Am I transgender? confusion with gender? FTM? Non-binary?

[Alec]

I really want to be a boy, im not sure if this makes me trans it just seems so farfetched how could i be transgender.I want to be a boy and be seen as one but iv always known myself as female, i get dysphoria but i don't always have dysphoria but then i feel worried about where the dysphoria went and im afraid im making myself feel or think this? It has been on my mind 24/7 for months and im still confused.

I see my school councillor and she said she sees no signs that this is the wrong path for me

I have wanted to be a boy for years, it started as a casual 'i wish i was a guy' and the older i have gotten the more instant the thought has become, now im jealous of guys FTMs and all other male identifying individuals i have dysphoria about my chest i always saw my boobs as useless lumps of fat and the older i get and the more i think about me being trans the more uncomfortable i become with them sometimes i cant touch them without feeling nauseous, if i can feel them there i dont like it. the thought of having sex as female makes me uncomfortable and disappointed and i hate being 'girly' there is nothing feminine about me besides my body, i never fit in as girl, i hate dresses they just seem 'wrong' when i see myself in them. i have experimented with my gender since questioning i have bound my chest, packed, been more masculine, none of this seems wrong the more i do it more i want to do it more and all the time, i hate being called lady and woman and i hate when people say you will make a good wife, and the thought of being pregnant and giving birth to a kid makes me feel wrong and uncomfortable.

since i have started thinking i might be trans my dysphoria has gotten so much worse i didn't used to get genital dysphoria but now i do i realise that i will never actually be fully male i will never be 100% biologically male i dont want to be trans i just want to be a cis guy.i used to be fine with people saying she/ her but now it just pisses me off and i like getting mistaken as a boy or if some says u look like a boy i feel happy and proud. every time i start to think of myself as male or think maybe i am trans and maybe i am a boy i think about my body and the way people see me and i realise that im a girl, i feel like im just faking it in some way like i have somehow convinced myself to feel a certain way iv even told some family some accept it some dont and im considering transisting at school but im afraid of being wrong.

[blondguy]

Hello Alec

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting too!

I am sorry that you havent had a response yet. We are usually pretty quick at replying!

You had the courage to post about an important topic. If you can just give me some latitude so I can have a friend of mine post back to you...

If you can hang on...I will have a response that can help you with transitional questions...

We will post back as soon as possible Alec

My kindest thoughts for you

Paul

[Kazzl]

Hello Alec, lovely to meet you. Like Paul I want to welcome you here and say well done for posting about what must be such a confusing and difficult time for you.

I'm pleased that you have the support of your school counsellor. This is definitely not something you should go through alone.

There's another organisation that supports and advises young people about gender identity, you might like to look them up. They are called Reach Out, and the pages on their website that might interest you are at au.reachout.com. They provide links to different services in different states and contacts for talking etc.

Alec, I have a daughter who went through similar experiences to you, and they are now 30 and happily queer and living a very full life with a wonderful community of friends - gay, straight and queer. And I wouldn't want them any other way, I'm so very proud of them.

Be who you are mate. Live life on your terms. But take your time. You're young, give yourself a chance to evolve into who you are, as anyone does at your age. Be patient with yourself, and as a mum may I say be patient with your parents and anyone close who might not understand. There will be people in your life who don't, and there will be people who say hurtful things. Don't be scared though, and try not to let others bring you down. Just be yourself and give it time. And enjoy being who you are! You're wonderful!

Very best wishes to you

Kaz

[Chris_B]

Hi Alec, welcome to the forums. I'd recommend having a look at the FTM page on the Gender Centre website. There's a lot of information there that should answer some of the questions you have and hopefully give you a bit more clarity, or at least some reassurance. You're not alone in feeling this way. Please have a read through the info at the Gender Centre and let us know how you go.

[Paul]

Hi Alec,

Please allow me to add my welcome as well 🙂

I read your post with interest because as a gay guy I think that even we can give trans and cis folks a hard time due to lack of understanding. I've become interested in a lot to do with gender over the last 12 months because it's time we all understood that there's not just male and female and there's people in bodies whose gender doesn't match. I got the strong sense that it's painful and confusing at the moment. Finding people to help you along your path is pretty important, especially when there are so many paths branching off at the moment.

I do get the feeling you know which path is right for you but there are still choices to make along that path, questioning things along the way is part of the journey and it's OK to question and run through scenarios in your mind, we all do it.

Did you end up using any of the resources Kazzl or Chris recommended? I'd be interested to hear how you went and how you felt when you spoke to someone.

Take care

Paul (yeah another Paul!)