Being punished by dad.

[Gruffudd]

My father has many ways of upsetting me, but always manages to surprise. Here is another one. He has given the apartment in Queensland to my brother, who has been such a good boy being married with children and all. And because he spends money on the credit cards before he earns it (despite being paid double what I am) he is so terribly poor. In comparison I look well off even though I am priced out of living in the city. Father tells me I should be happy for him. I was after all, warned to get married or be out of the will.

I am glad to have followed my grandmothers advice and to be independent of any man including my father. It shouldn't, but it does still upset me when he does these things.

[hope4joy]

Hi Gruffudd,

Im sorry to hear about this situation. Parents are meant to love and support their kids unconditionally irrespective of their gender/ sexuality/ life choices etc. It sounds like its your dad's way or the highway and there is a lot of bias. I'm glad that you have cultivated your own independence so you are not trapped in your family's situation.

My dad has also let me down on housing but in a different way. He is a real estate agent and he's helped financially disadvantaged young people/ couples to buy houses - even him buying investment properties and letting them buy it through rental payments under generous conditions. But he's never tried to help me in the same way, or in any way financially. It hurts me that he cares far more for strangers/ likes to be the good samaritan... but doesn't care much for his own daughter. It doesn't seem right to me.

How do you cope with /manage your upsets from family?

Kind regards,

Christina

[Music_Freak]

My family is like that...my sister's the princess (married with kids) and I'm the defective one who's "bent like your mother" (she was bi polar). This hurts for many reasons, as you can imagine...

I'm slowly learning to just zone out and go numb when I'm around them all, like I'm there physically, but mentally I'm miles away.

My dad could help me a lot with fixing up my government house, so it doesn't remind me of my dead mother quite so much, but he only does that for my sister. I'm nothing but sh*t under my family's shoes.

I will get it done, it will take me a long time, since I am unemployed, but I have to believe I will change my surroundings, for my own sanity if nothing else.

[Gruffudd]

Thankyou both of you.

Having worked on houses, you can do quite a lot with paint and effort over time. I find doing that myself helps me feel more like it is my space, defiantly has been good for the sanity. No matter how hard it might be to make ends meet sometimes, particularly when I was younger, being independent is one thing that helps me cope.

Sometimes it hurts because I care. Dad wouldn't have that power otherwise, I wouldn't let anyone else get away with it. I never quite understand my reaction, I am not the marrying kind, it is not exactly a secret.

So I manage dad by living in another state and only being in contact when I am travelling OK with my mental health and have a little room to move when he says that stuff. Also, my mother, apparently I am "just like my mother", lives nearby and we are get along rather well.

[Guest_1055]

Hi Robbie, I am so sorry you are hurting. I long to bring you some sort of comfort to your heart. It hurts so much because deep down we just want our dad's to accept and love us unconditionally or something. But Robbie, I am glad you have your dear mum. I care about you and I hope you will be OK.

Love

Shell x

[Music_Freak]

Yeah, having one parent that gives us what we need is a big help. I know that's what I miss with my mum not being here...

I'm still waiting to find all of that unconditional stuff. I seem to falter a lot

[Gruffudd]

I'm glad you had your mum. I know a few people who live with bipolar and they all have so many things that I love about them. If I were asked to describe them it would take me quite a while to get to that part, and when I do it is just one part of an amazing whole.

One of the nice things, I think, about having one good parent and about being adult is that, with the other one you know what is you and what is them.

[white knight]

Hi Gruffudd

"It shouldn't upset me" of course it would.

We all know you need money to make money. Some of us older folk had it easier. I made some if my own luck by being in the air force = cheap home loan. Then years later was fortunate eniugh to have the skills to build my own home. Some inherit early like your brother. Some in the 1990's got "packages" from employers for retrenchment.

Buying a house in a country town might be one option for you then rent it out

At least you'd be in the market.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hi Gruffudd, parents often say that they don't favour one child from another, but favouritism does happen and what your father has done is deplorable and to have this threat above your head 'to get married or out of the will' is certainly no way a parent should even try and tell you what to do.
My own father left in his will something which all of my siblings (4) were horrified with, as he left half of his finaces to be split up between the 5 kids, and the other half went solely to his step daughter, so if I do happen to see him again, he will an ear full not only from me but also the 4 other kids.
You can try and be independent of what he does but it's not that easy, because it will always sit there in the back of your mind as 'favouritism'.
My father has let his kids down, just as yours has done the same for you.
Times have changed and customs have changed and we should learn to move with it. Geoff.

[Paul]

Hugs Rob,

Sorry that your Dad manipulates you like this. It's not fair and of course it bloody hurts.

You must love your Dad for it to hurt, I'm sure that would ramp up the degree of difficulty. So with the best of intentions and most love possible would it be a consideration to let your dad go? Especially seeing that there's hurt and it affects your health.

Paul x