I'm in love with my best friend (same gender) and don't know what to do

[EW224]

Hi,

My best friend and I have known each other and been super close for more than 6 years. And only recently (the last year or so) have I began to realise that I am actually in love with her. She knows I'm bisexual (which I'm still struggling with, she's the only person who knows), when I first told her a few years ago she had a negative reaction, but now we're all good and she supports me and loves and accepts me. But it's getting so painful to be around her, because I like her so much. We hang out all the time and call and text, any time she messages I drop whatever I'm doing to respond, I'm just so happy when I'm with her, and it's never like this with other people. We're very open and honest, and she tells me things she doesn't tell other people, and we touch and hug a lot. She's had 3 boyfriends, but always broken up with them for vague reasons. A few months ago when discussing her recent breakup she said 'Am I even straight' in a joking kind of way though. Bottom line is, her friendship means the world to me and I don't want things to get weird, I don't know if I should tell her how I feel because of her dating history and when she talks about marriage and kids and stuff it's heterosexual. But we're always holding hands and we're just different together than when we're with other people. I'm scared that if I tell her she will reject me and things will get weird, and that every time we hug or have a sleepover or something, it'll be uncomfortable and that our friendship will never be the same again. Sometimes I consider ending our friendship because I can't deal with this, but I need her in my life and vice versa. I don't want to jeopardise our friendship because its the best thing I have but at the same time, I feel like I'm about to explode keeping it all inside. Please any advice would be helpful!

Thanks so much

[Birdy77]

Dear EW224,

I could really relate to your post. Do not worry, your experience here with your best friend is not uncommon (not that that makes it any easier for you, but just know it's not unusual), I had a similar experience with my best friend in high school (not sure of your age, but highschool/start of uni was when it happened with us).

It's a tricky situation, especially as your friend has alluded to being interested in exploring things away from purely heterosexual when she said "am I even straight?" (even if she was joking). But I would be wary of instigating anything with her, or revealing your feelings for her, because losing her friendship is a risk you don't want to take.

That being said, there could come a time where things just happen between you ... it could evolve into something more ...


I can't advise you on what to do, but I can tell you what happened with me, and that is that something more did evolve between us, but it didn't go anywhere, and it was never meant to be. Many, many years later, here we are, still great friends, her with a husband and 4 kids and me with my beautiful (female) partner.

I think it's common for confusing feelings between very, very close friends, even between "totally" straight friends, but you have the added element of identifying as bisexual, so, I understand your pain!

Sorry I haven't been much help, but I'm here to chat with further about it if you would like, any time.

🌻birdy

[EW224]

Hi Birdy,

Thanks very much for your reply and for your advice! After some thought, I think you're right and I might just see how things develop, it could evolve into something more naturally. And if I choose to tell her my feelings, I will wait until a time where I could bare not having her as a friend and I'm not so dependent, if it came to that, which hopefully it wouldn't.

Thanks again

[Bellsie1]

Hi,

I'm in a situation similar to EW224 but it's a bit different too. I there is a girl at my school and I fell in love with her. The thing that is different to EW224 is that I am pansexual and the fact that I've already told her but she doesn't like me back. It's driving me crazy. She has said to me she identifies as straight. The other thing is I don't even think she likes me as a friend. I think she just tolerates me. Can someone help before I go insane?

[eight]

not sure how nicely this tracks i'm tired but i, just think if you've told her you're pan and you like her and she doesn't reciprocate anything, it may be time to move on. If this was a friend who still cares i'd definitely suggest something more constructive but you've mentioned this may not be the case. it may not be healthy if you're spending all this time devoting and investing yourself in her and it hurts a lot. I dont think there's anyone here who doesn't have a similar story of falling head over heels for a straight person who didnt particularly care and there's plenty of fish in the sea who do like girls and want to be with you it doesn't live and die by some distant straight girl at your school. again its gonna ache a lot but fall out of love and fall into a good book or fall into your passions. talk to people who don't just tolerate you and laugh and joke with them and there's this big world out there that isn't your straight girl crush. not worth it tearing yourself up over it when she's hinted that it may not lead to anything

[Bellsie1]

Hi eight,

Thank you for replying and for the advice. I've started to try and let her go. I'm spending more time with my other friends and exploring more of my interests. I found this very helpful and I actually think she might want to be friends now. Thank you again.

Bellsie1