Sexuality and gender identity

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

katelia_89 came out as gay and am dating a girl but i feel so anxious
  • replies: 1

{for context a lot has changed in my life recently: i came out as gay to my parents, they didnt react the best but not the worst either. things at home got stressful everyday, so i moved out. now im struggling with that whole living independently sit... View more

{for context a lot has changed in my life recently: i came out as gay to my parents, they didnt react the best but not the worst either. things at home got stressful everyday, so i moved out. now im struggling with that whole living independently situation so i might move back in} Back in about July i got Tinder as i became more confident with the possibility that i like girls. So i wanted to start dating to see what it would be like. The dates were fun, but it seems that i kept putting myself in a friendzone because i feel this massive anxiety in my stomach whenever i sense something intimate-y is about to occur. This caused so much frustration because i know i get turned on by girls but when im actually with one, it really scares me. Currently ive been dating a girl for about a month and a half - i have loved getting to know her and i am happy to keep seeing her, but i still get crazy anxious about things getting intimate, every morning i wake up with anxiety because i have no idea what im doing, and i feel this terrible sense of guilt. I don’t know if this makes sense, so ask questions if you need, but if theres anyone out there who kinda gets this or has dealt with this in the past, i would love to hear some tips.

Peterjb My fear of coming out as a gay man.
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm 42 and have just started coming out as gay. Only a few know at this stage and it does not include my family or people I work with. I work in the construction industry in a blue collar trade which is not very friendly towards gay men, even in ... View more

Hi, I'm 42 and have just started coming out as gay. Only a few know at this stage and it does not include my family or people I work with. I work in the construction industry in a blue collar trade which is not very friendly towards gay men, even in 2020. This is the only industry I know, and I love my job, however I fear what it could do to my career and my reputation. All I can envisage is my whole life falling apart once word gets out in my job. I want to become fully open but don't feel ready for the tidal wave that will hit me when I do. People in my industry still talk openly about homosexual people in very derogatory terms. I feel I can come out to my family and certain friends not associated with my work but I believe social media will invariably leak the news out to my work colleges. Thats my biggest fear.

ImaStayAnonymous How do I tell if i'm bisexual, pansexual etc.
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and I was wondering about different sexualities. When I was younger, I used to get crushes on boys, but for the past year I haven't had feelings for any guy. Recently I've been wondering if I have feelings towards girls, th... View more

Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and I was wondering about different sexualities. When I was younger, I used to get crushes on boys, but for the past year I haven't had feelings for any guy. Recently I've been wondering if I have feelings towards girls, there are two girls that I think I might have had feelings for this year but I find it kind of hard to tell... I feel like when I like a guy It's easier to realise cause I go from thinking their annoying to liking them and its usually pretty clear. The two girls I mentioned earlier are my friends but I find it hard to realise if I actually have feelings for them or if I'm just liking them as a friend. I was wondering if anyone has anyone could tell me what it might feel like to like a girl? Im sorry if the wording in what i've written isn't correct Also just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to realise how I feel or something else like that. Sorry if this is confusing but I'd appreciate any advice a lot.

Guest_8764 Each year becomes that little bit harder. Married 37yr guy
  • replies: 5

I've been with my wife now 20+ yes we have been through a lot together. I love her so much, she is my world, my rock. We have a miracle ivf child 1yr. I came out as bi sexual many years ago so it will be no surprise to her that I'm into guys. I have ... View more

I've been with my wife now 20+ yes we have been through a lot together. I love her so much, she is my world, my rock. We have a miracle ivf child 1yr. I came out as bi sexual many years ago so it will be no surprise to her that I'm into guys. I have always had an attraction to guys. Early on when we started dating i think the 1st time was for about 6months, we remained friends and that was the time i started exploring being with guys. She seemed cool with it, we would go gay clubbing together we became best friends. But over the years things got a little mixed up and we started sleeping together with each other again. Then ultimately I choose to pursue a relationship with my now wife. But part of me deep down inside, wants to admit to myself that I am a gay man.. I have strayed in the marriage with other men. I've become depressed, started taking drugs. But the thought of telling my beautiful wife, that I am ending our marriage to be with a man, sadness me deeply. This might sound narcissistic of me, but she would be devastated. And I would rather leave this world than put her through all that pain and angst. I know I'm not the only one in the world to be going through this. But I just don't want my best friend and moat loving wife to be hurt, but I know she deserves someone that can love her how she deserves to be loved. Not someone like me that only has half his heart in it.

Guest_9866 Scared
  • replies: 4

I have been looking for some kind of help over the past week but not being successful. Not sure where to go and what/how to ask. I keep to myself. I don't have family or friends. I do not work and get government DSP assistance. I have always been a l... View more

I have been looking for some kind of help over the past week but not being successful. Not sure where to go and what/how to ask. I keep to myself. I don't have family or friends. I do not work and get government DSP assistance. I have always been a loner and while volunteered in the past, it doesn't last. I am extremely shy and socially awkward. I am scared of people generally. I do not feel connected. I use to drink etc to get past my my social anxiety. I stop drinking two years ago. It was last time I was active via apps. Got a check-up because I thought probably should as been an extended period. I got encouraged to go back to into swing. Same faces and lots of bad memories resurface. I'm generally scared of my community (its not a LGBTI+ friendly place but I suppose it is the same elsewhere). I didn’t much experience before anyway. Got use to being alone but it does hurt emotionally and mentally. I'm scared of being hurt, attacked, identified, not performing, no expert experience for a 40yo. Im scared. Being sober makes it so much harder. No help for people like me or I am still to find it

ayem06 Straight but not attracted to men?
  • replies: 1

I'm in my 30's and have always identified as straight. Always very light heartedly questioned if I could be a lesbian or bisexual but I've only just started to take it seriously. I'm attracted to men in the sense that I want to be loved by them and i... View more

I'm in my 30's and have always identified as straight. Always very light heartedly questioned if I could be a lesbian or bisexual but I've only just started to take it seriously. I'm attracted to men in the sense that I want to be loved by them and in a relationship with them. But I don't think I've ever actually been sexualising turned on my a man. I've never thought about being with another woman until recently. I used to be repulsed at the thought, but now not so much and a bit curious. I only get sexually aroused by women. Period. Now I fantasise about being with women and it turns me on. I've fantasised about being with men before but I don't think it's ever actually turned me on. I have a boyfriend who I love to bits and want to spend the rest of my life with. Sex between us for me has never been great and now we've been together for a while I find it so hard to get in the mood. I know it's partly (or largely?) My fault because I'm too shy to tell him if what he's doing doesn't feel good, or if what he's doing does feel good. I definitely fake it a lot and have done with most guys. I've never tried with a woman. Sometimes I have to watch girls to even get in the mood. But I haven't really thought about see with another woman outside point. I've been starting to wonder if I could though, but not yet. I don't know if it's just because society has taught me to be straight. I know many straight women get turned on by other women, but I believe they also get turned on by men too? I don't really feel that.. am I a lesbian? Bi? What's going on? I feel bad for my boyfriend. We even watched lesbian porn together once and he said he didn't want to do it again because it was "too weird". He won't elaborate what he means but I do wonder if its because I got too turned on by the women and didn't pay him any attention. I was quite drunk though..if that makes a difference.. Gah! I definitely feel straight, but only women turn me on. It's weird. I especially don't want to ruin the best relationship I've ever had just to find out i definitely do like men. Thanks

bettertomorrows Hi! Questions about questioning and coming out
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I (20/F) have been recently questioning if I am bi. Looking back on my past experiences, I realise I may have felt attraction to other girls while I was in school but I'm not sure if I am bi. I'm really confused and am hoping if anyone ca... View more

Hi everyone I (20/F) have been recently questioning if I am bi. Looking back on my past experiences, I realise I may have felt attraction to other girls while I was in school but I'm not sure if I am bi. I'm really confused and am hoping if anyone can share their experiences of questioning their sexuality. I don't know the right questions to ask myself so that would be a great place to start.

Proud_Purple Purple conflict (Trigger warning: sexual abuse)
  • replies: 1

I've been married to my wife for 19 years. Before we got married I had relationships with both sexes. I knew I was Bi from a young age but I decided I wanted a family so gave up part of who I am to have children. A few weeks ago my wife came out to m... View more

I've been married to my wife for 19 years. Before we got married I had relationships with both sexes. I knew I was Bi from a young age but I decided I wanted a family so gave up part of who I am to have children. A few weeks ago my wife came out to me and told me she was Bi sexual and wanted to know if I was open to her exploring her sexuality. At this stage she didn't know my secret but I told her that I support her and she is free to explore her sexuality with other women. Then I told her about my own sexuality. She burst into tears told me it just can't be true and ran from the room. We are now sleeping in separate rooms and our relationship is on the edge. I love my wife and always have I've told her I'm not looking for a hall pass I just owed her the truth. Do I still have desires for men, yes I do. Do I miss intimate male contact, from time to time yes. Can I continue to be monogamous with my wife while she explores her sexuality I believe I can, but she can't seem to get past the fact that I have slept with other men, she's fixated on the fact that I was sexualy abused from the age 9 until I was 12 that I'm not Bi but it's because I was raped as a child ( and yes I do suffer from PTSD due to that experience. ) How do I show her that I really am Bi but I'm content with the life I have chosen, how do I save my marriage and not make my wife feel any guilt for being who she is.

Lisaftmlucas Feeling so alone
  • replies: 5

Hi my name is lucas I'm a ftm transgender and I've been suffering from gender dysforia for along time my twin brother and I have been in and out of hospital for different reasons, my brother has had massive mental health problems and people don't kno... View more

Hi my name is lucas I'm a ftm transgender and I've been suffering from gender dysforia for along time my twin brother and I have been in and out of hospital for different reasons, my brother has had massive mental health problems and people don't know that I have been too.peoplejust look at me like I'm dealing with basically nothing that because I had trouble with opening up to people the last month or so I have this amazing person named alice by myside she makes me feel comfortable talking to her I could tell her anything the last few days I haven't been able to sleep and I've been feeling really unsettled and suicidal i wish i could tell people what's going on please help me regards lucas

DireVi Being forced to hide being trans on my Birthday.
  • replies: 2

This is so messed up. A little while ago I finally came out to my family as trans, but some of my family are putting their own feelings above my own. My dad and my aunt have teamed up and are telling me to not tell my mum because they don't want my m... View more

This is so messed up. A little while ago I finally came out to my family as trans, but some of my family are putting their own feelings above my own. My dad and my aunt have teamed up and are telling me to not tell my mum because they don't want my mum to "stress them out". My mum may be transphobic, but there is genuinely no excuse for this behaviour. The fact that they could think it's okay to make the choice for someone else about whether they come out or not is infuriating me. Today my aunt, dad and mum are coming to my house for a mini birthday gathering. Due to their abhorrent request, I now will have to deal with misgendering, deadnaming, and dysphoria all day. I am not in any way mentally prepared for this, and I suspect that they will thoroughly enjoy not having to respect me based on how they have acted after I came out to them. Them doing this has forced me to have another birthday where I have to pretend to be someone else. This is truly unforgivable behaviour in my eyes.