conflicted

[Kara01]

Hi I am at a very difficult time in my life as I want start a discussion with wife about transitioning to a woman.

I have always felt female and wanted to be female but in my generation this would never have been accepted or respected.

I have been married to a wonderful woman for 39 years and I do love her and my children and grandchildren.

I desperately don't want to hurt anyone but I am struggling more than ever with my identity and I don't know how much longer that I can keep my secret from everyone.

Everyday I feel I am just lying to myself and I don't know how much longer I can do this for.

Every time I see a woman of my age I just ask myself why couldn't it have been me that was born female and not trapped in my male body.

I am very concerned about my current state of mind as I can only think about this issue and nothing else.

I started to cross dress from a very early age and only ever felt a complete person when I was dressed in women's clothes.

I am desperate to try and move on with my life but am terrified of the damage that I will cause to my family.

[Jo8049]

Hi Kara , I am hearing your excitement and love it . I am still very cautious out here but have been having some lovely moments to . The shopping thing is still a bit hard for me but one day I will be there . Is your endocrinologist the one that gives you the hormones ? Be happy & enjoy it all , lol Jo hugs ❤❤❤

LL , I am glad you are feeling better , do look after yourself my dear . I get you on my question and thats why I asked and on reflection I think you just need to have your journey , they will be fine whatever the outcome for them . ❤ Thank you so much on the Sunday matter . It was horrendous but at least there was a positive . Much love to you and yours and take great care , hugs Jo ❤❤❤

[Kara01]

Hi Jo & Lillylane I hope you are on the improve Lillylane being unwell is no fun.

I was very lucky with the stores I went to with my friends as they were very accommodating for transgender women. The women who worked in all of the stores sorted out my sizes really easily I am a medium in the brand that I wearing but I am sure that I will run into problems once I shop elsewhere.

I will most probably for now stay with the store we shopped at on Saturday as they have an outlet near home and a clearance store also not to far away.

Their on line store is pretty good as I have already placed one order, just need to build my new wardrobe slowly.

Typical woman already purchase 3 pairs of shoes.

Jo in regards to your question regarding hormones I have access to them trough my gender specialist at Shine and she can prescribe them for me but normally it would be an endocrinologist that would prescribe them after getting a report from a psychologist.

Very excited about tonight and Sunday as I will be able to dress in my clothes for the first time.

I am very lucky to have good friends who have made there homes available to me as a safe place to dress as my true self.

It's so exciting to know that what I am wearing is mine and nobody else's it's a very special moment.

The next few weeks are very exciting especially with my wig fitting this will be a special moment once I have sorted this out.

Both of you take care, big hugs.

Kara

[Jo8049]

Hi Kara , I am so very happy for you as your spirits are lifting up now . Many things to come , you are settling now to the journey .

Am sure you understand how very , almost vital peers with whom you click are. I still have only one and she is very hard to find sometimes . Although I have some very very special allies . My journey has been mainly alone in a physical sense ?

Do tell us of the wig buying and any humour or even difficulty there is in finding a wig you love . Have you sort of made mind up about your style . Am still working style out ? Have fun doing all these things ❤hugs !

Lilylane , so much I hope your health is returning and energy levels return soon . hugs !❤

Jo ❤❤❤🐾💃🌈

[Kara01]

Hi Jo and Lillylane I am in a good place right now.

I am off to my friends house tomorrow for day of dressing as my true self.

I will definitely will keep you informed about the wig fitting and if any thing humorous happens.

I have a clear vision of my hair color and style it will be a matter if it looks good on me when I try on my first one.

I will keep you informed as things happen once my HRT starts in three weeks, very exciting as it means my journey is really kicking into high gear.

Style will work itself out over time.

Big hugs

Kara

[Kara01]

Hi Lillylane hope that your feeling better now. I have a question that I hope is not to personnel.

I having a conflict right now with my wife regarding me presenting as my true self when she is home.

She says that she doesn't want to see my true for now but the restrictions on when I can dress is basically when she's not home or if I ask her to go out.

I feel very restricted right now as she's home every night or we family dinners etc there are very few opportunities from me dress and it's tearing up right now as I have only been able to dress twice in the last two weeks and one of those times I went to friends house.

What I am asking is how did you deal with P on this subject.

I am planning on talking the her tonight because I can't be my true self and get comfortable with my new clothes if I am not able to wear them as it's my home also but I don't seem to have any rights.

I don't wont to provoke and confrontation about this but I don't she's going to concede which might be a breaking point with our relationship.

Just looking for some insight from someone who has dealt with this.

Big hugs

Kara

[Lillylane]

Hi Kara,

Absolutely, you’re always welcome to ask anything you like! I’m glad to be here to listen or contribute in any way possible xx

My P was very tentative to start making physical changes at first. Perhaps that meant there was lots of time to get used to her changing appearance... BUT I had to keep her transition ‘secret’ for at least 18 months and that was tricky!!

I guess there’s no real easy way about it. Seeing P change meant I HAD TO go through the process of letting go of my ‘old’ image of P. We are creatures of habit, and changing habits is hard! And wow did I struggle.

P would’ve had the same trouble if it were me transitioning I’m sure!

I guess if I was talking with your wife, I’d mention a gentle reminder that this is a transition, and that you cannot stay stationary at this point.

You are ready to progress with your appearance. And this means at home too, and whenever and wherever you feel ready.

She’ll go through her own journey of acceptance and reassess her sense of self identity (in respect to relationships). This isn’t easy and I really hope she has some professional help. I’m still working things out too.

Wishing you the best with those difficult conversations. And the biggest hugs xx

One day, in the not too distant future, everyone will be so used to Kara, they will find it to impossible to see you in any other way 🙂

I love the sound of your style already! Looking forward to hearing about more clothes and shoes selections!

I’m doing an online shopping order at the moment and sizes are always a bit of guess work!

Lots of love, (to Jo too!)
LL

[Kara01]

Hi Lillylane I have been having a lot of difficult discussions about my transition with my wife and at times it has been very challenging for both of us. She has told me that she isn't able to see me for my authentic self and may never be able to see me, which is of great concern as we have been together for 40 years and I have no idea what the future holds for us.

I had the discussion again last night about dressing at home as there are limitations due family commitments.

I said I need more opportunities to be my true self and get comfortable with my new clothes she said that I can feel free to dress anytime I want to and she will decide if she will stay or leave.

I am uncomfortable with having to put her in this situation but I guess if she can't face seeing me there aren't a lot of other options.

She has refused to get any professional help to try and help her understand how she feels and how to deal with all of the changes that are about to slowly start in a few weeks time.

At the moment I have a great sense of loss and abandonment as I am not having any communication with any of my family as they also can't cope with my transition.

I have made some very tough decisions recently about sharing information about my transition with my family as it hasn't changed anything as no one want's to know any details. They will be shocked in the future if and when we see any of them because of the physical changes that come with HRT.

I decided this week that I won't be letting my company know about my transition as I feel there is a chance that they will try to manage me out, for time being I need to protect my job and income stream.

I know that this may sound paranoid and very negative but I just sense something with the management that it's a possibility.

I am off for my first wig fitting on Saturday which is exciting and I have a fantastic friend who's coming to help support me, she is super important to me and my best friend who has taken me through some very tough patches recently.

Take care and I will be back in contact after my weekend trip.

Hugs

Kara

[Jo8049]

0631 , Hello Kara , it is a complicated time for you , so much on the table all at once ? Take the time you need to decide things . Some times taking time makes the decision for you ? Get rest where you can .

Feeling paranoid about things such as work is normal as there are so many fluid situations around you . I often ask myself am I overthinking things but nowadays trust my instincts much more than ever .

Take care be careful and tell us about the wig fitting . lol & hugs ❤❤❤

Hello LL , hope your weather is warming and things are good in your world xxx hugs

Jo ❤🐾💃🌈🌛💤☀

[Kara01]

Hi Jo and Lillylane, hope you both are well.

Well Saturday was a very special day as the wig fitting went perfectly the staff were amazing they total understood my needs and were understanding of my situation. I wish I could show you pictures as the wig colour is so beautiful and suits my skin tone exactly.

The best way to describe it is that it's comes down to my jaw line and at the back is about collar length and is a combination of a light blonde with a little bit of grey with some high lights that give a great range of colour.

The only funny thing that happened on Saturday was that I had to get the hem on my dress taken up as it was a bit long. So next door to the wig salon was a 1 hour hemming service, so I have walked up to the counter and started to talk with the woman about my dress and my friend who came with me was standing back letting me handle everything. As the conversation continued she kept asking my friend if it was her dress and I kept saying it was mine but she didn't understand and kept asking my friend it was hers. This went on for a little while until I offered to try the dress on to check the length, finally she got it.

All went well and my dress now is much much better as I now no longer get my heel caught on it while sitting.

Have another clothes shopping trip planned for Sunday with another of my friends for some summer casual clothes as I don't have any thing to just throw on when I get home.

Lillylane I hope everything is going well with P and she is settling into her new life at work. I am trying to work through the physical transition discussion at home as it's only about a week away before I will begin HRT and I know that this will bring everything to a head even if I am dressing in front of family they won't be able to avoid the changes though they will be gradual some I am sure will be much quicker than they will expect.

Please stay safe and well

Big hugs to both of you.

Kara

[Lillylane]

Hi Kara and Jo,

Glad the wig fitting went well Kara! 🙂

I understand the nerves about telling work about your transition. My P felt it too. After a while, it got to a point when she felt ready.

Most people at work are so worried about themselves and their own circle, I think they mainly just wanted to know the correct name to use etc.

Hope you both have a restful weekend.

Some beautiful spring weather to take in at the moment.

love, LL