FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Struggling to understanding feelings about partner

Gracie_Lou
Community Member

I moved to nsw from qld right before lockdown last year. Began working at a toxic workenviroment and thankfully met a lovely human who became my partner very quickly. I was doing over 60+ hours a week during lockdown and it affected me so much. I became very depressed until I quit my job recently and I went back to Queensland without giving my partner an explanation really. During our relationship I went from feeling so in love to wanting to break up with him by the flock of a switch. I had never experienced mood swing before but i was just scared of myself and how i was feeling so much hate towards him. I truly do not know if I want to breakup with him or not. I do not know if it may have something to do with me being used to toxic relationships and this is the first good one I've become bored or selfconcious or what. I feel sick constantly and cry all the time mostly due to frustration of I don't know how I feel or what I want. I truly feel so lost but like I want to be single and have no restrictions to what job I could have in the future and go anywhere and do anything but I have this horrible feeling if knowing i may never find another person like him and how much my partner loves me and I do love him but love just doesn't feel like enough sometimes because we are very similar in alot of ways but very different in others. I have all these doubts but haven't bothered talking to him about it or given him the chance to change the things that bother me. It's like I've been self sabotaging our relationship and I truly do not know what I want. I've just been walking around with this pain in my chest for about six months going from feeling truly hurt and miserable and restricted to a switch being flipped when I am with him and I feel like I love him so much. I'm constantly confused and tired and sick of it.

4 Replies 4

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi Gracie_Lou, 
 
Firstly welcome to the forums, it takes a lot of courage to share your story here. We’re sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way and going through such a difficult time with your relationship and uncertainty around your future with your partner. We’re glad you could share this here and I'm sure some of our lovely community members will be here soon with some comforting advice and assistance.
 
It sounds like you could do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here (24/7).

Thanks again for sharing here. We hope you can be as kind to yourself during this difficult time as you have been in opening up and sharing with the community here, today. 
 
Kind regards, 

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

I would say that you need to sort out whether you are just feeling overwhelmed with anxiety (in which case it would be awful to throw away a great relationship with a good person) or you genuinely have issues with him that you feel are insurmountable. Just reading your post, it sounds to me as more of a generalized anxiety and may be self-sabotaging because of your past but I would suggest a good old fashioned pros and cons list. I think it would be helpful if you wrote down all the reasons that you think you should break up and the negatives and then all of the positives. Regarding the negatives, you then also have to assess whether they are dealbreakers or things that can be overcome. 

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey Gracie_Lou, 

 

It sounds like you've been under incredible stress throughout lockdown and the crazy hours you worked. (I went thru this too during lockdown and it's NUTS!)..

 

Also the fact that you moved interstate. 
AND the other fact you moved in with your partner, after abusive relationships too. 

 

Those are a minimum of 3 factors that could cause anyone issues. 

 

It could help alot to talk with a Counsellor. 
Trying to recover from an abusive relationship, and be ready for another, is no mean feat and BEST done with some professional support IME. 
Considering you mentioned several of these bad r/ships, no wonder you felt / feel like breaking free from your current one. 

 

It can only take ONE thing in your current r/ship to trigger a past traumatic event but.... (and IDK BUT).... this could also be your gut instincts telling you to get out while you can. 

 

You could need some time living your own life, on your own, doing your own thing, whatever that may be... pleasing YOURSELF and not living with a partner at all, for a while. 

 

It's been enormously therapeutic for me to have this time. 
It's also brought CLARITY in seeing Red Flags. 

 

Lastly, if you try to talk it all out with your (ex)partner, things could get more foggy. Only because he may not understand and has his own needs. 

 

Your needs have to come first. 

 

Best wishes
EM

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Gracie_Lou, we always think that running away will solve all our problems, but in fact it only creates other concerns which only multiply and then become more confusing.

Just because you have met a lovely partner doesn't automatically mean that you have to live with them, this may or may not happen down the track and only you can decide whether or not this is possible, but it should not be expected straight away and if they suggest it, then you can defer the decision because of the situation you are currently in.

Being compelled to live with them may cross your boundaries and you can only make this decision when the time is right for you and this doesn't mean that you can't enjoy your time with him, because by doing this can draw you away from these negative thoughts or feelings, so take your time, however, if he does love you then this chance may not come around again for a while.

Geoff.

Life Member.