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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Koa I feel like I can’t do anything right
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I am new here and I really wanted to get some help with my relationship as I feel like I can’t do anything right, me and my partner of over a year have been having some problems as of late, fighting is nothing new but these have been more s... View more

Hi there, I am new here and I really wanted to get some help with my relationship as I feel like I can’t do anything right, me and my partner of over a year have been having some problems as of late, fighting is nothing new but these have been more serious, just these last few weeks we’ve been having fights where we don’t talk much afterwards and she starts to use one word responses and not really talk much, she suffers from mental health issues so I try my best to be as considerate as possible but I feel like I can’t always do it. She’d always be the one to fight for communication and after months of things not really working on my end like sometimes I can’t keep the promises I made, change certain parts of myself that cause problems like my snappy attitude at times and sometimes being inconsiderate and inconsistent with change and sometimes we fight over things I should be changing for, and over time she stopped fighting and she’d think she’s the problem and changes, she always does whatever she can to make me happy and always does things in my interest to see me smile, she’s the most amazing person in my life and I need her, but then I’d think she’s changing herself too much and that she shouldn’t change and that I should instead causes she’s done enough of that for others and I wanted to be different. But I realised that in her eyes I’m unappreciative and ungrateful, and trampling on her kindness and big heartedness, I feel horrible and she tried to break up with me a few days ago but I managed to keep her, we were good for awhile but now not talking and now she’s talking “when necessary” and “when told” to make less problems and I feel like I screwed everything up by not being to do what I need to do for her and I feel like a complete failure as boyfriend, is there anything I can do?

Izzabella2022 Repeat cheating husband, 20 year relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi, looking for advice from someone who has been in a similar situation. My husband and I have been together for 20 years (high school sweethearts) married for 10. we have 3 children, our youngest is only 7 weeks old. Last week my husband admitted th... View more

Hi, looking for advice from someone who has been in a similar situation. My husband and I have been together for 20 years (high school sweethearts) married for 10. we have 3 children, our youngest is only 7 weeks old. Last week my husband admitted that during the past 5 years he has cheated on me more times than he can count with one night stands whilst away on work trips. He didn’t feel guilty at the time because I was not providing him enough attention. So this is how he justified it. It was more like a hobby than cheating. Then He then said what started as a casual sexual relationship with a colleague 12 months ago has now turned into a loving relationship with a girl 17 years younger than him in which he is not sure if he was going to leave me for her. he was distant, detached. Had no interest in this pregnancy even though we openly talked about pregnancy termination to which he convinced me otherwise. After the initial conversation, we talked about if there was an option of staying together and making it work, for ourselves and the kids. He has since broken up with his mistress but is not convincing that he won’t do anything again in the future. I am lost as to what to do. We have been together for my entire adult life and my world has just come crashing down. had anyone made it work after this extent of cheating or is it just prolonging an eventual separation? Thanks

Mia2 Loneliness
  • replies: 1

Well I moved to a new town to look after my grandkids so my daughter could continue her role as a doctor. I am so lonely

Well I moved to a new town to look after my grandkids so my daughter could continue her role as a doctor. I am so lonely

PKSYD Break up with an alcoholic partner
  • replies: 5

I have been with my partner for 8 years. Hes an alcoholic and becomes very abusive verbally when he is drunk towards me and my mother. In front of others he disrespects and most recently at his gathering in front of others he told all my friends that... View more

I have been with my partner for 8 years. Hes an alcoholic and becomes very abusive verbally when he is drunk towards me and my mother. In front of others he disrespects and most recently at his gathering in front of others he told all my friends that i dont sleep with him anymore and that i dont love him anymore. Its the love that i have had for him that has kept him in my house and not on the street. Its the sorrow i have and feel every time for him but not me. Everytime i am going to break up he tells me hes going to change and makes me feel sorry for him. In the beginning of the relationship i found out he cheated on me multiple times yet i took him back. Why? I dont know. Its like i have given given given and lost all for myself. Now this time i found him a place to make sure hes okay and am going to pay for him to live there yet now he says he will change and doesnt want to be away from me and that he loves me more than anything in this world. Last 3 years i have disconnected from him emotionally, mentally and spiritually and physically, yet he accuses me of having someone else but he doesnt see that i dont want to be near him when hes so drunk nearly every night. i wanted to put more details but im limited due to the characters.

white knight Conflict by comparisons
  • replies: 2

A friend of mine has a family trait but luckily for him he didnt inherit it as he left home young whereas his siblings remained within the toxicity. Whenever my friend has a disagreement with a family member its often relationship threatening, rarely... View more

A friend of mine has a family trait but luckily for him he didnt inherit it as he left home young whereas his siblings remained within the toxicity. Whenever my friend has a disagreement with a family member its often relationship threatening, rarely is there a casual divide of opinions. But worse than that is, whenever he puts forward his views on a topic directly, out come the comparisons and such "weighing scale" mentality results in forever not having hope of a stable relationship. Eg He forgot a BBQ event at his sisters place, due mainly that he had in-law issues, cancer, dementia etc. His sister- "I've never forgotten your BBQ's". He couldnt make it to a niece's basketball game. "(3 hours away and he'd already drove 500km that day for work) - "I attended your daughters engagement and I worked 2 jobs at the time" she'd say. Another- He visited his sister in hospital when she had pneumonia and while there he commented "I remember I never talked about my illnesses" All these reactions are unfair because they hold a high degree of expectation. What's more they are his siblings expectations based on her values, her actions, her mind. Essentially she goes through life in a manner (with people) that if they do not carry out her values and actions then they are wrong and likely a conflict will follow. My message here is- with people that compare what they would do to your actions is a state of mind whereby- conflict will occur more oftenAcceptance of others as individuals is limitedThe weighing scale mentality is "turmoil for gamble"that it passes guilt onto others often when it is human errorcan be a type of controlcan be felt as emotional blackmailSadly the consequences can be high. My friend has considered breaking off all contact with his sister after decades of trying to live up to her demands. There is no stability and he can never do "right". This is an example of unfair expectations based on the persons own ways they live their lives. If we all had the same values and never had human error we'd be clones. A sound long term relationship has elements of such acceptance, letting small things slide, promote caring and embracing personality. TonyWK

samseldom Living with a depressed person
  • replies: 1

I need someone who can relate.I am in a VERY turbulent 16year relationship which both myself and my partner have depression issues. I am a cold and emotionally distant person ,i wish it were not so.My partner is generally a warm passionate person who... View more

I need someone who can relate.I am in a VERY turbulent 16year relationship which both myself and my partner have depression issues. I am a cold and emotionally distant person ,i wish it were not so.My partner is generally a warm passionate person who makes friends easy but can also be very dominant. He is articulate, worldly and from a successful family. However he is depressed, and very angry. He is waiting on second open heart surgery after his first very traumatic one 5years ago.I dont know how to deal with his anger. Has anyone had to deal with something like this?

Nervybella Tricky relationship with mother
  • replies: 1

Feeling at my wits end today. I really don’t know where to go from here. I have a very close relationship with my mother but we have always bickered a bit. More so recently these have become full blown fights and I am just about at my wits end. For c... View more

Feeling at my wits end today. I really don’t know where to go from here. I have a very close relationship with my mother but we have always bickered a bit. More so recently these have become full blown fights and I am just about at my wits end. For context, below are some of the things she does - multiple calls and texts a day even when I’ve asked her to do less- gets upset with me when I say I don’t have anything to report after already talking to her throughout the day- will text me and if I don’t reply quick enough she will call me - invites herself over even when I’ve told her I have plans all of these things make me feel stifled and it’s way too much for me. I really want her to get professional help. Obviously I can’t diagnose her but I think she has some kind of condition. She’s impulsive, anxious, has poor time management and poor financial literacy. Low self esteem. Mood swings. The list goes on. She can be volatile to you one moment and the most loving and caring the next. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve said and asked repeatedly to please respect my boundaries and what I’m asking of you. Then she gets upset and defensive and makes me feel like an awful person for saying these things and how it makes me feel has anyone been in a similar space and gotten through it? I don’t want to have to cut her off or have major damage done to our relationship because I love her and we are close but I don’t know how much more I can handle -Bella

Stevolica27 Christmas and the in-laws stress, or do I just need to chill out?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I feel silly for askin' but I don't know where to get perspective from. In short, every year, my partner's family go away (a few hours away) to their holiday home. It's a nice place to go and my partner's family are great! But it's just ... View more

Hi everyone, I feel silly for askin' but I don't know where to get perspective from. In short, every year, my partner's family go away (a few hours away) to their holiday home. It's a nice place to go and my partner's family are great! But it's just too much (for me). They go away for the week and expect all of their adult children (and their partners, and friends, and whoever else) to go there and hang out. It's of course, totally fine for people to come and go, and everyone is very welcome. The issue I have is, I'm happy to go out there for Christmas Day each year and/or stay a couple of nights but much more than that is not a very nice time for me. My partner tends to get swept up with whatever's going on (constantly) leaving me with not much opportunity to plan my own things, or how to spend time. Anyway, last year, my partner kindly suggested that we go for a couple of nights then we go and do other things during the week either back from home, or else some time in other places in the region and have our own holiday. After nearly 10 years I was relieved last year to do this. But, my partner JUST said yesterday that, that was a big 'compromise' for them last year and this year I should 'compromise' and go to their family thing for the whole week. I thought finally last year we'd struck a balance. It actually makes me very anxious and well beyond unexcited to be committing to this week 3 hours away. It's a nice place to go but there's really not much going on and they don't really organise any outings etc. (and I can't just 'do my own thing') - all just making feel a little bored at best, held hostage at worst Any thoughts, criticisms, suggestions or advice welcome please. I can't resolve this inside my own head Thank you!

Ngapala1042 Unable to move forward
  • replies: 3

My daughter in law finds fault with everything I do. They have a son who is 20 months and I. January last year I posted a picture of him sitting in his paddle pond on my Facebook page because it was a really hot day and it was a cute photo. I never e... View more

My daughter in law finds fault with everything I do. They have a son who is 20 months and I. January last year I posted a picture of him sitting in his paddle pond on my Facebook page because it was a really hot day and it was a cute photo. I never even thought she would be offended. she was and instructed me to remove it straight away, which I did.I apologized and told her I posted it without thinking.she then read the riot act to me about not respecting her boundaries and that when her son came home from work they wanted to have a discussion with me, so thst I understood their boundaries and would respect them. I was staying at their house, so it was very uncomfortable and I felt traumatised! I would never do anything to upset her intentionally.anyhow, my son came home from work and was clearly stressed by the situation. I apologised sgsin but she said my apology wasn’t enough and that I had to agree to their boundaries. I suffer from anxiety and with her walking up and down the passage, to speak to me every five minutes, I lost my cool and decided to leave. she said. “0h it my fault now is it. I said. No it isn’t, it’s obviously my fault, I can’t stick to the rules, so I am going to leave to remove myself from the situation.she was furious and sent me a barrage of text messsges saying how my Don was heartbroken and that all I cared about was myself and I wouldn’t take responsibility or ownership of my actions. I am heartbroken, as she hasn’t spoken to me for months. I honestly feel like I am the worst person in the world. I don’t deal with conflict very well and I just try to escape it. thst is on me, I shouldn’t have left but I was panicking and didn’t want to go down the road of being told off again.I honestly feel like taking my own life , as she has told other members of the family whst happened and how I wil not own up to my responsibilities of doing the wrong thing. I just don’t know what to do.

Sad_childhood Memories of Mum Taking Me to Cheat on my Dad
  • replies: 4

Hi All,When I was around 10 years old, I have a strong memory of my mum taking me and my brother to another mans house. She told me to take care of my brother in this guys lounge room, while she went into another room with him.I later found out that ... View more

Hi All,When I was around 10 years old, I have a strong memory of my mum taking me and my brother to another mans house. She told me to take care of my brother in this guys lounge room, while she went into another room with him.I later found out that my mum was cheating on my Dad with him.My aunty asked what we did on the weekend and I told her the truth but it was innocently. I had no idea what my mum did at the time.From then on, mum blamed me for destroying the family and we have had an extremely strained relationship. She is also a narcissist and completely broke down when I came out as lesbian when 14. My mum, stepmum and stepdad (different man again) both destroyed my self-confidence, self-worth and any type of happiness I had.I had no childhood because they were all caught up in their own lives.I have anxiety, depression and maybe some PTSD and ADHD.How do I deal with this ? Seeing a psychologist every 2 months (due to availability) is pointless to me because I have so much to work through.Please help, I want to feel confident and happy for once in my life.

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