Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Sueetties Relationships with my boss. Is it too close?
  • replies: 1

Hi i haven’t been to this forum since 2018. I am back today wanting to see some posts how people are doing. I have been working from home since when COVID started. It’s been over 1.5 years. I have lately had a strange feeling with my boss. I feel tha... View more

Hi i haven’t been to this forum since 2018. I am back today wanting to see some posts how people are doing. I have been working from home since when COVID started. It’s been over 1.5 years. I have lately had a strange feeling with my boss. I feel that the relationship is awkward as there isn’t a fine line between two of us. She can text me whenever what’s she’s doing and her children etc. I certainly don’t like to speak to her about my personal issues non do I like to be-friend with her. Not because she’s not nice but she’s my boss. I just want to talk about work related issues last week I took two days off as I think depression kicked in again. I texted her in the morning that I wasn’t feeling well and I wasn’t able to work. My boss then sent me 4 lots of texts in that 2 days asking me how I felt and if I was able to get to see a doctor etc. I admit that she’s kind of a caring person. But because we started from a colleague relationships. She was promoted to become my direct line manager about 2 years ago. The feeling has been awkward to me and I don’t know how to handle this! I didn’t want to tell her that I want a bit of personal space. I started thinking if we are just too close! I started kind of withdrawing myself a little. Am I thinking too much or is it a healthy normal relationships? I am an introvert person…

Georgie_Girl I don't believe that I will ever find love
  • replies: 3

Anyone who I have ever called a best friend has decided to leave my life with little to no explanation. My boyfriend of 11 years left me in a very ugly and painful breakup where he basically took all of my biggest insecurities and fears and used them... View more

Anyone who I have ever called a best friend has decided to leave my life with little to no explanation. My boyfriend of 11 years left me in a very ugly and painful breakup where he basically took all of my biggest insecurities and fears and used them as reasons to leave me (he took back what he said later, but the damage was done and I don't know what to believe now). I had to move back home at 28, have no friends, no boyfriend, my mental health is in shatters and my job is only about the money (which I despise, I have always wanted to work for passion more than money). My entire image of my future; all my hopes and dreams have been completely destroyed and honestly I have very little hope for anything good in my future. It felt and still does feel like a nightmare come to life. I am overweight, mentally ill, chronically ill, have self-esteem and trust issues and am demisexual (cannot experience sexual attraction without a strong emotional connection). I don't think anyone will ever be attracted to me and even if they were at first, once they found out everything that they would have to deal with they wouldn't think I was worth it. Then on top of that even if someone found me attractive and decided to hang around despite all of my crap; the chances of us also being sexually, mentally and emotionally compatible feel miniscule. Then even if I did lose weight and get on top of my mental health for now, I am so terrified that I'll meet someone new, fall hard for them and then when I have a mental health relapse or when I gain weight again they'll leave just like everyone else did. It makes me feel like who I am now isn't good enough and I do not believe that I will be able to evolve out of being this person forever; I believe that I will most likely always have mental health relapses and I will gain weight again. I want to be loved for who I am now but apparently that's impossible. I don't want to be alone forever but I feel like that's the future I'm facing. I would appreciate any support or help but please don't tell me to be positive and just give it time - that is pretty much all I am being told and it doesn't absolutely nothing to help.

pl515p1 A broken family, should I keep trying?
  • replies: 5

Hello, my mum and dad separated when I was young, and I lived with dad, my brother lived with mum. Last year both mum and dad passed away far too soon in life, both only in their 60's. Early this year I finally managed to track down my older brother ... View more

Hello, my mum and dad separated when I was young, and I lived with dad, my brother lived with mum. Last year both mum and dad passed away far too soon in life, both only in their 60's. Early this year I finally managed to track down my older brother after not seeing him for many years, 15+, not since I was a small boy. I reached out to him, and my Auntie and Cousin who live around him, the response I received from someone on behalf of the family stated that my brother is not well, and with the grief over losing mum and years apart, they are not willing at this time to make contact. A short time later I found out that dad had been in contact with that aunt in recent years, and thus in contact with mum, I even learned that dad was assisting mum financially with her medical bills in the year or so before she passed, he basically used all of his retirement and Super in assisting her. Now obviously, my dad had every right to give money to mum, and although I had not seen mum for too long, I too would give all I have to help her. This is why their refusal to make contact hurts so much, there had been some sort of contact between dad and that half of the family, and they knew dad passed as the letter expressed condolences. So they know I am near, I am suffering, and I am alone, yet will not even reach out for a simple message to see if I am okay, I understand time creates distance, and I hold so much guilt that I was not there for mum when she was ill, but I did not even know she was so close, let alone ill, it is not my fault. A friend of my father told me that mum was asked if she wanted to see me, but said she did not want me to see her in her condition, so she passed holding photos of me as a child, when I heard this I broke down. I let mum down, now my brother is not well, I don't know how long he has, I cannot hold onto more grief, I have lost dad, I lost mum before I could make it up to her, now I am not even given the chance to even try to reconnect with my big bro before it is too late. I cannot take much more, I have tried to reach out to them several times to no further response, I don't know if they think I am after dad's money, or what, but I am alone here, I have done nothing wrong, time has gone, but we are near each other now, why waste whatever we have left? Just to know my family is there would aid my healing so much. I feel like giving up , too much. Sometimes I feel angry, sometimes I feel sad, I wish it would all just go away. Drift into..

SoulSearch New to this and alone
  • replies: 6

Hi all Im new to these forums and wasn’t sure where to start. I’ve recently been told my marriage is over, with no warning or will to fix this it and I’m im so lost. Struggling to get through each day and feeling so heart broken, hurt and isolated. I... View more

Hi all Im new to these forums and wasn’t sure where to start. I’ve recently been told my marriage is over, with no warning or will to fix this it and I’m im so lost. Struggling to get through each day and feeling so heart broken, hurt and isolated. It feels worse every day. And while the kids are a good distraction for parts of the day it only takes a minute to come flooding back. I know I’m not in a good place but with no support and the one person I put my trust in being the one that broke me, I’m not sure what’s next. How do you pull yourself out of the dark hole?

Bananie1234 I’m worried that I’ll lose my family
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, about me, i moved from nz to qld for uni 7 years ago and stayed. in 1st year, i visited Melb and fell in love with the city. my mum is highly against me moving (my brother is also in qld and she wants us to stay close). So i stayed put a... View more

Hi everyone, about me, i moved from nz to qld for uni 7 years ago and stayed. in 1st year, i visited Melb and fell in love with the city. my mum is highly against me moving (my brother is also in qld and she wants us to stay close). So i stayed put and convinced myself it’s just a phase, that where i am is good. Then covid came last year and it hit me real hard. The realisation that i have no real friends and was lonely. I did have my brother close by but we don’t see each other much. Covid last year was tough for me. I felt my mood affected my family a lot (they are overseas). i decided covid isn’t going anywhere soon. So I didn’t want to waste another year feeling empty. I put my foot down and moved to vic. I thought i got my mum’s blessing, but she got upset at me for not moving back to qld (I’ve only been here 2 months), for renting my house out to a tenant, she said i was complaining about lockdown and that I shouldn’t move during covid. also about me, I’m of Asian background so those who don’t understand, the culture is like the movie, the big fat greek wedding but my fam are less crazy and my parents know I’m westernised. i was lucky to be able to own a house at a young age taking charity from my family ofc. I only decided to be a house owner as my parents said that I will be paying them back each month like mortgage. But there’s problems. theyve always been unhappy with me renting a room out to a stranger to cover expenses. I’ve never rented it out to anybody except once to a friend. But my best friend temporarily stayed with me for work and they were a little iffy about her having my keys. They didn’t want a tenant in the house while they are visiting, they didn’t want a male tenant (I’m a girl) and they think any tenant will ruin my house. They said that I don’t need to pay them back if i ask the new tenant to move which i disagreed to. my parents said Im more short with them and have become stubborn and that I’m not willing to listen to them. I agree, covid has made me moody but I’m so tired of them not understanding why i did what i did. But why does it feel like a sin? I feel I’ve ruined my relationship with my family! my family are just worried about my safety and my well-being. My mum literally said she’ll be losing sleep over this tenant. I’m so confused… i felt like I’ve hurt my loved ones by moving to Melbourne. i thought I was being independent and creating my own path but now I feel I’m being selfish.

Baby_number_3 Baby number 3
  • replies: 2

Hi there we just found out I’m pregnant with baby number 3, 5 weeks along my partner (father of all children) wants me to abort i however do not want to abort and he’s been saying if you have this baby we will be in debt the rest of our life’s….he ha... View more

Hi there we just found out I’m pregnant with baby number 3, 5 weeks along my partner (father of all children) wants me to abort i however do not want to abort and he’s been saying if you have this baby we will be in debt the rest of our life’s….he has said he will self harm, he has also said that by having a 3rd my 2 other children aren’t good enough for me I love my children so much I put them before anyone/anything….he is the only one that has a job at the moment but I’m starting a job on Wednesday and I’m also trying to start a beauty business (located in Victoria so when and if lockdown ends) I’m not sure where to go I 100% don’t want to abort but I don’t want to lose the love of my life and the father of my children

Shariffe Struggling to cope with separation from wife and kids
  • replies: 7

Where do I start I have been with my wife for 14 years and we share two children together a 13 year old girl and 7 year old boy. She fell pregnant 3 months after we started dating and I fell in love with her from day one. We have recently separated 4... View more

Where do I start I have been with my wife for 14 years and we share two children together a 13 year old girl and 7 year old boy. She fell pregnant 3 months after we started dating and I fell in love with her from day one. We have recently separated 4 months ago and I'm finding it so difficult to live without them thoughout our relationship we've had our ups and downs like any normal relationship a few of those times we were both physical with each other but we always managed to get through it and move on stronger but on the 18th of April 2021 everything changed we had just returned home from a 4 day holiday and during the holiday she was very cold towards me and I just thought she was angry at me for something I said or done but it wasn't. When we first arrived home I asked her did she want to go do some grocery shopping as the school holidays were nearly up and needed to get things for the kids school lunch but she continued to ignore me like I was nothing I kept asking her what's wrong but no answer i got fed up with being treated like I didn't matter we got into another argument. I begged her to talk to me and she just called her sister to pick her up and left the house asking me to pack my things and leave throughout the next 2 months I kept messaging her and calling her begging to come home and make amends I was so sorry she kept telling me she no longer loves me yet a week before going on our holiday we were making love and she said she loves me with all her heart always and forever and couldn't ever live without me I'm so confused did she ever love me or was it all a lie? She told me she gave up trying on us because I didn't make her happy and that she wanted be find her own happiness like our marriage meant nothing to her I was told I'm selfish and that I have way to many feelings and emotions and to go seek help she knows I suffer depression and anxiety and was always there by my side supporting me. she called the police in June and placed domestic chargers against and an avo so that I can no longer contact her or see her she's changed her phone number taken my children away I've broken the avo 3 times and was thrown in prison for 16 days and all because I went home begging for her to come home I miss her and I still love her I miss my kids they are begging me to come home I don't know what to do.

batticus Going no contact
  • replies: 3

As you might have seen on my other thread I have had to leave my GF of 5 1/2 years. It's a horrible situation but we had no way forwards. Her wanting to move interstate, me wanting a life here. We talked and talked and talked. The uncertainty of that... View more

As you might have seen on my other thread I have had to leave my GF of 5 1/2 years. It's a horrible situation but we had no way forwards. Her wanting to move interstate, me wanting a life here. We talked and talked and talked. The uncertainty of that situation made me so unwell, even work knew something was wrong. I was so close to admitting myself to the hospital as my depression had spiralled out of control. I went to see her on Wednesday to see if she had made a decision about what she wants. She hadn't even thought about it. I explained how stressful this situation was getting. There's a degree of uncertainty that is bearable, this wasn't. The relationship meant everything to me, but it was hanging in the air for weeks. The stress was too much. When I told her how bad it was getting; she had no response. No empathy, nothing. Anyway I told her that I have to break up with her. I kind of liken it to proposing to someone where instead of saying yes/no they will say , "I'll think about it, let's talk Saturday"... Saturday comes ... "ok let's talk Tuesday, I just want to have dinner". That's how I felt. I had to leave In the 36 hours or so since she has started sending me text messages, gradually getting angrier in tone I am being accused of ghosting her, undignified my handling of this break up has been; and how she thinks I hate her. I have respectfully replied saying I don't want to talk, and I don't hate her. I have now blocked her on my phone, this seems drastic but I can't deal with the guilt she is making me feel. I realise she has traits of covert narcissism so some of this behaviour doesn't surprise me but I feel so torn up about this. No contact is hard but anyway, the plan is this weekend to maintain no-contact and hopefully we BOTH can heal a bit.

TJE Unable to meet wife’s emotional needs because of depression
  • replies: 4

Hi, My Anxiety and depression has been up and down over the last 7+ years. At the moment it’s very bad and I feel very negative about myself. problem is it’s my wife’s birthday today and I haven’t been able to do much to celebrate it with her. I have... View more

Hi, My Anxiety and depression has been up and down over the last 7+ years. At the moment it’s very bad and I feel very negative about myself. problem is it’s my wife’s birthday today and I haven’t been able to do much to celebrate it with her. I haven’t been able to do much about planning anything/buying a gift/even making sure there’s some food in the house for a normal day. She’s very upset and says she feels unloved. She also knows on some level it’s the depression but it was a similar situation on her birthday last year as well. I’ve apologised that my capacity hasn’t allowed me to do more and I do understand why she feels this way. But I can’t make the depression go away because it’s her birthday. This is an ongoing issue for us, she has to do a lot generally to support me and keep everyday life going. I guess it’s worse on a day like her birthday. I don’t know whether to try and have more of a conversation with her, which might be more upsetting and make things about me and my problems on her birthday. Or do I just leave it for now, try and do a few nice things for her and let her feel how she feels?

Wlooozy Losing a Friend
  • replies: 3

I had a best friend of almost 6 years. We had our arguments like friends would but we always apologised and moved on. Just recently he had messaged me saying he didn't want to be friends anymore over text message. This absolutely shocked me and I tho... View more

I had a best friend of almost 6 years. We had our arguments like friends would but we always apologised and moved on. Just recently he had messaged me saying he didn't want to be friends anymore over text message. This absolutely shocked me and I thought it was a joke he was playing. But, he was being serious. We hadn't messaged each other for awhile but I always made sure to check up on him whenever I saw him at school and converse with him - but he always seemed disinterested and less responsive towards me. I knew something was up but I didn't want to annoy him since he already was disinterested. He had sent me message saying he think we should break our friendship. I asked him why and had told me he was sick of receiving the same treatment over the 6 years we've been friends. He told me he was sick of me being; manipulative, controlling, unsupportive of anything big in his life and the lies I've told. When he had mentioned that to me, I honestly felt like a stab in my heart, I personally felt like I didn't any of those things to him over the 6 years we've been friends and it hurts me to know that he felt/thought of me like that. I wonder if I had always been a bad friend, from my perspective I had nothing but been there for him and supported him through tough times when he confined in me. I can't describe how much it hurts me knowing he said all those words to me. I'm still shocked. He even told me other people felt the same which is shocking because I usually keep to myself and my small circle of friends. He told me that he was willing to forgive and continue being friends as long as I changed. I told him that if he felt as those I did all those things to him over the 6 years we've known each other that we shouldn't be friends. I was upset at that moment and didn't want to be friends with him anymore - but now I'm conflicted as I MIGHT want to still be friends. I should have cleared my head instead of reacting with my emotion. But I'm still extremely hurt by his comments and don't know if being friends again is a great option for us. Is it worth giving it another chance and try making amends between us?