Gender Questions

[Reaperbird]

Okay so I'm 25 and identify as agender (genderqueer/non gender/non binary). Instead of going in to detail I just want to post some questions and if any you have any answers I'd really appreciate it. So uh, here goes:

1) Who do I talk to about gender transitioning? Things like hormones, surgery, etc. (I already asked my doctor, but she was no help.)

2) How do I 'come out' when I have such high social anxiety? I don't need to tell everyone I'm trans or anything, but even asking people to use my preferred name is really embarrassing. I feel scared people will judge me or ask why. Does anyone else get nervous about this stuff?

3) Is it hard to get your name legally changed? Will I be accepted?

4) I don't identify as male or female, and have mixed emotions about who I am and who I want to be. Are there any support services I can talk to about it? (I might add, I'm from a small rural town.)

5) I often feel like a "fake" because I'm never certain about my gender, is this normal?

Thanks for reading!

[blondguy]

Hi Reaperbird, I didnt want you 'flying' around solo, out of respect I will get you the answers you require..please bear with me if you can as we have several super kind people that can be a great help on gender questions

I have seen you around the forums and good on you for posting too 🙂

You are no 'fake' and never will be...you are a legend...and yes this is very normal..

If you can check for a response a bit later...I will make sure you get get some real answers..not just from me 🙂

My Kindest thoughts

Paul

[Paul]

Hey again Reaperbird!

Things must be bubbling around in your mind - that's cool sometimes it's a process that takes the reflection to jump on the next branch of the tree that we climb to get to know ourselves and bear ourselves to eachother.

To answer your questions;

1. Who do you talk to about hormones and transitioning etc.

http://www.glhv.org.au/resource/gender-dysphoria-clinic if you are in Victoria

http://www.gendercentre.org.au/ if you are in NSW

http://www.atsaq.com/ if you are in QLD

2. How do you come out despite social anxiety, fear and embarrassment?

I think the important thing is to be comfortable with your discovery of who you are first. That way you've got strength behind you to answer the questions people may ask. I think this part is a few branches up the tree, there's some self discovery and some help to seek out first. Certainly we can help, but it's difficult to dig in and really help you discover yourself via forum. It is really easy to listen and hear about how you are going and offer guidance though!

3. As far as I understand having just your name changed requires a document called a "Deed Poll" this is relatively easy. Again, I think there are a few branches to climb before changing your name. The gender centres know all about these things as well and can help you out.

4. My friend Rob will probably jump on soon and say hi. He lives in a rural area and may be able to offer some more advice. With technology the way it is these days, gender assistance may be able to be provided via skype. As I mentioned, we're happy to listen and offer advice as I know there are others on the forums who don't identify as male or female. Usually telling us how you are feeling about some issues gets the attention of people who can lend a direct hand.

5. My initial response to this one is "What is normal anyway?" The fact is you feel how you feel and some days that might be a bit male and some days that might be a bit female, some days no gender at all or even feel uncertain. There is nothing at all fake about that - it's amazing that you are able to listen to yourself and have these feelings. Sometimes we look at ourselves through others' eyes. I guess this might be where you feel that the fakeness could be coming from. You are who you are and those who think you are fake have a problem, not you.

What do you think about looking at the gender centres and also taking a step by step approach?

Paul

[Reaperbird]

@Blondguy

Thanks for the support.

And yeah I'm on here from time to time, though most of my previous posts are during bouts of mental illness so I'm sorry if you've only seen the worst of me. I can be rather impulsive and stubborn at times. It's kind of embarrassing.

But thanks again, I appreciate it.

@Paul

(Is there 2 Pauls, or just 1. Sorry, I'm confused! >_<)

Thanks so much for the information and support. I'll look in to the gender centre and contact them about support and possible skype sessions. It would be great to have some help.

And yeah, I'm probably getting ahead of myself somewhat.

To be honest I've always put off facing my gender struggles because while I can be myself online, doing that offline feels very intimidating. I can't hide behind an screen name in the real world, and that scares me a lot. But at the same time, I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not anymore. I hate presenting a certain way just so people will accept me; it doesn't make me happy.
In saying that though, I'm also scared of going against the 'norm'. I don't like attention, good or bad. I get anxious easily.

Yeah, I guess you're right about what normal is. I just see other trans people online and they seem to feel so strongly about who they are and what they want. I sort of feel that maybe I don't really belong because I'm not as sure about myself. That maybe I'm making a big deal over nothing, or maybe I'm just some cis person who's over-reacting or over-thinking things. I guess I just don't have a lot of confidence in my own judgement, even when it comes to who I am. I often doubt my own feelings.

But I can say that the idea of taking a step by step approach to figuring this stuff out does make me feel hopeful. I really want to know what options are out there for someone like me, and meet people who understand. Offline I don't know any other trans people so it can be isolating and stressful. It's be nice to have contact with others going through the same stuff.

Sorry for the rant there, and thanks again.

[Paul]

Hey Reaperbird,

Yep - there are two Pauls. I'm the cat and I have a stripy bus. The stripy bus means I help people in the sexuality forums. (I'm gay)

I'm definitely with you on the step by step approach. It takes a while for the bits and pieces to make sense. Sometimes when we don't have an answer or are confused, relaxing our mind and allowing it to be relaxed can often bring about some clarity. Strangely I had one of the most profound moments ever while putting on socks! (My psych and I call it the "socks moment")

When you said you might be making a big deal over nothing and maybe you're a cis person who's over-reacting or over-thinking and that you doubt your own feelings and judgement, I felt sad and anxious at the same time. I can relate to the doubt and getting mixed feelings that don't make sense. We're here for you and will help you through. If you need to talk to someone urgently you can always call the beyond blue helpline the folks are available 24 hours.

Take care, let me know how you go with the gender centres. If no luck I know someone who might be able to help as well.

Paul

[Reaperbird]

Just quickly dropping in to say I haven't neglected this post, I'm just very busy at the moment. I'll reply properly in a day or two when things have settled down and I've got a chance to think.
But thanks again, and I'm sorry for the hassle!

[Paul]

Thanks for the update Reaperbird. It's never a hassle for us to chat.

Take care.

Paul

[Doolhof]

Hi Reaperbird,

I was a little confused by the two Pauls as well at first. Now I just look at the pictures and the symbols. As you have been on the forums before, you will also notice that some people change their pictures.

It is great you have had some communication with people here. Certainly helps doesn't it when people understand what you are going through or have some advice and places for you to connect with.

You commented that it is easy hiding behind a screen, I guess a lot of us do that here.

One great thing is that we are all accepted!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[blondguy]

Hey Reaperbird

Just touching base with you. This is important to me. I have been in the private sector since when I was started in the fashion industry in 1977 when I was 17. My next 4 bosses were all proudly gay. I am not a 'usual' hetro as I have had the benefit to work with many super kind gay people over a 13 year period until I was 30 and am lucky to have them as friends now.

I was up late several hours after you posted you thread and noticed that you hadnt had a response so I just responded the best I could.

Im surprised that Mrs Dools was confused by the two Pauls...I have been flying this silly bald eagle for about 8 weeks as I think the colors are adorable....The US flag is neither here or there for me.

My kindest thoughts for you Reaperbird 🙂

Paul

[Doolhof]

Hi Paul,

My mind was a little confused when you first started to post. It doesn't take a lot for my brain to become confused Ha. Ha.

I too like your eagle picture, they are an amazing bird. I used to draw pictures of the wedge tailed eagle as a kid. We had some close to where I lived. I loved to watch them soar in the air so effortlessly.

As a person suffering from mental health issues, I sometimes think it would be wonderful to be able to soar above this world with all its hurts and pain, to catch a breeze and glide off into the sunset.

Reaperbird, I have hijacked your thread for a moment of reflection. Hope you are doing okay.

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools