Toxic relationship with Mother.

[-e]

I've recently come into a situation where I am back living in my parents home. I'm 24 and before now I had lived out of home for 4 years, part of that time overseas. I am actively looking to move out but given I'm a full time student, money is an issue at the moment.

I have always had issues with my mother and it's gotten extremely bad since I've moved back in with her.

She is controlling and overly critical of everything I do. She makes constant comments about what I eat, where I eat, how lazy I am etc. I tried speaking to a therapist about this but haven't been back since my Mum started contacting my therapist looking for information that I wasn't willing to share with her. She has even ruined relationships by being extremely intrusive.

I'm trying everything to avoid these encounters and not give her a reason to be so critical and controlling but it doesn't seem to be working. I've tried limiting how much we speak to avoid any arguements or criticism but this seems to make things worse.

I feel so guilty for not getting on with her and for wanting to cut ties. But I feel I'm suffering by being around her and feel like bursting into tears after any sort of negative encounter.

[Nervybella]

Hi e,

Im sorry to hear that you're in a tough relationship. It must be hard.

This may sound silly, but have you ever explicitly told your mum how her actions make you feel? Does she know she has impacted on other relationships and is making you unhappy in your own home?

Obviously it is easier said than done, but maybe even getting a mediator of some sort to sit down with both of you, to act as some sort of buffer?

Is there anyone else living with you that would back you up if you spoke to your mum?

Best,

Bella

[geoff]

hello -e, you are in a situation where you are being controled, where your mother is determined to know what you do and with whom, and your therapist by law should be keeping what you both have spoken about, and should never breach this confidentiality, unless you give consent, but I'm sure you haven't.
How she found out must have been by your doctor who should also say nothing to her, so mistrust has occurred twice, so for starters you need a new doctor and a new therapist/psychologist, so click onto 'Get Support' at the top of the page and scroll down until you see 'Find a Professional, these doctor's are aligned with BB and treat people with any mental illness.
I can't see why you feel guilty, she has criticised and tormented you in every aspect of your life, she has been the one to cause all of this, and she hates you being quiet because she's nosey and wants to know more about you so that she has something to criticise.
I know that you're a student, but someway you have to move out, she has and still is destroying your life, so are you able to move in with some people you know and then help pay your way.
For whatever reason she has turned on you, she is determined to destroy your life, any r/ship's which will then make your uni feel like hell.
Put a note on the uni board where all notices are placed asking for a room, and if by chance you are getting some form of pension by centrelink, then you maybe entitled to rent assistance, however that's not what I can be sure about.
Can I please urge you to find another doctor/psychologist where your doctor can put you on a 'mental health plan' where yo can get 10 free visits to see a psych. Geoff.

[Sophie_M]

Hi -e, thanks for coming back to the forums to update us on your situation.  We can see that you were last here back in November, and have another thread on this.  So our community can keep up with your full story, we're going to close this thread off and request that you continue updating your original thread below:

Not ready to speak about issues but being forced