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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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DownDad Not trans enough or not woman enough
  • replies: 6

Hi All, I am a trans woman, well at least that is how I currently identify. I am really struggling with not be trans/woman enough. I look like a man and everyone identifies me as a man. I have a deep voice and dont know how to fix that. I do try to p... View more

Hi All, I am a trans woman, well at least that is how I currently identify. I am really struggling with not be trans/woman enough. I look like a man and everyone identifies me as a man. I have a deep voice and dont know how to fix that. I do try to present female but then people just look at me weird. I am not talkative enough, not that all woman are talkative. I dont have friends, again not exclusive to one gender. I just dont feel like I fit in with either binary gender and I dont feel there is a middle. I am 38 and I know there is not much hope for me but I am still transitioning.

Leo8 Married, gay? Confused
  • replies: 17

I’ve been married for many years and have three kids. I love my wife and children but think about being with men. I thought I could carry on as normal and deal with this but I’m finding with increasing work stress that I’m not coping with anything at... View more

I’ve been married for many years and have three kids. I love my wife and children but think about being with men. I thought I could carry on as normal and deal with this but I’m finding with increasing work stress that I’m not coping with anything at the moment and I’m finding it hard to isolate what the real cause of my anxiety is.

hellootheree how am I supposed to know my sexuality...?
  • replies: 3

hi again, I'm 15 year old girl and only a year ago I discovered I was bisexual. I'm pretty comfortable with telling people this so my whole family knows aswell as my close friends. I've kind of only recently been questioning it again, I barely ever h... View more

hi again, I'm 15 year old girl and only a year ago I discovered I was bisexual. I'm pretty comfortable with telling people this so my whole family knows aswell as my close friends. I've kind of only recently been questioning it again, I barely ever have much of an attraction to guys. I've had crushes on girls and that sort of stuff but it's hard for me to come to terms with possibly being a lesbian. Maybe it's internalised homophobia because I am honestly kind of scared of identifying with it. Am I omnisexual? pan? I have no idea someone help please

Independent The marriage that never happened
  • replies: 8

I am unsure whether I should start this but this issue has been bugging me for years and lately I have been cursing God for it. I am a life long Christian but not a Bible basher. My faith has carried me through a lot of dark times in my life. I may n... View more

I am unsure whether I should start this but this issue has been bugging me for years and lately I have been cursing God for it. I am a life long Christian but not a Bible basher. My faith has carried me through a lot of dark times in my life. I may need to make a number of posts before I am finished. I hope a mental health professional will get involved in this issue with me. Ok, so here goes. Ever since I was a young person I have always wanted to get married and have kids. In my head I planned for nothing else. My parents couldn't understand why I didn't pursue relationships nor even have sexual interests. You see I am female but it hasn't always been that way - I had a choice to make. I was pushed through puberty with hormone injections as nothing was happening. My Dad wanted a boy my mind and body said otherwise. So the thought of marrying a girl seemed rather wrong to me because of my faith - girl on girl just didn't seem right for me. Also sex before marriage seemed wrong. I was brought up as a very conservative Christian so sex just didn't figure into my thinking at all. I am still somewhat traditional in my beliefs but I believe each to their own. I love Church and wanted to do the 'right' thing. For me, as a female marrying another female just couldn't happen either - at least in my head. I have no regrets of being who I am - it is the most natural thing in the world but I find not being able to marry and have kids and having not being able to have a normal life just eats away at me most weeks. I was able to keep the thoughts at bay by keeping busy with study and my nursing but now at 63 this lack of kids just doesn't go away. I blame God that there are no adults kids of mine to visit me, no grand children, no memories of love affairs or marriage. Outside of Nursing I had no reason to exist and now I am not nursing that seems more so. It is like I wonder why God even made me - what was the point of my life? I am still very much faithful to my Christianity but God gets a battering from me every week. I still pray and read my devotional and use my Lutheran Hymnal but I just can't understand why God would do this. I love who I am - I can't imagine being anyone else but the lack of memories of love and children is so hard to bear. I have one consolation in that I trained in midwifery and brought kids into this world. They would in their 20s now. I feel a bit better for getting this out. But that lack of kids is still depressing.

lunamaree7 best friend knows i'm bisexual?!?
  • replies: 5

i am female 18yrs old. i have recently accepted and discovered i am bisexual. still dealing with internalized homophobia but most of us here do. i am out to a few accepting friends and my gay brother. my best friend of 10 years is religious and prett... View more

i am female 18yrs old. i have recently accepted and discovered i am bisexual. still dealing with internalized homophobia but most of us here do. i am out to a few accepting friends and my gay brother. my best friend of 10 years is religious and pretty conservative in most ways. she pretends to accept and has other gay/lesbian ect. friends but i don't think she's actually an ally like i think she thinks being gay isn't like real like people just think they are gay or something (hopefully that makes sense lol). obviously i havn't told her because if she doesn't accept then i don't know what i will do without her, i've relied on her being there and being essentially my soulmate so if i tell her and she gets weird about it, distances from me... i don't know what i will do. and I KNOW that you shouldn't keep someone around that doesn't accept or they aren't a real friend if they don't support. like i would be happy not telling her and just hiding my whole life (well not happy the thought of not being able to tell her or hide who i am makes me cri but you know what i mean) but she's been weird lately. she's been acting quite suspicious like she KNOWS!! she searched something on my tiktok and i know my recent searches were lesbian and bisexual (to be fair, i was trying to find a video i knew had that tag so nothing actually gay there lol). she's made a comment about me being so gay but she knows im straight, like almost passive aggressive?? also one of her friends didn't tell her she was bisexual and found out therough a mutual and she got really mad at her for not coming out to her??! like wtf that's not how it works sweetie. i think she didn't come out to her because she isn't accepting or homophobic, but i think she hides it well or something because i can't remember her being like ew gays or anything. today i showed her some pride doc martens i want to die and she's like wow youre such a good ally you might as well be gay haha. it's not weird for me to be liek that, she knows im an ally (was, now i gay bois) and very liberal and accepting. so yeah a few times she's said some weird things where im like OMG she KNOWS! she's acting so sus!! and when she says it its almost like she wants to catch me up?!

Star_Gazer Since the moment I could talk, I was ordered to listen....
  • replies: 6

I'm new to the group and joined as I felt it was time to allow myself to talk openly about me within a space I feel safe. Up until this point the only people I have shared this is my psychologist and my wife. My situation, I have been unsure of mysel... View more

I'm new to the group and joined as I felt it was time to allow myself to talk openly about me within a space I feel safe. Up until this point the only people I have shared this is my psychologist and my wife. My situation, I have been unsure of myself since I was a young teen; I have a few decades on that now. As a young man I was very confused about my gender but knew and accepted myself as male. During this period if not for my mother I probably would not be writing this today. Growing up feeling the way I did with an alcoholic father with very unpleasant views of individuals who did not conform to the 'normal' binary way of things was not easy. I found I had to put up barriers to push what I felt inside away so as to feel like I conformed to my fathers views. Ironically many years later, it was discovered that my body did not produce (or at least very little) Testosterone and I had obviously been this way for a very long time. At this point in time I was started on HRT for Testosterone. Although this treatment helped with symptoms akin to chronic fatigue it did absolutely nothing to help my confusion. For some reason for years I felt I had to continue to undergo treatment so as to conform. Approximately 1 year ago I lost my Mum to Suicide. This hit me very hard (not the topic of discussion; however) but what I found very unexpected is because I have been able to let go of the mental hold my father had over me, things I had not thought about in years are coming to the surface. I recognised very quickly that I needed help and I sort out the help of a psychologist. I guess where I find myself is in a situation where I feel like I am in conflict with my own shell intensified by a medication I am being given to "help". I am seeing my Endocrinologist soon to discuss my situation; my last visit it was actually recommended to consider coming off the medication soon. I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I see 'me'; and I guess what I have come to is I have no uncertainty about my sexuality and no desire to change. Where things diverge is I see myself as very much more feminine and always have, just felt like I had to hide it. There are some physical aspects of myself I struggle to deal with. The purpose of my post was simply to metaphorically shout from the roof tops 'this is me and I'm ok with it'. My wife has been my rock and has been there for me and has said she always knew I was a little different. Thanks for listening

Bash Am I really transgender?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’ve never posted on here before but it seemed like a good idea to get some help. I’m a transgender guy, I came out at the end of last year and my parents and friends are good at using the right name/pronouns. It’s great and makes me feel comfort... View more

Hi, I’ve never posted on here before but it seemed like a good idea to get some help. I’m a transgender guy, I came out at the end of last year and my parents and friends are good at using the right name/pronouns. It’s great and makes me feel comfortable, but I cant help the feeling of "What if I regret this? What if I’m wrong?". In the past I’ve been told it’s a phase, and I read about other trans people and they all seem so sure, like they never feel doubt. Then I read about the percentage rate of detransitioners and it scares me. Is this a normal feeling for a trans guy? Most of the time I don’t feel doubt, I like being me, I’ve got new found confidence and enjoyment for life. I love being a guy and finally being seen as one, I remember throughout my childhood and early teen years repeatedly saying that I thought I was a boy and that I wanted to be a boy. I feel gender dysphoria, though I’ve never been diagnosed so I couldn’t be sure about what I’m feeling, I just know that I feel uncomfortable in my body and how I’m perceived in public. When I look at female bodies I think "I don’t want to look like that." And when I see male bodies I think "I wish I looked like that." And "I’m gonna look like that one day." I want the flat chest and the facial hair and the everything. Is this normal? Like, what if I’m wrong and I’m just a weird confused person? What if it really is just a phase and I end up going on hormones and I’m wrong? I’m struggling with this doubt, but I ask myself "do you really want to go back?" and I think no way. Despite this I can’t help the opposing thoughts. I hope this makes sense, it’s a bit of a ramble but I'd really love some help on this, Thanks.

Shaylee90 Lack of Intimacy in a new relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, I am in a fairly new relationship and everything is going well except that I find our Intimacy lacks. We have been together for 6 months and do feel a connection to each other but the sexual side to our relationship hasn't taken full rei... View more

Hi Everyone, I am in a fairly new relationship and everything is going well except that I find our Intimacy lacks. We have been together for 6 months and do feel a connection to each other but the sexual side to our relationship hasn't taken full reins. I myself have a high sex drive and love all things romance. He is also very romantic in terms of flowers and being respectful to me. Am I overthinking that he isn't into me when it comes to Sex?

NJS_1 I think I'm a lesbian
  • replies: 7

Hi, Recently, I came out to my mum as a lesbian and before, I came out as bisexual, and even then I felt bisexual didn't suit me. My mum said to wait till I'm in a relationship with a woman to figure out what I am, which kind of made feel a bit inval... View more

Hi, Recently, I came out to my mum as a lesbian and before, I came out as bisexual, and even then I felt bisexual didn't suit me. My mum said to wait till I'm in a relationship with a woman to figure out what I am, which kind of made feel a bit invalid, but she doesn't understand what it's like being LGBTQ+. Although, she's supportive with whatever sexuality I am. In my heart, I feel like I'm gay and this familiar feeling did appear sometimes during childhood. Now, I recognise that this feeling as love and attraction to women and with this realisation I felt love for myself. I'm just so, so sick and tired of one minute I'm accepting and then the next I doubt, and think: "Wouldn't it be easier to be straight?" or "Do I find men attractive?". Another thing I learnt about myself is that the love I feel for women is different to the type I felt for men. My love for women is calm, healthy, wholesome and warm, and then that encourages the love I have for myself. Then the love I had for men was desperate and unhealthy. I used to be so desperate for a man's attention when I did receive it, whether it was healthy or not, I wouldn't want to let go of the attention. A couple of months ago a guy show his interest in me, at first when I met him I was happy to be friends and then it was very clear he was interested in me more than just friends, and then, I felt the same desperation I've felt countless of times. I've sort of had a crush on a woman, I would like to see her again, but I really doubt we'll meet again. I've been attracted to women before, definitely. I worry if I come out to others they'll think I'm joking or not take me seriously, and then, I'll probably go back in the closet which feels wrong and against my nature. When I realised that my love for women encourages love for myself which felt freeing, warm and like I could breathe again or like I was home again - I can't explain it. Also, I've recognised there some internalised homophobia and I remember having internalised homophobia as child. I feel like no one out there has felt like this or experienced this. I feel so alone. Any help would be appreciated.

JaimieS Any gender diverse new parents out there?
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I am looking to connect with people how are also LGBTQ parents of young children. If you fall into this category please reach out.

Hi all, I am looking to connect with people how are also LGBTQ parents of young children. If you fall into this category please reach out.