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RangerBaker
Community Member

I am looking for advice and direction me and my husband have been married for 5 years, I truly do love my husband and would do anything for him. My husband has always been my biggest support and continues to do so, I have a huge dilemma that weighs heavily on my heart. All I have ever wanted for my husband is happiness, the fact is as much as I love my husband and he loves me. He says we are more like a old married couple who are best friends then lovers.

Unfortunately due to health issues as well as anxiety, depression, bipolar and ptsd we lost the intimate side of our relationship. I have always found that side of things difficult as I have never had sexual desire and have issues initiating or cluing onto my husband's flirting.

I am at the point where I am questioning everything. There are 3 things that my husband is asking me to change, they are simple things to many but I find them difficult 1. To shower daily 2. Change Clothes Daily 3. Have a clean and presentable house. I find all of these things a huge task and despite seeing the Psycologist and psychiatrist for over a year it is still the same. I knowing this is becoming a huge issue in our marriage and my husband has mentioned he can't take much more.

I love my husband very deeply, if I didn't the decision would be easy. I feel as though I am holding my husband back. I only want what is best for him, he is the most sweetest and loving man, who is kind and caring. It is because of that and how I feel that I don't want to stand in his way. Due to me having a constant struggle with the issues mentioned above what should I do.

I have asked my husband what he wants and he says whatever is best for me is what he wants.

The issue is because my husband wants what is best for me I worry that he will make a decision based on what is best for me rather then saying what is best for him or he feel compelled we should stay together.

what would you do the

2 Replies 2

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Rangerbaker, welcome and thanks for your very honest and moving post.

I think when we are unwell we feel we are letting our loved ones down. You are trying by seeing a psychologist.

Your husband is aware you are unwell but of course you both hope you can get better.

If you explained that doing all three is very hard but would you be able to try one and two. Can you break these tasks into small tasks so they are not overwhelming.

It is up to you and what you want. I hope writing this down has helped you in some way.

Take care , you are not alone as many people reading this post can relate to what you have written.

Quirky

Paw Prints
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello RangerBaker,

Firstly I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in having difficulty with these "simple things". It is likely your hubby is trying to help by asking you to do these things. Quirky's idea of breaking them down into smaller tasks is a strategy I am trying at the present with the intention of building up to being able to do all three. For example I am finding the whole showering every day to hard, so I am making myself wash my face & hands each evening before bed & I am trying to have a shower/bath once a week (up from once a month). I find having a set time & allowing myself enough time (so that I do not feel like I am under pressure to be done quickly), is making it easier to do.

Can I suggest you discuss this with your Psychologist/Psychiatrist & perhaps ask them if they think having your hubby sit in on a consult so he can get ideas of how to help/be there for you.

Paw Prints