FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

The Daily Stress

Tokyo
Community Member

My partner works i wake up with him every morning get his stuff ready for the day, some mornings he just raises his voice and speaks to me with abuse and all im trying to do is help him.

He will accuse me for doing something that i never did.

He will assume.

He is never wrong he is always right.

He will say his ODC but im the only one that cleans, he will come home from work and chuck his stuff on the floor and then yells at me for tyding it up.

I have to pay all bills, while he just buys unessesary rubbish and $100 food shopping and i cant go food shopping for the week because he thinks we will survive with $100 worth of groceries. So ill say he controls my money aswell.

I always listen when his speaking but not when his speaking to me with tone also abuse. But when i speak he just brushes it off or doesnt listen at.

I dont feel confortable conversating with him so ill keep my words minimal, Sometimes i wouldnt know how to respond to what he has said to me so ill just try my best to. He gets very fustrated easy and ill just turn into an arguement.

I feel like i dont even have a place in this relationship anymore.

6 Replies 6

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello Tokyo,

This sounds veery serious.

If you are in immediate danger:

you need to phone Police 000

Otherwise, there is 1800RESPECT:

18 00 737 732 & talk about what's been going on & try to get some help. This is no way for you to be treated by anyone. There is no excuse for your partner's behaviour. You deserve a whole lot better. You have a right to be treated with dignity & respect.

If you need to talk more,we're are here. You can also phone BB's own counselling service on:

1300 46 36

I hope we can talk again, soon. For now, I'd rather that you are safe.

mmMekitty

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi Tokyo,

We’re really sorry to hear what you’re going through. We’re really glad you had the strength and bravery to share this here though. From what we're hearing, it sounds like your partner is not treating you in an acceptable way. It's not ok for anyone to control your money or speak to you abusively. It's so good that you could share this here, though. We think it's a really important step.

We’re reaching out to you privately to make sure you’re ok. If you'd prefer to call us directly we're on 1300 22 4636, or you can reach us online, here. We'd strongly advise reaching out to the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss this, they're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here.

Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story. As mmMekitty's lovely post shows, our kind community are be here to offer their support and understanding.  

Kind regards,

Sophie M

jaz28
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Tokyo,

I am sorry to hear this happening at home. Please reach out to the helpines Sophie_M suggested if you need to.

What you are experiencing is not okay - you should not be shamed for keeping the house clean, or told how to spend money on necessities. I know you said it is hard to communicate with your partner - but is this possible? Would they be receptive to couples counselling? It is a tough spot, but just know that you're supported here.

Let me know if you need to talk.

Jaz.

The_Bro
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Gidday Tokyo and welcome to the forum with such a strong post.

You have already received some very good advice from other responders.

I am afraid your partner is dishing out abuse built on disrespect, total lack of care and devoid of any compassion. A total control freak in every way.

If you are able to, build up the courage very soon and ask him very calmly if you can have a discussion about matters that are very important to you. He will probable yell 'What matters!' but persist and just reply you want a calm talk with him. Keeping very strong and calm, let him know you are not happy in the relationship at the moment and its due to the way you are being treated. What happens very often in meetings like this is the aggressive party will calm down and listen, and this often leads to an apology. If you can, tell him that you feel he is often angry, and ask what you can do to help him, his reply might be interesting.

You may even want to ask him how he feels about remaining in the relationship.

Now will this be easy? NO it will not, but at least you will be able to hold your head high and prove to yourself that you have given it a go. If he responds with anger and belligerence, that is a signal for you to walk away.

Whatever, please do not let it continue like it is - you are a fierce, capable woman with your own rights and desires - don't let him shut that down!

All the very best - of course I am happy to discuss this further if that would help you.

The Bro

Tokyo
Community Member
Hello everyone, I’ve sat down and spoken with my partner and it was not a very good outcome.. I couldn’t even speak about the relationship between us because the conversation just got so toxic. I need a break which I can’t even get away from him! I moved from a small country town in SA to VIC were I have no one or no where to go so I feel so bottled up inside this is the only place I get to express myself. I feel very emotional everyday but I don’t show it, it’s been years like this and it’s very upsetting for me I just want to go and see my family without him, because my family make me happy and I don’t doubt it but he’ll try and tag along which is I don’t want I just need some space to myself I feel so exhausted and emotionally drained 😞

Homesteady
Community Member
If you've got a family/friends house you can stay at you should pack up what you can while he's at work and leave.
This has been going on for years, he's not going to change, you deserve to take care of yourself.