Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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I got hurt: Transgender woman.

replies: 4

Hello. I have not posted before . My situation is I am getting depressed because some people spread gossip about me which was stating I was a "danger to child safety." I am transgender and for this to be done to me is very bad especially in a small t... View more

Mental Health Week 9th to 16th October

replies: 26

Hi everyone. It's a tough time at the moment. The amount of ill educated opinion being thrown around about our lives. A group of conservative , some right wing, some Christian fundamentalist, making a decision on our behalf whether we have the same human rights they do. What else can we do during mental health week to support our community of gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, queer, intersex, cisgender, asexual and HIV+ brothers and sisters? How can we feel comfortable enough to reach out for help? Can we spread the word of our plight and have the discussion about the impact on our mental health? ABC and SBS usually have some amazing content during mental health week, there might be a particular show that you choose to watch with your family that conveys a message you feel you couldn't or it could be a stepping stone to a discussion. Is there something you want to say on the forum here just for the hell of saying it? Please do, we're here to love and be loved. What will you do during mental health week? What do you want others to know during mental health week? Paul

40, male and questioning if I'm actually gay after all???

replies: 10

Hi there, I've always identified as gay but, at 28 I had the first idea that that might not have been the case. It's never felt quite right being with Men. I've had fantasies about being with Women but for many reasons, have never had the courage to pursue Women. I think it's fear of rejection/humiliation and of the unknown. I've buried my head in the sand for many years. I've had long periods of time not dating at all, eventually going back to sleeping with/dating Men. It's familiar. After 5 years of being single I got back on the dating scene this year. I dated a Woman briefly, but there was no connection. I have also dated a couple of guys since then. These experiences haven't been particularly enjoyable. I can't keep ignoring the issue and can not be with Men anymore, it just doesn't feel right. A lot has changed in my world in the second half of my 30s. I'm much happier in myself, have discovered a comfort/authenticity within myself as a Man that was missing earlier in life. I'm settled in my own home and my career is going very well. My self-esteem is in the best shape it ever has been and I'm generally happy. The last piece of the puzzle is working out this sexuality conundrum. I know what I need to do and that is date more Women but, it's difficult at my age to face a different dating world if that makes sense? There aren't many out there that seem to have had this question, it always seems to be the opposite way around, straight then realise they're gay. Close friends and family know that this has been issue for me for some time but don't know how to help. I have sought help before but the minute they hear 'gay' they immediately go down the avenue of getting me to accept being gay. They don't get it! I would happily be gay if that was undoubtedly my way but, I really don't think it is. Any help from others that may be experiencing a similar issue or guidance to a professional that can help me navigate my way through this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Grant.

Could I be lesbian? Or bisexual?

replies: 7

I wonder if I haven’t met the right person. Male or female. I don’t know how to meet people as I face depression and only stick to myself. I used to have very strong and close best friends (female) who I would talk to and confide in all the time. Now I don’t. And I really miss it. I think about both females and males. Though because I don’t do much I am not sure how I would meet anyone at all. I feel as though girls care a lot and I can be closer to them. I don’t know what I feel to be honest. I feel alone. And I feel as though I need someone. There all the time. Someone who gets me for me. And vice versa. I don’t even know where to start as I limit myself to only my family. How do I find out about this? I am very nervous too. Only a young girl.

I don't know what I am.

replies: 5

I don't know what I am. But I do. I'm a 16-year-old, straight, white, privileged... girl. A girl. A girl whose wardrobe consists of mens t-shirts in the size "medium". A girl who craves to chop off her collarbone length, curly, brown hair. A girl who can understand other girls who look up to celebrities. To Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, Emma Watson. Because the girl looks up to famous people, too. Wants to be like famous people, too. Wants to be like Cole Sprouse, Benedict Cumberbatch, Eddie Redmayne, Ezra Miller. My entire life, I have looked in the mirror, and not felt myself. I have walked around in a body, in a bubble, spaced out and wondering why. I got my first ever full-length mirror the other day. I look into it, wearing only my underwear, and realise that under the baggy t-shirt and ill-fitting jeans I do have a figure. But then I pull the jeans on, throw on whatever t-shirt mildly resembles clean, and head out to see my mates. My friends. I have three of them, my boyfriend being one. He doesn't exactly act like a 'straight guy'; but I love him, and he loves me, for whatever I am. My other two mates, both guys, not that it matters, are really chill as well. I'm glad that I have them. Because between running up to my room from the yelling, giving the last of my money to dad, looking in the mirror, seeing someone else, and then laying in bed for days… I need them. I don't know what I am. I don't expect anyone to read this, with the exception of myself. I hope that, in a few years, I can come back and read this and say, "kid, I know what you are.". I find comfort in labels. And whether that label be "straight girl" or otherwise, I look forward to the day I can look in the mirror and smile back at my reflection, because it is MY reflection, me, and I know what I am.

Maybe asexual?

replies: 6

I just arrived into this community and when I saw that there was a space to talk about sexuality I thought I should share. I'm 30 years old and I've always considered myself bisexual, but I'm starting to realize that might not be true. I fell in love only once, when I was 17,with a girl I met online. We saw each other's, we were together but there was never anything sexual. What I used to feel for her was very intense, and I remember I was at least partially sexually attracted to her, but I'm not sure. At 21 I met a guy, and I had a really intense crush for him for almost two years. Nothing happened as it was a one side thing. And that's it, that's my whole experience. The thing is, I don't seem to have any desire to be sexual with someone, and even when I find someone attractive, it's always vaguely so. I'm not even sure I'm bisexual anymore because I haven't had any feelings or crushes in almost 10 years. Is it possible to simply be nothing? I would still want a relationship, I think, but that might be because I don't want to be alone. I'm just very confused. I still tell people in bisexual, because it's easier.

Caught some feels for a straight woman - help

replies: 9

Soo I have met this incredible woman. We hit it off immediately when we met and I have developed some feelings for her. It has all come as a surprise to me, and has hit me like a ton of bricks. We usually see each other most days, we work out at the same gym. I already know that nothing will happen between us - she is married. I accept that and I respect that. I guess I am just wondering what I can do to get over having feelings for her? I guess that I will just being going to the gym when I know she won't be there which will help. And I guess it will take some time also. I want to get to a point where we can just vibe with each other without me lusting after her. I don't want to avoid her but I feel like it is the best thing at the moment. Am I being childish or ridiculous? I feel like I am being silly. But, after having some mental health issues, I feel like I need to look after my own interests at the moment. I feel so messed up.

Feeling down during marriage equality debate

replies: 6

Hi there, I find it hard to manage my anxiety and depressive feelings during the marriage equality debate. It is hard to stay possitive in a small town with conservative views, and I feel there is very limited support. I just feel like crap, no other word for it. I need to create a support network and connect with people who have similar feelings. Those who can offer any advice are welcome

I'm a transman, a writer and an sf fan with depression

replies: 13

Hi. I may have posted before but not for a few months at least. I tend not to when things are going better. So I came online earlier tonight and made a fairly freaked out post somewhere else and it was kindly suggested to me I might try here. My name is Alex, I'm a transman, a writer and an sf fan, and have been trying to manage my own mental health for quite a few years now. I recently attended the World SF Convention in Helsinki which was a wonderful event, but when I came home, I immediately came down with a bad head cold and a crashing case of what we call post con depression. Even at the event, I felt very isolated among crowds. I know I'm not the only one; in fact, Finland seems like a good place for depressive types - it's quite normal to be on your own and people give you heaps of space. The language is not gender based, so that means even when speaking English, Finns don't heap "sir" or "madam" on you the way people here do. That means it didn't matter a lot what gender they thought I was; I couldn't tell from the way they treated me! I'd been trying to lower my dose of antidepressant. Turns out this dose was no help in keeping intense stress at bay, like I've had in the last few days. So I've put it back up and hopefully can stay there. I'm saying all this in the interests of full disclosure. Yes, I've been messing with the drugs. I also know people have much worse troubles than me. Not sure what else I can say, just that I'm looking for some friends to hang out with.

Old, married but have lived a lifetime lie because I'm gay

replies: 4

I read Steven's story (Married with 2 kids but im gay and living a lie) with fascination and through many tears because his story was so similar to mine. I'm in my mid-70s, and have known since my teens that I was gay, but tried initially to suppress it. I was raised a Catholic, even training for the priesthood. I was introduced to gay activity whilst in the seminary. I was betrayed through the confessional process and was told to leave. In my early 20s, I returned home and started my life over again, refusing to believe I was gay. I didn't know what it meant anyway. Whilst at teacher training college, I joined others in typical social activity, including dating girls. I was never comfortable with this. I completed my training, began to teach and married another teacher, whom I genuinely loved. In the meantime, I had begun the secretive lifestyle of a furtive gay, including visiting saunas. Before we married, I told my fiance that I had these feelings, but she was dismissive saying she would be more upset if I fancied other women. From then on, it was a double life. We had a sexual life up to a point, but it was never fully satisfying for me, and not for her either, but we lived with it. Meanwhile, I was regularly following a secret lifestyle of visiting clubs, saunas and even had the occasional relationship with men, all of it under the pressure of trying to keep this activity secret. As I've grown old, and very conscious that I'm no longer attractive to other men, I've turned to the internet for sexual gratification, and have become obsessed from time to time with online contact with certain individuals. It has been a revelation to me how young guys today are so accepting of their sexuality, and I fantasize about being part of this. My reason for explaining all this is that I am totally ashamed of my life, and have become so depressed about my current situation. Part of me feels why try to change things so late in my life, but I have become overwhelmed by a feeling of worthlessness. I often think of death, but I doubt if I would have the courage to end it all. Coming out publicly or ending my marriage is not an option. I couldn't do this to my wife. I'm desperately unhappy and listless and often find myself crying for no obvious reason. I continue to cruise the internet for fantasies. Can anyone advise how to find some peace? I live in Adelaide and would love someone to recommend a counselor. I can't relate to my GP.

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

I got hurt: Transgender woman. replies: 4

Mental Health Week 9th to 16th October replies: 26

40, male and questioning if I'm actually gay after all??? replies: 10

Could I be lesbian? Or bisexual? replies: 7

I don't know what I am. replies: 5

Maybe asexual? replies: 6

Caught some feels for a straight woman - help replies: 9

Feeling down during marriage equality debate replies: 6

I'm a transman, a writer and an sf fan with depression replies: 13

Old, married but have lived a lifetime lie because I'm gay replies: 4