When to tell you’re wife you’r gay 🤨

[Happy_Man]

Just been reading these posts and thought, why not!

I am so in love with the mother of my children, she is my best friend and a wonderful Mum/wife/friend.

I need to tell her I am gay. Over the past 2+ years I have been struggerling with my sexuality most of the time and since I was a teenager. I have been with guys before I got married in the younger days, met the lady of my dreams and married/kids/dog etc.

How did anyone tell the wife? I have an amazing family who will support me and my wife but how did you tell?

I want to find the easiest way to break someone’s heart......

thanks for listening👍🏼

[Only_I_know]

Hey HM,

I've just joined this forum for the same reasons. I've been married 20 years (anniversary yesterday). There hasn't been many day's that I don't feel the guilt. With a teenage son and 10yo daughter. I'm 47.

I think you are extremely brave, and hope that one day I can do the same. My wife is awesome, and I know loves me to death, as I do her. I sort of wish that she didn't, so it would be easier. I guess that my life has been very similar to yours, except for the fact that I have never actually been with another guy in anyway, pre marriage or ever. She in fact, is the only person I've ever been with.

No one knows that I'm gay. Not a single sole. It hurts badly to have the feelings and I hate that I do, but I know they are part of me and can't change it. It's been so bad these last couple of weeks that I haven't eaten and lost 9kg. I'm going through all the Dr tests etc to find out why, but I know why. It's the big crappy bundle of feelings and emotions.

You are inspiring though, and I hope that one day I can be as courageous as you. I just can't bear the thought of my wife being hurt so badly. I love her in every way that a husband could, except that one private one.

I truly hope everything goes well for you, and hope you keep posting as I will be reading with a great deal of interest.

cheers

[Happy_Man]

Thanks C4 & Only I know, we all have our own challengers and please know, I am with you in support. It took me ages to get this stage, one day at a time.

I have been through some crap in my life but this has to be the hardest thing ever. Acceptance of the situation has been done, I am really comfortable with who I am now, I smile again😊. A mentor…. Can’t say I like this idea as this just brings another person into the fold ( my wife/soul mate is the person I owe time to right now, but understand not everyone has this option. Do what works for you. Trust your gut!

Guilt is a huge issue at the moment for me. I blame myself for this entire situation, I blame myself for potential wasting 17 yrs of my wife’s life. I blame myself for her 8 kgs weight loss (she does thank for me for this btw..lol) A lot of what’s/if’s. A lot of laughing/crying in our house at the moment. The past 3 months has been hell, but I have learnt more about myself and my strengths and weaknesses. I don’t talk by nature but my wife has pushed and pushed me to talk, nothing is off the radar, we sit and talk about the most stupid things and feelings.

I am not out and about, close family and friends know and have not stopped treating me any different. My in-laws have struggled and to this day don’t talk to me, but that’s their choice.

Our kids don’t know the full extent, GP advise they are too young to comprehend. We are ok with this. After the initial struggle our family life has returned to routine which was my wife’s wish, we are a busy family. She has said I have all the space I need to process this situation, I just need to keep communicating with her.

Some days are hard, some days are harder but one thing keeps me on track…. Being a Happy Man! Have a great weekend😊

[Only_I_know]

thank you HM.

It's funny, even though I don't know who you are, I can feel and understand every word you write as if I did. Your wife sounds awfully a lot like mine, so very understanding and loving. I am glad that you are working through the things. You are right, you need to focus on you, your wife and kids.

I hope that you can continue to post your thoughts and feelings on here, I don't know if it still helps you to talk to this community or not, but whether or not you want it to, you sometimes become an inspiration to others.

But you can't worry about that, as said you must focus on you!

Sorry about your in-laws, hopefully they'll eventually be ok, at least to be civil. I guess it is understandable as they are 1. from a different generation that just don't understand these feelings, and 2. their # 1 is your wife and want to protect her.

Are you kids really young? like around 10? Mine are 10 and 16, and it one of the biggest worries I have. It is one of the biggest blocks to doing anything.

And aren't friends great? that is really exciting that they have understood and don't treat you any differently.

I haven't started my own thread yet, but might give it some thought over the weekend (that way it can be all about me! LOL)

I have taken a lot out of what you have said, so again thank you for sharing your most private thoughts, feelings and experiences so far.

You have a great weekend too! and keep being a Happy Man!

[C4]

Hi there and thanks for the reply I came back from Thailand two weeks ago where I explored my sexuality and even though the experience was good I thought it would fix my issues. Now I’m back I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin and I’m not sure why . I get emotional still at being gay and what I lost but it when I think of the future my anxiety gets worse . Maybe its me worrying about a relationship with a man or being rejected or being labeled something I thought I wasn’t and for some reason being gay scares me . I know there’s nothing wrong with it but I find it hard to move forward and I don’t know why. It is like two steps forward one step back . I just wish it was easy to just accept it and in time I will but it’s hard at the moment. I wish you all the best mate 😊

[Brad42nowgay]

I’m in the same boat 15 y married 3 kids just came out last year to myself I knew the feelings and 

desires were very strong and my wife thinks I have ED lol and wants me to get tested   And worried she will leave me if she finds out I’m gay she’s very against that type of people

[Brad42nowgay]

I do have to say again thank you very much for writing this post. I was so scared 15 years married three kids 43 years old I didn’t know if I was 100% or I just experienced something when I was 19 and never since always told by my parents that it’s a sickness I hated having a secret that would never be accepted. I would be disowned and the shame that comes with it would’ve been horrendous.   I hated myself. I wasn’t sure made it very hard on relationships that I thought I had to have no one ever knew. Very straight-acting. I even fooled myself.  Are you? I didn’t and I liked it and I just couldn’t accept it because I thought I had to be this person that my father wanted me to be.   I Met  a beautiful woman I care for her so much she had a lot of traumatic things happen. When she was little she told me on our first date i’ve always been really good at talking to girls. They tell me everything they just say I’m so easy to talk to some even said you sure you’re not? There’s no guys like you. It made me think I sort of agreed with it but couldn’t let that out. It would end  my life with my family they really made it clear that it’s disgusting and  they are sick people something mentally wrong with them well so be it but I like it so lucky that my mother has passed away in a way. She was my everything but I think she knew   But my dad disowned me cut me from his will and now is suing me for made up crap. It’s so sad. There’s so much hate. he found out because I accidentally said something too loud. I’m talking to my partner and a neighbourhood heard me say it my partner laughed she thought I was joking. She was scared more than anything thinking I would leave her. I said no but what do we do? She said she needs time to think she understands things stopped a while ago with us. It makes sense. Now she thought I was cheating on her with another woman. That’s why I was acting strange but I was practising coming out joking about it with her to see what she would say. I didn’t get very good response with that to start with a lot of hate. I let it be for a few months. I joke about it again pretending that it happened by accident a long time ago I didn’t tell her. It was actually Real. She was in shock then I told her it wasn’t Real. Probably the worst thing to do But for some reason it worked because she put two and two together worked out not doing nothing any more intimately nothing gets me excited. She said a few things about men and she saw that I reacted sexually without saying anything. I’ve got it that way and she said oh wow That makes sense. Really I think it was the scariest thing telling her she cried. She thought she was going to lose the guy that was big and tough. The protector that she  always longed for  I said that is still me I felt amazing such a relief. We have actually got on really well. Now she said it’s like having a female best friend but you’re a guy.  we joke around she likes  talking about her not another gay guy I look on the TV and then looking at me and I think everyone’s turning that way and giggles  we are getting along very well and I’ve lifted so many years of fear of my shoulders it’s amazing to it actually admit I’m gay and that’s exciting sounds horrible but I like it I was an even sure how I would accept it she said it must’ve been a lot to hide feels like I’m getting more gay every day straight-acting I can say that I am to myself and I don’t hate it like I used to. I was ashamed   Thank you so much everyone for coming out and making it easier for myself and hopefully my little rant will make it easier for someone else he’s just gotta take that chance. I’m happy in a way and happen now because I probably wouldn’t have had kids and I’m lucky I have three boys and a beautiful wife. She did say don’t go off and start doing things. We have to talk about this. She was always very worried. I was going off meeting girls at night now she knows I didn’t just late night shopping for random things for myself that I heard from her now she knows that there’s no other woman she’s sort of happy in a way just as long as I don’t leave her she said i’m happy for you to work something out down the track and she will agree to something that never comes back home or she didn’t say I find my way and do what I like but I love my family. It takes a lot of guts for her to say I can see that outin time when she takes it in a little she said she didn’t want me to not be me thank you. Everyone never give up take a chance   xx