Marriage feels like it’s over

[ruiner_misery]

The past 2 years had been rough for me. I went through 4 miscarriages and an IVF cycle, fell pregnant and had a baby. Not only was my hormones all over, I was in a very dark place. I’m my family lives in another country, I migrated to Australia to be with my now husband. 

Today was the worst day of my marriage. My husband told me I cause 99% of his misery, I am a waste of his time, and I’ve ruined his life. I am very hurt by what he said and have no idea how to move on from what he said. He’s apologized n said he exaggerated a little ( always saying that), but I know he meant it somehow. 

What do I do? 

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am so sorry and you are not a waste of time! You deserve a partner that values you and loves your time. I am sorry, you are not what he says. I know it is hard being in an abusive relationship, I would advise giving relationships australia a call on 1300 364 277. 

You may not want to leave him, but I am here to give my support and tell you what he says is not true at all, it is merely a reflection of him more than anything.

Jaz xx

[Petal22]

Hi ruiner misery,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand you have been through a rough time it’s really hard on a woman’s body to go through all that you have.

Also when we do have babies we can suffer with postnatal anxiety or postnatal depression, I have a lived experience of postnatal anxiety it’s difficult to endure this aswell as taking care of a baby.

Im not saying you have this but have you thought about having a chat to your gp about the way you are feeling?

It would be difficult to have your family living in another country, you could face time them if you want to or just have a chat on the phone.

Im sorry your husband said to you what he did I understand that would have felt horrible to hear those things especially after all you have gone through.

I think talking to your gp could help you.

[geoff]

Hello ruiner misery, you have had a tough time wanting to fall pregnant and I'm very sorry this has happened, unfortunately it affects both you and your husband may be in different ways, but the outcome may still be the same feeling.

As soon as one spouse says comments like this, usually it's to their wife/husband, the closest person to them and if PND is involved then comments are made usually without thinking, that will upset a spouse, but they too could be suffering from this illness as well, which makes the your situation very awkward and uncomfortable.

You have struggled to be able to have a child, and now that you have and PND is present, there never seems to be any light at the end of the tunnel, but can I assure there is, because both my wife and myself had this illness and although back in that time, limited help was on offer, but now it's available to anyone, and to try and overcome this by yourself is just like trying to push a brick wall, you can't, so you need to start with your doctor who may suggest putting you both on a mental health plan, which entitles the two of you to 20 Medicare paid sessions to talk with a psychologist, so if I can suggest doing this.

Geoff.

Life Member.