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Toxic relationship break up & weekend depression

soph33
Community Member

Hi guys!

As of late, I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago after 3 years. We had a toxic relationship and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I tried to give him another chance the other week but then all this anxiety came back all in one day and I ended up crying saying I couldn’t do it anymore. He never cheated but he would hide the truth and do things without thinking about my feelings. He has hurt me so much and now that I’ve broken up with him, I feel so down on the weekends that I just have no energy to do much. I’m not sure if it’s because I have been so emotionally and mentally drained of 3 years with him though.

I do well throughout the work week because I love my job and it gives me the motivation and happiness I want but when it comes to the weekend I feel alone. I don’t really want to go out drinking and partying because it’s not something that makes me feel better.

I love him so much still and all I think about is that he will meet another girl before I meet someone and he will be happier without me. It’s stupid but I can’t help but think that. I wasn’t enough to make him happy. So now I feel I have no confidence, I’m not interesting, I’m not pretty enough, I’m just me and nothing great. I feel because it was toxic that I sacrificed myself and now I don’t even know who I am, what I enjoy etc. where as he is able to go and spend time with his mates and be happy but I just don’t want to do that. I gave him everything of me and I feel so lost without him.

I guess I’m writing this to see if anyone else has experienced something similar and how they are coping today. This has been like no other relationship I ever had. I loved him more than I’ve loved anyone else. We have ended things on good terms which makes me happy but I just feel like I’m so boring and nothing good about me 😞

I hate weekends because I’m stuck with my thoughts and I constantly think he is out partying and meeting someone new. I feel a bit hopeless now.

13 Replies 13

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Soph welcome 😊

It's understandable you feeling down & lost after 3yrs that's a big chunk of your life. Sounds recent that yous split, sounds like it might be best thing for you with him holding back on truth & hurting you a lot. Doesnt mean much now but in time it'll hurt less.

Try hard not to let depression envelope & consume you it thrives on pain pulls us down furthur.

You've got good things goin for you like great job & awesome you dont wanna be drowning pain drinking up big, sounds like your heads on straight

Give yourself time to adjust hun. Go easy on yourself.

Good hearing it was amicable

Here if you wanna talk more 😊

Thank you 🙂 it’s nice to know someone is listening and would spend their time replying. Thank u, thank u, thank u.

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

😊 you're welcome darl

Here when u needan ear or shoulder or both

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Soph33~

Yes there are a fair number of people that listen, and some always reply if we can relate to the problem or think we can help a bit.

Breaking up after 3 years is, as DB has said, a might big thing and of course will give you great feelings of grief. Those other feelings of no confidence, I'm not interesting, I'm not pretty enough ... are unfortunately to be expected too. Not based on reality, just a natural reaction. Two months is in fact a very short time to get over things.

Actually I'm pretty impressed, not just that you had the resourcefulness to post here, but that you broke of a bad relationship after being so involved. Some would have just gone on suffering and wasted their lives. Actually you do sound a together sort of person, even if miserable at the moment. Holding down your job - and probably more importantly having one that you enjoy, sounds pretty good, as does the sense not to try to drown things in drink.

Being able to arrange the finish in a friendly manner sounds like ability and wisdom too.

As you are finding out having time one your hands, probably as you might have spent weekends with him, is the hard time. Do you think, at least on a temporary basis you could do something else on weekends. I realize you probably have chores to take up part of it but how about the rest?

One good thing is to see what your interests are, from movies to - well I don't know - gym, pets, painting? Then have a look around and see what clubs and societies are in your area.

I live in a small country town and even here there is a book club, choir and lots of other things to do. Trying several until you find one that clicks would take up your time and provide distraction.

When I was grieving over a loss I found being able to talk a great relief. Do you have anyone, family or friends, who you can be with, talk to, who would care and want to support you?

Please realize you can talk here as often as you'd like, you will always be met with understanding

Croix

loouuiiee
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Heyyy Soph,

I have been in a very similar situation as I was in an abusive long term relationship with my ex. I did everything he said, lost all my friends family and hobbies to become exactly who and what he wanted me to be and when we ended I felt like an empty shell of a person, like I had wasted years being exactly what he wanted and totally lost sense of who I was and what I used to enjoy before he changed everything about me. Try reconnecting with people from your past (people you were close with before your 3 year relationship began). Wrack your brain to remember what you used to enjoy doing before you even met him and see if you still enjoy those things now.

i did anything and everything to try and distract myself from the pain which was a little crazy, but it got me to experience a whole heap of new things and got me out of the house and meeting people.

explain to people at your work that weekends are a little lonely now you are single and you need a little push to go out and enjoy life again, your colleagues may have ideas.

Look for social media groups and join groups of people of similar age to you who have similar hobbies (book clubs, car clubs, craft clubs, volunteering etc.) so you meet new people you share a common interest with.

Even if I don't really hate me ex I find it really helps to convince yourself that you HAAAAATE them, you find them disgusting and that you do not want to know anything about them and what they are doing right now.

put them and your whole past together to the back of your mind. I know it's sad and hard to close a big chapter of your life, but if the relationship was bad for you then trust me you REALLY need to close that chapter and begin a new one. You can make this new chapter the best one of your life so far! It's been almost 2 years since my ex and I ended and I have a whole new relationship which is great! Things are 100 times better now than I ever thought they would be back when I was with me ex! 🙂 you can do it!! Go out and live your life to the fullest ❤️

Same right now , not quite as long but following divorce so .

Our thing was huge , insane intensity and feelings and highs , like never before. But l think it'd might've been called toxic as well. l still love her to the soul and know by now l'll never find what we had to that degree ever again. But we had an edge too , maybe it was her , or maybe l just brought it out somehow, l don't know but it was nasty whenever it came about and on top of some other big long distance issues ,seemed there was no other way ,tried anything l could think off.

Our last split was a few wks back now, so l'm here with ya too unfortunately and really , really starting to feel it and like you especially on wkends yeah , l hear ya.

We just have to soldier on l guess and ride it out . Great if you can start enjoying things you like or hobbies , in time , so l keep telling myself, well , l'm trying.

We can't worry about how happy they end up or make it a race though , this much l do know. My ex w rushed into something and she seems miserable , now that she's married the guy. l mean no thanks ,l'd rather rough it out and be damn sure if l walk that one again.

Hang in there , day ata time for now . No need to worry about the future right now spoil you a little.

AnonyA
Community Member

Hey Soph.. I was just googling toxic breakup and weekend depression and came across your post.

I feel exactly like you feel (although it's only been just over a year) although we lived together so it was pretty intense. In the week i'm fine because I have a good job and great colleagues and I'm busy but I have no desire to honour drinking every week and it seems like that's what everyone is doing.. I'm used to so much drama and arguing at the weekends and now he's gone although it's peaceful and healthier, I'm lonely. How are you feeling now? I note it was 6 months ago? Are you feeling better? What helped?

Thanks

AC

soph33
Community Member

Hey AC!

I apologise for the delay, I didn’t check back in for a long time. How are you doing?

soph33
Community Member

Hey Croix!

i want to thank you kindly for your reply and apologies for not getting back to you sooner.