Dear PDC~
I'll join Geoff and Sophie_M in welcoming here. At the moment life is terrible and I could give you the conventional words of sorrow and sympathy, but they, even though genuine, are just words on a screen.
Right now this time is the hardest part, and it is hard because of your loss, because the family was horrid and did not welcome you with open arms as so many families would, and you were far away when he died without a last kiss and goodby.
All these things leave you desolate, and doubting the worth of yourself and life. That's why it is hardest now.
So is that true - you have no worth? Look at waht you have done, you had the strenght and pride to walk out when your husband became no longer a husband in the true sense.Many would simply put up with it and felt worthless all the time.
Instead you had the confidence in yourself to give a new person love and receive it in return. To inspire such trust that he put his affairs and life in your hands.
You have all that still to offer, plus wisdom and experience, and you have a profession.
Life can be very cruel, the cancer, the loss and his family together are very hard to deal with .
It is easy right now to be overwhelmed, I know as I've been in a similar place with loss and powerlessness.
All the above are just logic and words at the moment, even though true, if thereis one thing you take from here today it is this:-
If you wish to close your eyes forever just grab a phone, I would use the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) as they are sensible, understand and listen with understanding - then help. You can be in contact with them more than once, and do not have to keep on explaining.
There is more to talk about: coping, work, the future. So please come back and talk some more. You are not alone
Croix
