I'd like a relationship but I haven't found the right person yet: 28/f/Melbourne/bisexual

[doonacloud]

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, and I haven't been able to keep a relationship for more than a couple of years. I love being in a healthy, loving relationship, but I tend to push my partner away when I'm especially depressed, and I often feel like nobody understands me.

I have a really loving, supportive family, and a solid group of friends I've known since high school, and that helps ward off the loneliness, but it's just not the same as being in a relationship. Although I identify as bisexual, I've only ever been in relationships with men.

How do you form that intimate connection with someone when you're depressed and want to shut everyone out? How do you make yourself vulnerable without dumping a load of mental health issues on someone?

[Doolhof]

Hi again Doonacloud,

I just replied to one of your other posts. Depression and relationships can be difficult. Some people understand depression while others have no idea what it is all about.

The best thing you can do is to be yourself. Some people will stick around, others may well run away from you.

I have a couple of close friends whom I can share how I am feeling. My husband is not interested and does not want to know. I have realised he is not there for me in that respect. So I need to care for myself and not expect him to be there for me.

Once I understood he did not understand my depression in a way it made the relationship easier. Like you can not get lemon juice out of an orange, I can't get understanding out of my husband.

A psychologist told me not to expect other people to take care of me or make me happy. If I don't expect those things then I won't be disappointed.

I try to find ways to make my life how I want it to be. It is not always easy though.

Cheers to you from Mrs. Dools