undecided

[KTF]

I love my wife and kids but i feel we as a married couple have drifted apart. I'm a good person I work full-time in corrections ( Crime)  i cook, clean look after the kids put them to bed every day but I feel its never good enough. I never go to the pub or hang out with mates I feel that i don't want to return home and I feel pressure from her family is also contributing. I hate trying to work out what she will be like each day. I feel it should be this hard. I have approached the topic number of times but she just cries. Im at a loss i see other family members enjoying their lives and i feel it may be easy single. But i have supported her enormously with finances and yet her family are very well off and i feel if we do spilt she will take everything from me and i will be a 40yr old male starting from scratch again

[Scared]

You sound like a top bloak.

Something I see missing is what are you doing for yourself.

Maybe see your mates or go to the pub not as a way of neglecting your family but as a way to get energy and perspective on areas in your life.

If your boxed in between work and family then how can you see the forest for the trees adage,   The time given to what your needs are can help revitalise you and then perhaps this will give you more balance energy to which you can bring home  to the family for to help them further.   I believe everyone needs time out to let their hair down.  We feed our bodies but we need to feed our souls as well.

[KTF]

Thank you for this. I visit my brother probably 3 times a year and we go fishing for 3 days straight but the fear of asking to go, the constant guilt for going and when i return home the guilt that comes with it. I feel sometimes it's easier not to go and when i drive home I'm constantly in tears. I feel I'm just not happy but if we split i don't know what will happen as she will most likely get everything. House, car, etc. 

[Scared]

I get that you feel guilt.

Guilt comes from the feeling that you are doing something wrong by your family.

If I had to challenge guilt thoughts I would do it by asking what are my motives for doing this ( fishing )

You are going fishing to recharge so you can be there for your family.

This is self care not selfish as there is a huge difference.  How guilty would you feel leaving your wife and not trying self care first . After the upheaval of divorce you may feel guilt again but this time with the thought of you didnt try everything.   We can forget easily we take care work and family but taking care ourselves is an important job as well.

One that is often overlooked.

I have a married friend who practises self care regularly.  We find it funny but we know this is important if we want this friend to be happy and healthy.

Perhaps if your partner knew how you get your energy and how important it really is for you to be whole for family and this is how ( fishing)  you achieve this self care