Immediate support
Immediate support

Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Start a discussion

marcus_c Anxious and in limbo with relationship
  • replies: 25

OK so here's my story... I've been seeing a guy for pretty close to a year now. We message each other everyday, we spend most of the weekend together, including sleepovers. I've met his closest friends, and some of his family. We are monogamous. He h... View more

OK so here's my story... I've been seeing a guy for pretty close to a year now. We message each other everyday, we spend most of the weekend together, including sleepovers. I've met his closest friends, and some of his family. We are monogamous. He holds my hand and expresses physical affection for me in public. Sounds great, right? But I'm anxious about the future of this relationship for a number of reasons: 1. He doesn't like to use the word 'boyfriend' or 'partner' when describing me. He describes our status as 'dating'. I've expressed discomfort at this, because of how casual it sounds, and his response is that he is uncomfortable with 'heteronormative' terms. 2. He is still in love with a former partner, who no longer lives in the country. They finished up probably a year before we met, and are still in contact. He has been up front about having these feelings (although he hasn't used the L word) and has no plans to move to be with him. He has said he always plans for this person to be in his life on some level. I have been in relationships before where the other person is really avoidant, and I end up being the one chasing. This doesn't feel like that, but it still seems to have some of those anxious elements that make my head spin: part of me says he doesn't want to commit, yet I can point to so many things about our relationship that are committed, more so than other relationships I've been in. When talking to him about feeling that I don't feel secure from one day to the next where we are at, he points to all of the stuff I wrote at the top saying he doesn't know what else he can do to make me see that we are on and I should just assume that things will continue as they are. I'm not so clingy that I expect to be moving in and getting married straightaway, but I would like this in the future. I don't know whether to hang around hoping our relationship will evolve, or whether to cut my losses before I get any deeper. I love this man, but I don't know if things will evolve from here. Am I being unreasonable?

Paul Gays and lesbians discriminate against bi, trans, intersex and non binary gendered people.
  • replies: 7

I think that we're losing our community spirit. I think that we're focusing on ourselves as just the gay people. I think we're fighting for rights for gays, not for our community as a whole. The community who is looked upon as sexually different. Any... View more

I think that we're losing our community spirit. I think that we're focusing on ourselves as just the gay people. I think we're fighting for rights for gays, not for our community as a whole. The community who is looked upon as sexually different. Anything or anyone that is not heterosexual or heteronormative is considered to be part of "that" group. That's what it was like 20 years ago. If you weren't straight, then you were over "there with them" We banded together as a community, Gay, Lesibian, Bi, Trans, Intersex, Queer, Poz. We all got together because we were put in the same boat. We rowed, and rowed, fought, bailed water and worked together. Now that being gay is become less confronting, us gays and lesbians are leaving our bi, trans, intersex queer and poz brothers and sisters behind. It's still too easy to think of being Bi as "he's just on his way out of the closet" Do us gays stop and think what it would be like to be Transgender? Knowing you are not what your physical sex indicates and the struggle happening inside yourself and within the world? What if you were intersex? How about the confusion and periods of adjustment? Think about not identifying as either gender and just being. Really think about it. Is your name applicable? What do people think? Do you have to think about everything you ever do so society isn't confused? What if you just love someone of any sex because of the person they are? HIV is a condition that requires ongoing management. What about the social stigma? How do you feel every time you meet someone new and the fear of telling them and them running away because they don't understand or misunderstand? How about people thinking that you are something dirty or someone "different" because it won't happen to you? Us gays and lesbians have a way to go for equality. Our BTIQ+ brothers and sisters are here to travel this road with us and always have been. It's time to stop and take notice of how we frame our thinking and digest the news and converse with friends. "We" means all of us! We all want equality. We all want to be recognised. We all want to be loved. We all want to love. We are all different and amazing. Here's one example of my whole point: "Gay Marriage" - we all know it means marriage equality. We just think that it's gays who want to marry too. Bi guy marrying his lover? Trans woman marrying her lover? non binary gendered female marrying her female lover? What are your thoughts community? Paul xx

Paul Psychologist/Psychiatrist GP Counsellor etc
  • replies: 1

Hi All,I wonder how many of us in the GLBTIQ+ community' use the services of a professional e.g. a Psychologist.I've found that if I hold nothing back when talking to my therapist that I get more from the experience and better care. Do you hold anyth... View more

Hi All,I wonder how many of us in the GLBTIQ+ community' use the services of a professional e.g. a Psychologist.I've found that if I hold nothing back when talking to my therapist that I get more from the experience and better care. Do you hold anything back?Are there any other factors involved that you would like to share about the type of professional you chose or the help you receive? Paul

Paul Safe Schools Program - Let's review the review, Libs not happy with the answer!
  • replies: 8

The Safe Schools Program has come under fire in recent weeks. So many arguments were thrown in by the Australian Christian Lobby as to why it is bad for kids. Arguments were countered and those concerned were assured that the content was in line with... View more

The Safe Schools Program has come under fire in recent weeks. So many arguments were thrown in by the Australian Christian Lobby as to why it is bad for kids. Arguments were countered and those concerned were assured that the content was in line with the national curriculum and the material was designed for year 7 and 8 pupils. I won't go into detail about the program, but will say that it is designed to teach kids tolerance, and acceptance of different sexualities and gender identities. The review suggested that some external links be removed and some other links helpful for transgender kids be provided by the school's counsellor. What are your thoughts on the program, its opposition, the review and the outcome? If you are school age and have the program at school, what's it like? Paul

justinok Straight men in gay bars
  • replies: 17

So this is a discussion I came across on Reddit...it's kinda too long for here so I've tried to keep in the main points. For those non gay people who think it's 'trendy' to go to a gay bar, or like to pat themselves on the back for doing it, maybe th... View more

So this is a discussion I came across on Reddit...it's kinda too long for here so I've tried to keep in the main points. For those non gay people who think it's 'trendy' to go to a gay bar, or like to pat themselves on the back for doing it, maybe think twice... One thing you have to consider is that if you're straight, you have the luxury of being able to safely assume everyone around you is straight unless someone indicates otherwise. Gay people don't have the equivalent luxury. Keep in mind that if you're a straight person going to a gay bar, you make it harder for the LGB patrons to find potential partners. After all, if enough straight people go to a gay bar, it's no longer a gay bar, and the local gays/lesbians may have no where they can safely hit on others of the same sex. Consider a gay guy who goes on a ski trip in a group of 160 people. Educated estimates for LGBT people are about 5% of the population, so that means probably about 8 people in the group are gay or bi. Now image that you wanted to do what straight people often do, meet someone, hang out, maybe even have some sexy-time. Half of those 8 will be women, and only half will be single. So that brings it down to 2 single gay guys including yourself in the entire group. The odds are astronomically stacked against you and the other single gay guy meeting each other and knowing that each other are gay. After all, there is no magical way of determining which of the 159 others is gay, and there are often severe penalties for guessing if someone is gay. On top of all that, you have all the typical issues with finding a partner that straight people face. So even if you manage to identify the one other single gay gay, you very well might not be each other's type. On the other hand, if you're straight, all these extra barriers are removed. Although they might not be interested in you for other reasons, you can safely assume that others are attracted to the opposite-sex. Statistics show that the majority of straight people meet their SO randomly (friends of friends, work, etc.), which works because straight people have the luxury of being able to assume that each other are straight. ...I don't think it's intrinsically wrong for a straight person to go to a gay bar. But unless the straight person is going as a wingman/woman for his/her LGB friend, I think it would be very inconsiderate to not at least seriously think about going somewhere first."

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

Gruffudd Sisters are doin' it for themselves
  • replies: 2

I have taken up running which for me is about the strangest thing I have done in a long time. Along the line I think I took in all those messages about me being some how week, effeminate... you know the list. So it was going against a lifetime of ins... View more

I have taken up running which for me is about the strangest thing I have done in a long time. Along the line I think I took in all those messages about me being some how week, effeminate... you know the list. So it was going against a lifetime of insults when I broke out the purple adidas track pants with three lines of sparkling silver on each leg (handy for night visibility) and my crisp white Abercrombie tshirt (not that I am a label queen, it was the advertising I fell for). I am about half way through the Zombie run 5k training program. It is starting to feel rather good to have... exercised? I feel stronger? I think I am still getting my head around doing this. No broken nails or feelings just yet. I was wondering if others have gone against all that stereotypical stuff to make a change for the better. What did you change? and what helped you make the decision to do it?

smolmistake What To Do When You Can't Come Out?
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm a transgender boy and I'm also pansexual. I really want to be out, but I just can't. My family is lgbtphobic and I'm not sure what would happen if I came out. I guess the first place I should be out is school, as I get called she/her pronouns... View more

Hi, I'm a transgender boy and I'm also pansexual. I really want to be out, but I just can't. My family is lgbtphobic and I'm not sure what would happen if I came out. I guess the first place I should be out is school, as I get called she/her pronouns and by my birthname a lot. But, from what I've gathered, my school is also lgbtphobic as many people use gay as insult and continuously use the f slur. I do wear boy-type clothing and have my hair cut short because that's how I feel most comfortable. But, I think rumors are starting at school about me being a lesbian. Of course, I have absolutely no problem at all with lesbians it's just that the school is lgbtphobic and that I'm not a girl. I just don't know what I can do, I can't come out and I can't handle being called she/her pronouns, my birthname and girly.

Paul Lesbian friends losing hope.
  • replies: 6

My Lesbian friends are engaged. It's an amazing story because there was so much heartache from previous relationships that didn't work out. The girls met and hit it off, now their relationship is strong and loving and they are engaged. Both girls hav... View more

My Lesbian friends are engaged. It's an amazing story because there was so much heartache from previous relationships that didn't work out. The girls met and hit it off, now their relationship is strong and loving and they are engaged. Both girls have had episodes of depression lately, one of them more so, because of all the hate against the LGBTI community that is around at the moment. There's campaigns against our community by the Australian Christian Lobby, ex Prime Minister John Howard, ex Prime Minister Tony Abbott, a very biased Q&A show on trans and gender diverse people. My friends are losing hope that they will be allowed to be married in our country. What would your advice be to my friends? Are you in a similar situation? Paul

Gruffudd Gay boys and their mothers.
  • replies: 13

I haven't been around here for a while, life got complicated for a while. Sometimes when I have really needed it mum has been there, she listens and loves, not many people have done that in my life. Then there are the times she needs the same and thi... View more

I haven't been around here for a while, life got complicated for a while. Sometimes when I have really needed it mum has been there, she listens and loves, not many people have done that in my life. Then there are the times she needs the same and this is one of them. The second marriage has broken down. He never liked me because I am gay and because mother and I seem to get along better then he does with his children. At christmas it all got a bit uncomfortable, he told mum that she was not allowed to see her grandchildren and my brother and I because he doesn't approve of us and he can't cope. I don't much like the idea that disliking me was tolerable but the rest of the family was the deal breaker, never mind though. It has been a long time coming and there has been a lot of bullying and controlling behaviour which upsets awfully. What can a boy do but be there, travel a few hours after work, listen, explain how to rent a house to a mother who never has, move furniture, garden... After these two months she has made a move, is more herself then in years. I feel some conflict for being happy that this change happened, but I just don't like seeing her so unhappy. It doesn't help with the "all men are..." sentiment. Next stop Paris on holidays with mother I think.