist maybe) but we have consciousness and subconsciousness and all I know is that by feeding it information you think differe... View more

You brain is an organ, an amazing piece of ...whatever its is made up of to make it think. I'm no brain surgeon (rocket scientist maybe) but we have consciousness and subconsciousness and all I know is that by feeding it information you think differently. And that is a vague example of my lack of expertise. Here on BB forums we have often talked about positivity. I'm a believer of this. I have had, in recent weeks become aware of latest research that says that being positive too much when in deep depression, can lead someone into false hope, then disappointment which can lead to the depression being worse. That aside positive thinking works sometimes so we should embrace it whenever we can. I went shopping today. I leapt out of our car to walk 40 metres to the supermarket. Just as I alighted the vehicle an old lady was pushing her trolley to return it to the store. (we dont need coins to return it as this town is too small). I offered to push it back for her allowing her to leave it to me. I thought about this simple gesture. It's effect on me. I felt good, I felt proud and above all I might have set in place an old persons faith in humanity. Effectively I was "feeding my brain". How far can this self brainwashing go? Now that's a question. It can go to great lengths. We can actually program our brains, flood it with good deeds that can alter you perception of your worthiness. How often on this forum have we read that someone doesnt feel "worthy", low self esteem etc.? What can they do about it? Feed the brain might be one answer. And the answers I'm suggesting like good deeds and there are others I'll suggest shortly, are genuinely good things to do for other people. So there isnt any cost. Could simple tasks you do for others subconsciously feed the brain to relieve the effects of depression or self worth without you realising it? Some other actions that can feed the brain could be- - a reward for restraint. eg a small chocolate bar for a week of dieting ( a common action) - voluntary work. (I believe my attendance here this year has fed my brain of the feeling of worth.) - replying to posts here. Often new posters here take advice and return the good will by helping others - talking to yourself in positive ways. You have just had a small accident. "So glad I didnt get hurt" Feeding your brain of positive comments. It works. You might know of other things to help yourself think better.

can anyone suggest what they do to help?

replies: 2

Hi all, So I suffer both anxiety and depression, and was wondering what tips can you give me to just help get through the day or even as soon as I wake up for everyday I feel great anxiety to the point I do not want to get out of bed and face the day... View more

Hi all, So I suffer both anxiety and depression, and was wondering what tips can you give me to just help get through the day or even as soon as I wake up for everyday I feel great anxiety to the point I do not want to get out of bed and face the day. I've been told numerous times that meditation works but I honestly just struggle with the concept as I feel more anxious and/or depressed while attempting it. (Obviously have no idea how to do it properly) Exercise makes me feel better, but I am wondering what do people do to get that motivation to get out of bed and live the day for that is what I struggle with? Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thankyou

Mood and food

replies: 28

Hey, I havent realy seen anything on here about mood affecting peoples eating habbits. When Im up I dont eat, when I'm very irritable and angry I eat EVERYTHING!!!!! and when I'm depressed I loose my appetite also. I was just wondering if anyone else... View more

Hey, I havent realy seen anything on here about mood affecting peoples eating habbits. When Im up I dont eat, when I'm very irritable and angry I eat EVERYTHING!!!!! and when I'm depressed I loose my appetite also. I was just wondering if anyone else has noticed a change in this? Cheers, Cas

Been there done that syndrome

replies: 3

Mainly older people suffer it. Middle aged can too. Bored with life? Ok, it's footy season and you have a chance to go to a final...been to one years ago and you see more of the action on TV and you dont have to put up with other spectators. You want... View more

Mainly older people suffer it. Middle aged can too. Bored with life? Ok, it's footy season and you have a chance to go to a final...been to one years ago and you see more of the action on TV and you dont have to put up with other spectators. You want a holiday and you can hook up the caravan and go somewhere but...well...you've been to all the good places around, been around Oz, what else is there to see? You want to watch the news....same old same old, Israel fighting the Palestinians as they have for decades....courts of injustice....murderers getting released on parole when they shouldnt be.....think I'lll walk around the house....must be the 10th time today. You want to buy an item at the shops....nah...will stay at home cause I might bump into someone I know and I'll have to chat. I'm painting a pretty negative picture but in reality it happens to people every day. And this attitude is often not a chosen one, it just comes along. Becoming bored with life can easily lead to a mental imbalance. Dissatisfaction, little desire to pursue what you dont know and what you havent experienced can be the beginning of the end for some lost souls. So what is the remedy? That $64,000 question. Largely it depends on the person and what they have done in their lives. But here are some ideas- -back to basics. When was the last time you valued a blooming flower, watching a sunset or sunrise, waited on a street corner for someone you could help across the bust intersection? Valuing those small thing we take for granted. -captalising on your expertise. Most older people are expert on something. I know of a friend in his 70's in the country. He is a carpenter. He finally bit the bullet and joined the local 'mens shed'. His help has allowed several other men to make toys and wooden puzzles for kids. How many older women alone would love a carpenter to fix a door jam or screen door...all for a cuppa and a chat? -Live in the city and have an open fire? Plan a firewood day. Check with a shire 150-200kms away where firewood is free. Take a picnic lunch. Fill up your trailer. Take your thermas. -City dwellers...have you ever wanted to live in the country? Now might be the time. If you have been there done that and havent lived in the country then I dont think you have "been there done that". Find a regional town about 3-4,000 people. Others can add to the list. But to be stuck in that "been there done that" mentality is not a good one. Get up and do something....keep rolling... WK

A x 3 - B An equation for Mental Health

replies: 4

Hi Everyone, While back in hospital the other week a number of the nurses asked me what are my secrets to getting well and staying well? I had to think long and hard about the answer. I came up with an equation. It has worked for me, and I still use ... View more

Hi Everyone, While back in hospital the other week a number of the nurses asked me what are my secrets to getting well and staying well? I had to think long and hard about the answer. I came up with an equation. It has worked for me, and I still use it every day, it could be something to consider. A formula sounds really simple, so I'll also share with you a quote that was shared with me when I first sought help. "I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it!" A x 3: Awareness: Begin with a thorough and accurate diagnosis, and get a 2nd and 3rd opinion if you feel it's warranted. Find out all you can about your mental illness. Be informed, and inform others as best as you can. Be aware of treatment options. If you don't know, ask. Be aware of your limitations so that you can begin to respect these or push them. Be aware of potential triggers. Acceptance: Accept that you have a mental illness, if you can't, no one else will. Acceptance is nothing like giving up or surrendering. Acceptance enables you to work with what you have and move forward. Accept your limitations, only then can you challenge yourself and push them. Accept gentleness, some days you won't get out of bed, but many others you will. Accept that not everyone will be accepting of your condition, and accept that those who refuse to accept it are probably not worth your time, energy, or focus. Accept that now is not forever, and that the only certainty in life is change. Accept help and support, one day the shoe will be on the other foot. Action: Only once you have awareness and acceptance can you take action. Review the strategies you are using to help you manage your mental wellbeing. If it isn't working change it, if you can't change it work with it, if it is working don't stop. - B: Remove the word "Better" from your vocabulary and your goals. Without a comparative context the word better is pretty meaningless. I hear it all the time, "I just want to feel better." or "How do I get better?" If you are going to aim for better then you need to know what better looks like. I never wanted to get better, because it felt so unattainable, instead I decided I wanted an enriched, quality of life despite my mental illness. AGrace

Make your mental health pledge here

replies: 2

Hey everyone,As part of the beyondblue National Roadshow, we've been encouraging people we meet out on the road to make a "mental health pledge". We've been asking people to think about what contributes to you feeling good about yourself, healthy, fu... View more

Hey everyone,As part of the beyondblue National Roadshow, we've been encouraging people we meet out on the road to make a "mental health pledge". We've been asking people to think about what contributes to you feeling good about yourself, healthy, fulfilled and content - and then asking is there a commitment you can make, or a goal you can set, to help you achieve or maintain good mental health over the next six months?On this section of our website, you can fill in this pledge and we will email it back to you in six months and you can see how you've gone. The pledge is private, we don't reveal it to anyone, but I'm starting this thread here for those of you who may wish to share what your pledge is and we can hold each other accountable for sticking to it.My pledge is going to make sure I stick to getting in 30 minutes of exercise 4-5 times a week, as I know it helps keep my moods and energy levels regular even though I grumble about doing it!Please feel free to let us know your pledges below, and visit this page of the website to enter in your pledge and have it sent back to you in six months.

Strategies for coping wanted

replies: 11

Hello, I am new to beyond blue and would appreciate any feedback from anyone who has strategies for coping with anxiety and depression. I have been off work for over 8 weeks since being diagnosed by my GP and Phscologist. I am feeling lonely, constan... View more

Hello, I am new to beyond blue and would appreciate any feedback from anyone who has strategies for coping with anxiety and depression. I have been off work for over 8 weeks since being diagnosed by my GP and Phscologist. I am feeling lonely, constantly seeking reassurance and questioning myself. My current time off consists of exercising - jogging, swimming / sauna / spa and seeking massages as needed to relieve stressfull thoughts. Relaxation tapes as a form of meditation help but unfortunately I am constanlty still anxious and frustrated with my progress. My GP has recommended I continue with exercise as well as taking natural medicine - (St Johns Wart) and provided me with a medical plan to vist a Physcologist every second week. I am considering asking my GP to prescribe anti depressant medication as I have not seen a lot of improvement in the 8 weeks since my diagnosis. Any feedback as to what else I should do will be greatly appreciated. Regards, Tiger 14

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A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

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