Questioning about my bisexuality

[haruhana]

Ever since I was 13 I knew that I wasn't straight. I had totally known that I liked guys but i knew there was some sort of attraction to girls too.

From then I've been able to tell that I am more physically attracted to guys, although at the time the thought of sex with anyone kind of disturbed me.

But as now it has been a few years since that time, I'm starting to get confused where I stand with sexual attraction. Even though it is quite easier to find me having a crush on a guy, I feel if that intercourse for me would be a lot easier with a woman. And this is what gets me confused on where I stand with my sexuality.

For a long time I have been uneasy with the talk of sex and that, although just recently I have been opening up to the idea of it, just not with guys,, and I'm not sure whether if that affects me being bisexual, or if I should wait it out and see if that sexual attraction with the opposite sex comes later, even though I am sure that I do like guys.

I'd really appreciate if anyone has any kind of advice on this, thanks!

[MsPurple]

Hi haruhana and welcome to the forums (sorry for possible typos. Doing this on my phone)
It sounds like you are questioning your sexuality, is that correct? Correct me if I'm wrong but you are questioning it because you feel you have more of an attraction to women then men bit still have an attraction to men? Please let me know if I am off track
I myself am bisexual. And I had similar feelings to yourself. I knew I wasn't completely straight, but I liked men, so I didn't think that meant I was gay/lesbian. I struggled with this for a long time. And I sometimes still do. Some days I am more attracted to men and other days women. I found it helpful when someone told me about the Kinsey scale. Basically it shows sexuality is like a spectrum. Not many people.are 100% straight or gay. Also bisexuals don't have to be dead in the middle. Some people may be 75%-25% but still feel comfortable identifying as bisexual and some may be comfortable identifying as straight/gay. We can't choose where we lie on the scale but we can choose how we identify and feel about ourselves. For example. I'm somewhere in the middle. I am comfortable with that. I can choose to identify as bisexual, pansexual, queer or I can choose to not have a label. But I can't help my attraction to both
It is normal to go through a period of time questioning your sexuality. Since opening up to friends about this, a few said they had similar feelings to me growing up. This stuff can be confusing. So if you need time to figure it out that is ok. I took till I was 23 to actually talk to someone (at headspace) about it and to finally accept myself
I hope that this has been helpful 🙂 it is ok to have feelings of confusing. Many of us do but unfortunately not everyone is talking about it

[haruhana]

Hi MsPurple,

I just reread my post and realise I wasn't clear with what I was reaching at, sorry about that.

I've known that I am bisexual since a few years ago as I have experienced attraction to both genders before. And like you said, sometimes it varies between the two in which I am attracted to more.

But as I'm getting older I am having more concerns about sex. I find that i would be more comfortable having intercourse with a woman and I am feeling uncomfortable about thinking of having it with a guy.

I'm confused whether if this affects what I identify as, a bisexual, although I am finding it hard to have that sexual attraction to a guy. This may be because I am still only 16, but it's something that's making me feel really confused.

Thanks so much for your input! x

[MsPurple]

Hi Haruhana

I was a little off. Sometimes I read a post (and dyslexic) I can think someone means x when actually they mean y. If that makes sense.

I understand where you are coming from. I feel the same way you do as well, but I am more comfortable at the idea of men compared to women. I think it is ok to feel more comfortable with one vs the other. For me I didn't accept myself till I was 23, so I had previously had a boyfriend. I was more comfortable as I had experienced it. (I am not implying this is the case for you, just saying so for me,). I have a bisexual male friend, who is more comfortable with men, he is still confident in his bisexuality. It is ok to feel more comfortable with one gender over another (for whatever reason) in fact I think it is common in our community. I think a lot of bisexuals feel this way however they may not talk about it, because they feel people may not accept their identity because of it (which in my opinion is silly). And if you are not sure if that affects your personal identity, I don't think so, but as I said in the above post, you can choose how you identify (but you can't choose who you are attracted to). I know someone who identified as queer, because they wanted a broad spectrum identity/label. Not for everyone, but if you find another label (or choosing to not have a label) you are comfortable with that is ok.

Identity and labels (especially in terms of sexuality) is very individual. You need to feel comfortable in it. I may have accepted my bisexuality at 23, but for me I still sometimes find sexuality, relationships and my general identity confusing. We all grow as individuals and develop. For example I don't the same way I did at 15. I maybe an adult (27) but I am still figuring myself out (and I'm not just talking about sexuality here).

I questioned my sexuality when I was 16. But I thought having a boyfriend meant I was straight. It can take time to figure yourself out. It is ok to change your label. I went from straight to bisexual. I am ok with this. It is ok to go on your own indivdual journey and to take time to figure it all out. As I said it is confusing.

Hope this gives you some reassurance. Sorry this was a bit of a round about way to go about it, but my brain can't seem to condense it at the moment

[BoltRog]

Haruhana,

Another bisexual here, I agree with MsPurple, but I would like to add - something that I learnt about sexuality is that it can be fluid. Meaning, it can move and change... you can move up and down the Kinsey scale and it is not by choice. One thing I can tell you from experience is that it sucks, and it's difficult. But it's ok to be who you are and it's ok to evolve. The thing you want to focus on is finding the person that accepts you as you evolve. It's easier said than done. Now, you're only young and chances are maybe you haven't had the opportunity to have sex with a male, female or both yet. It's going to be hard for you at this age to really get a gauge of what works for you yet. From personal experience, this stuff is super stressful. If I could give you any advice right now, forget about it... just for a little while. This kind of stuff can tear you up on the inside. You don't need that happening right now, you have school, your future and a million good things to focus on. Find a hobby that you enjoy or that sets you up for a good career in the future. Just be a teenager, kiss who you want to kiss, love who you want to love and let the sex stuff come later when you're ready and you'll find what you like and who you like. If you let it fester in your mind it leads to a million self checking behaviours, constantly trying to test yourself if you're gay, straight, bi, pan whatever and it's not fun. I've made many of these mistakes and I regret the mental toll it's taken on me. When you're feeling confused and stressed and unhappy come back here for support too. It's all going to be alright, for now just live and find moments that make you happy.