Why Do I Attract Narcissists and Users?

[Gamechanger]

OMG I am sick of people!   Everyone comes to me with their problems.  They are never there for me!  I have  just spent  two hours on the phone to a supposed friend in WA... he talked about himself and his dramas the entire time!  

I am having issues with my family as they too are full of themselves and could not care less about me.  I am totally sick to death of everyone.  I am totally over going out of my way for these idiots.  

Then I go to work and have to deal with more of them.  Rude, ignorant loud mouths.  

Get back from work and son has made a mess cooking and not cleaned up.  Then tells me he is going out drinking with his dipstick so called friend.  Every time he does this something goes wrong. The idiot friend is totally crazy and has no idea of being responsible or accountable for his actions I told him I don't want him doing that.  He reiterates "I'm 18 I can do what I like".  This is the son who is the laziest person I have ever known.   Now I am up all night waiting for him to come home.

Everyone disrespects me and treats me like dirt and I hate them all.  I am the most caring and generous person yet nobody in my life treats me the same. 

I want never see them again and just live a peaceful life.  I feel totally trapped having my son living  here.  He hates his Dad and has no intention of moving out and being responsible.  If it weren't for him I could have a nice apartment; no mortgage; none of this mess and drama everyday.  

I hate my life.  It is awful.  I lost two beautiful dogs last year; one in January and one in December.  I spent my life savings trying to save them.  Losing  them killed me.  Nobody gave a sh.t.  Dogs are my life.  People are not.  I am strong and I will get over this.  I DESERVE to have a happy life.  

[Karen0901]

Hi, 

Sounds like youneed to put some boundaries in your relationships. Don't do more than you feel comfortable doing for people. You can also talk to your friends about your thoughts or reach out to them with your problems, like it sounds like they are dping to you. People don't always realise you need a friendly ear. You might just need to let them know. 

Your son needs some stronger rules. He is an adult now so you are going to expect more from him now then when he was a child. 

[Bob_22]

Hi Gamechanger,

You certainly do deserve a happy life. You sound like a very caring and understanding person. It is a shame that others in your life seem to have taken advantage of it.

I'm sorry to hear about your dogs. Losing pets can hurt as much as losing loved ones and the grief is just as painful. If you'd like some support or to talk to someone about losing your dogs you can always visit griefline or chat to someone here: https://griefline.org.au/ 

It might also be best to put some boundaries in my place for your friend. Two hours is a long time especially if you feel exhausted and emotionally drained afterward. I would recommend letting them know that the chats you are having are taking a toll. If they are a true friend they will understand and agree to limitations you put in place. It may also be worth having a chat with your son about paying board. This will be a good way to implant some responsibility in his mind while easing some financial burden. This should force him to look for stable work while still being able to maintain his freedom. Most young people are accustomed to this idea. 

You can also always reach out for professional help through your GP if you require it. It is a good idea to debrief with someone especially if you have no one in your life you can vent/talk to. 

Hope this helps a bit and keep us updated.

Bob

[Gamechanger]

Many thanks Karen and Bob. 

I have made some  firm rules around here and my son knows he is on very thin ice so he is doing the right thing.  He does pay board and at the end of the day he is a great person.  He is just easily led by idiots!  I think after the drama of the other night he has learnt his lesson.  He staggered home drunk out of his  mind.  He had alcohol poisoning.  He was very sick and sorry about the entire episode and has promised to not see that 'friend' of his anymore.  This person knows he is not welcome here.  Everytime he gets together with my boy he wreaks havoc and leads my son astray.  My son knows he is to blame for letting this happen.  I put the big scare onto him as I told him I am looking at buying an apartment and he will have to find somewhere else to live! 

He is usually just great.  It is only this fool who sucks him in .  Anyway that has been dealt with. 

I have also been lying low and not letting myself get fooled into others shenanigans.  I know I have to be firmer with people.   It has always been this way but I truly think I am learning now!!

Yes all of my dogs were the loves of my life.  I miss them all everyday.  I can't afford another one after spending my life savings last year trying to save the two I mentioned earlier.  I added up what I have spent on vet bills since  2000 and it is in excess of $80,000.00.  I don't resent that at all...they were my loves.  But....the heartbreak and financial situation has made it impossible for me to venture there anytime soon.  I do know I will have another beautiful dog in my future.  

Thanks for your support.  It is so lovely to have people like you. xxxx

[Bob_22]

Hi Gamechanger,

Thanks for the update. It's great to hear that your son will no longer be seeing that friend. It sounds like he realises the negative influence he was under. 

Yes dogs are amazing and losing them is devastating. I hope you will find another beautiful dog soon. In the meantime try to work on yourself and your happiness also. Boundaries are important.

Bob

[Gamechanger]

Thanks dear Bob

I will be ok.  I am a survivor.  I start my new career on Monday.  I was headhunted for this role! I have not told anyone about it.  Every time I tell 'them' I get the old 'Oh I hope  it works out this time' etc etc....never have I been in trouble at work. Just their way of putting me down again.  Well  I am so proud of myself!  I am going to forge ahead and  put me first!  Nothing succeeds like success!!  

[Bob_22]

Hi Gamechanger,

Thanks for the update. This is great news. Good luck tomorrow I am sure you will do well.

Bob

[Orangeicy]

That sounds utterly exhausting. I am so sorry toxic people keep finding you.

I was like you..always felt like I attracted the toxic types. And I think to a point I was - simply because I am a people pleaser. Too polite to really stand up for myself, keeping on squashing with the hurt and forgive people while still giving more and more of myself. I heard Dr.Ramani (youtube) explain it this way - "..until we start working on ourselves and learning boundaries the door will stay open and flies keep coming in.."

It's hard work starting to work on yourself, and it can be really painful because as you grow and learn you will see everyone around you in a new light. But it is so worth it.

Best thing I ever did was getting help from a therapist to help me set healthy boundaries and stop those flies!

Best of luck 😘

[Gamechanger]

Most of my family are narcs.  I do not say this lightly.  I was very close to one family member who had so far seemed to be a pure and honest person.  In fact she was my mother and best friend rolled into one.  We were so close.  She cared for me when my mother didn't.  She and I were best friends.   She is the reason I did not end it all as a 16  year old when I was given a devastating medical diagnosis and my parents were not there for me.  

Long story short she has now succumbed to their ( primarily my sister and mothers) manipulations.  I am gutted.  I have done everything for her.  Given her money, helped her in every way possible with her issues.  Spent hours helping her with her banking etc (she is in her 70's).  She is now avoiding me and spending her time with THEM.  THEM....who ridicule, judge, bully and generally break me over and over. 

What is the point in anything if I get victimised over and over?  This whole shitefest began when I was trying to help my loved one's son ...everything got screwed up and taken out of context and the minute my sister was involved everything has gone pear shaped. 

I have taken to alcohol as it numbs everything.  I function very well.  Nobody would know.  I feel like such a loser and simply cannot understand how two people can influence someone so much.  I am feeling very lost, alone and terrible.