What to do

[Carolyn_Rae]

Hi,

Don't know how to deal with being insulted for not being a mind reader.

All because, after my bf had eaten, (he's not feeling well - he has a migraine), and then I make myself a salad, to which he took offence, because I didn't make him one. Didn't know he wanted one and he'd been helping himself to snacks throughout the morning.

He said he didn't ask because he thinks that I don't care. I'm confused. I got him an ice pack when he asked, I suggested he go into the room with the air-conditioned because where he was sitting, it was stuffy.

What did I do wrong?

[quirkywords]

Carolyn Rae ,

i am so sorry you were sworn at abnd called a demeaning name.

Sometimes people get so upset very quickly they call names.

is your boyfriend normally kind and loving and patient.?

I think it may help if you can find out why he was so upset with you? If you feel it is better to leave that alone and focus on his hood points. What do you think.?

Quirky

[Carolyn_Rae]

Hi Quirky

I understand he's not well at the moment.

He's usually tolerant, with a slight dose of narcissism.

I guess I'm quite effected by the name calling as I know that I am so not a c@$t. Especially as this will be his second job that he has quit in the space of 6 months, initially because driving trucks around town was aggrevating his sore neck and back, but now it's because he doesn't want to put up with fellow staff taking sickies, seemingly leaving him with most of the work to do.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Carolyn Rae,

While I don't know yourself or your boyfriend, I highly doubt that you did anything wrong. My guess is that even if you had 'said all the right things' you might not have been able to avoid that insult. If there's one thing I know about insults like these, they aren't your fault (even if it feels like they are).

It sounds like he's having a really tough time with work at the moment, and is maybe taking that out on you.

I encourage you to keep getting some support especially if being sworn at is so common in your relationship.

RT

[Carolyn_Rae]

I thought things were looking up for my partner and since I last posted. We've got $5000 left to save for a deposit for a house; in the last month or so we've been looking at houses and even met with a mortgage broker. David also managed to go from being a Casual employee to Permanent Part Time. During all this his health has constantly been an issue. There has been no let up in his migraine, he's had several procedures to try to alleviate the pain - to no avail.

Tonight he came home from work and after several weeks of not much conversation he says in frustration that he is sick of everything; he is used to pissing off when he wants to; he's not a people person; annoyed with aboriginals; sick of still living in the same rental property for 4 years (not saving up the deposit fast enough) and on top of that has been continually dealing with his migrane, ptsd, nightmares (he is ex-navy).

When I ask him about our relationship, there's no definite answer. He just says he has a lot on his mind.

I'm feeling scared, upset and confused...don't know if I should ask him if he wants to break up with me.

[Guest_3256]

Hi Carolyn Rae.

From what you have written, it sounds like your partner is really unwell and when people are not feeling great and our health declines, we become stressed, overwhelmed, over-looked, thought patterns can change and the usual norm is different.

Try focusing on getting his health and wellness back up.
I am sure that your partner is a very lucky person to have you there to look after him.
You both need to take care of each other - your health are each others priorities.

Good luck 🙂

[Carolyn_Rae]

What a day.

I thought I managed to control my anxiety this morning. Unfortunately it just spilled over into trying to discuss with my partner about, what ended up being a hoax email from a bank saying that a direct debit failed and to put money into said account.

Boy did I cop it from my partner- he said I was stupid, a clown, that I didn't know what was going on etc.

He told me to not touch the bank accounts, to not even log in to the accounts.

I worked out what happened - he 'shot first' which is his style. I just stupidly never thought that he would tarnish me with the same brush as he does others he think are stupid.

Stressful times.

[quirkywords]

Carolyn Rae,

I again, I think I amswered you on another thread too.

our husband is taking out his stress on you. I have been called names by my partner who is usually calm but can lose it at times. It is awful to have someone who says they love you call you names. Hoax emails can look so real.

you are an adult and need to be treated as an adult.

Hope tomorrow is better.

[Carolyn_Rae]

What a stressful couple of months.

1. Being about 90% responsible for going through the joint home loan process, moving furniture etc, setting up working from home.

2. Dealing with partners outbursts (because of the stress associated with moving house)

3. Living way in the past because the present was shitty.

Fast forward to today.

1. Settled in the new home

2. Have been working from home for several weeks now (not a balanced work life as I miss the face to face interaction - we don't use Skype). Need to establish balance in this area.

3. After carrying around negative emotions for months from my partner having swore at me, I finally asked him if he meant it. He said 'no'. It was done in the heat of the moment when he was really stressed. What a relief.

For months I carried around that horrible feeling, which impacted on how I'd interact with him. I would be thinking not nice things about him; when he spoke to me, I would reply in a nasty way. During this 'negative period' there wete quite a few fights - which I think is to be expected.

Why didn't I ask him earlier? I don't know.

I do know, however that I tried a myriad of times to put it behind me, but failed to do so.

One day at a time.