I'm not sure If I'm Asexual or Not

[Curious_George]

Sex isn't a desire I have, Everyone else I know wants too but for me personally I don't have any motivation towards that like others my age. Everything I have seen about Asexuality I can relate too completely and I feel like I am Asexual but some stuff is bugging me.

1) I feel some sexual attraction, but no desire past that. If a 50/50 split between sexual and emotional was most people I feel closer too 5-10 percent sexual. I've seen Asexuality described as little too no desire, and I definetly feel a little. Is this definition true

2) I am only attracted to woman romantically, I've seen this described as Heteroromantic but I'm not sure if this is an actual thing. I don't feel attraction to other genders in any capactiy.

It might sound wierd to say but I'd feel a lot better about myself if I am Asexual. Having a way too define myself that I can say too people would make me feel more comfortable talking about how I am. For a while I've felt out of place

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Curious_George,

Hello and welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing and starting this topic.

As long as you say that you’d feel fine or even as you said: “a lot better” about yourself if you were asexual, I really don’t see anything weird about it. One of the most important things for us all is to feel good about ourselves. So many people don’t or can’t. Especially if they happen to be born or gifted with something special, which for some, might be seen as out of ordinary. This might sometimes feel like struggling against a current.

If you feel or are close to feeling well about yourself, you and I can only congratulate you.

How to define yourself as asexual or not? Starting with your GP probably wouldn’t hurt. I am not an expert but as far as I know a lot is regulated by our hormones. Not sure, if this helps you at all.

Let us know how you go.

[Stuck_in_the_closet]

Hi curious_george,

If you feel more comfortable identifying as asexual, go for it. Labels are there to help us understand and feel better about ourselves. It also helps makes us feel part of a community with people with similar experiences.

Something to remember is that asexuality exists on a spectrum so don’t worry if your own experiences aren’t exactly the same as other aces. Labels are great, but sometimes we don’t fit every aspect of those labels. There will always be exceptions. If you so choose to identify as asexual, just because you may have different experiences to other asexuals, doesn’t make you any more or less of one. You can always experiment with labels and see how they make you feel, and remember how you identify can change over time, so don’t feel like a label will trap you either.

At the end of the day, however you wish to identify is valid. Take your time to think (I know it’s annoying), and don’t feel pressured to use or not use a label. If a label makes you feel comfortable, use it.

[geoff]

Hello Curious_George, everybody has their own desires and it doesn't matter if you feel asexual, there would be others who feel exactly the same, and I know that as you get older that's precisely how you become.

It doesn't stop you from being attracted to another person, that's certainly possible where no physical contact is required, you may kiss each other, but that's different from another physical contact, and you mustn't feel alone when you feel like this.

Geoff.

[Positive_vibes89]

Curious_George, the most important thing is how you feel about yourself. The main thing is that you feel happy withing your own self. You don't have to have a label to define your sexual orientation. I think going to have a talk with your GP could be a good idea, they can give you a referral to talk to a therapist that specialises in the LGBT+community. Or joing some LGBT+Community groups could be a good idea to connect with others who might be feeling the same way as yourself. Here are some supports I can recommend : https://qlife.org.au/about-us

https://touchbase.org.au/

https://www.missionaustralia.com.au/contact-us

[blackring]

hi Curious_George,

as someone who is asexual i can say that it doesn't have to be a 100% lack of sexual attraction, as it is a spectrum. if you feel like you don't experience the same level of attraction as those around you do, i think it's safe to say you're asexual.

if, as you said, having this label would make you feel better, then absolutely take it. as for your second point, yes it is labelled as heteroromantic, which is also how i identify, but the label i use is alloromantic. it means the exact same thing, but i just find it easier to pronounce.

hopefully this has helped!

[YorkeYorke]

I can appreciate what you're saying curious george. Using a label that feels close to us can bring comfort, stability and a way to move forward and be open. But I'm sure you can get those things without a label too if you are still needing time to work out what fits. However, it sounds like you've really thought things out and you have a strong sense of self which is great. I think others made some good points about sexuality on a spectrum and how its normal for your various levels of different attraction to be okay.

Blackring makes an interesting point too about using two labels, which is also an option if you feel it would help.

Whatever happens I hope you feel comfortable in yourself and well done for reaching out.

[kashiic]

Hello Curious_George! Asexuality can be very confusing, because it's not talked about much.

Asexuality is about whether you feel sexual attraction to other people. It differs from libido (general sexual urge) because it is targeted towards a specific person, rather than just existing as a vague feeling. Does that make sense? If you feel sexual arousal at the idea of particular acts or situations but they aren't targeted at anyone specific, that could qualify.

Alternatively maybe you do feel sexual attraction, but only in specific circumstances. I personally am demisexual, which is confusing to explain! Check out the AVEN website and have a read through their definitions; it might help narrow things down for you.

At the end of the day, a label is a tool. Pick it up if it seems right, try it out, and if it doesn't fit properly then you can try something else. 🙂 Good luck!