Do I confess to my married friend that I love him?

[How_To_Live_This_Life]

Met this person a couple of months ago and got to spend time with him semi-regularly doing what we're both passionate about. He's brilliant in what he does and one of the nicest people I've ever met. Our newly built friendship was going really well, we share stories and would confide to each other about anything, just like what good mates would do. I thought things would stay that way and i really hoped it did, until I developed romantic feelings for him. And now he's become the source of my anxiety and depression. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and the next time i'd get to spend time with him, it's driving me mad to the point that i already miss out on work, for a couple of days now.

He doesn't know this, I act normal when I'm around him. The psychologist I talked to brought up the idea of confessing to him to relieve myself of the suppressed feelings that's eating me up inside but my gutfeel tells otherwise. For one, I don't know if I'm ready to lose him if he takes it negatively and feels betrayed by me. And secondly, I think it would be very unfair to him to process what i want to tell him. Lastly, he's married and i can't sense even the slightest gayness in him. At this stage, I'm more convinced that I'm not gonna tell him.

I could really use some sound advice from anyone on how I can better go through this phase of my life or if there's any good that would come out in telling him should my decision change later on.

And to you my friend, I probably won't have the chance to tell you this in person. But if you happen to drop by here and get the slightest clue that this is about you, please do know that I've always respected my boundaries when I'm with you. I've never done anything to break your trust nor take advantage of your kindness. I know being good mates is all we'll ever be and I would do my damn best to keep things that way, regardless of the pain and mental struggle it's causing me at the moment. I would do my best to get over my feelings for you my friend, it won't be easy and things would get worse for me before it gets better but i will work on it. I hope we can as stay good mates regardless.

[How_To_Live_This_Life]

Hi missep123,

Thanks for checking up on me. Unfortunately, things have not been better just like what I thought, I was not able to work last week as I was really down and out of focus. Today, i had to drag myself out of bed and try to focus at work but the fact that im writing this during working hours only means that I'm not being productive at work.

I continue to spend time with him, the only time I get to feel sane nowadays. It's difficult as my depression kicks back in immediately the moment we go apart. I guess that's the life I need to live now, either i get used to living with the pain or get over it and the person entirely, i hope it's the latter.

[How_To_Live_This_Life]

Hi Geoff,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I can say with certainty that I have romantic feelings for this person. As I've mentioned in my previous post, I don't sense any gayness in him nor feel any prompts from him which could make me think that he feels the same way towards me, i think he's just being a good mate. Meeting his wife is unnecessary at this point as I have no intention of telling him. I'm keen on staying as his good mate, nothing more beyond that. It is difficult but I need to make it work.

[How_To_Live_This_Life]

Thanks Sleepy21 for sharing your thoughts.

I can say it's not just a crush, i really like the person. My decision might still change in the future but at this point, I am more keen on keeping things to myself. It's really difficult but i think i would suffer more if I lose him should i decide to tell him.

[Guest_1643]

Hi how to live...do u feel in love or really bowled over by the intensity of Ur feelings?

He sounds like a good person, and I know these are rare...

I Get crushes and love confused, sorry if it sounded undermining Ur intense feelings.

I'm a woman and I get attracted to many ppl, can be hard at times.

I hope u find a way through where u can keep Ur friendship and feel inner peace. Sure it's not easy 😕

[missep123]

Hi How.To.Live.This.Life,

I am so sorry to hear that, it sounds like a broken heart. Painful and takes time to heal. I want to make sure that you feel supported and to take care of your wellbeing because it sounds like you are going through a very difficult time. How have you been going with your psychologist?

I can understand that it is such a tough situation because this person that you have feelings for is both a form of comfort but at the same time a source of pain. That can be so confusing for us and can muddle our thoughts and emotions.

Please continue to reach out and keep us updated because we care about you!