Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Tinalea20 closed person...... reaching out for the first time needing someone to talk to
  • replies: 7

moved states coz i thought he was different, its hard to paint a picture in a few words But.. at the start he was awesome it was like he gets me, we both had a crap CH. both had crap ex's. (so i thought) but im going thought the same as them. been wi... View more

moved states coz i thought he was different, its hard to paint a picture in a few words But.. at the start he was awesome it was like he gets me, we both had a crap CH. both had crap ex's. (so i thought) but im going thought the same as them. been with him for nearly 3yrs, have depression, PTSD due to CH. we rented when i got here til his ex moved out of HIS house, she trashed it so to make it livable i paid for repair's coz my name was meant to go on the title. ever since we moved in with all my furniture he started his crap. picking at every little thing, if i stood up for myself i was shot down. this happened all the time, if i did something he had done all hell would break loose. i got jack of it about 6mths ago and said give me back the money i have put into the house and ill move out. things got better in the next few weeks and we were back on again. little things started again a little time after and got right back where they were. if i tried to talk about things he would say why bring up the past, that was a week ago harden up. he would try and get a bit but i was still pissed off and that would start a new fight. 3 weeks ago in one of our fights he said ' you dont know what i get up to " i flipped my lid and went to bed, he came in and told me to get out of HIS room, Its my house and the main room is mine. i told him to go away as this is my bed ( i brought it with me) a little childish i know. this has happened many times b4. heaps of other stuff has happened but i can explain that later. i have tried to find a house to rent but living in a small town is very hard. im not giving up thou as my mental health is though the roof. i have reached out to DV services but they are useless. i have no family or friends for support ( i find it hard to make friends). all i do is work, come home , sleep and do it all again.

Wanttogetitright Trying for a fresh start - Need to work on myself Help
  • replies: 2

At the start of this year I ended my 15yr marriage. I felt so free and all my friends were supportive and very happy for me. I have since met a new man who I feel is the man of my dreams and I want to get it right this time. I have CPTSD from childho... View more

At the start of this year I ended my 15yr marriage. I felt so free and all my friends were supportive and very happy for me. I have since met a new man who I feel is the man of my dreams and I want to get it right this time. I have CPTSD from childhood sexual assaults and a Very abusive mother she is a full blown Nassist. I have huge abandonment issues and every time I don't get my own way I can not control in emotions and frustration. I then have a tantrum I cry and get angry. I want so badly to stop this behaviour but I don't know how. What techniques and resources have people found to help them over come such poor behaviours and interactions. Thanks everyone I really want to be well.

Bluebell1 Partner doesnt want children and Im undecided
  • replies: 4

Hello I dont want this issue to seem to have an obvious answer because Im so conflicted but any advice would be helpful. My partner of 2.5 years doesnt want children and Ive always been neutral about being a mother.I dont think Id be ready till at le... View more

Hello I dont want this issue to seem to have an obvious answer because Im so conflicted but any advice would be helpful. My partner of 2.5 years doesnt want children and Ive always been neutral about being a mother.I dont think Id be ready till at least mid 30's and Im 29 now. I thought Id accepted to not be a mother and stay with him but now im planning on moving in with him and Im getting anxious about this decision. The easy answer would be to walk away from him but I dont feel like I have the strength to do that. Ive been battling depression for a long time!

MumofOneSeekingSupport Mental Illness Blame - help
  • replies: 4

My first post on this - or any - forum. My ex and father of our child is blaming our son’s behaviour on my mental illness. small amount of context - last year circumstances led me to become unwell. I was isolated, more than just the lockdown, there w... View more

My first post on this - or any - forum. My ex and father of our child is blaming our son’s behaviour on my mental illness. small amount of context - last year circumstances led me to become unwell. I was isolated, more than just the lockdown, there were other factors too identifying to include. His reaction was to threaten me with lawyers and courts, I felt powerless and let him take majority care of our child. It made me fall even further apart initially. We attended mediation and he made clear several things he expected of me. All of which I have done. He on the other hand had one task which he couldn’t complete. I want care to return to normal but he is resistant I had a small bout of low mood recently, I kept him informed, I adhere to treatment, I do not experience psychosis or hallucinations. I care for my son - he is fed, he is clean, taken to school, I don’t emotionally or physically abuse him. I love and nurture him. but he’s going through some behavioural issues. He’s struggling with some school stuff. He is unsettled from transitions between houses. The unsettled thing I know is common. The tantrums I don’t know what their about but I’ve been through tantrum phases before His father believes my mental illness is causing all these problems and has pulled out his threats again. I’m in a much better state of mind than I was last year and am not willing to be pushed around I feel as though he’s never done the hard yards of parenting, has never learned or bothered to learn about children or child development and is scapegoating me to try and edge me further out of his life because it’s an easy solution I feel so alone I feel so scared of my ex and the way he twists things and the way people often look down on women in my position can anyone please tell me - what have they done in similar situations? I do get help I am in therapy I get support around my parenting but talking to him is like talking to a brick wal you would think I was an evil witch if I stand up for myself he says the most awful things to me but puts on a public image of a martyr and has even started withholding information from the school from me

Rachylou I'm so lost
  • replies: 17

Hi everyone or anyone really. It is 2:30am & I am in tears again. My husband just woke up and started to basically tell me to get a job. I do actually work part-time at the moment and my hours just got cut in half so I haven't been feeling very happy... View more

Hi everyone or anyone really. It is 2:30am & I am in tears again. My husband just woke up and started to basically tell me to get a job. I do actually work part-time at the moment and my hours just got cut in half so I haven't been feeling very happy lately. My husband works full time in a stressful job and has been working at home. I feel like he won't be happy until I'm working as much as him and as stressed as him. As soon as I show any signs of being happy, he just brings me down by telling me he does everything and has to support a whole family and how it's all up to him. He just makes me feel like nothing so I end up in tears, abs then it seems he's happy. I just don't know what to do. I just don't have any energy left.

EG1894 Toxic mother
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, I just wanted to see if anyone has had a similar experience to me and how they have dealt with it. I have been seeing someone for 3 years, he is a beautiful person with good intentions, he works hard and treats me well. However, my mum a... View more

Hi everyone, I just wanted to see if anyone has had a similar experience to me and how they have dealt with it. I have been seeing someone for 3 years, he is a beautiful person with good intentions, he works hard and treats me well. However, my mum absolutely hates him, she never has anything good to say about him, she is always negative and calls him the most disgusting and derogatory names. She does however act fake and nice to him to his face, but when he leaves I cop the brunt of everything. My whole extended family love him and so do my friends. For the past 3 years she has been not only nasty to him but incredibly nasty to me. She tells me I'm disgusting for wanting to be with someone like him and the only reason I'm with him is because I'm desperate to be liked by someone. There has been times in the past where he has stood up for both himself and I, however, she will just react by secluding the both of us from her house and from any family events. Just recently she told me that she spoke to her friend and that her friend knows a guy who wants to ask me out. I just find that very disrespectful. I just wanted to mention that she still loves my ex boyfriend who was emotionally and mentally abusive to me, and still hopes to this day that we will get back together. She tells me that her gut feeling is always right and that she knows he will contact me soon. I have been fighting to have a positive relationship with her for 3 years and have tried to forget all the trauma she has put me through, but I dont think I can keep going anymore. I guess I'm just scared to not have my mums support and I'm extremely desperate and always have been for her approval. Any guidance would help.... Thank you

Sweetmonkey71 Where to from here?
  • replies: 4

Hello to everyone, I am not sure what to do, I have been married for nearly 14 years to my second husband who I have loved dearly. Howeve, last week I had my ex over from interstate and they both went to the footy but it did not end well. My ex is il... View more

Hello to everyone, I am not sure what to do, I have been married for nearly 14 years to my second husband who I have loved dearly. Howeve, last week I had my ex over from interstate and they both went to the footy but it did not end well. My ex is ill and we are not sure what is going to happen. Anyway he stayed with us for the weekend, and he witnessed the most horrific situation that he has ever seen and that was my husband was screaming, swearing abuse at both of us about no one listens to him and then one thing led to another and he must of fell down at least 4 times on the floor and was hot. My ex and tried to cool him down also I tried to call police and ambulance but he bolted up and shouted 'NO'. It came to a point where my husband attempted suicide. My husband does not remember this part at all. Also he had the nerve to raise his hand in front of my face and my ex faces like he was going to hit us. He has previously been bad before but to do this with other people is a worry. My ex called him a monster to my face and said he never wants to see my husband ever again and he is not welcome into the home the day he dies for the sake of our two sons (they are young men). I completely understand this but the image in our heads and how he behaved has got me worried and this week has been hard. he carries on like nothing has happened. There was no drinking or drugs involved. He does not have a job as he had a workplace injury a cupule of years ago. I completely understand his frame of mind would not be the best. but he will not seek help. I have no confidence left I am battling health issues myself, I have no close friends anymore as my husband drives them away. Anyway I have rambled on enough to where I think you would see the point. I would like some advice please to what do I do if he doesnt want to get help or take ownership?

Evvee I can't stop over thinking.
  • replies: 6

Im ruining everything.. People sit there and say oh it's not you, but it is. I can't think straight I'm happy one day enjoying everything then I'm angry so angry the next it just happens. Waves of emotions. Freaking out like I'm not good enough, like... View more

Im ruining everything.. People sit there and say oh it's not you, but it is. I can't think straight I'm happy one day enjoying everything then I'm angry so angry the next it just happens. Waves of emotions. Freaking out like I'm not good enough, like I'm the reason everything is going wrong. My partner smokes weed, and it drives me crazy. I'm fine with the every now and then. But every say is annoying. It's no linger a lovey relationship it's me fighting for attention. To the point where I get angry and grab his phone or poke him.. I know. It's wrong. I get called crazy, psycho. Yea probably am that. I don't have friends or family. We moved in pretty quickly. I have my own place to go to if needed but I'm just struggling. I'm scared of loosing everything. I get told he regrets his decision on being with me bc I'm so crazy, that his wasting his time with me, no point taking me to family events so he doesn't waste his families time. Bc I cause drama every day. I've told him I'm struggling and I just get told tk relax. I feel like I can't talk about my past bc his not interested or it hurts him. I'm so stuck. I'm over this emotional roller-coaster everyday. I'm exhausted, I feel like Im wasting everyone's time. I was fine this morning on top of the world and now I'm in a heap. One small thing and it just sets me in a course of over thinking, he might step out for a bit and j think the worst. His not even doing anything. I can't stop I'm hurt, I dont want this relationship to end.. I dint want to act like this. It's not me. I miss me...

Tote442 Feeling crushed under the weight of the grief of a recent break up
  • replies: 2

Hi, This is my first time posting. I still feel raw after breaking up with my girlfriend - by email, then talking about it face-to-face. The waves of emotions are hard to describe - there is guilt, emptiness, sadness, despair. I feel a lump in my thr... View more

Hi, This is my first time posting. I still feel raw after breaking up with my girlfriend - by email, then talking about it face-to-face. The waves of emotions are hard to describe - there is guilt, emptiness, sadness, despair. I feel a lump in my throat sometimes. My chest is heavy. I suddenly feel weak and I need to collapse somewhere and curl up and cry. Keeping this at bay while putting on a brave face can be exhausting. And I'll be honest, although I can describe, using reason, why I broke up with her, I don't know why I am going on or what I want in life anymore. I feel that meaning is extinguished and I can't make sense of it anymore. The emotion will settle sometimes and I think I'm fine, then it comes surging up again. I don't want this to be true. I feel sorry for myself and for her. I don't want to be alone processing this awful experience. I feel unprepared and drained. It is so much bigger than me, and I feel weak by comparison. But I don't know who to turn to - I don't feel the closeness and trust I need in family and friends to make myself vulnerable this way and tell them about something so personal and intimate. I keep doing things, like eating or going about my life, by instinct or routine, but it feels senseless. I can detach and observe myself, even examine myself doing what I am doing, or in the clutches of grief. What I want to do most is get on my hands and knees and tell her how sorry I am and that there must be a way to make it ok again, even though I know there isn't. My reason tells me it is the right thing to do, breaking up with her, and I need to do this to look after myself, but I experience this as feeling so wrong. Four years of my life - ended. My grief is beyond words. The only thing that makes sense is my grief - it is a raw pain like a gaping wound. And I know I won't be ok tomorrow, or the day after. I suppose I need to share this or lighten this - but how? I'm told I have to go through this, give myself time to grieve. The pain makes me want to scream. The guilt makes me want to feel as small as possible. I don't know what is right or wrong anymore - I feel lost. I don't have any direction. Yet somehow I can't get rid of my survival needs. I'm so unprepared. It is overwhelming. I want to go back and change things, but I can't. I can only carry around this awful pain.

SingleMum123 Feeling overwhelmed after rejoining workforce
  • replies: 2

Hello I'm reaching out because I feel so overwhelmed right now. I just recently separated from my husband. I have also started full time work after having a long career break. The work training is quite intensive and I don't get rest at home being a ... View more

Hello I'm reaching out because I feel so overwhelmed right now. I just recently separated from my husband. I have also started full time work after having a long career break. The work training is quite intensive and I don't get rest at home being a single parent. My ex-partner is possibly autistic (based on my GPs opinion) and doesn't show me any empathy or much support. I feel like I want to quit the job but I can't due to needing the money. I nearly cried at work today. It almost has been 2 weeks since I started and I'm already tired of the before and after school care pick ups and drop off's. My ideal thing was to find something part time and closer to home but had no luck. I don't know where to come up for air. please advise. thanks.