Lonely and Sad.

[T_T]

About me and my issues.

I’m 29 years old and up until last year was in the closet and still living at home. I’m an introvert but can socialise at work / with clients etc, but don't consider any as friends. I would say that I haven't had any friends since primary school but instead socialised heavily with my family. I haven't any desire to make friends, as I feel all that friendship entails would be a hassle, I'd prefer to stay at home.

Last year my depressed built to the point where I had to tell my family I’m gay, even at the risk of losing their love and support as i was living a lie which was killing me. They accepted my coming out and our relationship/friendship has continued for which I’m thankful. I saw a counselor 3 times at the recommendation of my Dr, however did not see much benefit as I had already help myself by coming out, although we both agreed it would be good for me to make friends or participate in groups etc. I tried but didn't feel comfortable or too much of a hassle.

I decided that it was time to move out of home, to branch out / be true to myself and try to meet like minded people, I had this thought that by leaving my parents I would be forced to socialise more so with others. This however has not been the case, instead I seem to have isolated myself further. I see my parents most weekends and it makes me sad/cry when I leave after helping them with their house and yard work.

Lately I seem to be going through a cycle of depression and know that its because I’m lonely. I often think about growing old without anyone to love and the thought of my parents (They are my best friends) passing makes me cry.

My parents have been concerned as they have noticed my sadness, and when i saw them this weekend it made me want to cry and i was slightly angry (Internally).

I've been like a yo-yo feeling ok one minute then crying the next. Today I'm exhausted and struggling to make decisions etc, I have thoughts that I'm inadequate and there is no purpose to life. I feel like a lost cause - 30/Gay and an Introvert.

I dont know what to do. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I know that if i wait the feelings will pass but i known they will only return in time. It seems to be getting worse each time however.

[in_tha_mix]

I 100% feel you on this one.

While I'm not best friends with my parents, I do struggle to make friends and often find myself doing things by myself.

It took me until 33 to come out, and although everyone around me was very supportive, its still hard to meet guys and the few I do meet don't seem interested for long.

So you're not alone but Im afraid I don't have a solution 😞

[Only_I_know]

Hey there T_T and in_tha_mix

welcome to the forums.

So, I'm a little older than both of you - I'm 48. I came out last year to my wife of 20years, and my 2 kids. It was a very difficult time. I too had been suffering from depression which was forced me to come out. Fortunately, everyone around me, including my wife, have been very loving and supportive.

Whilst I have now moved out of the family home (last November) I too get a little lonely, but I've surrounded myself with friends - old and new. It was a bit hard, as approaching new people had always been difficult for me - I guess I was a bit socially awkward, at least until I got to know people. I have since pushed my boundaries and the process has made me a lot more confident.

There are a number of things I can suggest, things that helped me a great deal.

There is an organisation called Qlife - google them for their contact details. They are an LGBT+ peer support group. Just someone to chat too when you need it. Also, talking to a counsellor is a great thing. Qlife recommended one to me that was gay - and he helped me a great deal. My last visit was in April, and I'm feeling so good that I told him that I wasn't planning on going back - and he smiled and said great - his work was done!

Also, depending on where you live, there are plenty of LGBT groups you can join for social activities (not dating specifically). There are sports groups - if you google "Team Melbourne" (or Sydney etc) you will find a list of such groups. I found a running/walking group in Melbourne. Now, I don't run! but love to walk! Nice group of people. There's other groups like ten pin bowling.

Also there is a social meeting app called "Meetup". This isn't specifically LGBT but it is an option when you set up your profile. There are groups that just catch up for coffee, dog walking, movies, dinners + LGBT events. You can meet some really nice people here. I have and now have quite a few new friends.

It's all about what you want. If you are seeking someone to date or have some "fun", then you are better to use a dating app. If you just want to meet people and make some friends and potentially meet someone down the track (which is what I wanted - no dating app for me!), then just get yourself out to some groups. You may need to bite the bullet if you are shy, and just go and say hello. I haven't met anyone yet that at least won't say hello back.

You've found a great site here, it helped me a great deal.

Talk soon,

Daz

[Kiwinaus]

Hey mate hope this finds you well,I’m the same age and have being going through simlar things lately with being quite introverted and not really fitting in with the scene I was getting depressed quite often.i don’t know if it will help for you but my friend said to me don’t look at it as being lonely look at it as being independent and taking the time to figure out who you are it sounds silly but it changed my way of thinking and helped me move forward out of the hole I was in.