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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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ZESTY Family issue -divorced and remarried.
  • replies: 1

I immigrated with my ex about 18 years ago to Australia. I've been married to my ex-husband for almost 20 years when we got divorced. He remarried and so did I. I have now been married to my husband for 10 years. My parents live overseas. Recently my... View more

I immigrated with my ex about 18 years ago to Australia. I've been married to my ex-husband for almost 20 years when we got divorced. He remarried and so did I. I have now been married to my husband for 10 years. My parents live overseas. Recently my mum fell really ill and me and my daughter went back to support her and be near her. We had to nurse my mother back after a severe sickbed. She almost didnt pull through. She wasn't capable to do anything for herself and I did it all. Washing, cooking for them and caring in all possible ways. (Under healthy and normal circumstances they run a busy medical and aestetical practice). She is still not 100% and struggle to regain her former energy and health. Problem: My ex husband now decided to take a trip overseas for holidays at the end of the year going to different destinations but in it, also take his wife with to go and visit my mum in our home country. My daughter (26) will also join them on this trip. My mum is a perfectionist and now apparently offered for them to stay with her and my stepdad. My first problem is that as visitors they will be treated as guests. They would not realise the impact and exhaustion this will have on her physically and mentally. They will increase the pressure and workload on my mother as she will do anything to make their stay pleasant. This poses an intense risk on her health, as she suffered from a total kidney failure only 3 months ago. She had a miracle turnaround after almost having septicaemia. I am worried sick about this but don't know how to approach this with any of them. The second issue is a personal one, as I feel it will be extremely disrespectful to me and my husband, as this is my ex and his wife. I don't mind him having contact with my parents, neither him going to the same city to bring them a visit. However, I feel it very inappropriate for them to stay with my parents. How do I handle this situation without creating any ripples on the water?

Fragile16 Desperate to be given a chance.
  • replies: 1

I may not work but I am very capable of paying rent and bills with no problems but continuously getting knocked back. After separating from my daughters dad I had to send my son (20) to live with his dad and myself, daughter (11) and our dog Bella ha... View more

I may not work but I am very capable of paying rent and bills with no problems but continuously getting knocked back. After separating from my daughters dad I had to send my son (20) to live with his dad and myself, daughter (11) and our dog Bella have been staying with friends for almost 10 months. The ex got the house and was moving back in regardless if I had somewhere to go or not. Due yo no luck with trying for several months to get a rental I had no luck. Friends offered us a place to stay and that’s been great until recently. My daughter had been seeing a Pshycologist as well as talking to the staff working at her school. Things got really tuff so I took her back to the gp and it was decided she would go in antidepressants. 4 months ago she had a really bad day and went in to my room and found her packet of tablets and took quite a few. Spent the next 24 hours between 2 hospitals to then get home and have our friend basically go off at me for not preventing this and basically telling me to put her in boarding school. After leaving the ex’s house expecting to end up in court he has finally stepped up and is able to co parent. New routine that is the same at both places plus we talk about what’s going on and make decisions together our daughter has improved greatly. Forward to now and I am constantly getting messages from 1 of my friends in the house constantly on my back about parenting my daughter. Having to work around our friends means it can be hard at dinner time to stick to her times. Not always easy sharing a kitchen when it’s different meals. My anxiety got so bad I was getting bad chest pains and after almost 2 weeks I had just started to get it to be a bit manageable until tonight. The texts about my daughter routine started again. School holidays so she’s had a couple of late nights and a slight adjustment to her routine that her dad and I both discussed and agreed on. I just want to get into a place so I can focus on my kids and move forward with her routine without having my every move judged and my daughter constantly being judged for her behaviour. Doing really good with her routine isn’t enough as the friend expects her to be perfect. I’m looking at up to 6 rentals in a day and almost every day and apply for all I can but no luck.

Cosmicpanda I feel like im not good enough for my girlfriend
  • replies: 8

So i have been dating my new girlfriend for about 3 months now. We are both 26yo. *Side note ( i have ADHD and dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life which i have gone through with her) A bit of background off her first, she comes from... View more

So i have been dating my new girlfriend for about 3 months now. We are both 26yo. *Side note ( i have ADHD and dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life which i have gone through with her) A bit of background off her first, she comes from a quite strict italian family (but so do i to some extent so i understand what its like for her, and she has never been in a relationship before. So ive kind of always realised it since the start but kind of just played it off as abit of banter, until recently as it has just kept coming up and ive actually looked back at what she said and how she said it. So i have about 9 ear piercings and a few tattoos, which she has openly said to me she would rather me not have them and she would prefer a clean version of me, even after i opened up and told her about the reason i have them, that they represent my own personality, need for autonomy and that they represent a time in my life where i was struggling and im proud to have them, and its not like i was hiding them from day 1 i always had them. I also had longish hair at the start of the relationship which she didnt really like but i didnt think much of it and got it cut to suprise her.I have a motorbike aswell and i was just super excited to show her some of my new gear, and she would just turn around and say "oh we can talk about that later". I feel like im not good enough for her, even though i feel myself i really am Like she has this perfect picture/mould of a bf that she wants to take home to her parents and she is trying to make that into me. And for once in my life i feel im actually comfortable being myself and not something im not and masking my true self but i feel like she is bringing me back there. Also when we have conversations i feel like i have to filter what i am going to say incase our opinions differ and she gets offended (which has happened), like im walking on eggshells. I am happy to change and make compromises but i feel this may be too far???But all in all she does atm make me feel like pretty shit. When for once i was actually starting to feel good I am going to tell her how i feel, and just see where it goes from there, i dont want to write the relationship off straight away

lilykitten Parenting kids with different needs fairly
  • replies: 9

I am a single mother with 2 girls (17 and 18Yrs). The youngest is a self isolating ASD level 2 with a PDA profile. Her life is shaped by extremely high anxieties, sensitivities and doesn't respond to any discipline or routine therapies. Low demand is... View more

I am a single mother with 2 girls (17 and 18Yrs). The youngest is a self isolating ASD level 2 with a PDA profile. Her life is shaped by extremely high anxieties, sensitivities and doesn't respond to any discipline or routine therapies. Low demand is the recommended approach which really upsets the 18 year old. I have reduced demands on her as well and try to treat her as much as I can but she does have a few chores and expectations or I would feel I was failing her as a parent. Both kids have regular therapy sessions and the specific needs of the youngest have been explained to the eldest but she still feels it is unfair. Covid and the marriage break up (3.5 yrs ago) have been very traumatic for everyone. My youngest paces around the living room to self regulate but she likes to be alone when she does it. My eldest will frequently position herself in her path just to take a stand that it is her house too. This leads to serious escalation in the youngest which is very scary. It is like the elder is trying to train her sister but it actually increases her stress and puts relationships built up with good deeds, back to square one. My eldest is currently not talking to me after I made her leave the lounge room last night. What should I do to create harmony in the household?

mon09 Help please
  • replies: 5

My sister and I had a fight last week. It was a long time coming and I confronted her for her behaviour towards me. We both erupted and I ended up slapping her. She kept calling me a C!5t and time me I’ve caused her 7 years of trauma. She just could ... View more

My sister and I had a fight last week. It was a long time coming and I confronted her for her behaviour towards me. We both erupted and I ended up slapping her. She kept calling me a C!5t and time me I’ve caused her 7 years of trauma. She just could stop screaming at me. Whilst I understand I’m on the wrong for hitting her I am not ready to apologise. She has kept her three children from me this week and also away from our family home where I live. I feel like I am wearing all the pain and blame. Our father has sided with her and won’t speak more then a few words to me. I feel like I have to move out and I am 34 but the market is so high I can’t buy anything decent and if I rent I’ll have no money left.I feel so horrible because I miss her kids so much they are my everything but I don’t understand why I have to carry this pain all alone when I didn’t start the fight. I simply no longer took her abusive manner towards me.

Cinnamonrolls Thinking about reporting my ex to the police, I'm so angry. Fear it may be too late.
  • replies: 3

Hi there. I came here because I don't have much support from others around me regarding my feelings. I also lost most evidence as he smashed multiple phones. I also don't trust police, I've had a few incidents with them and honestly don't have much r... View more

Hi there. I came here because I don't have much support from others around me regarding my feelings. I also lost most evidence as he smashed multiple phones. I also don't trust police, I've had a few incidents with them and honestly don't have much respect for them. When they came to my house for a domestic, they began searching through my belongings and I found that vile and invasive. It didn't seem like it was in my best interest. It made me incredibly uncomfortable so I have avoided them ever since. I don't have anything to hide but I don't appreciate it. I'm a messy person living with severe ADHD & possibly autism and I'm generally embarrassed that I'm messy. Felt like they were judging me for my disability. Don't have specific dates, it's been ages. I am so angry about what happened to me. I just cannot believe it's been nearly 3 years and I'm just as angry if not more. Furious thinking about it. This person is not safe, I genuinely believe he might kill someone one day. It's not fair he gets to live his life when he humiliated me in front of my family. He was 6'3, very bulky person and would often physically abuse me, intimidate me and make me so fearful by saying "This is it, it's worth going to prison for." It resulted in the police being called maybe three or four times. Destroyed my reputation with my family, ruined my job opportunities and attempt of getting a degree. Just got worse and worse as time went on.

Dav67 Wife has left because of my childhood trauma that i didn't recognise until now
  • replies: 16

Having grown up in a migrant household with an abusive father (both physical and psychological), i was not aware that these traumas would manifest in my adult life. My wife of over 30 years has decided to seperate for the time being (although i think... View more

Having grown up in a migrant household with an abusive father (both physical and psychological), i was not aware that these traumas would manifest in my adult life. My wife of over 30 years has decided to seperate for the time being (although i think this could be it). My behaviour over the years was hot and cold. Grumpy and angry for no apparent reason to loving the next. My ignorance to how this impacted on my wife and her mental health is embarrassing. She has tried to love and help me over the years but i found that difficult to accept due to the nature of my trauma . I am currently seeing a psychologist to help with the trauma but i desperately want to be with my wife again. How do i earn her forgiveness?

MiracleBoy21 40 years old, Single mother, Living with parents, Bqd Past ,NO HOPE
  • replies: 4

I am 40 years old, a single mother to a 1 year old boy, live with my Italian parents, and to top it all off. I have no drivers licence. I will admit that I had some trouble with substance abuse, as I am an addict. My issue that I cannot get over is I... View more

I am 40 years old, a single mother to a 1 year old boy, live with my Italian parents, and to top it all off. I have no drivers licence. I will admit that I had some trouble with substance abuse, as I am an addict. My issue that I cannot get over is I feel like I am 15 years old. I am controlled like one. I would like to do so much about it but because of my past actions, I now suffer the repercussions. I love my parents dearly and appreciate everything that is done foe my son and I, but I feel like I am mentally going to have a breakdown, I just having crying episodes instead and I hate feeling this way. My father is 74 year old traditional Italian overprotective and abusive psychologically only when he drinks. My y mum just lashes out. I litrelly don't go anywhere, only if my son has an appointment, my dad takes us, so I'm just home everyday. I have severe depression, anxiety and Borderline personality disorder/substance misuse to self medicate and heal the pain of craving what I always wanted was emotional support and be accepted of who I am, but NO! Till this day I am put down, controlled, spoken to like rubbish. I need some guidance on what to do from here. I need to move out. My son and I. My mental health is be affected severely

catlady67 Struggling six months post break-up
  • replies: 3

6 months ago, my fiance (m, 30) moved out of the house we shared. We'd been together for the majority of the last ten years. We were each other's first loves. We'd gone through a miscarriage together, and we now have a 3 year old son. I get why we br... View more

6 months ago, my fiance (m, 30) moved out of the house we shared. We'd been together for the majority of the last ten years. We were each other's first loves. We'd gone through a miscarriage together, and we now have a 3 year old son. I get why we broke up, I think. He hadn't touched me in over a year (unless it was sexually), stopped saying he loved me. I wasn't a very nice person either. I made fun of his hobbies, and didn't often make the most of the time we would get together. Despite this though - when we're strong, we're unbreakable. We let our egos get in the way and didn't communicate. But. It's been 6 months. I hate coparenting. My son is my world. I want him home every night. I hate this big empty house. I hate having to see my ex a few times a week, and being constantly reminded of him when I look at my son. Lately, my son has had really big issues with being separated from me. He cries and screams for me when his father takes him, or when I take him to daycare. And that's really affecting me. All I want is for the ex to try relationship counselling like he promised, to give our family another chance. So I'm not torn away from my son so often. Being away from him and being home alone three/four nights a week is destroying me. Because of this, I've been trying to talk to him about it. He never, ever replies. I can barely get through an hour without sobbing, I currently have a day-long headache from crying too hard last night. Being a single mum is hard. Being a single mum who has a spinal cord injury is freaking hard. And my pre-existing depression, anxiety and PTSD complicates things more than I'd like. I'm about to go dry my tears and pick up my son... from his father's house. There are thoughts that run through my head multiple times a day that I'm not proud of, that I wished I would never experience. It just sucks.

Mark h Son closes off to my new relationship - Advice Needed
  • replies: 6

Good morning Beyond Blue Community I am writing to ask for advice. I am now completely lost with what to do. I came out of a 20 year marriage 17 months ago now (so Jan 2021) which was a very trying time for all concerned. I have two boys aged 19 & 16... View more

Good morning Beyond Blue Community I am writing to ask for advice. I am now completely lost with what to do. I came out of a 20 year marriage 17 months ago now (so Jan 2021) which was a very trying time for all concerned. I have two boys aged 19 & 16 who struggled to come to terms with their mum & dad separating after so many years. Both boys were living with me at home through last year and I then finally sold and moved out of the family home back in February this year. My eldest son now lives with his partner's parents property and my youngest boy stays with me 4 days a week and with his mum 3 days a week. The week I moved house (first week of Feb), I met a lovely new partner who I have been dating ever since. It was strange how everything aligned, she lives locally, we have the same interests, we just make each other happy and have been seeing each other everyday since. It's the happiest I have been in many years to be honest. Over recent months, both myself and my new partner have decided to commit to each other and get engaged. My youngest son however suffers with massive anxiety and as such hasn't really communicated with my partner even though he says that it isn't her, just the condition he is in. He panics in public spaces, hates crowds and generally doesn't cope well with change. Yesterday, I told him that I was engaged and he has since closed off completely. He won't talk about it and has now gone to his mums to stay. I feel so incredibly guilty that I have upset him but I also feel that my happiness is important and at the end of the day, I am going to be spending the rest of my life with this person. I have told him that nothing has changed. Things will be the same as they are right now and that the marriage side of things won't be until next year but he just is completely shut off. His Mum found a new partner within 3 months of the separation and he moved in within 5 months. I spent all of last year making sure my boys were ok but now that I have my happy back, I just feel that I am not being allowed to make decisions to shape the future I have with this new lady in my life. Any advice you have would be appreciated. I love my boys but I am struggling at this point to know if I have made the right decision by them.