Gay and single in Adelaide and difficulty socialising

[MitchL]

Hi everyone. I am new here.

I live in Adelaide, I am gay and I am pretty much struggling to find a partner and maintaining a circle of friends. I came across a message from a user who said the following about the dating apps "I was mostly ignored and came away feeling annoyed and frustrated. I did my best to relate to others and tried to find a connection with someone, but I felt as though I was wasting my time because my effort and enthusiasm was not reciprocated." This is exactly what I have been going through myself. In addition, the circle of friends I have are mostly couples who have their own schedule and I see them very rarely and it is usually me who has to take the initiative and organize something. Even then it might take ages for us to decide on a date, time and place.

I was wondering if there is anyone out there from Adelaide who has been experiencing the same issues and if you would have any tips/suggestions for me, as I have reached a stage where this is getting me down.

Thank you in advance. Have a great day.

[Gregbm]

Hi All,
Not sure if this thread is still active. I have lived in Adelaide for 20 years and struggle to find close friends/ mates. I too find it clicky.
I have recently separated after 20 years of marriage and finding my feet as a gay man. I have all but given up on the dating apps.
Any advice/ tips on meeting friends/ mates/ partner would be appreciated.
Cheers

[MarkPiz]

I think anywhere where there are other gay people is the way to go. I am West of Melbourne, I did a bike ride last weekend (gay group) asked a guy out, got a rejection, and it stings a bit. First time I have done this in my entire life and I am 44! I refuse to go anywhere near the dating app's. I approached another guy in the group who I have known for some time and discussed with him my experiences of loneliness. I sensed he felt the same, and his response was, you just got to keep turning up...

[Only_I_know]

Hey there,

Gregbm your situation sounds similar to mine. I came out last year after 20 years of marriage and 2 kids. I've been separated now for just over 12 months and still finding my feet. I'd joined an LGBT running/walk group in Melbourne to meet others (not to hook up) and also joined some lgbt groups on the Meetup App. This isn't a dating app - like you and MarkPiz - the dating apps aren't for me. Not interested in just a hookup. I guess I'm not even really looking for anything other than just friends, and see what happens. Just finding likeminded guys can be hard too. I'd hidden being gay for 40+ years, so I don't really come across as all that gay and sometimes I don't feel that I fit in anywhere.

Unlike MarkPiz, I haven't approached any other guys for a date or even a coffee! I'm too afraid of the rejection!

Anyway, I guess it just takes time - you need to put yourself out there - not come across to keen etc. Join as many LGBT groups that you can.

[Over1t]

I can totally relate to what you are saying, I'm 43, from Adelaide and a lesbian, I would just live to meet some other gay friends. It's a bit depressing. I'm too old for the bar scene.

[BPD_Shaun]

I'm also feeling this way in Adelaide. I lack confidence to begin with but these datings sites just don't seem to do anything (outside of people that want a quick one nighter, which I'm not looking for).

I don't want to say that I hate this city, but I'm feeling so alone lately.

[Truetomyself]

Hey
I I read all of your responses and I have lived in Adelaide my whole life.
I am not gay but it is tough to make new friends.
People are either friends since uni and now have kids etc or mainly interact with high school friends and colleagues.
I think of it as a big country town.
I lived overseas for a year and was great to experience something new.
I know many use the What's App. I didn't have great experiences but don't let me put you off.
There are great places to see and go to it is just finding people.
It is funny people have moved to Adelaide. Usually they are moving away.
It is hard as lots of my close family and friends are interstate or overseas.
But it sounds like you are all being persistent and yep dating sites. They are no picnic for long term! Yes and they are frustrating and annoying even if you are straight too.
Hopefully if you are here for a long stay you will get to know some places and people.
I wish you all the best on your hunt for finding some people that you can hang out with.
All the best!

[Only_I_know]

Hey there, it isn't just Adelaide, it's the same everywhere. I'm in Melbourne - and yes, whilst there are gay night clubs and more people, it's still hard when you are older.

As Truetomyself said, people already have friends or busy with family or work and it can be hard to break into new groups.

I'm not into the dating apps either (I came out about 18months ago).

There are things you can do - if you are into sport then Google Team Adelaide. There you will find sporting groups for the LGBTIQ community. look them up and look at attending something. the groups are usually friendly and welcoming. They are obviously not dating groups, but a place you can just meet people and make friends. Whatever happens from there just happens!

Also, there is an app called MEETUP. It is not a dating app. It is a social app, that connects people with the same interests. there are gay groups, again not dating but you go to these group social events and meet new people and make friends. I did that in Melbourne and have made some really good friends.

Good luck, if you take them for what they are - opportunities to meet new people and break into new groups, and go in looking for friendship first, then you should be okay.

cheers

Daz

[BPD_Shaun]

Thanks for the reply.

Strangely enough, since I made that post I found someone with very similar interests and looking for something more, just in another state. Just talking to him made me feel a whole lot better so I'm thankfully a lot happier than I was since I made that post. Cheers.

[luxord9944]

Finding this thread has really opened my eyes. I’ve struggled for 2 years I. Adelaide as a gay guy. I’m 27, and I’m on the apps, and I crave someone special in my life.
People often tell me that I’m attractive and caring, but I got so down on myself that I’d started to assume that they were lying. It’s a just so easy to feel ignored, unworthy, and unloved here. It feels pretty much hopeless to ever find romantic fulfilment.
I don’t want to say that I hate it here either, it’s a fine place, but even making any sort of connection feels next to impossible.
But I look here and see that I’m not the only one feeling this way. I just really hope things can look up soon, the loneliness here is agony.

[JorgeVzla]

At the moment I'm feeling everything you described here, Mitch. Unfortunately I discovered this post too late, it was written on 2018 so I hope your situation changed favourably, would love to hear your experience after all these years how you managed to fix it.