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Struggling with being outed

robinrue
Community Member

I'm a Year 10 student, I go to an only girl's school, I am bisexual.

Growing up I kind of always knew I was gay, I didn't have this massive revelation or came to terms with it I just knew.

I was always pretty secretive about it though and still am, whenever someone directly asks me if I'm wlw I kind of just dance around the topic or change the subject.

In year seven, I told one girl that I was gay and that I had a massive crush on a girl in my class (E), and the secret was out in a week.I got pulled out of French class and was told by people they knew I was gay.

For the next year I got viciously bullied by EVERYONE in my grade, everyone ignored me, everyone talked shit about me, everyone hated me, but E (the girl I liked) and her friend group was the worst, they made me feel dirty and outcasted.

Year 8, things got better, I got friends who were 'mean girls' they meant well, but sometimes they were really hurtful. After year 7 everyone forgot I was gay, my two friends that were 'mean girls' called me on my phone during lockdown and outed me again. I didn't even know how to respond other than 'Yeah I used to like E, but she's kind of annoying and ugly.' There were a few other times where I was nearly outed in art class (because I lied so much about being straight that one of the friends said 'what hold on...aren't you....') and I left before she could say it and cried.

In Year 9, Everyone forgot I was gay which was a blessing in disguise.

Now in Year 10, pretty much everyone's gay, even the people that outed me, they all forget that they bullied me or even hated me for it. The people who DO remember laugh about it and think its funny. I find it frustrating that they think they can talk on queer struggles when they've always been loved and accepted for their sexuality. They constantly make uncomfortable gay jokes abt them being hate-crimed or something similar. They had the privilege of figuring out their sexuality. Is it weird that I still hold a grudge towards them? That I, as a bisexual, don't group myself with them and I prefer to call myself gay? I think I'm super jealous and resentful towards them for it.

It doesn't help that I'm kind of friends with most of the girls who bullied me and have now come out as bisexual now since they've miraculously forgot everything they did to me and other gay kids. I don't want to hate my friends but I still feel like deep down after everything I still hate them for how they treated my year 7 self. idk what to do.

3 Replies 3

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Robinrue

Welcome to the bb forum.

You’ve been through a lot in your young life and I’m sorry that it’s been so hard. You deserved much better.

From my experience, navigating female friendships in year 7 and 8 can be quite tricky. I remember my daughter being bullied during that time in her life as well (she was different because she was unwell with a MH condition). There seemed to be no limit or end to the cruelty.

Like you, she found the situation changed over time, as the bullies moved on and then matured. She did associate with some of her tormentors in later school years and was friends with a couple again but I don’t think she ever really trusted them. She put up a wall to protect herself. I think it helped with that some of the girls apologised to her.

Perhaps you could try talking to some of your “friends” about how much they hurt you and how difficult that time in your life was. You may receive some validation, perhaps an apology. Don’t know. But if they offer an apology it might ease your pain.

For what it’s worth, my girl also made a lot of other friends in high school (she had different groups around her extracurricular activities) and left her tormentors behind when she graduated.

You take care. Happy to talk any time.

Kind thoughts to you

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear robinrue,

Thank you so much for posting here this morning. We'd really like to point out that this is such an important topic, and acknowldege how very strong you are, and what a difficult journey you've been on. Thank you for sharing it with us all here on the forums today.

Your post here is so brave and your ability to keep going through all of the adversity you've faced, getting back up time and time again, and working through all of the issues you have been facing is just so admirable.

The feelings you are experiencing seem very understandable in the circumstances, and are very complex in nature, and we can't wait to read the amazing responses and support we know you will find here on our beautiful forum space.

We'd also like to make sure we offer you some really valuable sources for referral purposes, and we'd love to encourage you to continue to reach out, grow, continue to be strong and proud of who you are. You're amazing.

Just in case you haven't already, please consider the following:
  • Get in touch with your GP and ask for a referral for counselling sessions and a better outcomes of mental health plan
  • Talk with your school counsellor/wellbeing team and connect with them to let them know what's been going on for you and how it has been affecting you 
  • Get in touch with Headspace https://headspace.org.au/ for support, and/or: 
  • Call us on 1300 22 4636 or contact us via chat online here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/support-service/chat (both available 24/7)
  • Contact KidsHelpLine https://kidshelpline.com.au/ on 1800 55 1800 or via online chat (also 24/7)
  • Consider calling QLife https://qlife.org.au/ on 1800 184 527 (or also via webchat) from 3pm to midnight, every day. They also have some amazing resources available on their website that may be helpful for you as well...
Take care of yourself robinrue - we're here for you, and encourage you to please keep sharing your words on our forums. Many forum members may have experience with some of the challenges you've mentioned and we think you (and others) will find great value in all of their kind and supportive responses.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

Yana8216
Community Member

So grateful you shared your story robinrue!
Want to reassure you that from what I've observed adults are much more open minded than teenagers. Hang in there, when you leave school sexual diversity is considered very cool among most circles. Thankfully there are workplace laws to protect from the odd ones who discriminate. It sounds like your colleagues have become a little more adult by year 10, but it's totally understandable you are cautious with them. Sophie M has offered some helpful insight. Go with your gut instincts.

Yana xx