Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

how do I come out to my brother..?

Community Member
hey Ive kind of got a few questions I thought some people might be able to help me with

im a transmasc guy and I've started using new name and pronouns with all my friends and some of my teachers now which is great but my mum hasn't really bothered with that stuff..do I sit down with her and talk about it? (scary) she used my name once or twice but then said it was "too hard" at dinner, in front of my brother who I hadn't come out to..how do I approach this conversation without mucking it up lol.

Another thing is that I would like my brother to start using new name and pronouns but he's 12 and I'm not sure how to explain my situation to him..

any help?

4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion
Hi, welcome

I'm no expert in this field. Being a child you should leave the explanation to your parents.

I also think you can't expect people you have history with to easily transform to using your new name.

E.g. I've always called my sister Sandra but many years ago she modified it to Sandi. I just can't get used to that.

Please give such changes time for people to adjust especially parents that gave you your birth name.

Btw, well done in seeking your real identity, you're very brave.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi uhhhhhh,

Thank you for sharing something so special yet so important with us.

These things take time, I'm sure your family will adapt and evolve over time, making you feel more welcome, and most importantly your gender honored.

Just keep plugging along educating your family of your LGBT standing, most importantly allowing the love for each other to prosper and grow. Treasure and nurture your family, all will be good in time.

Let us know your thoughts.



Community Member

I'm NB and I used emailing to come out to my dad and writing a letter for my mum. It helps a lot when it's in written form since it means you won't forget anything or something like that.

I do think your brother is capable of understanding what it's like being transmasc and I also think that your mother, even though she's known you for a long time, still has to put an effort in naming and gendering you correctly. Though if she's trying and keeps forgetting, it's pretty different to her not really caring and using having known you for a long time as an excuse. Intentions matter and whatnot. Like my 15yold sister was misgendering me and deadnaming me two weeks after I came out, not out of bad intentions but since she was just a little bit naive and when I reminded her, she started putting in a lot of effort, and supported me.

If you're worried that your brother is too young to understand, perhaps try finding some resources online to give to him.

Though good luck with it all, hope it goes well 🙂

Community Member

Hi there,

Just came across your post now. It is a scary thing to come out to your family and I'm wondering whether a service like The Gender Centre might be able to help you with resources or ideas about how best to talk with your brother? (Or similar service if in another state)?

X g