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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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bethysocks92 Having an avoidant and emotionally unavailable partner
  • replies: 1

I never thought I could feel such sadness, turmoil, heartbreak and a lack of self worth and appreciation with someone. I have been with my partner for nearly 6 months and it has been a soaring rollercoaster of emotions every single day. In the beginn... View more

I never thought I could feel such sadness, turmoil, heartbreak and a lack of self worth and appreciation with someone. I have been with my partner for nearly 6 months and it has been a soaring rollercoaster of emotions every single day. In the beginning he pursued me and wanted only me. We then wanted a relationship. Little did he know what was involved. For someone who hasn't been in a relationship with someone for more than 3 months, hadn't lived alone for majority of his life and adores his personal time and space, this was daunting to him. He didn't realise this until being in a relationship with me. My emotional and physical needs are not being met right now. He has his own issues/ development he needs to process and work through. I am trying really hard to understand. Being an empath I'm drawn in and just want to help, but sometimes this is at the expense of me too. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should leave him be and let me be for my own sanity and to regain my sense of self worth and happiness back, but I care for him deeply. But why stay if he can't give me what I need right now? I know he is emotionally unavailable right now. So, here's one to anyone out there experiencing or going through the same or similar thing.. how do you cope? what are some strategies? what do or did you do in your situation?

Tanya_P Suddenly paranoid and depressed partner
  • replies: 2

I have also been with my partner for 2 years, but up until 2 months ago, you would not have known that he even had depression, let alone paranoia. He has always been a very happy-go-lucky chap and very positive. I just don't understand the sudden cha... View more

I have also been with my partner for 2 years, but up until 2 months ago, you would not have known that he even had depression, let alone paranoia. He has always been a very happy-go-lucky chap and very positive. I just don't understand the sudden change in personality, and its hitting me very hard as I am back 3 months ago when we were still so happy and very much in love, and he is here where we are now accusing me of things I didn't do, his thoughts are extremely bizarre and disorganised, and he has very angry sudden outbursts. I just don't understand how we got from where we were to where we are now, almost overnight. He goes out gambling, which he never did before, he is working all day and then comes home and does UberEats at night to get more money. He is obsessed with power and feels like he is lower than low in class, and to the best of my memory, I have never intentionally made him feel this way. When he starts to falsely accuse me of things, I try to shift the topic to something else, but he persists often and we end up fighting because I have to deny his accusations because they hurt so much. Has anyone experienced such a sudden change in personality? Will he go back to how he was before or is this our life now? He was seeing a local psychologist, but has decided that he doesn't trust them. He is now looking for a new one, which will delay treatment even longer. He has made a telehealth appointment with the GP for tomorrow at least to ask for some antidepressants. Hopefully, they will give them to him and they will make a difference. Has anyone had any experience with this?

Bridget_Anne I chose integrity & respect of myself in relationships & have now have no true connections.
  • replies: 2

If only I could go back to the 1990's. Connected times with the best friend I ever had & family. After trying to connect with people I am exhausted psychologically. I am now in a place in my life where I do not want to give very much of anything to l... View more

If only I could go back to the 1990's. Connected times with the best friend I ever had & family. After trying to connect with people I am exhausted psychologically. I am now in a place in my life where I do not want to give very much of anything to life in general. I do however make sure I get up & keep going every day. What for I am not sure, I guess just for myself

Lalalalola My first post
  • replies: 2

Hi, this is my first post. I’ve been struggling really bad the last few weeks, more so than usual, I’ve found myself coming on to this website frequently trying to get up the courage to speak to someone but kept logging off as the wait was too long. ... View more

Hi, this is my first post. I’ve been struggling really bad the last few weeks, more so than usual, I’ve found myself coming on to this website frequently trying to get up the courage to speak to someone but kept logging off as the wait was too long. but if background, I’ve been with my partner for 12.5 years and we have 2 kids together our youngest is 4, and he has adhd and is autistic. Our eldest is 9 and I suspect she has adhd but getting a diagnosis hasn’t been easy. Unlike my son who was diagnosed easily. My partner has depression, anxiety, ptsd from his childhood and the doctor suspects he is also bipolar. I suffer from depression and anxiety, so we are a super fun household!!

Angel223x Lost and defeated
  • replies: 3

I recently separated from my ex wife about two months so unfortunately only being married 3-4 months, We’d been together for 5+ years but neither one of us were happy, We have a two year old daughter which I haven’t seen in over a month due to my ex ... View more

I recently separated from my ex wife about two months so unfortunately only being married 3-4 months, We’d been together for 5+ years but neither one of us were happy, We have a two year old daughter which I haven’t seen in over a month due to my ex partner completely ghosting me I have no idea where or what they’re doing, I’ve lost my little best friend my heart aches every single day how can you go a day without your child let alone an entire month I miss her so much it is exhausting mentally and emotionally.

Naomisk1 Sister withdrawing from family
  • replies: 8

My sister is a shy person and I know she enjoys time to herself but when she started high school she gradually started talking to me less. It's been a few years since then and now we basically don't talk. We used to be best friends and would have sle... View more

My sister is a shy person and I know she enjoys time to herself but when she started high school she gradually started talking to me less. It's been a few years since then and now we basically don't talk. We used to be best friends and would have sleepovers every other night. She has virtually no confidence and I sometimes think it's because of me putting too much pressure on her to make friends in high school which makes me feel so guilty. When she started high school she was shy but still so bubbly and happy at home and when I would see her at school. She hardly talks to our parents either and my mum doesn't know what to do. Around a year ago I asked her if she was feeling ok and she said she was feeling fine and sounded very confused why I asked. I don't know what I should do next because her personality has changed so much and now she just stays in her room all day and doesn't leave to eat until 3-4pm sometimes.

white knight Jealousy (material items)
  • replies: 6

The thing I find fascinating about jealousy is that few people that are jealous ever acknowledge they are. Some might observe a neighbour with their shiny new car or roll up in a vintage sports car. Then they feel uneasy, they might in their mind cri... View more

The thing I find fascinating about jealousy is that few people that are jealous ever acknowledge they are. Some might observe a neighbour with their shiny new car or roll up in a vintage sports car. Then they feel uneasy, they might in their mind criticise them "only on one wage and they are buying a sports car". Welcome to jealousy. The amusing thing about it is that it is all very normal. We want what others have, we even justify ourselves for our feelings by suggesting they dont deserve it. All these emotions are normal. However, are they always normal and can they be dangerous? Jealousy- meaning- "a feeling of unhappiness caused by wanting what someone else has". Envy is very similar. The danger in jealousy can lead to conflict, mess with your thoughts and even end with a serious law breach. So we cant under estimate its effect upon us. How do we counter it if we acknowledge that our jealousy is rampant? Well, if we develop the kindness we have to include compassion for others, thats one way. In our minds we can wish them well, be happy for them. We can then embark on goals to reach a similar position of owning such possessions. So that process- accepting your jealousy as being normal, feeling happiness for the other person that they reached a goal, developing similar goals and planning to achieve it. Jealousy is not dissimilar to many other feelings in that sometimes these common reactions need management. The theme wanting an item someone else has purchased is ok, it's when those emotions overflow, go beyond the norm is when it has developed to become a problem. EG Your neighbours new sports car costs $60,000. After a few weeks of agonising over wanting a similar car you sign the dotted line and raise your debt $50,000 to take delivery of one. Your neighbours kids are grown up, he's retired and his work payout paid for the car. You have two young kids, one wage and a high mortgage. You can see where I'm coming from. I'm 66yo. I have a friend that went through these feelings (to buy an expensive motorcycle) when his wife was pregnant with their first child. He wanted a car like mine. I suggested he "wait till his kids are grown up" his answer "no, I want it now".Such has the latest generations changed from waiting to getting it NOW. That friend now has 4 young sons and one child on the way. You cant have everything anytime. So jealousy has its ramifications at the extreme. Dont punish yourself if you want what others have got, its quite ok TonyWK

white knight Equality (Parenting), how important is it?
  • replies: 5

The Child Support Agency among other Government departments, have moved towards or even fully to, equality in terms of parenting of children. I think this is a good move. Gone are the days when mothers outranked fathers in terms of "but I gave birth ... View more

The Child Support Agency among other Government departments, have moved towards or even fully to, equality in terms of parenting of children. I think this is a good move. Gone are the days when mothers outranked fathers in terms of "but I gave birth to our child and I'm the mother" as being the norm. Fathers are just as important but as a dad myself that experienced a failed marriage when my girls were 7 and 4yo in 1996 I can tell you that many shunned me for not "sticking it out". My ex said "I'm the mother so the kids should stay with me" and a few days later "I'm the mother so you'll pay child support and have visits every second weekend". This dictation of terms was actually accurate them days of prediction of where it would all end up and indeed that remained so for the next 14 years. Courts favoured the mother. The issue for this post to address is- just because parents separate and one parent cares for the child/children more than the other (time wise) should not result in a situation whereby the other parent is less of a parent. Fast forward 5 years and parent and teacher night was coming up. I contacted our childrens mother to ask if she'd be interested in accompanying me and the kids to that event. "Nah, all that is taken care of, you dont have to worry about the girls education just do your visits". I felt like a favourite uncle. I attended alone. This isnt about me, my kids are grown up now. It is a reflection on how it used to be and my sadness when I hear about a father , less often a mother, being treated as less of a parent. It is all too familiar that one parent holds deep resentment to the other parent and sometimes tries to rid them from the scene altogether. IF the parent with visitations is a non abusive parent (that's important) then embrace that as a lucky prize even if you now loathe him/her. He/she is equal in terms of the role of parent, that is important that you hold that close to your heart for your children's future because down the track resentment can emerge from the children for any maltreatment of the other parent. To give our kids the best possible life under those circumstances we should make an effort to be friendly to the other parent. My ex was toxic to me. It was really hard for both of us to talk but we did make that effort for 10-20 minutes once a month in front of the kids at the gate when dropping them off. Our children laughed and played in our presence even though my fatherhood was undermined by her. TonyWK

Sad_Anxious being stonewalled
  • replies: 30

Hello I'm new here and I need your advice. I've been feeling very anxious lately I cannot calm down since my partner is not talking to me for the past week at all. I am in an online relationship for the past 4 years. Last couple of years were quite d... View more

Hello I'm new here and I need your advice. I've been feeling very anxious lately I cannot calm down since my partner is not talking to me for the past week at all. I am in an online relationship for the past 4 years. Last couple of years were quite difficult on us due to COVID issues and inability to travel freely. It caused problems with us that my partner did not wish to discuss. The problems just grew more. I became more needy and wishing to resolve it and he withdrew and became quite annoyed with me and every time I would try to discuss issues he would hung up and not talk to me for a day or two. Last couple of months were quite hard and he wanted some time without me previously and we would talk again when I w messaged him how he was. We would be ok for few days and then problems would reemerge since we never resolved them. So again he wanted time off, week of not talking and I'm feeling very hurt and anxious, and abandoned. I am not messaging him this time and waiting for him to message me. I'm not sure what to do. I cannot stop thinking about him, I can't stop thinking of what did I do to drive him away. I blame myself, I feel deep sadness. I am having often anxiety attacks and difficulty sleeping and constantly checking my phone. I've been left in limbo not sure what to think and what to do. I'm feeling lost. I have nobody to discuss this. What do you think I should do? if it's better to let him be for the moment, do you have any tips how to calm down, how to redirect my thoughts as I'm feeling almost sick from stress inside that I don't show to anyone. Thank you