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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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libelle Mum can't handle me getting irritated by things that are actually pretty irritating
  • replies: 5

Hey guys. I just want to break this terrible pattern. Yesterday I worked from home at my parents house to avoid noise at my own place, and they had agreed it would be fun and great, and that my dad would not make any noise (he's a very loud musician)... View more

Hey guys. I just want to break this terrible pattern. Yesterday I worked from home at my parents house to avoid noise at my own place, and they had agreed it would be fun and great, and that my dad would not make any noise (he's a very loud musician). Around 1pm he started playing with a drum machine (tbf for him it was pretty quiet, but still very annoying), so I very carefully approached my mum and asked what was going on with that. Instead of "oh sorry, I'll tell him to stop" she just said she couldn't hear it and that I was being bothered by nothing. Nope, I told her it was making it hard to talk to clients on the phone. Dad heard our voices at this point and turned it off, and I went back to work, but it was very hostile. The next time I saw my mum it was like I'd slapped someone, and she seemed to want an apology. This made me angry. Unfortunately whenever I display any sort of anger it just turns into this pointless hostile thing where I have to just give up and get away from them. They seem to want me to manage my emotions to the point that I am a robot. Later I had a huge lecture on how I'd hurt my dad's feelings, but there was no remorse from either of them for the interruption, and when I asked about that and got no response I was so upset about them not caring I was shaking in anger and starting to cry, but didn't dare raise my voice or actually DO anything. They would never treat a house guest like that. How do I express a negative emotion without my mum thinking I've gone insane and need locking up. It's really upsetting feeling dismissed, invalidated, devalued. Help.

Mr K When someone says they love you but you know they could drop you like a stone.
  • replies: 3

I've been through a lot in the past few years, separation and divorce, a new job, a cancer scare, and learning how to cope with 50/50 care of my kids. During that time I was fortunate and met someone who supported me and as time went by became a lovi... View more

I've been through a lot in the past few years, separation and divorce, a new job, a cancer scare, and learning how to cope with 50/50 care of my kids. During that time I was fortunate and met someone who supported me and as time went by became a loving and affectionate partner. Somehow I managed to get through all this and am still in one piece. In many ways other than the time lost with my kids I'm better now than I have been in many many years. I was up until the past weekend feeling really confident moving forward with my new relationship, we often exchange affectionate messages, gifts and really enjoy the time we spend together. However, we had a misunderstanding the other day after a misunderstanding led to me being stood up for what should have been a very special date night. I was utterly overwealmed and had to take some time out to process how I felt. When I was feeling a bit better I initiated contact and said I was sorry. The responses I received were very defensive and I was left feeling very insecure. I was as direct as I could be asking if this was the end of our relationship? The response I received was very much that "if I wanted to end the relationship over this then so be it". Now maybe I'm overthinking this but for me I love you is a lifetime, not just a point in time. I felt utterly disposable at this point and although we are still together I'm struggling to move on in my mind constantly thinking I'm not as valued in the relationship as I once thought. How will I know if this is genuine, I don't want to stuff this up for me, for her or especially my children.

stepintomypower at the risk of enabling the toxic behaviour
  • replies: 3

Hello, Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I am not close to my brother and I am considering trying to renew the relationship by reaching out to him regularly and asking how things are going in his life. The problem is that he is pretty abusive to o... View more

Hello, Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I am not close to my brother and I am considering trying to renew the relationship by reaching out to him regularly and asking how things are going in his life. The problem is that he is pretty abusive to our mother, and blames her for everything that has gone wrong in his life. Also, whenever we get together as a family, there ends up being a massive, scary, blow-up, of his causing and most people in my family are scared of him except for my father (and to some extent, his kids). I feel like I could help him by being a listening and empathetic ear, but I don't have a lot of self-confidence, and I am scared that I will just enable his bad treatment of my parents, or end up getting stuck in the middle. The consequences of not reaching out now are that we may never become close. And I will lose the opportunity to share with him how powerful therapy can be. Does anyone have any insight? Thanks!

MightyM Difficult situation.. Crossroads..
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone.. I am relatively young (30) and just when I think life is truckin’ along nicely I am put into a tough situation.. I have been married to my wife for 3 years.. We have a house and 2 young children together.. It has come to light that m... View more

Hello everyone.. I am relatively young (30) and just when I think life is truckin’ along nicely I am put into a tough situation.. I have been married to my wife for 3 years.. We have a house and 2 young children together.. It has come to light that my wife has crippling anxiety that she has been masking for years.. She is also not the same person that I once knew, after having kids.. I work extremely hard and help her out immensely with the kids and around the house.. She has begun to speak to me and treat me quite poorly and cannot see the good I do for our family (only seems to find issues).. She has also quit her job recently.. Every time life gets too hard (eg. kids are crying too much) she heads off to the club to go and gamble on the poker machines.. She says its “for a break” but to me I see it as an addiction and a way of masking her issues.. She has slowly but surely gambled away our savings.. I have always been a happy/positive person in life, but, this situation is just not me at all and it’s starting to take its toll on me.. I am at the point where I want to sell the house and go my seperate way but I am extremely concerned about the toll this will have on our young kids.. I am also concerned that paying child support to her will only continue to feed her addiction once I’ve left.. I have tried to offer support/other methods of relaxation but she is not interested and I believe there is 100% truth in that you cannot persuade someone to quit gambling, they must want to do it for themselves This is just not me and I’m at a crossroads.. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Terry73 Unsure how to break up respectfully
  • replies: 8

Been with this girl for 4 years, living together for 3. Has been great except for the last year, still care but have really fallen out of love with her. Have been trying hard to make it work, and she is still very much in love with me, but I just can... View more

Been with this girl for 4 years, living together for 3. Has been great except for the last year, still care but have really fallen out of love with her. Have been trying hard to make it work, and she is still very much in love with me, but I just cant do this much longer. I know I need to tell her, but I care for her feelings too, she has been great with me. How would I tell her without hurting her too much, respectfully and such?

H2B Emotional scars
  • replies: 6

Hi there everyone, I am new to this so thank you in advance for listening. I am 58 and my emotional scars from many moons ago have made me an overly intense character who wants everything to be just right, struggling with issues of jealousy and insec... View more

Hi there everyone, I am new to this so thank you in advance for listening. I am 58 and my emotional scars from many moons ago have made me an overly intense character who wants everything to be just right, struggling with issues of jealousy and insecurity and a repetitive compulsion for not speaking up, getting frustrated and then creating a toxic, verbally explosive environment for those i love so, so dearly. Not surprisingly they struggle to remain in my company leading to my feeling deep shame, deep remorse and generally BAD about my behaviour and my own self worth. If i don't change I will lose the one person that means everything to me. Any tips around readings or programmes for me to essentially "relax", trust in others, trust in the universe and be a better for myself and thereby others would be much appreciated.

Ole_Swampy GF broke up with me not sure what to do.
  • replies: 2

Hi, First time posting and I'm not going to give you my life story but I need some advice. My GF, well ex now, I'm concerned for her mental and physical health as I've seen her decline for over a year and I tried to support her the best I could and i... View more

Hi, First time posting and I'm not going to give you my life story but I need some advice. My GF, well ex now, I'm concerned for her mental and physical health as I've seen her decline for over a year and I tried to support her the best I could and in the end she's just ended things cause we had a few fights. One day she loves and wants me, next day it's over this has been going on for months. I just want to know, should I contact one of her best friends and tell them, not in detail because there's 3 sides to every story mine, hers and the truth but just that I believe she isn't in a great place and needs serious help and support? or should I just let sleeping dogs rest and ignore it? I still love her and want her and want to protect her but I can see her heading down the path of self destruction and so can my mum who use to be really close with her.

Duesentrieb Discussing relationship issues on the internet
  • replies: 23

Hi guys, first thank you for allowing me to be here. My wife and I are married since 2000. I discussed some relationship issue in a private, closed FB group that we currently have. Unfortunately she found out and was quite angry about it. Not so much... View more

Hi guys, first thank you for allowing me to be here. My wife and I are married since 2000. I discussed some relationship issue in a private, closed FB group that we currently have. Unfortunately she found out and was quite angry about it. Not so much about the discussion itself. She was more angry about that fact that members of the group could look at my profile and discover her (name, pictures, etc.). What is your opinion about that topic?

Hun What should I do, please help
  • replies: 13

So I am the same person that said about my partner won't divorce his ex, when I met my partner I knew he still have kids living at home, they are adult, one he moved out now we have his daughter she is 22 and her boyfriend 25 living with us, he have ... View more

So I am the same person that said about my partner won't divorce his ex, when I met my partner I knew he still have kids living at home, they are adult, one he moved out now we have his daughter she is 22 and her boyfriend 25 living with us, he have a strong connection with this daughter which is nice, every time I buy anything or move stuff she question that even if I want to buy anything I have to buy something she approve of it, don't get me wrong she is nice and I like her but we all have to pleased her even her boyfriend. They never wash do anything around the house unless they have been asked, they live downstairs they clean it but if the bring a dish they leave it in the sink. My question is should I ask my partner in one year or 2 can we down size so hopefully they move out, I want my own place to do whatever I want, I am tired of watching my steps or move just in case she doesn't like it. Please any advice will be helpful.

white knight Tolerance of other people
  • replies: 17

Hi, This and future threads is devoted to how we, with mental illness, can or cannot tolerate other people. I'd like to talk about family traits. As individuals and family units we all have our negative traits, some tolerable, others not so. Here is ... View more

Hi, This and future threads is devoted to how we, with mental illness, can or cannot tolerate other people. I'd like to talk about family traits. As individuals and family units we all have our negative traits, some tolerable, others not so. Here is one example: A lovely female non blood relative of mine has what I'd describe as a intolerable trait. In fact I've identified this trait in her mother too, so it is something she has inherited. I call it "unintended rudeness" and because it is unintended I should have more tolerance for it...but I dont. While talking to either of them , having a good conversation, they get distracted easily...very easily. Whatever distracts them takes immediate priority over whatever I'm talking about. The things that distract them is - anything! Eg talking away if the postman delivers mail "I wonder if my telstra bill just arrived". Or "have I taken my blood pressure tablet this morning"? "What's the time" and so forth. If I object eg "You're interrupting me" I always get "but I'm listening" or "I'm a woman I can do more than two things at once" however neither person can repeat what I just said leading me to conclude they are not actually listening. This leads to me reacting but not in an argumentive sense...what I do is stop talking immediately and walk away and bury my mind in my interests. Bascially as this problem has been ongoing for a long time I cant be bothered making it a dispute. My point here is that when a problem like this initially arises it is natural to highlight the core of the issue eg Please, if you interupt me or get distracted it's like I'm talking to myself, cant you wait 15 seconds until my sentence is finished"? and an argument begins. At some point down the track you must accept that the trait/flaw cannot be overcome by the person and to prevent any personal damage to your relationship, you need to move on. The intolerable trait might well do permanent damage. Eg My closeness to my relative and her mother is no longer there. I exchange niceties and listen to them when they address me but I know that if I participate in any meaningful discussion the above will occur...100% of the time. It serves no purpose to beat yourself up over matters that you have no control over. But it would also be unwise to categorize all of their character based on one intolerable trait...these people you find hard to mix with are good people, so treat them with love and affection but have an exit strategy. TonyWK