Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Evvee Partners addiction
  • replies: 3

I don't know if it's over thinking or if I'm over reacting. My partner smokes a fair bit of weed. When we started going out he had stopped and it was for a good couple of months until one of his friends gave him a little bit for helping him. Since th... View more

I don't know if it's over thinking or if I'm over reacting. My partner smokes a fair bit of weed. When we started going out he had stopped and it was for a good couple of months until one of his friends gave him a little bit for helping him. Since then it hasn't stopped. We no longer go out for dinner, or lunch if we do his constantly on his phone or 'itching to get home'. Or he will go out stoned. I've made it clear more then once, I hate going out in public with him when his like that. I get this over whelming thoughts of an I not good enough to do this sober? Are you bored? Should I even bother? I've told him every now and then fine but everyday it's a joke. I get told all the time this is the last time I promise. I need to stop. I just need it cause I've had a hard day. I'm stressed. He won't tell me what his stressed about or if he does it's nothing that I can talk to him about bc he doesn't continue. His a different person. Quiet constantly on his phone. I can't touch him or anything. He doesn't drink as much as I do, but I don't do it every day. It's not something I want to do. I get told when we get home we will go for a walk a drive, we have plans for the weekend and there's always an excuse as to why we can't do it. I've told him more than once if your going to do it can yiu just tell me? The response I get it why do I need to tell you everything. He just brought me a pretty expensive promise ring. I felt over the moon like all my worries have disappeared. I got the whole I promise I will stop we will do this that and everything. But no. It's still going. I don't know what else to do. I feel like if you can't even promise to stop or at least slow down. Why are you promising me a future. He doesn't cheat go out and party which yea that's a great thing. But at the price of coming home everyday to nothing. It's hurting. His sister does it as well who we live with. I don't know how to approach it anymore. If I start I just get stop starting your shit. Or I'm coming crazy.

CBear12345 Relationship breaking down
  • replies: 3

I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 9. We are having big issues in our relationship and he wants to separate. I have done things in the past I have lied and my jealousy gets in the way a lot. I handle those situations very badly, I ... View more

I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 9. We are having big issues in our relationship and he wants to separate. I have done things in the past I have lied and my jealousy gets in the way a lot. I handle those situations very badly, I have apologised for these things but still brings them up every argument we have. He can’t get past it. But everything that is wrong in our relationship is my fault, he thinks I’m manipulative and a narcissist. He wants space so he has asked me to leave our family home but being in a remote town there is v limited options for other accommodation so resorting to having to live in a caravan. I feel so lost, stuck and alone I have no family support or many friends where we are. I’m not able to leave as he won’t let me take the kids away, on the same token I don’t want to take them away from their Dad. We can’t have a proper talk without it blowing up. I want to make this relationship work but he thinks this is not going to work as I keep doing the same stuff over and over. He has said he’s done and it’s over. I don’t know what to do. I am speaking to a counsellor to change the way I handle things that come up but he keeps saying it’s all to late. Any advice would be great.

Ali_s What can I say after I've asked a friend for too much help?
  • replies: 2

Hey, I've been struggling with depression lately and I have this friend who's been helping me through it by talking about my depression with me. but lately my mental health has declining and our relationship has been getting more and more intense and... View more

Hey, I've been struggling with depression lately and I have this friend who's been helping me through it by talking about my depression with me. but lately my mental health has declining and our relationship has been getting more and more intense and one sided with me and him talking about my issues several times a week. A few weeks ago a chat got really heavy and since then he seems like he's distancing himself from me. I know he's dealing with some mental health issues of his own and he wouldn't say it but I think he's pulling away because I've been asking too much of him. I've decided to try and reduce my dependency on him but I don't know what to say. I've talked to him openly about how I feel like a burden to the people aroubd me and I don't want to let him know he's really made me feel that way. I want to apologize and let him know I understand that I've been asking too much and not giving anything back lately but I also want to avoid making him feel guilty for pulling away. Any tips for apologising to someone you've asked too mich of?

confirmed08 afraid of losing relationship
  • replies: 9

my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months, but I still haven’t quite settled I guess is the best way to put it. This is my first relationship, she’s been in multiple previous, and so I’ve been quite critical of myself and continue to. I... View more

my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months, but I still haven’t quite settled I guess is the best way to put it. This is my first relationship, she’s been in multiple previous, and so I’ve been quite critical of myself and continue to. I’m constantly apologising for almost everything, and she seems to becoming more and more frustrated and less inclined to try and sort it as she has attempted to many times. I just pressure myself all the time to be perfect, but I mess things up and hate myself more and more for it. I feel this is beginning to derail our relationship, and the thought of that frightens and saddens me greatly. She tells me to just relax, to slow down, but being in year 12 and balancing a relationship I just can’t slow down, I don’t really get an opportunity to.

MM_Jack My dad is dying
  • replies: 5

And I'm in a different country. I have a toddler, and I'm on a casual contract for work so I have no paid leave. I can't afford to miss weeks of work and weeks of pay. It's upsetting that it feels like it comes down to money.

And I'm in a different country. I have a toddler, and I'm on a casual contract for work so I have no paid leave. I can't afford to miss weeks of work and weeks of pay. It's upsetting that it feels like it comes down to money.

Fleur10 The pain of two estranged children
  • replies: 6

I have 2 estranged daughters. The youngest one was always very closed. Relationship deteriorated in her twenties. Now she is in her forties. She has 3 children 7, 5, 2. I have only seen the children a couple of times a year, although she lives close ... View more

I have 2 estranged daughters. The youngest one was always very closed. Relationship deteriorated in her twenties. Now she is in her forties. She has 3 children 7, 5, 2. I have only seen the children a couple of times a year, although she lives close by. My e X has Aspergers. She seems like him. She seems to project her feelings onto me. My children use me as a scapegoat for everything. Tell me I was a bad mother. They generally put me down. I have sort of given up on her. Contact is too painful. My other daughter was very friendly when she had the first baby and for 8 years was fine. Now she had children from two different partners and another boyfriend. She was stressed and she doesn’t need me any more. She gradually withdrew contact . I still see the children a little. She refuses to discuss anything with me. Although she goes to a psychiatrist every 2weeks. I feel as if she is taking stuff out on me. She seems to say she is too stressed to talk to me. Problem seems to just get worse and worse. I would like to start a support group. I am trying to figure that out.

theotheraether Too late to change?
  • replies: 1

Since the beginning of my relationship with my now wife, we’ve had some major breaks and the pattern has always been the same. Initially I thought it was due to us being incompatible but mental health issues on both sides are the aggravating factor. ... View more

Since the beginning of my relationship with my now wife, we’ve had some major breaks and the pattern has always been the same. Initially I thought it was due to us being incompatible but mental health issues on both sides are the aggravating factor. This is something I’ve tried working on, with limited success as I’ve never clicked with a psychologist I found useful. When I let my wife down or disappoint her, she’ll bring up mistakes I made in the past and ways I’ve let her down before or how I don’t listen to her and do better the next time. This is fair. I try to be a better husband all the time but I struggle with anxiety and sometimes get paralysed and when I panic I usually get things wrong. I think she’s tired of that now. I tried to explain some of my reasons but she is adamant that I never change. I felt so powerless and angry at myself. She’s said she doesn’t love me and doesn’t want a future with me. I try really hard but when she’s having a rough patch with depression and anxiety and I’m have a tough patch with anxiety I just make things worse for her, being unsupportive and argumentative. I just get desperate because I want terribly for her to know I love her, but she insists my behaviour says I don’t. This has been a tough year for a lot of reasons and even though we both have struggles I want us to grow together through them, rather than letting them overcome me and wreck our marriage. I love her so much it aches. I want it to work but what else can I do? I know I need to be better managing my anxiety, but then it’s been difficult so far. Is it too late. Has my pattern of messing up ruined this for good?

Nella76 lonely, needy and a cheater
  • replies: 5

I feel like I am a cheater and a bad wife. I am married for 11 years now. Out of the 11 years, my husband has been non intimate and not interested in any sexual contact for 9 years. I used to cry to sleep every night for so many years. I tried to con... View more

I feel like I am a cheater and a bad wife. I am married for 11 years now. Out of the 11 years, my husband has been non intimate and not interested in any sexual contact for 9 years. I used to cry to sleep every night for so many years. I tried to convince him to talk to a counsellor, I tried talking to him but he would often get defensive or angry and blame it on me that I made it difficult for him to connect with him. Two years back I took a drastic step and started cheating on him with the intention if having an intimate partner for emotional and physical needs. But I ended up with a string of affairs, ons and short term hook ups. Now I am a mental mess as that has made me feel guilty, a selfish mother, an immoral wife and I hate myself. This came after yet another event of rejection by yet another man. I feel traumatised and worthless and cheap. I feel like I don't deserve love and that something is wrong with me. My life is all messed up and I am unable to focus at work or at home. I have an eight year old son and hence I never considered leaving the marriage. I am now a broken woman and cry all the time. I know I am at fault and to blame. I created this life for myself and I don't know what to do now. I am posting here to see if anyone has had similar experience and how they coped with it. Thank you in advance.

wallabyjack toxic relationship and 3rd child on the way. She hates me. I want out.
  • replies: 4

my wife and I have a rollercoaster past with a history of arguments, dark patches and she has extreme mood swings, that appear to coincide with hormones (be it PMT or pregnancy). Either way she has unpredictable moods that are either happy/easy or ex... View more

my wife and I have a rollercoaster past with a history of arguments, dark patches and she has extreme mood swings, that appear to coincide with hormones (be it PMT or pregnancy). Either way she has unpredictable moods that are either happy/easy or extreme irritability - historically the irritability made much much worse by pregnancy or post-natal timing. She said she wanted a 3rd child last year, and after her testing her ovulation, at 43 we got pregnant. She then decided immediately it was a "mistake" and we fought for weeks about termination before deciding to proceed. (her, begrudgingly) - so this feels like a begrudging pregnancy even though she wanted it. Ever since, all we do every day is fight and scream at each other. Usually at me, and usually over small things that she blows up at (buying the "wrong" vinegar, doing the laundry "wrong"). Its non stop and I am walking on egg shells, constantly in fear. There is zero intimacy, and I now sleep in a separate room. I have told her she is unrecognisable from who she was when I married her. Things were ok (7 out of 10) before we got pregnant. Now they are 2 out of 10. (Maybe a 1 some days) Her mood swings started immediately when she conceived. She is now the anti-christ. I have never witnessed such unrelenting rage, negativity towards me, towards my family and towards the incoming fetus, even in past pregnancies. We have tried a couple of counsellors, one of which told her if she continues, she is likely to lose her marriage. That didnt help. She refuses to try more counsellors. I have told her "3 things I can do to help with our issues" and explained what I can do to reduce tension. When I asked her what she can change for her part, it just made her angry that I even asked the question. I told her a love-less marriage isnt working for me, and we cannot continue like this. I told her its not fair on the kids too. I feel like leaving her. I need to get away from her anger, her non stop criticism and vitriol, and I am worried about the anger and fights impacting on our 2 year and 4 year old. Not to mention bringing a baby into a hateful marriage..I just want it to stop. She hates me What do I do?

BNS68 Is my wife an alchoholic??
  • replies: 26

Hi All This is my first post and I am sure there are other posts along these lines but cant find a recent one, so here I go. We have been married nearly 20 years have two boys 13 & 16 my wife hasn't had to work but has in the last couple of years wor... View more

Hi All This is my first post and I am sure there are other posts along these lines but cant find a recent one, so here I go. We have been married nearly 20 years have two boys 13 & 16 my wife hasn't had to work but has in the last couple of years worked 2-3 days a week. I noticed her drinking was getting heavier about 4-5 years ago and addressed it with her not long after that, there were promises that she would try harder however it got up to 1.5-2 bottles of wine a night and slurring during dinner time with the kids. We had serious discussions and I saw our doctor about it who got us into Counselling sessions although my wife was very reluctant and did it purely to appease me. She doesnt believe she has a problem. After the Counselling she reduced her intake for two weeks and has now settled back into a bottle a night with more on weekends usually staggering in at least once on a Friday or Saturday if not both. My boys look at me and roll their eyes. Her drinking quantity is 7-10 bottles of wine a week i.e. 56-80 standard drinks a week. A key issue with her denial is that she functions very well, the house is not neglected, dinner is always ready, the boys are dropped to sports etc so she believes there is no problem, I think she is mis-interpreting what the problem is, i.e you don't have a right to complain about my drinking as everything (from a chore perspective) is done" and I can't deny that. When I get home from work she's almost done her first bottle and sometimes looking for a second. My problem is I shut down, don't communicate as I believe its not worth the fight, I think in my mind I see the marriage as over, it is just a matter of timing. So my queries are as follows; 1. I am so confused that I don't even know what normal drinking levels should be, the quantities above are too much? 2. I have tried to support her and get her to understand my position but she doesn't see it as a problem so my next step is to separate and kick her out - problem is 4-5 years is a long time and I don't trust her anymore I have no respect or attraction left, so this will inevitably lead to divorce; 3. This leads to the damage divorce will do to my kids, especially my 13yo, he is kind hearted and loves his Mum and I worry about the pain he will feel if I do this, the 16yo is more resilient and I think will cope; 4. will the boys resent me later in life as an enabler or hate me for divorcing her - my parents divorced and I never wanted that for my kids. Thoughts