Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

[white knight]

As part of your "staying well" program, accepting yourself for being YOU is crucial, almost a fundamental need if you want to move forward with your life and put your illness behind you in terms of the worry. Your goal should be to get on with life with your illness as part of you, your meds taken as part of a nightly ritual barely entering your mind.

Those that don't know about the "frog and the scorpion" story briefly it goes like this.

A scorpion eager to get to the other side of the river asked a frog to transport him there in his back. The frog refused telling the scorpion that he'd sting him once he got there and he'd die. The scorpion insisted he wouldn't kill him so the frog took him to the other side. Almost at the bank the scorpion sung the frog and before dying the frog asked the scorpion (that was drowning)why he did that as he pledged he wouldn't....the scorpion replied "because its in my nature"....then both died

The story has an almost daily place in my thoughts because all day everyday there are behaviours and actions, thoughts and fears that are there due to our "nature". We are who we are,..to an extent. That doesn't mean that if we rob a bank and get caught we say to ourselves "well that's me, I'm a bank robber and so be it, I wont change". It means that some of our characteristics, our responses, our humour our judgements and so on are essentially how we individually operate often like no other person on this planet. Every person has their right to individuality, there is no other like you (twins and triplets excluded) and there never will be.

We should, as part of "staying well" value that, cradle it, nurture it and ...promote it within you and to everyone around you.

How do we carry out this? Baby steps is essential.  I notice this uniqueness among many. Jess Rowe a channel 10 celebrity (and BB ambassador) has a loud snort when she laughs. It's her, it is not intentional and some might find it unsavoury. She has mentioned it at times, that "it's me". It indeed is and I find that snort hilarious. I don't see it as a reason to dislike her...but some would.

We live in a judgemental world and some will never accept us for being ourselves. We need that to sink in. We cannot "save the world" by wanting a blanket acceptance.

So should we be the frog or the scorpion? Well the scorpion survives right! But we are not scorpions, we the ones on these pages are frogs that need to develop a little more wisdom wary of who you oblige.

Tony WK

[white knight]

Hi Elizabeth

Two years ago toiling away cooking our xmas roast I was stressed and my then 26yo daughter and fiancé were playing computer games nearby, laughing yelling etc. I blew my top.

That fallout sent me to get my thinking cap on. From then on its a cold xmas lunch. Cold meat etc. Maybe a few vegies roasted that is easily done.

So yes, sit back and enjoy the time.

- thanks again Karen. It's nice to feel appreciated.

I actually believe you've made great progress this year. You are highly likely to continue with those big waves over your bow but you will one day be a confirmed tug boat.

For champions like myself we are not unlike anyone else that has nurturing desires. We just like being kind and spreading our experiences.

Before BB I got involved in Victims of crime on a personal level not with an organization. Here is a poem I sent to a lady that had been a victim of crime.

PETAL POWER

On your saddest day

You take a daisy flower

You pick petal for each of your woes

And count them by the hour

And when they become a stem

And petals line the floor

Gather them up in your loving arms

Put them in your store

When you enter spirit land

It be snowing like Daisy Dell

Flowers thrown in celebration

By faces you can tell

Then you throw your own

And you will include the stems

Cause that’s what bound these petals together

A meaning to an end

They will pick up the last flower

Of this daisy chain

Reunited and delighted

Connected once again

A simple daisy flower

Messages you can’t ignore

A petal for each of your woes

Are littering the floor

So on your saddest days

You take a daisy flower

Feel free to pick a petal for each of your woes

And count them by the hour

For your heart will glue them all together again

When it’s time to travel above

For your girls a gift in your pocket

The daisy chain of love…..

The poem was written for two sisters then 23 and 21yo sadly taken in 2006 by crime. I wrote it for their mum. Their mum is a close friend now, we all go camping together.

This world can be a cruel place but it can also be wonderful and rewarding. We have to make do with what we have, dust ourselves off when fallen down and stand up proud. This up and down life will settle eventually and life will be ok.

Thinking of you Karen. Your personality has come out after many weeks of me not knowing much about you. You will be ok. You will be better in 2018.

My love and care

Tony WK

[Elizabeth CP]

Hi Karen,

Sorry I've taken a while to answer you but things have been busy & I needed to think how to answer. You said Outside of my 4 walls I cannot deal with people. I like and care for them, but they just scare me.
My limitations for these kind words, I'm supposed to accept is for only here on the forums, but outside in the real world I can't accept it, because I'm not like that to others because I can't talk to them. Catch 22 situation,
Im sorry if I have misunderstood you again, but I'm just curious, How would you accept it in my situation?

I think the first step is to decide what you want & then what is stopping you. Because I'm shy & not confident I'm never going to get a job as a door to door salesman or any other job relying on speaking to strangers where I need to appear confident I would fail & feel worse. Similarly going out to places for fun with lots of people just makes me feel like I don't belong so I avoid it. Those situations are not important enough for me to push myself to try.

To feel more comfortable around people I would start small. Perhaps find a group or an information session on something which interests you & attend. Even if initially you don't speak to anyone at least you would be around people which is a step forward.The next step is to speak to someone asking for advice or something else related to the group you are attending. Another thing worth working towards is volunteering to help somewhere or someone. I find it easier to talk about something specific rather than just socialising. The focus becomes more about what you are doing or learning rather than socialising.

I hope this makes sense. Whatever you do do it in small steps rather than doing too much at once.

[Ggrand]

Hello Elizabeth,

you have given some good advice thank you. I do volunteer at Vinnies, I've been there now 13 months, we have 4 workers on my day. I was put out front for a day. I gave a little girl who was crying a doll and the mum told me off for doing that. Now I refuse to work out front. I'm out back sorting on my own which I like.

I will definitely take your suggestion about a small group of people doing something I'm interested in. Thank you very much for all your great help. I do appreciate it.

Have a Merry Christmas, I'm wishing it will be full of peace for you. Take care of yourself. Xxx

kind thoughts

GG

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Karen, Sorry You had a bad experience with at St Vinnies. Maybe later you can try again working at the front but only after you feel stronger. Remember most people are fine but we all have bad days when we don't react the way we should like the mother in the op shop most people appreciate what you do even if they don't say it.

[CMF]

We are the frogs, the obliging ones. The scorpions cannot be changed because it is their nature. Wouldn't it be nice if the scorpions could see how their actions affect others, not just the frogs?

Hope I haven't gotten off topic as I haven't caught up on the whole thread but I'll use the example Tony used on my thread. Two friends meet for lunch. By nature the frog is 1/2 hour early, the scorpion is 1 hour late. The scorpion does not consider that perhaps the frog needs to be somewhere else and by being late disrupts not just the frog but others as well. We can try to not oblige the scorpion or associate with them but sometimes they are all we have to rely on, our they have a responsibility ie you have a child together. The scorpion is the one with the power, the dominant one. We Frogs need to stand our ground and develop the strength to stand up to the scorpions. Not easy done and the backlash from doing this can be harsh.

cmf x

[white knight]

You have it basically correct CMF

We cant change the nature of those scorpions. Yes they are dominant. What can we do?

We can outsmart them

First rule of this is not letting on about your plans. Second is only playing their game so they are convinced they are still powerful. Give them praise for things they desetve praise for eg dont compromise your values like honesty. Third is to list your rights- put in the boundaries. Fourth is mobe forward in your life and fifth is find ways to stop dwelling.

You can ask others how to outsmart as it might not be withing your natural capabilities.

Some of us have carried a scorpion on our backs...but had we secretly tied a rope to their foot, we would have been waving at them from the bank...on the other side of the river. What good their sting then?

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hello Tony, CMF,

Tony, thankyou. Now I see something here.in your last post... I think I got it right..

I see me frog, John (hubby). Scorpion.

I have to try to chop that rope let John float away, , I have to hop away from from John then try to stop dwelling on him..

Thank you, I never looked at it that way before..

Kind thoughts always.

Karen.

[white knight]

Hi Karen

Yes, you are on the right track.

However, there are circumstances whereby we indeed have a right to be judgemental.

When you cut that rope and swim away from that scorpion, it will mean a big release from his hold on you. Your natural reaction would be to never look back eg erase all memories. But thats impossible. Every time you turn your head you'll see him on the bank demanding you return. Thats recurring memory.

You have every right to laugh at him, judge him as being who you know he was and not be scared.

You are in the river and he cant swim.

Tony WK

[white knight]

Hi all,

an intetesting comment from a friend

I was explaining the various natures of people, their characteristics and so on.

She said some people are plain bad. No other description required. Identifying them as such can be a problem.

Just like the frog we can trust the bad, the svorpion time and time again and not learn our lesson.

Is that a sign of weakness, kindness, lack of insight or just naivity?

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hi Tony,

I think it would probably start of as an act of kindness and continue with other acts of kindness and be that way for some time, then it turns into weakness because by this time we are used to being kind to the scorpion and just give in and continue with being kind, because it's easier that way and now has become the norm.

But..if we escaped the clutches of the scorpion and came across another scorpion and it all started again then I would say it's lack of insight for certain, but I'm not sure if it would also be naivity.

Karen/Grandy..