Hi Aprilmay and welcome to the forum.
Thank you for being so open and giving us a fair bit of detail. This is much appreciated to try to understand your situation.
It seems like both of you have initiated and tried to get intimate on quite a few occasions. It appears to me that you might have been trying a bit more and as gentle, understanding, and patient as you have been, nothing has worked.
It's obvious that both of you love and care deeply about each other. This usually goes pair in pair with trust as well as a willingness to work on things.
There is one thing that caught my attention in your post: "They also suggest the idea of being more intimate when cuddling, but then they get freaked out and scared." I think the question here would be - what are they scared of? This, however, might be a massive question, and I wouldn't know if they would be ready to face this question, let alone dig deep for answers. Still, an open conversation between partners, especially if there are some issues, is vital. You can try to assure them about your love, understanding, caring deeply about them etc, and hope this will be enough for them to open up and share their fears with you. They might have their reasons why they haven't spoken about this with you or anyone before. Fear of rejection? Maybe. You have been very supportive but reassuring them about this wouldn't be too much here.
They can always start by talking to a counselor first, and then sharing this with you. If this is how they would prefer to go about this. Whatever makes them feel comfortable and safe.
