Why does my twin sister hate me

[Loveanimals]

I am in my late forties.  I have a twin sister whom I have never got along with.  She has always been a  bully and a control freak.  We have an older brother. As kids they used to play together and leave me out. They used to enjoy making me cry.  I often was left alone.  Parents were not great (understatement).  Mother passed away five years ago.  Dad is in his eighties and is not very well.  Brother lives overseas and I have nothing to do with him.

She has taken it upon herself to take control of all of Dad's affairs.  Money being the main issue.  He is doing ok but she is hassling me to see him more and do more for him.  I try to organise things but he is busy doing is own thing!  She gets frustrated as she has created this co -dependant relationship with him....nothing anyone does or says is good enough for her. She is creating problems where there aren't any. I have learnt that Dad has paid for her new car.  Dad wanted to give me some money and she told him I didn't need it?!  I earn one third of what she does!  I actually think she is taking money from Dad and I would never know as she is in control of his bank accounts. 

I saw her this morning at Dad's and the aggression coming off her was so toxic. I have no idea why.  She scares me because she is such a horrible aggressive person.  I have had decades of her horrid behaviour and I am totally sick of it. I always come away feeling absolutely awful.  I have rung Lifeline many times due to her.  I know I have to totally avoid her.  That is obvious.   I suffer as I do not know why she does this.  She has attacked me verbally, physically..my whole life.  She shows no care towards me whatsoever.  

I guess I just spend my life hoping she will change.  Wondering what I have done wrong.  Then getting angry and upset.  I wish I could kick her out of my life but that won't be so easy.  I love Dad and want to see him.  He is being controlled by her I think.  I am so lost and sad.  Please help.  Thankyou. 

[randomxx]

Thanks for that op and l could well imagine the intricacies and complications, l really hope you can work something out with your dad though. Also alone and away now 20yrs myself too 4hrs from anyone, tbh l was talking way way past tense. We've also long ago since lost both parents now too.

Good luck , rx

[white knight]

I see you've already had sound advice from Croix and RX.

I do have a lot of experience with family turmoil, I'd like to focus on your contact with your sister.

In times past I always felt guilty not maintaining a hopeless relationship simply because of the blood aspect of them. Then I lost my nice to a cult and my mother and sister to narcissism including narcissistic triangulation. Hence I've since developed a life where family includes friends that I now claim them as family. You will break those shackles and be free. However-

In the meantime, while dad is still with us, you can, when your sister rings, text her "you can text me"... and do that each time she rings. Protect your right to manage your phone/life to best suit you and your mental health!

If she causes .ore issues you can obtain a court order to keep her away.

Charity begins at home

TonyWK 

[Loveanimals]

Thankyou.  I do appreciate your words and I hope all is going well for you.  xx

[Loveanimals]

Thanks TonyWK

I really appreciate your post.  I think I have worked out a way.  I will be my usual kind and pleasant self.  If there is any bullshite I will simply disappear for a while.  It is so draining and it is ruining me.  I refuse to let that happen.  I have had a lot of discussions with counsellors and I know I can overcome this.  

Wishing you all the best. xx

[white knight]

Hi again,

I'm 67 and last xmas, early December, my sister 5 years my junior, tried to divide me and my daughter. It was sad to hear all the drama most of which was made up and exaggerated. In the end I had to sever ties with her.

It wasnt the first time, several times we had cut ties. Once she and her husband and baby needed a place to stay for a few months or they'd be homeless. I offered them out tiny home. All was ok until my then wife of 11 years separated. My sister fled the house without letting me know her whereabouts. I hadnt had a bad word against her and really needed her support as it was shattering. But then I found she had stolen my full record collection. 7 years later we made amends and the topic of records was never spoken about. That was 26 years ago. So each time I made amends with no effort from her. 

Not this time, eventually toxic people that dont benefit you with love trust and kindness will be intolerable and you have to make the hard decisions.

There is no easy way to go about it. I hope you are ok, you seem to be a kind soul. Just remember, the flowers have more colour and the birds come closer when you are happiest.

TonyWK