Nearly 30, anxious and trying to come out

[biAnxious]

Hi everyone, in the last two years I've been trying to be true to myself after realising that my whole life I've been pretending to be someone that I'm really not. I'm nearly 30 with an anxiety disorder and trying to come out as bisexual to my family.

My sexuality is a subject I've been dealing with for most of my life, but never really understood til after my 25th birthday. I've managed to come out to close friends of mine, who have been more than supportive, but I'm still struggling and anxious to tell my family because I feel like they will disown me or worse.

Its also been more apparent that it's something I have to do in light of what's happened in Orlando.

does anyone have any advice to offer?

[Paul]

Hi biAnxious, welcome to beyondblue forums. I'm really glad you've decided to drop by.

Coming to terms with our sexuality can be a challenge. It's like having to learn something about yourself that others may not like and also we may not like or understand. I get that feeling from your post and can understand the anxiety it may cause

The thing with coming out is there's a few steps involved. The biggest step is coming out to ourselves. Really admitting we are who we are. If you were to stand in front of a mirror and say the words, what would they be? Just with no one else around but saying the words out loud, what would you say?

Once you're able to be comfortable with saying the words and being who you are, the next steps are small and at a time of your choosing. Telling people is a process that starts with a few trusted people and can expand from there. I'm glad you have a trusted friend you've been able to tell.

So with telling family, it depends on your family's values as to how you go about it. If your family is conservative the approach wouldn't be to blurt it out at a family function. It could mean you tell your closest sibling first and explain the struggle honestly with them to begin. Similarly with your mum and dad, explain the soul searching, the struggle and what you've learnt about yourself.

Whichever way, there's got to be that strength inside of you where you know who you are, can say it openly and are able to answer any negative comment or question.

What are some of the negative questions or comments that may occur that hit your anxiety button? We can through them if you like and explore ways to understand what the concern is behind the negativity.

Stay in touch - I'd love to hear your thoughts on my questions above, we can work together to find some peace and your awesomeness to share with others.

Paul x

[Gruffudd]

Hi there,

I think Paul has some great advice. The thing that I think helps is to be able to talk about it and be supported. You need allies, friends. It is great to hear you have some already, we are here to listen and support as well.

For me it was never as dramatic as I imagined. Some relationships got stronger, some faded. I'm not sure everyone needs to know, but if they are closer to me it is better that they do I find.

Big thing I would say, give yourself some time after where you can go someplace and do something that feels good, however it goes. I'd suggest something like dinner with a friend who already knows and supports, something like that.

And welcome to the forums too... glad you are here.

Rob.

[bear_cub1]

I would say the best thing to do is just do it. It's the biggest rush of emotions and fear but just get it over and done with and live your life man. I was all ways sooo worried about what people would think and tbh i still am a little. But if a person will hate you or give you grief about it then you don't need those people in your life.

Coming out is hard.. Whats harder tho is holding it in and being careful about what you do or say so you don't fall out of the closet and also dealing with the battle inside your head. Just be free.

If some one told me how good my life is vs 1.5 years ago i wouldn't have believed it. Tbh i lost some family and some friends, caused some problems when i come out/was outed, but I replaced that with way better people who love and support me for who i am, for who my bf is and who welcomes us into there lifes with so much love. Life gets better 🙂

The best advice i got from a good friend is, don't tell people in a dramatic way. If you tell some one 'I have something to tell you" or that "please don't tell any one and keep it to yourself" they will handle it like a big deal. Just be cool about it.. Just be confident and just say it. I'm gay! yay.. see no one cares aha