Stressed about Internet bigotry

[O_worm]

Anyone else get super stressed about the world is and other people’s bad opinions?? Especially with the recent debates around trans issues and the utterly nonsensical bigotry spewed by terfs... I’m not even sure if I’m trans ngl (would love some advice there too) but seeing people with such bad takes literally makes me like,,, physically feel horribly cold with utter anxiety. The fact that there are people out there who can think such spiteful thoughts? I guess?

And ngl part of me always thinks that like, surely if they actually understood the reality of how the gender binary harms not only trans folk but also minorities of all forms, and could see how the binaries of their form of “”feminism”” ignores their other privileges and is incredible harmful in the long run - like. I get that is soo unlikely to happen but I can’t stop engaging in the Disk Horse tm and then getting super anxious about it all. OCD thoughts & bouts of insomnia are doubly unhelpful there.

I also don’t know how to talk about any of it to a therapist. I’ve been to a few but they’ve always seemed pretty detached & I’m so bad at talking about my issues or what I’m experiencing it’s not even funny. Have some symptoms but nothing big and I always feel so whiny lmao. Which is kinda what I’m doing here but I just... felt like I needed to talk about it somewhere??

Anyway this is absolutely a rant post and I cannot bring myself to read back on it again because it’s so messy & potentially cringe. But. Looking for general advice or someone out there who sympathises, I guess. Or just using the chance to rant. Any tips on how to deal with anxiety / Internet arguments (I try not to engage, I really do, but then it eats at me)? Any advice on how to get through gender confusion/panic? Any insights into finding a good counsellor or therapist for small issues when you’re incapable of expressing yourself to people directly?

[HappyHelper88]

Hey there, Thanks for your post

I think i get stressed about other peoples opinions often but the best thing i do to help is to stop listening to other opinions or reading into it as it becomes hurtful to me

I understand it would be difficult to talk to a therapist and the first appointment is difficult as they seem like a stranger but after you start talking and realise how much they understand you then you often will begin to feel alot more comfortable.....Depending on the therapist
I have been to one that was not the best and didnt seem to care but then i found an amazing one who made me feel comfortable
Dont give up just yet, you cant always find the right one to start but keep trying

Its not easy to talk about these kind of things and i appreciate you reaching out and sharing that, the forum is always available for you as you need

Tips on anxiety? mindfullness, meditation and i did CBT with my therapist

Advice on how to get through gender confusion/panic? I would suggest contacting Q life
Website is https://qlife.org.au/ or you can call them 1800 184 527
They offer LGBTI peer support and referral for people wanting to talk about a range of issues including sexuality, identity, gender, bodies, feelings or relationships.
QLife services are free and include both telephone and webchat support

Any insights into finding a good counsellor or therapist? i think you can also ask Q life for a referall as they may know someone who specializes in this area

I hope this helps

.

[james1]

Hey O worm,

Welcome to the forums! I'm glad you've come to talk to us here because it sounds like it's been really tough to find a place to just be yourself and speak your mind.

I also get very affected by what other people say, even if I don't take it personally. I find it really disheartening to see what others write and so I actually try to avoid it as much as possible. This can be hard when you're doing your own research into something, but I try to remember that negativity is often a lot more vocal than those who are actually supportive, and the vast majority of people aren't bigoted and just want the best for us. You mentioned you can't stop engaging in it - is this because people keep dragging you in, or is it more a matter of finding it hard to stop yourself from engaging? My own experience is that I had to -really- drag myself away from that kind of discussion consistently, until it became habitual to not even want to read what other people thought.

In terms of finding the right therapist, as you say, it can be really hard especially if you're not used to talking about problems you're having. I had one psychologist who was lovely, but somehow I didn't really connect with her. She wasn't cold or distant at all, but I just didn't feel like there was much of a connection. Even with my current psychologist, I sometimes feel like she's being distant... but I've learnt that my own pattern of thinking tends to attribute that to people who might actually be trying really hard, but in a way I'm not used to.

So I guess my suggestion is that there's probably two parts to it: one is that finding a psychologist you connect with can take a bit of trial and error, and it can be a bit exhausting at times which is why it's great to have other friends or family, or even the free services HappyHelper88 suggested, to help you along that journey. The second is that as you meet with psychologists and even by talking to us here, it'll become easier to talk about your problems. I think your post was actually quite clear and insightful into some of the struggles you're having at the moment.

James