Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

uhhhhhh how can I start transitioning
  • replies: 14

Hello, I am 15, i recently figured out that I am ftm transgender and I've only told a couple of friends who I know are also transgender and my mother. My mum didn't really know how to react. it wasn't much of a conversation but I'm pretty sure she wa... View more

Hello, I am 15, i recently figured out that I am ftm transgender and I've only told a couple of friends who I know are also transgender and my mother. My mum didn't really know how to react. it wasn't much of a conversation but I'm pretty sure she was supportive. it was a really tough conversation for me since I'm already really shy and embarrassed about my existence around my mum lol. She's trying to get me to see a therapist which is nice but she won't let me change my name yet. i want to ask if I can start hormone therapy but I'm so scared or being rejected. anyone know any tips on how I can build up enough courage to ask

Wifeymum What am I thinking!?
  • replies: 2

So I’m in a pretty tough situation at the moment and I need some help understanding how I’m feeling... I am a woman, married to a man for the past 10 years, we have a child together. We have had a pretty rocky marriage but in short things aren’t too ... View more

So I’m in a pretty tough situation at the moment and I need some help understanding how I’m feeling... I am a woman, married to a man for the past 10 years, we have a child together. We have had a pretty rocky marriage but in short things aren’t too bad at the moment. I met a woman at work who I had a connection with, before I ever even spoke with her, just seeing her made me feel weak, jittery, flushed and I didn’t know wether to look at her or run away. I have NEVER felt like this before towards anyone, not even my own husband, let alone another woman. Not once in my life have I ever considered myself attracted to women, but this particular one... I cannot even explain the feeling I got from her. I also still have no idea what her sexual orientation is... I cannot get her off my mind, I can’t explain my feelings and I never felt More drawn to a person who I’ve spoken no more than a few words to. What on earth could be happening in my brain (or heart) right now? What steps coild I take to explore this without putting my career and/or marriage and family at risk? All I do know is that I can’t do nothing...

_Sammmy_ I don't know how I feel anymore
  • replies: 1

I know that I'm pan, but I don't really know what my gender is anymore. I was confident that I was non-binary these past few weeks. I've had a three day long gender crisis before, but now I think it's happening again. The boys in my class really aren... View more

I know that I'm pan, but I don't really know what my gender is anymore. I was confident that I was non-binary these past few weeks. I've had a three day long gender crisis before, but now I think it's happening again. The boys in my class really aren't helping either. They keep commenting on how there's only two genders and that being non-binary doesn't make sense, because they and them are plurals, making me think about this some more. It's making me feel so pressured to be either a girl or a boy, but I don't feel like either. Is anyone able to give me some advice?

Buddy_Pal_Guy am i seriously bisexual or just an idiot
  • replies: 4

i am 19 and have never been in a relationship - furthermore, i have the life experience of a nun. which doesn't really help me out. i am not sure if i am bisexual. i know there are a few ways to find out. but i am far too frightened of rejection. the... View more

i am 19 and have never been in a relationship - furthermore, i have the life experience of a nun. which doesn't really help me out. i am not sure if i am bisexual. i know there are a few ways to find out. but i am far too frightened of rejection. the only thing worse than being rejected would be that the other person actually goes through with it, as i'm also frightened of intimacy. i am conflicted. i worry that i am only having these thoughts because i crave attention (or whatever else a psychoanalyst would say). i've always felt open to dating any kind of person of any gender. i definitely like men. do i like women? i definitely think about being with women and picture myself with women, but i'm not sure if i actually am genuinely thinking or if i'm just pretending to think about it for attention (even though i wouldn't share these thoughts with anyone, so it's not like i'd get any attention anyways). i just don't want to be a phony or anything. and besides, it would only make my life more complicated. it would be much easier to just ignore this and carry on. but i've been thinking about it for years and it's really starting to puzzle me. anyways that's my stream of conciousness, if anyone has anything useful or interesting to say, i'd be glad to hear it. or even if you don't have anything interesting to say i will still be glad to hear whatever you share.

LittleMissAlice I Feel like I'm Fake
  • replies: 32

Hello there! This is my first time doing this... Um, I guess I'll just start? Hellooooooo, my name is Marie, I've been transgender for a while now (maybe 2 years? I don't know) but recently I've been feeling very Down In The Dumps about it all. I thi... View more

Hello there! This is my first time doing this... Um, I guess I'll just start? Hellooooooo, my name is Marie, I've been transgender for a while now (maybe 2 years? I don't know) but recently I've been feeling very Down In The Dumps about it all. I think it just randomly kicked in that, while I'm female in my head, I'll never, ever be able to be fully, biologically female, which is a bit depressing, obviously. I've just been feeling like I'll always be fake, no matter what I do. That I'll never have the right experiences, the right body, the right anything to be, I don't know, correct. Theres also the realisation that it's done. There's no second chances or second lives or anything, I had one shot, and this one stupid little chromosome screwed it up. I'll never have that chance again, which is also incredibly depressing So yeah Im just feeling like I'll always be fake and I'm not really sure how to deal with those emotions, and I usually operate better when someone else tells me how to do stuff lol Thanks, probably? - Marie xo

Closettrans Just turned 45 and cant hide it anymore, im gender fluid and want embrace it. Where do i start
  • replies: 4

So, i just turned 45 and in a loving marriage of 12 years to a woman i love dearly. We have a miracle ivf son of 6 years old and things are ok. But since around the age of 12 i have felt different, i am a male but love everything feminine. The clothe... View more

So, i just turned 45 and in a loving marriage of 12 years to a woman i love dearly. We have a miracle ivf son of 6 years old and things are ok. But since around the age of 12 i have felt different, i am a male but love everything feminine. The clothes, the makeup, the heels... OMG the heels. Year after year i have had "crossdressing periods" and episodes of buying and purging clothes to the point i was nearly declared bankrupt. Then i met my wife who probably saved me from god knows what. I have maintained a great relationship and the sex is fantastic but the attration to my feminine side has grown stronger and stronger. Now since turning 45 and in the washup of lockdown i discovered i feel most comfortable when im in female clothes or styles. I now want to embrace the feminine side of me and want to be truthful to myself and my wife. Now here is the problem, my wife despises lying, to the point she will break a friendship. Im worried about how she will react, and how she will take it. I have also developed an attraction to transexual women, to the point of watching porn, and considering experimenting with a trans woman. Now i would never cheat on my wife, but i feel like i am with all the sneaking around. Please help me clear the fog in my head and lift the weight off me.

Jo8049 Just want to chat about anything and everything ?
  • replies: 3

Hi , Jo W here . A little history ( mine ) . Living in a semi remote area means there is no one for day to day chats . Even have to go 45 km for a coffee at a friends house in one direction and same in opposite direction to a road house . So , I was ... View more

Hi , Jo W here . A little history ( mine ) . Living in a semi remote area means there is no one for day to day chats . Even have to go 45 km for a coffee at a friends house in one direction and same in opposite direction to a road house . So , I was in hope that a thread for isolated or lone/lonely people and everyone else of course might add colour to people's days ? I have a ham radio foundation license and radio gear and that has served me well to ease the isolation . Since Jo kicked the door in ( late 2020 ) the options for everyday contact out here have diminished , but now we have here ( very good outcome I think ). Looking forward to hearing stories of you all . ( don't be shy ) . Any stories , your journeys , your thoughts , adventures etc Lol and hugs , Jo W

Biguy123 Bi married
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am a 42 year old married dad with two young kids. I have been married for 18 years. I have a wonderful wife that is also a good mother to our children. I see guys for sex and my wife knows about this, she is ok with it as long as it’s just to f... View more

Hi, I am a 42 year old married dad with two young kids. I have been married for 18 years. I have a wonderful wife that is also a good mother to our children. I see guys for sex and my wife knows about this, she is ok with it as long as it’s just to fulfil my sexual needs with guys. She has known that I like guys for sex since even before we got married. Over the years though my craving for guys has grown. My wife and I have sex but, not often at all and when we do I feel as though I do it just to get it done as neither of us want a sexless marriage. I have anxiety and we have been arguing a lot, mostly because of things she says to me that I get insecure about. I constantly seek reassurance. Most of the time she is patient with me and we move on. My wife is not affectionate and never really has been however, lately for some reason o have been craving affection. I have also been having thoughts of separation, which is not really ideal as we still love each other and I want to be with my little kids all the time. I should mention I have had psychological help and psychiatric help to manage my anxieties as well. Anyone else in a similar situation? Feeling confused.

thehiss Too embarrassed to come out
  • replies: 7

I have always known that I was gay, especially from a very young age. When I was growing up in the very late 90's and early 2000's I often heard people say derogatory things about LGBTQ+ people, however for the last 15 years I have pretty much been h... View more

I have always known that I was gay, especially from a very young age. When I was growing up in the very late 90's and early 2000's I often heard people say derogatory things about LGBTQ+ people, however for the last 15 years I have pretty much been housebound due to my autism and anxiety disorders so I haven't had much interaction with other people. I'm now in my twenties but I'm too embarrassed to come out to people. I fear that if I do people are going to judge me or think that there is something seriously wrong with me (I won't go into detail about what I think people would say about me). I have been told by some of my relatives that people's views have changed a lot compared to 15 years ago, but I don't believe it. I still think that I should be keeping my head down and saying nothing or trying to 'hide' my sexuality. I feel like I will never be accepted and will always be a judged outcast. I know that this is a common issue for a lot of people who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, which in turn feeds into my fears even more. Anyway I just felt like letting this off my chest, thank you for taking the time to read this

ValkyrieStorm9 Questioning my sexuality
  • replies: 3

From the age of 16 I have identified as Bisexual. I have been sexual with both males and females and enjoy both. However, I have only really been in relationships with men. In all of these relationships I have cheated on them with women. I am now mar... View more

From the age of 16 I have identified as Bisexual. I have been sexual with both males and females and enjoy both. However, I have only really been in relationships with men. In all of these relationships I have cheated on them with women. I am now married to a man and we have 2 young kids together. I have just been caught cheating on him for the 4th time in our 10 year relationship. He has given me yet another chance because he loves me unconditionally but I am starting to think the reason I cannot stay faithful to him is because I am actually a lesbian but I have never been in a relationship with a woman to truely find out. I have very strong feelings for the woman I recently cheated with. My main concern is my children and my marriage. I don’t want to throw my marriage away and force my children into a split home and change my whole life if I am not 100% sure. I do love my husband and don’t want to continue hurting him with my cheating either. I am starting to feel like the reason I cheat is because there is something missing in our relationship. I am extremely lost. I don’t know who I am anymore or what I want and I have a lot on the line. I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to work out what to do.