right time to come out

[may_04]

hi all,

I hope everyone is well. I wanna talk about coming out.

I am 99.9% sure that I am bisexual - the 0.1% is denial.

I have never been in a relationship with anyone. I have had crushes on both guys and girls though, and when I think about relationships, sometimes I can see myself with a guy, and other times a girl.

Since I've never been in a relationship, I feel as though if I come out to someone they won't believe me. That's why I feel like I should come out once I get a girlfriend (if I can actually get one). But I feel like I'm living a lie cause I haven't come out yet. And I don't want to come out then it turns out I'm not actually bi and everyone will be right - 'it was just a phase'.

Hopefully, someone can understand where I'm coming from.

I wish you all happiness and health.

- may ❤️

[geoff]

Hello May, as I've just said in another thread, nobody can tell you what sexuality you should be, life doesn't work like that, it's your decision and no one else's and from your last thread about losing your dog, which I have replied to, who are the people who give you the most understanding, affection and know exactly how you are feeling, this may then guide you to what you believe you want to be and a good indication.

What people say to you is only how they feel you should be and not how you want to be, this you will only find out as you develop relationships that you want to be closer to, there is no rush for you to decide and experience each one when you're able to.

Take your time.

Geoff.

[june_03]

hey may

i am no expert but here’s what i think -first off you don’t owe anyone an explanation if people don’t ’believe’ you then that is only for them to worry about. I myself went through a very similar thought process until i eventually came out to a few friends by simply saying the person i like is a girl and they were totally cool with it which i was fortunate for and trust me it felt so relieving to have have it off my chest as i too felt like i was lying.

there is no guide to coming out or sexuality so even if one day you do happen to decide that bi doesn’t fit then that’s totally okay too. I second guess myself all the time but at the end of the day i don’t need to be 100% certain i can just go with what feels right at the time - you don’t need to totally sure of anything and try not to worry about the future.

i truly hope that if you decide to come out that the people around you will make you feel safe and supported but either way you got this 😉

-june

[Learn to Fly]

Hi may.04

Thumbs up for reaching out here. It takes courage to share your story and say it to others as well as yourself.
I couldn’t agree more with both advices you got. You have a right to feel free to express yourself as you currently feel like. And be comfortable about it. And don’t really do it because of others but because you really want this. Because this is who you are. If something changes along the way and if it’s going to make you more true to yourself and happy, again, follow that lead.
Take your time, don’t rush things and one day you will simply know.

[Guest_206]

Hi there May,

I agree with everything that's been said here, and just wanted to add that sexuality for a lot of people is fluid and how you identify now may not necessarily be how you identify later on down the track, and that's perfectly normal and ok. Sexuality is not necessarily static and people can move along the Kinsey scale at different times in their life. And for others, their sexuality does remain static - there's no right/wrong.

Xg

[may_04]

hi everyone,

thank you all for taking the time to reply to me. you're all a reminder that this is a safe space for me.

although I don't feel comfortable coming out now, you are all making me feel alright with that decision. there is so much pressure with coming out, so hopefully, the pressure will ease and I can just casually come out and not make it such a big deal. I wish that coming out wasn't such a big deal.

once again, thank you all and hope you are al happy 🙂

- may ❤️

[Learn to Fly]

Hi may.04,

Thank you for your response and so good to hear you are in a better place now.

I hope you don't mind me asking: how do you mean that there is a lot of pressure these days to come out? In what ways would you feel the pressure is on?

I wonder if this is prevalent in certain circles or more of a widespread tendency.

[Learn to Fly]

Sorry, my previous post was sent before I finished.

Just wanted to add thank you for answering as I simply didn't have the knowledge of some people feeling pressured to come out. I might sound naive but I guess I thought this was a very personal decision as to when and how.

Thank you may.04

[Guest_206]

Hi May,

Yes I wish coming out wasn't such a big deal either! If we lived in more of an inclusive community we wouldnt have to.

If it helps, I'm queer, and I didn't have any big coming out event. Each to their own and whatever feels comfortable/safe/right for them.

Xg

[may_04]

hi learn to fly,

You asked what I meant when I said I feel pressure to come out. Also, you don't sound naive at all. This is a safe space we are all free to ask questions and get help 🙂

Part of it is internal. I feel as though I'm living a lie by no one knowing of my sexuality because people always ask "do you like anyone? who is he?!!" or "have you got yourself a boyfriend yet?!", but I have to lie to their faces, and it's mostly people I love and care about that ask me these questions.

I'm also scared that if I wait such a long time I'll suppress my feelings and just pretend to be straight so I'll fit in. I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not.

It's also a combination of being romantically inexperienced. Since I've had no experiences whatsoever, I have no evidence to support my coming out. I can't say "I'm bisexual and here's my girlfriend for proof."

Basically, it's an internal thing.

I hope this gives you a greater understanding. If not I'd be happy to answer any more questions!

- may 🙂