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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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H2B Emotional scars
  • replies: 6

Hi there everyone, I am new to this so thank you in advance for listening. I am 58 and my emotional scars from many moons ago have made me an overly intense character who wants everything to be just right, struggling with issues of jealousy and insec... View more

Hi there everyone, I am new to this so thank you in advance for listening. I am 58 and my emotional scars from many moons ago have made me an overly intense character who wants everything to be just right, struggling with issues of jealousy and insecurity and a repetitive compulsion for not speaking up, getting frustrated and then creating a toxic, verbally explosive environment for those i love so, so dearly. Not surprisingly they struggle to remain in my company leading to my feeling deep shame, deep remorse and generally BAD about my behaviour and my own self worth. If i don't change I will lose the one person that means everything to me. Any tips around readings or programmes for me to essentially "relax", trust in others, trust in the universe and be a better for myself and thereby others would be much appreciated.

Ole_Swampy GF broke up with me not sure what to do.
  • replies: 2

Hi, First time posting and I'm not going to give you my life story but I need some advice. My GF, well ex now, I'm concerned for her mental and physical health as I've seen her decline for over a year and I tried to support her the best I could and i... View more

Hi, First time posting and I'm not going to give you my life story but I need some advice. My GF, well ex now, I'm concerned for her mental and physical health as I've seen her decline for over a year and I tried to support her the best I could and in the end she's just ended things cause we had a few fights. One day she loves and wants me, next day it's over this has been going on for months. I just want to know, should I contact one of her best friends and tell them, not in detail because there's 3 sides to every story mine, hers and the truth but just that I believe she isn't in a great place and needs serious help and support? or should I just let sleeping dogs rest and ignore it? I still love her and want her and want to protect her but I can see her heading down the path of self destruction and so can my mum who use to be really close with her.

Duesentrieb Discussing relationship issues on the internet
  • replies: 23

Hi guys, first thank you for allowing me to be here. My wife and I are married since 2000. I discussed some relationship issue in a private, closed FB group that we currently have. Unfortunately she found out and was quite angry about it. Not so much... View more

Hi guys, first thank you for allowing me to be here. My wife and I are married since 2000. I discussed some relationship issue in a private, closed FB group that we currently have. Unfortunately she found out and was quite angry about it. Not so much about the discussion itself. She was more angry about that fact that members of the group could look at my profile and discover her (name, pictures, etc.). What is your opinion about that topic?

Hun What should I do, please help
  • replies: 13

So I am the same person that said about my partner won't divorce his ex, when I met my partner I knew he still have kids living at home, they are adult, one he moved out now we have his daughter she is 22 and her boyfriend 25 living with us, he have ... View more

So I am the same person that said about my partner won't divorce his ex, when I met my partner I knew he still have kids living at home, they are adult, one he moved out now we have his daughter she is 22 and her boyfriend 25 living with us, he have a strong connection with this daughter which is nice, every time I buy anything or move stuff she question that even if I want to buy anything I have to buy something she approve of it, don't get me wrong she is nice and I like her but we all have to pleased her even her boyfriend. They never wash do anything around the house unless they have been asked, they live downstairs they clean it but if the bring a dish they leave it in the sink. My question is should I ask my partner in one year or 2 can we down size so hopefully they move out, I want my own place to do whatever I want, I am tired of watching my steps or move just in case she doesn't like it. Please any advice will be helpful.

white knight Tolerance of other people
  • replies: 17

Hi, This and future threads is devoted to how we, with mental illness, can or cannot tolerate other people. I'd like to talk about family traits. As individuals and family units we all have our negative traits, some tolerable, others not so. Here is ... View more

Hi, This and future threads is devoted to how we, with mental illness, can or cannot tolerate other people. I'd like to talk about family traits. As individuals and family units we all have our negative traits, some tolerable, others not so. Here is one example: A lovely female non blood relative of mine has what I'd describe as a intolerable trait. In fact I've identified this trait in her mother too, so it is something she has inherited. I call it "unintended rudeness" and because it is unintended I should have more tolerance for it...but I dont. While talking to either of them , having a good conversation, they get distracted easily...very easily. Whatever distracts them takes immediate priority over whatever I'm talking about. The things that distract them is - anything! Eg talking away if the postman delivers mail "I wonder if my telstra bill just arrived". Or "have I taken my blood pressure tablet this morning"? "What's the time" and so forth. If I object eg "You're interrupting me" I always get "but I'm listening" or "I'm a woman I can do more than two things at once" however neither person can repeat what I just said leading me to conclude they are not actually listening. This leads to me reacting but not in an argumentive sense...what I do is stop talking immediately and walk away and bury my mind in my interests. Bascially as this problem has been ongoing for a long time I cant be bothered making it a dispute. My point here is that when a problem like this initially arises it is natural to highlight the core of the issue eg Please, if you interupt me or get distracted it's like I'm talking to myself, cant you wait 15 seconds until my sentence is finished"? and an argument begins. At some point down the track you must accept that the trait/flaw cannot be overcome by the person and to prevent any personal damage to your relationship, you need to move on. The intolerable trait might well do permanent damage. Eg My closeness to my relative and her mother is no longer there. I exchange niceties and listen to them when they address me but I know that if I participate in any meaningful discussion the above will occur...100% of the time. It serves no purpose to beat yourself up over matters that you have no control over. But it would also be unwise to categorize all of their character based on one intolerable trait...these people you find hard to mix with are good people, so treat them with love and affection but have an exit strategy. TonyWK

Souper One argument too many
  • replies: 3

Hi all I have just separated from my wife of 29 years. Looking back, I can see that she was just going through the motions. The signs were there. Lethargy and complacency were certainly factors on my part. An argument occurred over a petty little thi... View more

Hi all I have just separated from my wife of 29 years. Looking back, I can see that she was just going through the motions. The signs were there. Lethargy and complacency were certainly factors on my part. An argument occurred over a petty little thing, and the next day that was it. Denial, trying to change her mind, shock, tears and heartache. This is very, very hard. She was wanting and I think expecting me to move out, as I have recently inherited a house in a nearby town with my brother that I could share with him. He is currently living there on his own. When this was suggested to me I responded that I don’t want to separate but have no control over that, I dont

Millie1986 Friendship problems
  • replies: 4

Hi I have a friend who I've known for 3 years now. I'd say we're best friends (never been anything more nor do either of us want to be - we've said to each other, we're like siblings) however its always been a strange relationship. He has his own iss... View more

Hi I have a friend who I've known for 3 years now. I'd say we're best friends (never been anything more nor do either of us want to be - we've said to each other, we're like siblings) however its always been a strange relationship. He has his own issues which I think I have helped him through to some extent. He calls almost every night for a chat... or texts. We are really good at hanging out one on one however he refuses to hang out with my other friends and he won't introduce me to his. I wonder if he's ashamed of me. I've asked him and he's always said that's just how we are. He also makes it very clear that im his last option and I feel a lot that he will always choose to hang out with others rather than me. I get delegated to a walk here or there if he's got nothing else on. I will admit he has helped me out money wise and I'm extremely grateful. Recently he has found a girlfriend and also moved in with 2 flatmates who he spends all his time with. I mostly understand this but he has no time for me at all. I haven't seen him in over a month. I do still get random phone calls and I've told him that I'm feeling a little rejected. He said straight out to me that he doesn't feel bad as he's given me a lot and he is choosing himself for once. Frankly, although I haven't given him money, (though he knows I would if he needed it) I do believe I've given a lot of my attention and been there for him when nobody else has. I told him I'd just prefer his time more than things. The next day he messaged me and tried to give me more things. Its like he thinks that all a friendship requires is for him to throw things at me with very little effort otherwise. Am I being over-sensitive? Am I the problem? Or do I cut him loose? I know there will be a time when he'll call and we'll start seeing each other again but I'm at the point where I know its going to keep happening when he finds someone new and I don't want to keep putting myself through the rejection.

Thelma_k Daughter has mental health issues and is blaming the family
  • replies: 10

Hello. I am looking for some advice. My adult daughter is suffering an eating disorder and has also recently been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. She has had a few admissions into a re-feeding program and is currently there again. Every time I speak ... View more

Hello. I am looking for some advice. My adult daughter is suffering an eating disorder and has also recently been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. She has had a few admissions into a re-feeding program and is currently there again. Every time I speak with her she won't give me any information which I respect however, at the same time she accuses me for not understanding what she is going through. I have offered to see the psychiatrist and/or the psychologist with her or alone to get more information and strategies to help her but she won't share them with me or allow me to speak to them. She tells me it is all because of everything I've said or done in the past and that I don't validate her feelings. It's not that I don't validate them but at times I must admit she does accuse me of things I've said which I haven't. I am more than open to take on her feedback but not when it's outrageous. I have told her that it may be best I don't be around her at meal time (she tells me I trigger her eating disorder). I should ad that I am a healthy weight but I don't eat large meals as I have a medical condition where I feel better if I eat small meals regularly. She insists I eat a large meal with her but I just can't. She will contact me when she want's something ($) from me or wants me to do something for her (I never accuse her of this but it makes me feel used). I want to help her and I am trying to understand what she is going through. I feel that she wants me to understand but at the same time shuts me out and shuts me down whenever I try to understand. Has anyone been in either her position or my position, I'd love to hear from you. Thank you in advance.

Guest_1573 Constantly Worried About Teenage Son
  • replies: 16

Hi I have a 17 year old son whom I love dearly but who is causing me a great deal of anxiety and stress. He suffers from insomnia and because of this he often misses school. On weekends he refuses to go anywhere and just wants to play on his computer... View more

Hi I have a 17 year old son whom I love dearly but who is causing me a great deal of anxiety and stress. He suffers from insomnia and because of this he often misses school. On weekends he refuses to go anywhere and just wants to play on his computer. I keep telling him that all of that screen time and lack of daylight/exercise is making his issue worse but he just won't listen. He won't do anything I advise. It keeps me awake at night worrying about him and thinking of ways to help him. Needless to say the insomnia has a ripple effect. Where he has gained weight; hates his body and says he doesn't want to be seen as people will think he is fat. For a start he is not that overweight and I try to explain to him that people really aren't judging others constantly. He has hardly any friends and the friends he does have are not good friends. All they want to do is smoke drugs and slack off. His father (whom I divorced 16 years ago) is of little use. He has barely anything to do with my son. My son doesn't really like him much as in the past when he went there there were always issues...his father has anger issues etc. He is also remarried so my poor son is on the bottom of his list of priorities. I have done all I can think of. Taken him to the Dr. Spoken to counsellors at school and via telephone. I am quite sure deep down that if I could get him interested in something other than gaming this could be key. I have suggested gym membership, purchasing a bike for him to go out on; many other things. All to no avail. He is currently asleep (at 11.12 am) and missing school again today. I went to the chemist and bought some medication as I feel desperate. I will wake him at 1pm as he has to go to school tomorrow. He has already had 3 days off and this is only week 3! I despair as it seems absolutely nothing is helping and although I am doing everything suggested unless he takes it on board I am wasting my time. Any suggestions gratefully accepted.

KateHow All you wanna do- the end of the affair
  • replies: 11

This is my first post and I feel very vulnerable and sad so please be kind. I'm already being very hard on myself. I (36 F) have been married for 8 years (together for 13) to a man who is a lot older than I am (25 years older to be exact). We have a ... View more

This is my first post and I feel very vulnerable and sad so please be kind. I'm already being very hard on myself. I (36 F) have been married for 8 years (together for 13) to a man who is a lot older than I am (25 years older to be exact). We have a 5 year old son. Bit of a cliche story I suppose- we've not been connecting well over the last couple of years, largely divide and conquer with parenting, very little physical intimacy. I've been quite unhappy for the past year or so as he has become very critical (and I am quite sensitive to criticism). I feel like I walk on eggshells often and do a lot to appease him and try to make him happy or at least not upset with me. Through a random work connection, I met a man who I instantly enjoyed talking to. It very quickly became an emotional affair. We live in different cities but within a couple of weeks of talking constantly, he made a trip here and it became physical. It was very intense, talk of love, wanting to be together, and offering me a very different life- one with a true partnership. I took a trip to see him this weekend (which my husband believed was a work trip) and I could feel that he was a little bit off- which he vehemently denied. But sure enough, this morning he sends me a text (ouch) to tell me that he just can't cope with the guilt and is ending it. I am SHATTERED. I had already come to the conclusion that I would need to make a decision about ending or staying in my marriage independently of wanting to be with him or not but I truly believed him when he told me that he loved me. I feel so angry and upset and betrayed that I fell for this complete fallacy and feel like all he wanted was a physical relationship. I'm so hurt and it's triggered a spiral of self loathing, of feeling rejected, like I'm never enough, never worthy. I don't have anyone in my life that I could talk to. My best friend would be the one person I could confide in but she has completely cut me off recently. I know she's been struggling with her own mental health and this is how she copes but I feel so alone and like I have no one I can talk to. Everything feels very difficult at the moment thanks for 'listening'