Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ckb Devastated and don’t know I can go on
  • replies: 12

2 weeks ago my husband of 37 years and 2 adult boys announced to me he didn’t know if he loved me and told me he had fantasies about a friend of his. She was a client and I had been warned many times by others that she was after him. I found intimate... View more

2 weeks ago my husband of 37 years and 2 adult boys announced to me he didn’t know if he loved me and told me he had fantasies about a friend of his. She was a client and I had been warned many times by others that she was after him. I found intimate messages between them. He packed up and left to stay with friends. he only contacted me today with implying I’m talking bad about him and accusing him of an affair. Also that I’m telling our children toxic things about him, which isn’t true. he asked me to let him Go. I am totally devastated and can’t function. I didn’t reply.. I haven’t eaten for 2 weeks, can’t sleep.. I’m talking to my GP who is monitoring my health. I also have a health issue where I need to have tests done to confirm if I have blood cancer or not, which petrifies me. our boys still live in our property and I feel I can’t stay here as it’s too painful. Our business was from our property and I can’t and don’t want to go back to work. So I have no income. I feel completely blindsided, shocked and in total disbelief. I have no idea what to do, he hates me and I don’t understand why. we have always had a healthy and loving relationship, and he struggles with mental health and can get paranoid. And I’ve always helped him navigate that. He is safe where he is, and I don’t want to add any pressure or questions to him, but I have been told other people are telling him untruths about me. how do I go forward ? Who am I without him? how do my boys find their relationship with him again? ive had some help with a professional, but it hasn’t helped.. I don’t know what to do..

confirmed08 Girlfriend gone, where to next?
  • replies: 10

well last time I posted I was afraid of losing my then girlfriend. I only went and lost her. I've been pretty distraught, not being able to concentrate, missing her, crying a lot, and I just can't see myself ever getting out of this hole I'm in. I tr... View more

well last time I posted I was afraid of losing my then girlfriend. I only went and lost her. I've been pretty distraught, not being able to concentrate, missing her, crying a lot, and I just can't see myself ever getting out of this hole I'm in. I tried so hard to help her, to make her happy, and I ruined it all. Of course she assured me I didn't but I just can't convince myself, I can't let go. She's the best I was ever gonna have. I've been seeing a psychologist for about a month now but it feels as if it's going nowhere, not helped by the lack of motivation to help and recover myself. Without her what's even the point of recovering? We had our first call in about two months, first interaction online in 3 weeks, and I just couldn't tell her, I don't know, should I tell her how much this has affected me? That call was probably my chance but we're so distant know I didn't really know what to say. Is telling her just mean and selfish? I'm so lost.

ElectricBlue Struggling with husband over parenting
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, I've been struggling a lot in my marriage lately as my husband & I have different parenting styles with our 2.5 year old. He is much more of a disciplinarian (doesn't put up with much) where as I am a little more easy going. I still disc... View more

Hi everyone, I've been struggling a lot in my marriage lately as my husband & I have different parenting styles with our 2.5 year old. He is much more of a disciplinarian (doesn't put up with much) where as I am a little more easy going. I still discipline, however not as quickly or forcefully as I should (according to my husband). My son is going through what I believe is a phase at the moment where he only really wants me to play with him/help him do things & this has left my husband feeling very rejected. I have told him that it's just a phase but he gets extremely angry, yells at our son & blames me for not disciplining him enough. I think that my husband is also very upset about the whole situation because his 3 other children (to his ex-wife) have nothing to do with him anymore & I believe he thinks that this is somehow happening again, even though our son is only 2.5 & not a teenager like his others are. I don't know how to handle the situation. I'm not sleeping, I'm over-eating & I find myself with a very short fuse & don't want to take it out on my son. Any suggestions or ideas to navigate this situation would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

ChurroCookies Is it too much to ask for an apology?
  • replies: 5

*Some Backstory* My mum and Dad have been divorced for around 15 year now, my Dad has remarried, my Mum has not. Anyway, my Dad lives 6 hours away from my mum and I've lived with my mum my whole life, just visiting Dad. And then we stopped seeing my ... View more

*Some Backstory* My mum and Dad have been divorced for around 15 year now, my Dad has remarried, my Mum has not. Anyway, my Dad lives 6 hours away from my mum and I've lived with my mum my whole life, just visiting Dad. And then we stopped seeing my Dad for 6 years and we just re-kindled things about 2 years ago now. Anyway, cause of COVID I can do my studies externally so I decided to spend like 2 months with my Dad. Once I told my mum this however, she lost it and was incredible angry and horrible to me. It has now been 3 months of me being at my Dads with my mum barely talking to me and whenever we do talk I'm the one who initiates it otherwise we won't speak for weeks (Which is what happened in the first 2 months) and every time we talk it ends in a fight via texting. I haven't called my mum in 3 months its only been via text this whole time. And I'm really struggling with it. My heart hurts and I can't stop crying and feeling depressed all the time. But no matter what I do my mum always brings it back to herself. The not talking to me for basically 2 months started with her ending the conversation/argument saying that I'm the cause of all her problems which is obviously not true and is actually the opposite. There have been so many times that I've helped my mum out so much so that it was affecting my mental health and then when it finally came to me actually asking her for a little help she refused. I wish I could just have a constructive conversation with her and sort all of this out but she refuses and always takes things too personally when I'm trying to work through some things then it ends up escalating into an argument. Anyway, am I asking too much for an apology or should I just try to mend things so we can go back to normal, but I feel like this whole ordeal has left me with an emotional scar in our mother-daughter relationship Stuff like this has kind of happened before, for example when I was coming back from a trip with my friends she refused to pick me up (I couldn't drive at the time] So, I was forced to stay at my friends house for 2 nights which was really embarrassing until I had to call and then she acted like nothing was wrong and that I was upset for no reason. I was so confused. Anyway, thoughts? What do you think I should do in this situation? Should I continue to try and talk things out with my mum? Thank you for listening, it helps writing it out like this

missclaire Recovering from narcissitic abuse (DV)
  • replies: 4

Dear lovely people hope you are all well. i was wondering if anyone has any kind words or advice for moving on from deep narcissistic physical and psychological abuse. I am working on myself and co-dependancy issues, self love, but also missing conne... View more

Dear lovely people hope you are all well. i was wondering if anyone has any kind words or advice for moving on from deep narcissistic physical and psychological abuse. I am working on myself and co-dependancy issues, self love, but also missing connection which is also why i am here. Much love to you all, Claire

wirea Separation - ending an engagement - feeling lost and no purpose.
  • replies: 3

Not long ago, i decided to end a 10 year relationship and engagement. Something just didn't feeling right. On paper, everything was perfect and a connection was there but my gut was telling me no. Once i had it in my head, it wouldn't disappear. Our ... View more

Not long ago, i decided to end a 10 year relationship and engagement. Something just didn't feeling right. On paper, everything was perfect and a connection was there but my gut was telling me no. Once i had it in my head, it wouldn't disappear. Our values and future plans didn't aline. I want to travel, grow as a person, be spontaneous and he wanted to settle, buy a house, start a family and happily truck in the slow lane. He loved me. Adored me and would try his best to make me 'happy'. I loved him for most part of the relationship, but something inside me just 'switched' off. Like a fire slowly burned out. I sit here, after 8 months ending the relationship, alone in my apartment and still have that emptiness inside. It's feel like i sacrificed a 'good' relationship, for what? To feel even worse than what i felt before. I feel frustrated. I don't know what my purpose is, what i want from life, how to celebrate the small wins and little joys in the days. I feel like i would do anything to time travel back to how my life was but i know i would end up miserable. Its like im on this journey of finding something that maybe just doesn't exist. The search to feel that 'content' and comfortable feeling. I do all the textbook suggestions; yoga, self help books, sunrise watching, gentle exercise, converse with friends, start a new hobby etc but nothing ignites in me or shows a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm in a car but not driving the steering wheel, just existing. I'm afraid of time and know how precious it is. I remind myself each day that life is what you make of it, but im exhausted trying. Would be great to hear if anyone can relate to this and feels the same way.

pinkflower95 I made a stupid mistake, didn't mean to and now I feel really hurt and blindsided, I feel like such an idiot and want to hide from the world
  • replies: 48

To try and keep this brief I met a guy at a bar he did the whole asked for my number thing and wanted to date me etc and we hooked later that night, fast forward a few weeks in and both of us decide that we aren't looking for a relationship, he decid... View more

To try and keep this brief I met a guy at a bar he did the whole asked for my number thing and wanted to date me etc and we hooked later that night, fast forward a few weeks in and both of us decide that we aren't looking for a relationship, he decided that he wants to move back to the city and come to a conclusion to be friends instead. I later confess to him that I liked him more than just friends and asked if we could do friends with benefits thing, he replied with a small smile and said he would think about it - I even said to him that he didn't have to say yes to it or even answer that question if he didn't want to. Fast forward to a week or so later maybe and he said we can have sex , he did when we met that he is an anxious texter, can be blunt and has anxiety and bipolar (submania), I also have anxiety and can be a bit anxious with texting people too so we didn't really text each other too much. Anyway before Lock down 6.0 occurs we catch up after my shift from work this time in my car as the pub was shutting so we chatted away in my car about random things, having a good time, laughing, etc, and he kisses me a few times, during our catch up he also grabs my hand and puts it on his torso and later on his scar above his eyebrow where he was telling me about how he got it, later on he also was putting his hand on my groin near my crotch, which I was OK with since we had already done foreplay stuff with each other before so I wasn't offended by it or anything. Later that week lock down 6.0 happens, during the this period we spoke over the phone once (to which he texted me wanting to chat as he was feeling bored, which I was ok with, I didn't mind having a chat) during the convo I asked if he was still OK with the whole FWB thing as I was feeling nervous to which he replied 'yes I am OK with this, do you want me to put it in writing for you'not in a bad tone or anything, just in a normal manner. During the short time of him being here he never really texted me to initiate the FWB thing and plus with 2 lock downs happening both of us being busy with work, it didn't happen, plus me being a virgin, being nervous and not knowing how to initiate this whole thing also.

EDMClub21 Toxic friendship for two years
  • replies: 3

After two years of friendship, that person, whom I met from the retreat, has recently been causing mental disaster and stress. Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, he took me on adventures that weren’t to my tastes and particularly dangerous. At low mood,... View more

After two years of friendship, that person, whom I met from the retreat, has recently been causing mental disaster and stress. Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, he took me on adventures that weren’t to my tastes and particularly dangerous. At low mood, the friend also socially abuses me and shows some form of racism and discrimination every time I say ‘no’ to a decision. A massive digital divide between the friend made it extremely tough to get along. The conversations were also led by the friend, acting bossy and autocratic and saying silly stuff (e.g. See you soon, bye, then hang up). Some of the conversations I find funny, though upsetting, childish, nonsense and sarcastic that I am currently being fed up. Now with the pandemic, I am finding it hard for the friend to keep his distance at times and the increasing dominance of 20 phone calls per day is pushing to the limit. I currently have no choice but to split up. How can I stay away from toxic people and protect myself?

Financialad429 I’m only attracted to someone with a severe personality disorder, anyone else similar?
  • replies: 5

-He’s married but left his wife and son for faraway job – says he just felt like it, for $/selfishness/ freedom , and his family cried for him to stay and he ignored. In the meantime, he told me, he asked his old GF to move w him instead, then went b... View more

-He’s married but left his wife and son for faraway job – says he just felt like it, for $/selfishness/ freedom , and his family cried for him to stay and he ignored. In the meantime, he told me, he asked his old GF to move w him instead, then went back on it. Says His wife briefly thew him out & his ex tried to commit suicide bc of him. -Initially led me to believe he’s getting divorced, but then went back on it for his son’s sake/ so he doesn’t need to give away $. Freaked out over 1 pic of us I posted and said he wouldnt be allowed to see his kid. -at all points he’d tell me he’d never want to, or even could be, in another relationship bc there’d always be expectations he couldn’t meet and he will never be able to fully be w anyone -he would say passionate things in text but always in person was cold and detached/ like always left right after sex, if I ever put an affectionate hand on me he’d remove it -Says he’s a sociopath and feels nothing. After telling me we would only ever be friends tried to make me feel badly for seeing other men and then I asked him about one girl liking all his social media. He said a bunch of elaborate stuff about how he wanted her and they were close in the past, then said he made it up to get me to move on, then she defriended / blocked him. Then suddenly he’s going to a party w her and bringing his son allegedly buT at very same time sexting me and making plans to meet up with me again for sex -When I talked to his wife first she accused me of making up the account w screenshots, then said ok whatever he’s playing you too; let me know when you make it publicly official very concerned about why I love this person and would do anything to make it work.

Nellie60 MY BIG HEART OF HELPING SOMEONE IN NEED HAS CAUSED DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY
  • replies: 6

During covid my daughter in laws sister was kicked out of home, so it didn't impact my son and his family to much I offered her to temporarily move in with me whilst she was looking for something. Its being 6 weeks and there has being a few problems,... View more

During covid my daughter in laws sister was kicked out of home, so it didn't impact my son and his family to much I offered her to temporarily move in with me whilst she was looking for something. Its being 6 weeks and there has being a few problems, it's being brought up with her about finding her own place with some assistance from her sister in looking. Now I have said I need to be organised by Christmas and for her to keep looking its caused friction between me and the daughter in law to the extreme she wants to leave my son and go live with her sister. This has caused me depression high bp, I feel I have being taken advantage of.