Feeling not wanted

[Jordan701]

Hi all I’m not the best at this stuff but here go’s

im a 22yr old male nearly 23 and over the last 3-4 years I’ve just felt not wanted in any form I’m outgoing nice funny and caring but just get treated like crap I play sports and no one sits near me or really talks to me it seems like I always start the conversation and then they just get shitty and leave or I join in a group and they talk around me then leave then I’m just by myself talking to girls isn’t to hard of a task but I’m a virgin and I get made fun of a lot for it so my confidence it getting lower each day and I’ve been talking to less and less girls my family are all starting to have family’s of their own and I get reminded daily that they’re disappointed with my not dating or talking about my future and that just makes me feel on the outside of my family as well as my teammates I should also mention I had a lot of friends at school but they most of them stopped inviting me and talking to me after I stopped going to school for a few months because my mental health was not well at all and they never asked me how I was and blamed me for not coming to invites I’m not in a big area I’m in a small town and gossip and word spreads fast and then you just get left out of everything and end up not knowing if you belong at all I finally got a stable job after months of no jobs and my family are starting to be proud of me in that regard but I just feel trapped and everyday I feel worse & worse at work but put on a brave face but I feel like the customers can see through my fake smile and once happy shine I’m staring to not enjoy things that gave me joy and now just opt for my bed and movies after work till night and get up and do it all again…..I’m starting to lose faith In everything

[indigo22]

Hi Jordan701,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

It's really hard when you feel like you don't fit in and I'm sorry to hear how this has affected your life.

For the most part, it sounds like the people around you don't really know you and haven't taken the time to get to know you. Do you at least have one friend that has stuck with you? I have found it is more about the quality than the quantity when it comes to friendships.

Have you told your family how much their expectations are affecting you? It is unreasonable to be expected to work in with what others think is an appropriate timeline for anything in your life. I would suggest that you make it clear to your family that this is your life, not theirs, and the pressure to conform to their ideals is having a negative effect on your self esteem and self worth.

The other thing I would suggest is to start setting some boundaries for yourself. This means questioning what you are and are not willing to accept from others, regardless of who they are. Those boundaries are very important and are best set early in life rather than later. It gives you a guide as to when you are being treated with disrespect. Respect and kindness is something we all deserve, regardless of age.

I am now in my 60s and it took me a long time to set those boundaries, so I hope you will not make the same mistake that I did.

Is there a chance at some time in the future, you could consider moving away from the town you live in, somewhere near enough for visits but far enough away that no one knows your history? Where people don't have a preconceived idea of who you are.

I also would suggest, now you are working, looking into finding a good therapist who can help you get on top of the depressive symptoms you have described. First step would be to visit your GP and let them know how you are feeling. It would be in your best interest to get on top of this early, the longer you leave it, the harder it is to turn things around.

I hope this is of some help to you and please feel free to continue this conversation if you are comfortable doing so. You are not alone here.

Take care,

indigo