Relationship and family issues

TW: Rape and my relationship

replies: 4

Ok so I (F21) was raped 2 years before I met my current partner (M22), we have now been together for 2.5 years. At the start of our relationship I really struggled to deal with it but he helped me and now its not something that I think about or worri... View more

Ok so I (F21) was raped 2 years before I met my current partner (M22), we have now been together for 2.5 years. At the start of our relationship I really struggled to deal with it but he helped me and now its not something that I think about or worries me on a day to day basis. I just recent found porn saved onto his phone and when I confronted him about it he said its because he cant get hard when he looks at me because he thinks of me being raped. He says he doesnt want to make me do anything that I dont want to do and he doesn't want to hurt me, which is wonderful and I am thankful for that but I have told him that Im ok and and he has never hurt me, if I didnt want something I would say so. He just cant seem to get over it though. I dont know how to go about this, how do I help him heal from the trauma. It sorta doesnt make sense to me, he wasnt there, I didnt even know him at the time and like theres nothing he could do. He helped me through it all so hes done literally everything in his power to make me comfortable but I just cant seem to do it with him. He says he has really been struggling mentally recently and I brought up the importance of talking about whats going on and not hiding things and he says he knows its just too hard. Does anyone have any recommendations on what to do about this situation

living alone

replies: 741

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ? No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all. l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs... View more

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ? No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all. l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone. It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons. But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes. This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself. But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

Can’t make friends

replies: 8

Ok, I think anyone who meets me thinks I’m a very lucky person. Indeed I’m grateful for a lot I’ve accomplished. I have a well payed job (not making millions but enough for my family), a wife and great kids. We leave comfortably in a decent house. Ho... View more

Ok, I think anyone who meets me thinks I’m a very lucky person. Indeed I’m grateful for a lot I’ve accomplished. I have a well payed job (not making millions but enough for my family), a wife and great kids. We leave comfortably in a decent house. However one thing has always tormented me since I was little. Despite my best efforts to always be nice and respectful, people tend to not like me. Mostly other men. Many are polite with me and receive me well, but always in a group there are a few who don’t seem like me at all.In some groups, a few doesn’t even bother to look at me and say hi. But in most groups, whilst we can engage in good conversations during say a party, nothing really develops after and effective becomes more an acquaintance rather than friends. Feeling I have is that wether I’m there or not it is indifferent. When I try to be more present and speak up to be more of a presence in parties, my voice seems to fade away as people seem to hear but not listen. This is killing me as I struggle to be part of any group. I play sports and can’t bind with the team, resulting in slowly stop to being part of the team. At work, I don’t make the strong bonds between peers. I can’t make friends with the parents of my kids friends, and miss opportunities to create a nice group of friends for them as well. Any suggestions or words would be much appreciated. Thanks and apologies the long text.

Angry at my family over a dog :(

replies: 3

Hi, i’m not sure which topic this goes under but i need help. backstory: I’ve never been fully comfortable around dogs. I was terrified of them as a kid and i don’t feel like i can really relax around them now. My family, knowing this, have decided t... View more

Hi, i’m not sure which topic this goes under but i need help. backstory: I’ve never been fully comfortable around dogs. I was terrified of them as a kid and i don’t feel like i can really relax around them now. My family, knowing this, have decided to get a dog. I’m scared of not being able to relax in my own home, but my family don’t really seem to care all that much. I know my dad does, he says if it were up to him he wouldn’t get the dog, apparently he turns around and tells everyone else how excited he is, which makes me feel a bit betrayed that he’s lying to me. My mum says she cares. My brother insulted me, i said i felt like i deserved compensation for getting it, all i asked was that they choose a name i’d actually like, my brother called me petty and spiteful for that.big problem :This has happened within the last week, and over this week i’ve been feeling angrier and angrier at my family. It sounds entitled. It probably is. But this is genuinely affecting my mental health. I feel so angry when i see dogs or things relating to dogs and i feel so angry at my family, especially my brother for it. This sounds really childish, i’m sure. But i’m so angry i don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t think i could stand having to live with a dog, I don’t want to be angry at some innocent dog. when my parents said they’d get the dog that first night my mum said she thought the dog would be good for everyone and i asked her “is it really all that good if it’s actively making me feel worse” she said “i guess not” and hasn’t seemed to have thought about it since. i was already doing bad mentally when my parents sprung this on me, and i was getting a bit better but now i’m getting worse. I don’t know how many times i’ve said this but i don’t know what to do. I’m so angry at my family, especially my brother that i want to break things. I want to throw things and trash something, i don’t know how to deal with this anger. I’ve never felt like this.

Bad mother

replies: 1

I feel like a horrible mother. When I grew up my mother was never emotionally invested in me so when I had children I promised myself to love them unconditionally and do whateva to make them feel good about themselves. I maybe did the last part too m... View more

I feel like a horrible mother. When I grew up my mother was never emotionally invested in me so when I had children I promised myself to love them unconditionally and do whateva to make them feel good about themselves. I maybe did the last part too much because I would always and still do try to fix everything for them from friendship issues to backing them in arguments with their father. My children are 18 and 16 and at times struggle with mental health as I do and I believe I have made these alot worse for them. The three of us are always doom and gloom when upset and go to extremes of depression. A current example is my eldest is struggling to get his license and gets soo down on himself and then I get guilt because I didnt raise my kids right by giving them strategies and coping skills when things dont go right and I struggle cos I cant fix this. I keep telling him to stop crying and itll all be ok but I am in soo much pain watching him suffer. My husband his father just tells us both to suck it up and keep going but I wanna hide and run away.

Want some feedback please

replies: 3

My father in my eyes is a grandiose narcissist, He is highly selfish, He is socially over powering, If something doesn't directly affect him then he doesn't want to know about the problem and it's up to us to solve it. His got misogyn and sexism aspe... View more

My father in my eyes is a grandiose narcissist, He is highly selfish, He is socially over powering, If something doesn't directly affect him then he doesn't want to know about the problem and it's up to us to solve it. His got misogyn and sexism aspects and many years ago in the older generations he committed violent assaults on homosexual men. He once told me I'm disabled when I'm a regular person, He can lower your intelligence and you develop this under confident mute social psychological effects where you lose confidence with communication or hearing yourself speak, and that also is affected by high school bullying I experienced ten years ago from a malignant narcissistic friend . He treats my mother as a stupid un employed useless house maid, He doesn't respect her and he bullies her. He sais my Centrelink pension is a allowance when it's not even given by a immediate family member. He treats anything under appearance wither your fashion or weight or wanting to have a appealing house as you being superficial & vain

Feeling lonely

replies: 2

I have a best friend. Well I used to. I’ve put so much energy and tried to reach out so many times. But she never has time for me. Then I see her post 100 pic of her out with so many other friends. But never me. Why do the people I love never make an... View more

I have a best friend. Well I used to. I’ve put so much energy and tried to reach out so many times. But she never has time for me. Then I see her post 100 pic of her out with so many other friends. But never me. Why do the people I love never make any time for me. When we hang out it’s fun and the best because we are so alike. Afterwards she always tells me how much she missed me and how fun it was and we should hang out more. But every time I ask I am forgotten and left out. I’ve even brought this up with her and she apologised and said she’d change. But nothing changed. What should I do here I feel so alone

girlfriend still friends with guys shes slept with in the past

replies: 11

so i know it seems stupid but it really bothers me that my girlfriend is still friends with guys she used to sleep with one is an ex from high school (years ago) and the others are just friends she had casual sex with now and again before we met. i k... View more

so i know it seems stupid but it really bothers me that my girlfriend is still friends with guys she used to sleep with one is an ex from high school (years ago) and the others are just friends she had casual sex with now and again before we met. i know it shouldnt bother me and it seems childish but i really hate that she hangs out with them and talks to them, i was brought up fairly conservative like ive had a few partners but after we break up we you know, break up and go our separate ways. ive never really had to deal with this situation before and i dont want to come off as controlling or crazy but every time i see her friend that she used to sleep with i just want to break his face to bits. btw i do trust her and im pretty sure she is not sleeping with anyone else at all but the fact that she hangs out with them bothers me on some instinctual level like i almost feel like im not a real man if she still feels the need to have them in her life like am i not enough for her? or sometimes i wonder if she thinks about the fact that she used to sleep with them when they hang out, does she get nostalgic sometimes? am i in the wrong here for being really annoyed about it? i convinced her to throw out all the clothes she had of theres from when she was with them because to me wearing another guys hoodies is pretty much him walking onto my lawn and slamming his flag on my property and i hated it. am i just being an asshole or do i have a right to be angry about it all? i need advice

Brother issues

replies: 4

Hi all, My 33 year old brother still lives at home with my dad. He has serious anger management issues. When something doesn't go his way he flips and smashes up the house. My dad's tv cabinet has been smashed up, the kitchen sink no longer works, ki... View more

Hi all, My 33 year old brother still lives at home with my dad. He has serious anger management issues. When something doesn't go his way he flips and smashes up the house. My dad's tv cabinet has been smashed up, the kitchen sink no longer works, kitchen cupboards are broken, the list goes on. He has also physically assaulted my dad. I'm so worried but my dad won't do anything like kick him out or call the police. The reason is because he is not street smart. He doesn't know how to save money, so can't rent anywhere. We don't know what he spends it on, and he is always losing his job. Then he doesn't know how to find another one. We have to do everything for him, write resumes etc. When he is unemployed he doesn't apply for Centrelink because it's all too hard. My dad got him a referral to a psychiatrist but he won't go see one. I'm worried about my dad because he is 65 and should be enjoying his life. He works full time still just to get away from my brother. My brother was told his job may have to let him go because there isn't enough work, so he came home and smashed the house up in anger. I don't live at home, but I heard this from my sister who moved to a country town to rent because she can't afford the rent in the city and she just had to leave home. She wanted to stay home to save for a house deposit but she just can't live like that. My brother always had anger management issues even in primary school but mum and dad never got him any help and now he's 33. Could he have ADHD? Whenever we try and give him advice he won't listen and then tells us he is suicidal, but we think he is saying that so we just leave him alone. My uncle gave my dad a number for a CAT team I think it is who are psychiatrists that you can bring to the house when there is an outburst. I don't know why dad doesn't just ring them. Sorry for rambling but I'm worried about my dad. His father died of a heart attack at 67, so my dad is around this age.

My mum is messed up…..

replies: 2

My mum has always hated me and I have no idea why….. So, to give you a brief description of what my mum is like… she is very mentally unstable. My whole family is certain she has Bi-polar disorder, borderline personally disorder, and she has been dia... View more

My mum has always hated me and I have no idea why….. So, to give you a brief description of what my mum is like… she is very mentally unstable. My whole family is certain she has Bi-polar disorder, borderline personally disorder, and she has been diagnosed with depression, and had severe post-natal depression, which got worse each time after she gave birth to her four children (me included). I have had a very up and down and unstable relationship with my mum my whole life. Sometimes she’s somewhat pleasant to be around, and other times she’s unbearable and horrible to be around. She goes through periods where she snaps and becomes psychotic and has manic episodes where she is physically and verbally abusive. Since a very young age, my mum has physically, verbally and mentally abused me. And when I say physically abused me, I don’t mean the common smack on the butt. I recently re-read old journals I wrote as a kid (most of the ones left are when I was around 11 years old). There was things in there that my mum had said to me, such as, her calling me fat because I asked for seconds for dinner, her calling me a lesbian at age 11, telling me I was out to ruin her relationship at the time, calling me horrible names (which I probably can’t say on here). There were times when she wouldn’t feed me and I was starving. I still remember when she used to pull my hair before school and swear at me when I was in Grade 2/3, and I would have to walk to school by myself crying. The most recent thing that happened with my mum was, my partner and I had moved in with her temporarily for two months (which was my mum’s idea). Anyway, things were going great for the first couple of weeks, then things started to turn gradually, until finally she snapped. She would complain that we were messy and pick out little ridiculous things (even though my partner and I are extremely tidy individuals). Long story short, she had another manic episode and threw a large box of items at my partner’s head and was close to pushing him down a flight of stairs which would have killed him. The police were called and she was deemed the aggressor and we had a protection order against her. For several days after this incident, my mum was texting me CONSTANTLY, abusing me and saying things like, “You’re dead to me.” “I’m no longer your mother.” Calling me horrible names , telling me I ruined her life etc. It has been 3 months since that all happened, and I haven’t heard a word from her, and she blocked my number. I legitimately did nothing wrong, and she’s treating me like I don’t exist. Don’t know what the hell is wrong with my mum, but I don’t think I’m ever going to forgive her again.

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

TW: Rape and my relationship

replies: 4

living alone

replies: 741

Can’t make friends

replies: 8

Angry at my family over a dog :(

replies: 3

Bad mother

replies: 1

Want some feedback please

replies: 3

Feeling lonely

replies: 2

girlfriend still friends with guys shes slept with in the past

replies: 11

Brother issues

replies: 4

My mum is messed up…..

replies: 2

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

TW: Rape and my relationship replies: 4

living alone replies: 741

Can’t make friends replies: 8

Angry at my family over a dog :( replies: 3

Bad mother replies: 1

Want some feedback please replies: 3

Feeling lonely replies: 2

girlfriend still friends with guys shes slept with in the past replies: 11

Brother issues replies: 4

My mum is messed up….. replies: 2

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

TW: Rape and my relationship

replies: 4

living alone

replies: 741

Can’t make friends

replies: 8

Angry at my family over a dog :(

replies: 3

Bad mother

replies: 1

Want some feedback please

replies: 3

Feeling lonely

replies: 2

girlfriend still friends with guys shes slept with in the past

replies: 11

Brother issues

replies: 4

My mum is messed up…..

replies: 2