conflicted

[Kara01]

Hi I am at a very difficult time in my life as I want start a discussion with wife about transitioning to a woman.

I have always felt female and wanted to be female but in my generation this would never have been accepted or respected.

I have been married to a wonderful woman for 39 years and I do love her and my children and grandchildren.

I desperately don't want to hurt anyone but I am struggling more than ever with my identity and I don't know how much longer that I can keep my secret from everyone.

Everyday I feel I am just lying to myself and I don't know how much longer I can do this for.

Every time I see a woman of my age I just ask myself why couldn't it have been me that was born female and not trapped in my male body.

I am very concerned about my current state of mind as I can only think about this issue and nothing else.

I started to cross dress from a very early age and only ever felt a complete person when I was dressed in women's clothes.

I am desperate to try and move on with my life but am terrified of the damage that I will cause to my family.

[Jo8049]

Hi Kara & LilyLane ,

Kara I am so happy to see that things are flowing much better for you now . ❤️❤️❤️

LL stay safe and as happy as possible .❤️❤️❤️

Hugs for you both , xxxx Jo ❤️❤️❤️

[Kara01]

Hi Lillylane I hope you are well.

I am sorry to hear about the change in your situation with P.

I fully understand the difficulties with your situation as I too have gone through the same thing but from the other side.

I hope that you both are able to find away to remain friends for both of your sakes and for your children's sake.

This is a very confronting situation and it's a very emotional time for all of you.

My wife and I now are co-habituating as she told me the other week that she no longer loves me. This isn't just about my transition journey as we haven't had an intimate relationship for 20 years.

So we are working through all of these changes to try and find away to remain friends for the sake of the family and so we don't have to deal with the financial impact of a divorce.

I have become very close to a member of our community and she is a non-binary gender queer transgender person. We are at a cross road with our relationship which is on the verge of moving from best friends to a intimate relationship as our bond is very powerful.

I haven't felt this way about another person in my entire life I am just taking things slowly as I value this friendship I don't want to rush anything. They feel the same way but want to find out about what moving to the next stage would look like.

Good news on Tuesday I had my one off appointment with my psychiatrist and after my session I have received a formal diagnose of GD.

I am moving forward with presenting as often as possible in public as my authentic self. When I attended my appointment on Tuesday it was the first time that I have been out on my own.

Please try and find away to continue to remain friends as I feel it's very important.

Big hugs and love

Kara

[Jo8049]

Hi Kara & LL

I am very happy that your journey is taking shape Kara . Baby steps , keep doing a post occasionally , hugs ❤️❤️❤️❤️🐾💃🌈

LL , how are you ? How is P . Sending much love to you & Family ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🐾💃🌈

When you have a moment and feel like it , visit us in the TRC .

Mountains of love , us ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🐾💃🌈

[Lillylane]

Hi Kara and Jo, Great to hear from you both!

Kara, thanks so much for your kind thoughts of support - I fully agree, I hope we can stay friends as much as possible. Some days are better than others.

Hi Jo! Hope you are safe and well xx

I’m struggling with myself a bit and also very exhausted. But tomorrow is another day and I’ll be back to chat more sometime 🙂

lots of love and support to you both. xx

LL

[Kara01]

Good morning Jo & Lillylane I hope you both are well.

Not a lot to report, my relationship status has moved from friends to an intimate relationship.

It's been a big week for my partner as they had a double mastectomy yesterday to overcome their gender dysphoria. The operation went well and they should be home for the weekend so we can spend some time together.

Lillylane how is your relationship going with "P" are you coping with all of the changes as I hope that you are still friends.

How are you coping Jo I haven't heard a lot about what is happening with your life. I hope that everything is on the improve.

I have now been on HRT for 6 weeks and I am seeing small physical changes feeling very different with my emotions much much happier now, I think the new relationship is also helping me feel happier.

I am feeling and looking a bit more androgynous right now, I have lost 26kgs and now only another 6kgs to go before I reach my goal.

Recently I had a chance to write an article for Rainbow Roo a Facebook group I am a member of about my journey to HRT. I was exciting to be able to tell my story. If either of you are interested you can see it on my Facebook page "Kara Jane"

Big hugs and kisses to you both of you and will post when something new comes up.

Love Kara

[Lillylane]

Hi Kara,

I’m sorry I haven’t been online much recently. Had some technical issues which seemed to be resolved now.

So pleased to read your latest update! Great to hear HRT is progressing along nicely. How is your support network going?

P and I are struggling. It’s not her changes or transition that’s the issue. I’ve had plenty of time to adjust to those changes. And we’ve just had to both accept that things between us have been changing.

It’s different stuff that we are struggling with. Pressures affecting many families, workplaces and communities at the moment. I’m not sure I can go too much into it for now, as it is pretty raw at the moment.

Anyway, thinking of you and Jo and all reading here.

Sending hugs and kind thoughts,
LL xx

[Lillylane]

Hi Kara and Jo, and others here.

You’re in my thoughts and sending you the very best wishes for the new year.

LL

[Jo8049]

Hi LL & Kara . I hope for you and those around you that this year will be less kaotic , and a year where far less stress and anxiety prevails . Happiness in the mix to . 💖

Kara I read your article in RR and am amazed at how different your journey is from mine . The uniqueness of each one of us is highlighted in the variance . You have been brave and fought hard for Kara's survival . Hugs ( many ) and applause to you ❤️🧡 keep it going ( which is the end game anyway ) xxxxxx

LL , soft cuddles for you , only can I imagine how your journey has been and we all know how hard things can get . Many hugs and love for you , from myself and LD .

Both of you , stay positive and above all be happy . We can't always be there but I hope for you both that there is more of that than the other this year .

Mountains of love and kindness xxxx hugs and more love , Jo&LD ❤️💜❤️🐾💃🌈💗💕🧡💙

[mmMekitty]

Hey Jo! It's good to see you here again. 😻

How have you been? I've missed you & your warmth around the place.

Wishing you a Healthy & Happy & Harmonious 2022! 😻

I'm sure glad I found you here today.😹

mmMekitty

[Kara01]

Hi Jo and Lillylane I hope you had a great Christmas. Mine was very different as it was the first one that I have spent without my family around me due the ongoing issues about acceptance.

I have had to cut off all contact with my mother due to her transphobic attitude towards me,

I have had a bad period with my work as I had a breakdown a couple of weeks before Christmas and had to go on medical leave,

On a personnel level my relationship with my new partner is going well and am moving forward with my plans to divorce my wife, sad but my relationship will suffer if I don't make this separation final.

I will keep you all posted as things develop as I am planning on coming out at work shortly which is driven by the need to protect myself from any possible plans to manage me out of my position.

Sorry to her that things aren't working out for you Lillylane with "P" I hope things will settle down in 2022 and allow for some closure for you both.

Hugs and kisses to both of you and thanks for your support during the year.

Love Kara