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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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black_rose Infidelity and Learning to Trust.... Can You?
  • replies: 14

So after finding out my partner was sex messaging another woman a year after I caught him cheating with her, then a week later another woman I ended it & agreed to give it another shot. Why? 8 yrs is a long time and, I have Bipolar along with traits ... View more

So after finding out my partner was sex messaging another woman a year after I caught him cheating with her, then a week later another woman I ended it & agreed to give it another shot. Why? 8 yrs is a long time and, I have Bipolar along with traits of BPD, not enough for a proper diagnosis however. Although that also depends on who you ask, the psych ward I was in for 2 weeks 10 years ago or my Psychiatrist I was seeing at the time. I tend to go my Psychiatrists diagnosis. So what does that mean, well it means that the BPD brain (as I call it) has an intense and irrational fear of being alone, which means I tend to stay in an unhealthy and volatile relationship because being alone is hard. I know to other people it sounds stupid, it even sounds stupid tome especially considering I know this relationship is on the verge of becoming emotionally abusive. The other nights the things he said to me knowing I was already feeling pretty worthless after confessing less that a week ago that as much I tried to hide it my depression and anxiety was back with a vengeance and in overdrive. Leaving the house has started to become an impossible and daunting. He told me I was a leech because I have been unable to find a job, I already feel pretty terrible about this and this is one contributing factor and told him it made me feel worthless, he also told me I can't leave him, that I need him to be able to afford to keep the roof over my head. He then blamed my lack of sex drive for his behaviour and he got it more maybe he wouldn't feel the need to sex message other woman. The next day when the situation had calmed down, I told him I can't take it anymore and if this ever happens again, it's over & somehow I will find a way to be able to without him financially. My friends are appalled at his behaviour, his friends are unaware (I think) not that they would care there is a mutual hatred there, stemming from one person who is hypocritical and very manipulative and has tried many times to convince my partner to leave me, she's learnt I can't be and despises that and her hatred has spread like a virus through the group. I asked him if the roles were different and what he was doing was say happening to his sister or friend would he be angry, he confessed yes he would be & accepted that what he did what disrespectful to me & very hurtful. The past week he's started making an effort and I've been to the docs. So we'll see how it all goes & if I can ever learn to trust him again

jonjr telling my children
  • replies: 5

i recently had to go back into hospital due to my anxiety, panic and dissociative amnesia disorder. nothing i am not used to , i have suffered most of my life. Whilst in hospital they discovered that due to the severity and length of my attacks my he... View more

i recently had to go back into hospital due to my anxiety, panic and dissociative amnesia disorder. nothing i am not used to , i have suffered most of my life. Whilst in hospital they discovered that due to the severity and length of my attacks my heart has developed an irregular beat. worrying but manageable. I told my children " teenage boys" about the issue and not to worry . But i did not tell them the real reason i was in hospital in the first place and why they could not visit, i don't live with them i should point out and have no communication with there mother although i see my kids often and we have a very close relationship. My d.d has made my life difficult and i often unintentionally hurt myself and as such in hospital i am classed as a high risk in a strange kind of way. My children know that i have some anxiety but not the true extent of the problem, i am afraid to share the d.d with them and the issues it brings with it as i am scared it will make them worry. On my safety plan my only option for next of kin is my children but i refuse to list them as a contact as again i am not sure its fair or the right thing to do at there ages?. I feel i have to lie to them and find myself constantly making excuses during my bad times and hospital stays. I do not know at what stage it is right time to tell them and i fear if i do not they may find out if it happens when they are around me. I know i have to but are they mature enough to understand? and is it fair to add worries to there life?.

TheUnaverageBloke Need help with a complex relationship issue involving infidelity...
  • replies: 13

Hi, I've been reading this forum for a few years now, rarely posted anything but the support and kindness I find here is incredible. I've been hesitant in posting this but I've come to the point where I need help and some guidance. This is kind of a ... View more

Hi, I've been reading this forum for a few years now, rarely posted anything but the support and kindness I find here is incredible. I've been hesitant in posting this but I've come to the point where I need help and some guidance. This is kind of a long story, but I'll start at the beginning... I've been in love with my best mates sister since I was young, some 25+ years, we've also been great friends to each other, I had tried to go from friend zone to a relationship a few times but was always rejected on the grounds that we were like siblings (having known each other since she was 6 years old, I didn't develop any feelings towards her until I was 16 and she was 14) I have not had a day where I haven't thought of her since telling myself she was the one for me and that one day we would grow old and ugly in each other's arms... My connection with her ended up causing me to not form any relationships with girls until I was 27, where I gave up and ended up in a committed relationship with a workmate for 8 years... She ended up cheating on me with her ex and we broke up in spectacular form. I was heartbroken and quickly turned to my friends for support, including her (at the time she was also in a relationship) I got past the blues and found another partner through online dating, the relationship was great initially, we had a lot of shared interests and she was employed in a field that I was interested in yet wasn't my profession (I am quite over educated to say the least without giving too much away). We started trying for our first child (who is a beautiful little 3 yo now) before he was born I had to endure years of mental anguish,, I spent literally years of my life trying to convince her that it will be okay and living is not as bad as she made it out to be. Since the birth of our first child life with her had been mediocre, many times I heard her say she was a "bad mum and didn't deserve it" even though it was exactly what she wanted. Our intimacy has completely disappeared, much to my dismay, as it was fairly decent until then.

Kez77 Partner believe daughter over me after I am the one the reunited them after 22years
  • replies: 6

My partner and I have been together a couple of years, I have two children 21 and 22 and he had 2 children 24 and 28 which he hadnt spoken to or seen for 20 years until I reunited him with the daughter but his son still will not speak to him. Their m... View more

My partner and I have been together a couple of years, I have two children 21 and 22 and he had 2 children 24 and 28 which he hadnt spoken to or seen for 20 years until I reunited him with the daughter but his son still will not speak to him. Their mother sent pornagrapic phones and verbal abused my children after she found out we were together lucky we live in different states. So at the end of last year his daughters partner cheated on her and I offered for her to move from Canberra and come live with us and we will help her by a house here in QLD. She made all these promises to me that being a 28 year old women she wouldn't be a bother and she would look after herself and help around the house and contribute. So 8 weeks in and not a cent paid or once offered to clean anything when I cook and clean everyday and makes their lunches and work full time as well she now starts telling lies. She sits with me and tells me one story and then when her dad gets home she tells him total different story right in front of me for she knows that if I say anything he will believe her for she thinks he owes her for wasn't in her life growing up which had no option of his was their mothers doing. So she expects us to pay for food and board and then smokes all my smokes and complains has no money so he gives her cash but everyweekend she tells me how she is going away to retreats and winery's etc. I have tried to discuss this with my partner but he is that blindsided that doesn't believe a word I say. I was the one that organised for her to move that spent 3 weekends cleaning out rooms and the shed to make sure we had room for all her stuff so didn't have to hire a storage shed and the redecorated the bedroom for her and I was the one that was here when the revivalists came and I had to haul all the stuff into the house. No sign of her dad then and or her. So after all I have done and now she starts lying saying I am tipping out her products in shower and throwing her mail away and she knows I have a bath every Sunday m morning so she choses to get in just before me and then leaves purple shampoo everywhere which stains and the drain full of hair. This is what put me over the edge last weekend. I finally said something and nicely asked her to clean the bath and she made up this big lie that I went crazy and now she can't live with us so my partner believes that I drove her away. And then I get home the next day and there is a padlock on her bedroom door.

anon143 How to process feelings from infidelity?
  • replies: 3

Long story short, my ex (separated from my husband a little under 2.5 years ago) & I have kept in contact & tried countless times to rekindle our “marriage” as we do have a 3 year old. Reasons for ultimate separation were emotional, mental, financial... View more

Long story short, my ex (separated from my husband a little under 2.5 years ago) & I have kept in contact & tried countless times to rekindle our “marriage” as we do have a 3 year old. Reasons for ultimate separation were emotional, mental, financial and physical abuse from him. We live seperate in different states. On the two times we have tried to give it another shot I always find evidence of third party situations on his end. I feel I am holding onto these emotions & I’m not sure how to process them. I want to feel these emotions so I can attempt to move forward. How do you process them? It’s a bit like I feel numb, it almost feels like I’m actively avoiding it effortlessly but I’m not trying to, I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s the best I can explain it. It’s resulting in me having very vivid dreams of rage around these situations but in my waking life I can’t even “tackle” it. It feels like a burden and a heavy weight.

BlueOrchid98 Stay or Leave?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, Hoping to get some perspectives on my current situation. I have been with my partner on and off for 6 years, and we moved in together around 2 years ago. We had broken up in the past due to fights about him talking some online forums in ways ... View more

Hi all, Hoping to get some perspectives on my current situation. I have been with my partner on and off for 6 years, and we moved in together around 2 years ago. We had broken up in the past due to fights about him talking some online forums in ways that seemed really inappropriate to me (it made me feel very uncomfortable/ I called him out for it because I saw it as cheating, although he disagreed that it was). It was a really tough breakup for me and I ended up on antidepressants to deal with it, however I still reached out to him after being broken up for around a year because I missed him and wasn't coping. He has since sworn that he won't ever do those things again and I haven't seen him doing it, so I assume he is keeping true to his word. However I am feeling very isolated/ lonely at the moment in the relationship. He is an avid gamer and is constantly on the computer talking to friends/playing games (he works a 9-5, then comes home and plays until 12-1am). I am a University student with a very heavy workload so I am out most of the day, but when I come home he barely wants to talk to me anymore. I have to raise my voice to even get him to notice me with his headset on and he doesn't want to do any activities outside of the house. It would be very messy if I was to end things now as we have only recently moved into a new place (less than a year ago) and he wouldn't really have anywhere else to go other than back to his parent's place. I also think that if I end things with him I will end up getting depressed again, I don't have a great family life and have had a lot of issues with that in the past, plus I don't have many people I would call close friends. I have brought this up with him before and he always says he is sorry, he'll spend may 24 hours with me before going back to the computer. I just am unsure what I can do about it. For reference I am 23 and he is 25, so there is time to sort things out, I just get stuck on feeling like it is a lost cause sometimes. Plus it is a little upsetting that I feel like I am fighting with a computer for my partners attention. This situation probably isn't a big deal, however I wasn't sure where else I could go to get advice. Sorry for the long and probably badly formatted post.

Qwertymoo Fight for love or give up?
  • replies: 2

How do you know? Ok first time poster, reaching out because I have a pit in my stomach and I can't sleep and I honestly don't know what to do. First ever partner thought I'd found the one, madly in love. Felt so lucky. Then it changed and he started ... View more

How do you know? Ok first time poster, reaching out because I have a pit in my stomach and I can't sleep and I honestly don't know what to do. First ever partner thought I'd found the one, madly in love. Felt so lucky. Then it changed and he started getting angry, not at me at first but eventually at me, and calling me names and putting me down. Threatening. I know he has depression, but also think there's more to it. He tells me not to listen when he is angry that that's not really how he feels. Now I've been gone a week and he tells me he is going to the drs and going to get help. Do I help him through this ? I feel sick being away from him because minus his outrageous outbursts he is my perfect man. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just feel like I don't know how to be happy anymore.

decibelx Feeling down after losing a friend
  • replies: 3

I've just been blocked by a close friend after an argument where I called her out on her lies to me. She was an only friend actually, as I don't have any since moving to this city. She decides to block me on all our communication platforms saying tha... View more

I've just been blocked by a close friend after an argument where I called her out on her lies to me. She was an only friend actually, as I don't have any since moving to this city. She decides to block me on all our communication platforms saying that there's no point in us being friends anymore and that she wishes me the best. This has happened before and she ended up unblocking me but ever since then our friendship has been unstable. This time however, it feels final. The reality of it is just kicking in and it feels like grief. I struggle with depression too so I'm not taking this particularly well. Do you think there's a chance the friendship can be saved after a cooling off period?

Kate56 Partner packed up left while as at work said he’s depressed
  • replies: 6

My partner and I have been living together for 6 months I have two children from a previous relationship also. I had noticed the past couple months he becoming more withdrawn and not wanting to do the usual things he use to. I asked the usual questio... View more

My partner and I have been living together for 6 months I have two children from a previous relationship also. I had noticed the past couple months he becoming more withdrawn and not wanting to do the usual things he use to. I asked the usual questions if he was ok if anything was wrong also got he was fine. But my gut was telling me something was wrong. He works long hours two weeks in one off, so also put it down to work stress and fatigue from work. He is a introvert and quiet person anyway. I got a msg two days ago as I was finishing work to say he had packed up everything and left as he has been suffering with depression and thought he could deal with it himself but it’s only gotten worse. I tried to get him to talk to me but he’s just shut me out so I have tried to refrain from messaging to give him space. im heart broken I feel betrayed and like some how this is all my fault like I should of done more or I couldn’t make him happy. my kids are devastate as they also got no goodbye and asking if they will see him again and I don’t have the answers for them. he says he love us but it’s best thing for him to leave as we don’t need to put up or see him like that. i gusss I’m just looking for advice I haven’t stopped crying in two days and barely left the bed I also suffer from anxiety and depression and take medication. do I wait and let him speak when he’s ready or do I just give up hope and grieve the relationship we had as gone.

PerfectImbalance Girlfriend has left to work on herself.
  • replies: 4

Hi all. first time posting here. To cut a long story short a girl I’ve been dating for 8 months has left me and come back 4 times in the space of the last 1.5 weeks. she says she’s feeling extremely overwhelmed in the relationship with everything she... View more

Hi all. first time posting here. To cut a long story short a girl I’ve been dating for 8 months has left me and come back 4 times in the space of the last 1.5 weeks. she says she’s feeling extremely overwhelmed in the relationship with everything she also has going on personally and it’s nothing I’ve done wrong or personally and that she still loves me very deeply but she wants time get therapy to sort herself out to be better for her and for us but she needs to go about it on her own without me. I’ve told her she has my full support but we’ve cut all contact so we don’t keep spiralling back and forth to each other again and again. It’s killing me not being able to reach out and see how she’s doing. I’ve told her when she’s ready I’ll be here for her. The silence and waiting is driving me mad but I’m not sure how to cope with it.