Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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Looking for help.. is this the right place?

replies: 3

Hi guys, ill start by saying I've never really posted on anything like this but would appreciate some feedback and advice.. Im 25, male, gay. For the last 5 years I have been taking medication I have also been seeing a psychologist for around 5 months now (fortnightly sessions generally) I have almost given up with my psychologist as I keep feeling like I haven't done the homework and stuck to the tasks he gives me - we are doing cognitive behaviour therapy. I feel like I need to go in every time I see him with good news like I'm getting better, but I'm not. i initially got on medication which initially made me feel great and it gave me a get up and go attitude, I was almost never anxious and I didn't want to just lay in bed all day. Things have happened now, I've come to terms with my sexuality finally and Im happy with it. I've had some really poor choices in partners, meth addicts, alcoholic, cheaters. I've been beaten by one of them, another gave me an STD and I started using drugs. I've moved on from those. I moved back into my parents home as I was drinking too much by myself and couldn't save any money. I can't help shaking this feeling of complete loneliness, sadness and overwhelming anxiety. People think I'm completely ok and doing well but my head is always racing, I've been working on "awareness" but all it's made me see is how much my thoughts race and notice my insecurities even more. I feel like the only time I can be happy is when I'm bringing other people down... I'm so judgemental. When did I become such a horrible person? I'm such a negative person I don't have a lot of friends or people in my life. I can't even bring myself to talk about this with my doctor or therapist. I just go in and smile and act like everything is okay so they don't think I'm crazy.. Then I bring myself home to lay in bed until the day starts all over again. I have so much trouble talking to people, the most anyone sees me talk is making a sarcastic nasty remark or it's via text message. I feel like the gay community rejects me for not being promiscuous and queeny enough. I feel like the straight community sees me as "gay (my name)" like I'm a token or something. I wish I had someone I could talk about this with? I don't want people to think I'm attention seeking though where do I go from here? Nothing is working. I'm depressed, lonely and too worried about what others will think of me if I tell them how I feel?

Married but feeling like a fraud....

replies: 16

Thanks for reading.. I'm feeling really alone and confused and just thought this would be a safe space to air some thoughts. I've been married for 10 years... we have 3 beautiful children together. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and have been in crisis this year but feel I'm recovering from the worst of it I'm here though because I feel like a fraud. I was in a relationship with a woman from roughly age 15 -20 on and off. I loved her...she was my soul mate. I had strong feelings for other girls from the time I was about 12... but never told anyone. I have a trauma history and wonder whether that has had an impact on my sexuality. I find intimacy with my husband extremely difficult... but can't find a way of saying it's because I'm not typically attracted to men .. it would break his heart.. and I can't do that. I got married for the wrong reasons... to be "normal" ... to fulfil my dreams of being a parent and to escape my awful home life. I feel awful thinking about how much my husband loves me and how little he knows about all. We have tried relationship therapy after we lost our daughter a few years back... and have tried again recently.... but I can't be totally honest with them. The whole SSM debate has been really hard for me... feeling like I'm living a lie... feeling really envious of people who have come out and are living their lives to potential. It's such a different and more safe climate now than it was 20 years ago. My husband and his family are all very conservative and would have all voted no... no one knows I voted yes. I'm not going to leave my husband. I said my vows and I meant them. I just need to find a way to live with myself knowing I can never really be free to be who I am.

My dad is voting "no" in the postal vote...how do I tell him about me.........

replies: 9

So my dad is conservative and is voting no in the upcoming same sex marriage postal vote. I have known for about 6 months now that I am bisexual. I have not told my dad (or family or 95% of my friends) and I don't think I could ever tell my dad if he votes no, I don't think I could live with that reality or hide it for the rest of my life. I would be the only gay person in my family! It feels like there is a 50% chance he will reject me and still vote no - he has a bad temper and it could end up in a very bad argument. I currently have a boyfriend but that doesn't mean I'm straight and only ever want to date boys, one day I might bring a girl home. Basically I am scared to tell him (I've cried about it a few times) even though I find it to be normal and not a weird thing to be bisexual or sexually diverse. He does not think this for some reason. I want to tell him before he votes and hopefully he changes his vote to a YES in support and acceptance of me. Basically the main reason I am scared to come out is my dad... I'm not sure what it means if he rejects me and still votes no. He's not a bad man, he's just conservative and has a temper especially when confronted with something that makes him uncomfortable. Any advice on how I can handle this will be very appreciated as I know I have to tell him before he votes, I shake with nerves thinking about telling him and since I'm not out I don't have anyone to talk about this with. (I'm a 21 y/o girl).

I'm gay and I can't deal with it anymore

replies: 8

Hi I about 6 months ago I came out for the first time to a good friend. It's went really well and he has supported me through this and help me tell others. But some days I feel like I want back in the closet. It's not because people take it badly it's just the thought of never being "normal" and having a family and kids is killing me on the inside. When my friends talk about girls I feel so empty and sad that I will never be able to feel what they are, and that I can't let my emotions out to them without a awkward stigma in the room. I've had a crush on my best friend for years now and this is probably one of the hardest things ive had to deal with. He knows I do because I told him when I was drunk. He doesn't seem to mind and thinks it's kind of funny but it just kills me inside know that I can never have a relationship with him. Most days I just sit there wishing I was normal and it's really effecting my grades, I barley do any work in class and I have no direction in life. I don't know what to do i could talk to someone but im horrible with talking about that stuff face to face I can never get the words out. thought I'd try out this forum because I know I'm not the only one and I just want to talk about it but it's impossible for me to do it face to face.

In love with someone in love with another.

replies: 6

Im a gay male. I met this guy in May and he was loving and sexual. Till I told him I had feelings towards him and then he stopped, saying it was too soon. He won't visit my place either as he's afraid that something sexually will happen between us (Yes he has admitted that to me) He's still in love with his ex in the UK, (who now lives in a different city and has a boyfriend of his own.) He is going back again soon for a short time to see if he can get back together, but I’m not sure if that is going to happen or not because of the aforementioned. I will know when he gets back to Australia. We still see each other from time to time socially, and have a great time, have similar interests and we just seemed to "click" I know he is seeing other men socially and sexually in the mean time and this makes me upset and jealous, and worthless, as he seems to be afraid of getting intimate with me anymore. (I think deep down he may also have the same feelings for me?) As far as I know I have a few options but have no idea which way to turn. I have a few options, Tell him how much I am in love with him and my true feelings Tell him I can't see him anymore, and break off all contact is its upsetting me. Continue as friends as I have been doing and wait till he comes back from the UK. Ask him then what he wants to do then. Forget about love and just be friends only with him. My mind is all mixed up and have days where I am quite accepting of the situation and can continue as normal. And other days where I just want to cry all day. Thankfully, so far I've been strong enough not to phone or message him when Im feeling that emotional.

LONELY

replies: 4

Hi I am writing this as concern for my son. He has come out 12mths ago at the ae of 19. He was raised in a homophobic environment and had suffered sever anxiety and old. since coming out his mental state has improved and he is was very happy and he was well supported. He is been over seas for 5 months working and holidaying and has come back to do a 7 week course. BUT he has come back to literally NO FRIENDS.he did decided to leave the past behind and has done volunteer work within the LGBT community. He has also attended some get together but found them to be very clickie and not welcoming. He is usually very happy and a very giving person. Adelaide doesn't have a big LGTB community and i can see a spiral fall into depression he is giving up. He has tried apps as well but gets the run around. We have tried everything but he is so lonely. HELP

Gay support

replies: 4

Hi all, Ive just recently moved to the Sunshine coast and because I have moved this has worsened my anxiety and depression. I'm currently studying and work 6 days a week. Im finding my self sink deeper and deeper into a hole. Recently I have started to think about what the point is of living. Im not trying to seek attention, but I find it hard to talk to my family about my relationship issues including work and studies. is there anything i can do it get out of this state. im desperate now, im trying to run and its helping a little but i feel like im sinking. Thanks in advance

UNSURE ABOUT TITLE

replies: 4

Hi All, I am a married 38 year old male with 2 children. I am currently in a mental health facility dealing with my bi polar and some depression and anxiety and substance abuse issues which have arose from me not being able to deal with my problems. Reason for my post here is to get some advice on another issue I have, as I’ve said I am married but I have a huge attraction to pre op transsexual ladies. I have explored these fantasies and slept with a few over the last few years but also am still very attracted to women.... I guess I am unsure of my sexuality not knowing if I am gay, just an adventurous straight guy, bi?? i would love to here from anyone in similar circumstances to give any feedback....

My Boyfriend May Have Already Lost Interest in Having Sex with Me

replies: 1

Hi, Does the sex slowly fade away the longer you are in a relationship with someone or is that just me? I don't know much about relationship as this is only my second relationship and I've been with him for 2 years. My previous relationship was with a bad person and that only lasted for 3 months. I know that my boyfriend still feels sexual as he has a collection of porn on his computer (which I caught twice because he accidentally uploaded them on our shared document folders) but he rarely wants to do anything sexual with me anymore. We used to have lots of sexy times together but after I moved in with him he seems to have lost his interest. And I've started watching porn again recently. Don't get me wrong, I know that sex is not everything in a relationship. But I'm kind of worried that he might have lost interest in me. he is a great guy but the only thing he lacks of is that one part. When I was depressed I used to hook up with random strangers but not until I am already in a relationship. I don't want to repeat the same mistake again and cheat on my boyfriend just because he has lost interest in me sexually. This makes me feel really anxious. Help.

Friendship/Feelings

replies: 2

Hi New to this forum but really struggling with this but i do not have anyone close to talk to about this So I met a girl a few months ago. we have the same interests, we get along extremely well and i've developed strong feelings for this person, except they are not of the same sexual orientation which i've had no choice but to accept (which is okay). very recently we caught up and all of a sudden she got real angry with me and doesn't seem to have much interest in me as a friend anymore. when quizzed about weather this is true she says every things fine and what happened wasn't a big deal but I've just got this gut feeling its not. what should i do from here? I really don't want this friendship to end because i care about her so much but i'm worried its not going to be the same anymore

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Looking for help.. is this the right place? replies: 3

Married but feeling like a fraud.... replies: 16

My dad is voting "no" in the postal vote...how do I tell him about me......... replies: 9

I'm gay and I can't deal with it anymore replies: 8

In love with someone in love with another. replies: 6

LONELY replies: 4

Gay support replies: 4

UNSURE ABOUT TITLE replies: 4

My Boyfriend May Have Already Lost Interest in Having Sex with Me replies: 1

Friendship/Feelings replies: 2