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Anxious and insecure? Am I petty?

Community Member

I know this will sound petty, but over the last 5 years I have worked so hard on myself. I found myself a partner and as of recently I feel no love toward him.

Last year while setting up Duo on his phone, I found old texts and messages from women he met before and as we met from online dating. I was quite upset and wanted to end the relationship then and there. He convinced me it was nothing.

Tonight I found the same numbers and old messages on another phone he's using as he broke his old phone. When I asked why he hasn't removed them, he said he hasn't gotten around to it.

I Had a bad break up prior and just have trust issues. I don't know if I am being petty about it but it's just kicked my anxiety in and I feel so low and so insecure. Our relationship is failing so badly and this doesn't help. Do I leave or do I work it out? I'm just so tired and exhausted trying to survive but this is hurting. Dredging up old thoughts and feelings I haven't felt for a while. Why am I so pathetic

3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Seeking, can I first say that when someone is struggling with these issues is not pathetic, it's not only going to make you tired, but exhausted and may lose any trust issues, especially when your partner fobs off the issue, as he hasn't had time.

Working on yourself for 5 years is not an easy feat and trying to cope with a new partner is not that simple only because there are ways he might want to do something but this may make you anxious as the ways and means of how it's done may not suit you.

If you form a relationship with someone you certainly don't want them talking to other people online because that breaks the trust issue, so they should pay all their attention towards you or if not find another person, there is no give or take, it's all in o not.

I can't tell you what to do, however, as he has transferred the phone numbers from one phone to another one, you can determine what to do whether or not he erases their numbers, but this isn't going to stop him from storing the numbers somewhere else or having another hidden phone.

If this is what concerns you, there will be other people who want to share their love with you and not second guessing.

Best wishes.


white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

Three things stand out 1/ you are not in love with your partner 2/ him not erasing those womens details 3/ that after so much work on yourself, which you are to be applauded, your non close relationship could have some influence on your mental health.

Whatever you decide, be brave and follow your heart.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Seeking,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for joining us.

First up, you're not pathetic in the slightest. Frankly, the opposite. You come across as a strong person who has had to live through trust issues and betrayal, and now want to protect yourself from getting hurt again. That's totally natural and understandable.

For me personally, I think the key word was 'old'. My partner (boyfriend at the time) still had messages/contacts/email threads as well, but the key for me was that they were old. It also sounds like your partner didn't mind too much that you did use his phone or old phone, which means I see it as he has nothing to hide.

I'm not sure if this has confused you more or comforted you! But you're not alone in your trust issues and it's not at all petty or pathetic.