I don't know what's wrong with me

[el-d]

Ok, so I know I'm a lesbian.

I keep dropping small hints to my friends so when I do eventually come out (maybe in a year or two) it won't be a big shock. (I'm kind of hoping for that "we already knew" response).

Anyway, anytime I try to mention something about the LGBTQIAP+ community I uncontrollably shake. Today it was the worst. We were in health and the teacher was talking about the LGBTQIAP+ community and I couldn't stop shaking. I don't think anyone noticed (I was trying my hardest to stop but I couldn't). I was also sitting down, but I kept shaking while I left the classroom, went to my locker and went out for a break. It didn't stop until I went to my next class (so it lasted for about 45-60 minutes).

I came out to my mum at the start of the year (it was kind of like forced out in a way, she asked me stuff because she could see that I was upset and stuff) and she said that I was "too young to know" and that "I shouldn't worry about it" then about a month or two later she told me "you know I wouldn't love you any less, I would prefer you weren't gay but if you are I will still love you." I wasn't really ready to tell anyone, it was humiliating.

Anyway, has this happened to anyone else? I googled it and all it came up with was this study on Homosexuality Anxiety (HOCD) and I definitely know that isn't it.

[Birdy77]

Hello el-d,

I think I've had similar reactions to you, when i was at school ... i remember feeling really self-conscious and kind of hot and panicky when the subject came up.

Maybe it's a reaction because we're (sort of) hiding an important part of ourselves and when others bring it up and talk about it, it touches a raw nerve or something?

I don't totally know.

But i do know that it is entirely up to you when you decide to reveal this part of yourself, and there is no externally-set "right time". And however long that takes to feel ok, and SAFE for you, does not mean you are diminishing yourself .... it's a precious and personal journey ❤

It sucks that you felt your coming out to your Mum was forced and not ideal ...

I don't know if it would be helpful for you or not, but there's a support resource called QLife (qlife.org.au) ... you can webchat, call, etc, lots of different supports for people of all ages and identities ... check it out if you feel like it.

But i guess i just wanted to let you know you're ok ... you're not alone ...

I am listening and othere here are too, if you feel like talking more.

I hope you feel ok after your kinda stressful day, and i hope you've been able to do something nice to feel better tonight.

birdy

[randomspace]

Hi, coming out is difficult
Your shaking could be because you want to come out and tell others but you are to afraid too. I started shaking whenever I wanted to tell my friends as well, not so much when it was discussed, but I happens. Eventually they just asked I I just went, yes I’m this this and this. And turns out, they are too. ALL of them somehow! 🙂 I’m not saying that this will happen to you exactly, but coming out could partially stop your shaking.

If you are anxious during when LGBTQ+ is being discussed it could just be your mind panicking and wanting to say something but it’s being held back. Your not by your self in this

I hope you feel better about this difficult situation