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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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TJE Unable to meet wife’s emotional needs because of depression
  • replies: 4

Hi, My Anxiety and depression has been up and down over the last 7+ years. At the moment it’s very bad and I feel very negative about myself. problem is it’s my wife’s birthday today and I haven’t been able to do much to celebrate it with her. I have... View more

Hi, My Anxiety and depression has been up and down over the last 7+ years. At the moment it’s very bad and I feel very negative about myself. problem is it’s my wife’s birthday today and I haven’t been able to do much to celebrate it with her. I haven’t been able to do much about planning anything/buying a gift/even making sure there’s some food in the house for a normal day. She’s very upset and says she feels unloved. She also knows on some level it’s the depression but it was a similar situation on her birthday last year as well. I’ve apologised that my capacity hasn’t allowed me to do more and I do understand why she feels this way. But I can’t make the depression go away because it’s her birthday. This is an ongoing issue for us, she has to do a lot generally to support me and keep everyday life going. I guess it’s worse on a day like her birthday. I don’t know whether to try and have more of a conversation with her, which might be more upsetting and make things about me and my problems on her birthday. Or do I just leave it for now, try and do a few nice things for her and let her feel how she feels?

Wlooozy Losing a Friend
  • replies: 3

I had a best friend of almost 6 years. We had our arguments like friends would but we always apologised and moved on. Just recently he had messaged me saying he didn't want to be friends anymore over text message. This absolutely shocked me and I tho... View more

I had a best friend of almost 6 years. We had our arguments like friends would but we always apologised and moved on. Just recently he had messaged me saying he didn't want to be friends anymore over text message. This absolutely shocked me and I thought it was a joke he was playing. But, he was being serious. We hadn't messaged each other for awhile but I always made sure to check up on him whenever I saw him at school and converse with him - but he always seemed disinterested and less responsive towards me. I knew something was up but I didn't want to annoy him since he already was disinterested. He had sent me message saying he think we should break our friendship. I asked him why and had told me he was sick of receiving the same treatment over the 6 years we've been friends. He told me he was sick of me being; manipulative, controlling, unsupportive of anything big in his life and the lies I've told. When he had mentioned that to me, I honestly felt like a stab in my heart, I personally felt like I didn't any of those things to him over the 6 years we've been friends and it hurts me to know that he felt/thought of me like that. I wonder if I had always been a bad friend, from my perspective I had nothing but been there for him and supported him through tough times when he confined in me. I can't describe how much it hurts me knowing he said all those words to me. I'm still shocked. He even told me other people felt the same which is shocking because I usually keep to myself and my small circle of friends. He told me that he was willing to forgive and continue being friends as long as I changed. I told him that if he felt as those I did all those things to him over the 6 years we've known each other that we shouldn't be friends. I was upset at that moment and didn't want to be friends with him anymore - but now I'm conflicted as I MIGHT want to still be friends. I should have cleared my head instead of reacting with my emotion. But I'm still extremely hurt by his comments and don't know if being friends again is a great option for us. Is it worth giving it another chance and try making amends between us?

batticus I think my relationship is nearly over
  • replies: 22

Hi everyone, I'm having a nightmare of a time. My girlfriend and I have been together 5 1/2 years. We've had good times and also many really awful times. My aim in life was to make her happy. I did everything I could. We both live in separate houses;... View more

Hi everyone, I'm having a nightmare of a time. My girlfriend and I have been together 5 1/2 years. We've had good times and also many really awful times. My aim in life was to make her happy. I did everything I could. We both live in separate houses; we only really see eachother on weekends. She doesn't want to come to my house (it's a nice new home, I think it's a pleasant calm space to be in). Rather I have to go to her house. To progress the relationship (she wants to be engaged) I want us to spend much more time together. Having one house isn't possible right now, but we can make the best of our current situation by staying with eachother during the week. She doesn't seem to want to do that. Having constructive conversations about important topics is hard. She is very defensive and responds with a lot of aggression if something I say is perceived as a criticism. Early in the relationship she has been verbally abusive on more than one occasion. I have spent a lot of time going to counselling to try and understand why I feel so confused, and also to figure out what is going on with my girlfriend. My counsellor believes she has traits of covert narcissism. What has brought the things to this point is that she wants to get engaged and is frustrated this hasn't happened yet. What is holding me back is that I know she wants to move interstate at some point. I don't. I have a home here, family , work ,friends. This is where I belong. I feel like moving interstate will be very isolating and disastrous for my mental health. Yesterday she was giving me silent treatment. I then realised every photo of me in the house was gone. She wasn't happy at all. She doesn't believe I love her. Isn't happy that she isn't engaged. I explained my preference to not move interstate. One thing we agreed on in the last 5 1/2 years is neither of us wanted children. Suddenly this has changed. I find it very hard to believe because her main response to seeing babies etc. is one of disgust. I don't want to think the worst of her, as I love her dearly, but I am suspicious this may be some kind of bluff. It just doesn't add up to me. I have learned to understand that I've been gaslighted a lot over the years, and wonder if this could be some kind of desperate attempt to make me feel even worse. We are going to talk again tomorrow and hopefully after that I'll have some closure either way things end up going. Thanks for listening Batticus

DC_comics Want to stop being lonely
  • replies: 3

I had chance to leave family home almost 20 years ago but with sympathy regarding situation with mother I didn't. Now am in a rut where each day is a chore and though want friendship making a connection has always been difficult. Seeking social suppo... View more

I had chance to leave family home almost 20 years ago but with sympathy regarding situation with mother I didn't. Now am in a rut where each day is a chore and though want friendship making a connection has always been difficult. Seeking social support for over 30 year Olds. This forum is a start, can anyone advise on further options?

EmmaSwan Is there any hope that things will improve?
  • replies: 4

I’m sitting here in the dark and I feel like I have this invisible, all encompassing weight pressing down on my shoulders. So much so that I’m barely able to raise my head. All my life it’s just been me. My parents were abusive and from the moment I ... View more

I’m sitting here in the dark and I feel like I have this invisible, all encompassing weight pressing down on my shoulders. So much so that I’m barely able to raise my head. All my life it’s just been me. My parents were abusive and from the moment I understood them they told me over and over again that I had ruined their lives. Up until two years ago I had my Nana who is the only person that ever loved or liked me. I married a man who ended up being almost exactly like my parents. I left him after he attacked our oldest but still little girl (she was 4). Now I raise my three little girls by myself. I’m so tired. And just beyond sad. I feel like I’ve doomed them to a life without family or support. Yes of course they have me however I only have me and honestly it’s getting harder and harder to keep going. I cry silently all of the time trying to hide all of my pain from my children. Knowing that I don’t have any help or support. Even just to have a hot tea while the baby is awake is a fantasy. It’s a burden that is becoming too much to bear. And if I can’t, how on earth will my little ones manage. How do people manage. I’m so tired of being the strong one but honestly there is no other choice. I never want to be in a relationship again. I won’t let anyone hurt me or my children ever again. Without family or close friends I just don’t see how I will manage and yet the thought of letting anyone close - I just can’t. Has anyone else lived through something like this and managed to make a positive life for their children, maybe even themselves or am I kidding myself? Is there any way out of this? Is there any hope that things get better? Or have I cursed my children to be as alone and devoid of hope as I am?

tashi my cup is empty
  • replies: 5

im 28 yeara old , engaged with two yong children. 3 years ago my father died and i dont quite understand the greif , it doesn’t feel normal. i replay the weeks/days leading up to his death over and over in my head and it hurts all the time. on the ot... View more

im 28 yeara old , engaged with two yong children. 3 years ago my father died and i dont quite understand the greif , it doesn’t feel normal. i replay the weeks/days leading up to his death over and over in my head and it hurts all the time. on the other hand my partner is a chronic pain sufferer. this has become increasingly difficult on me and my family, including my poor fiancé. he has told me if its too much that he understands if i need to leave . but i don’t believe this is the answer to my problems. im exhausted. i dont know how to make things better, i cant fix any of this . i need to br a mum first and foremost and the rest ive got no idea

Anon_G I committed adultery
  • replies: 4

Before you judge, please hear me out. I have been with my husband for 7 years and in an almost sexless relationship. He has trouble opening up his body to me and I have tried many things to help us become comfortable. Emotionally, he is introverted a... View more

Before you judge, please hear me out. I have been with my husband for 7 years and in an almost sexless relationship. He has trouble opening up his body to me and I have tried many things to help us become comfortable. Emotionally, he is introverted and I like to spend time outside doing things. We are very compatible when it comes to other important aspects like household chores, finances, asset building- we are both driven, successful in our own ways but emotionally I feel a big hole in my heart where I want my partner to hold me, love me and tell me am valued but he doesn't understand why verbal validation is so important. I am not sure if am a narcissist because I actively seeked sex outside my marriage which was deeply unfullfing and I felt terrible afterwards. I feel so guilty for my action but I have been so open with him about my issues that I feel divorce is the best course of action but something deep down just wants him to change. I feel so stuck and helpless.

A_Nobody How to be a Father, when I did not have one?
  • replies: 4

Recently found out of I am going to be a father. I didn't have a dad, well I did but he left when I was young (primary school) that has left a void I cant talk about and bury it deep down. I grew up with just mum who showed me everything and taught m... View more

Recently found out of I am going to be a father. I didn't have a dad, well I did but he left when I was young (primary school) that has left a void I cant talk about and bury it deep down. I grew up with just mum who showed me everything and taught me everything while supporting me being in and out of work. I met a girl who is amazing and kind and loving who knows I have "issues" but is always there to support me. She is first generation aussie of greek background who loves me for me and I am forever grateful to have someone so humble and kind in my world. Recently she told me she was pregnant and I am scared and unsure and what should I do? I cant be a father, I had no father, how can I ever be a father??? I mean its amazing she is pregnant but I am very scared of being a father. I know nothing of being a father. I have no one to ask or talk too about being a father, I feel very alone and scared. I dont want a child to grow up with that I had, feeling alone what I had. I Don't know what to do. I am not scared of not having a house or not being able to support the child but what I am most scared of is being a father and a good role model I did not have. I am scared. Should I run or stay? I dont want to run but its so hard. I feel ashamed and like I am not a man. How can I ever provide for someone so small and helpless. What skills can I ever share that will be worthwhile? I am just a nobody with no skills who can offer nothing. I feel alone and closed off. I dont know what to do. What should I do? Where should I go? Who can help me?

Nosyla Husband wants to separate and has told my friend he has feelings for her - Says has positive feelings but wants to cut marital ties before hates me
  • replies: 3

I am needing some ideas. Both my husband and I have PTSD from our work life. He was diagnosed with ASD last year. We have good and bad times like all relationships. He withdraws, avoids and I try and solve problems find solutions and make things work... View more

I am needing some ideas. Both my husband and I have PTSD from our work life. He was diagnosed with ASD last year. We have good and bad times like all relationships. He withdraws, avoids and I try and solve problems find solutions and make things work. He doesn't like taking advice or having help from others, preferring to just ignore things or take advice that suits his purpose. We also have 3 children - 4, 9, 12 with ASD. We helped a friend and her kids leave a relationship earlier this year. After she found he own place they kept in touch without my knowledge. It developed and they were catching up. He decided he wanted to separate, told her he had feelings for her, got rejected by her as she told him she was my friend and it need to remain professional, he came home and told me he loved me. Later told me the above about being rejected and that's why hugged me. Even though he expressed feelings they still keep talking and seeing each other without my knowledge. Still want to separate but wouldn't leave the house or property as wanted to have all the benefits of family life without me, yet I was still living here which has been ongoing for weeks. He refuses to live by himself, take time out for himself to stay in caravan and has moved in with a 22 year old friend. He gets irritated and frustrated with this friend easily and quickly and when initially spoke of living with friend to have time was against it. He has mentioned not wanting to stay with them as currently in a very small 2 bedroom house. I know that he is struggling and needs help. I can't help him anymore and need to look after my own mental health and that of the kids. Why is it that I am struggling so much and so up and down. I know that only he can decide to get help and make his own life better. I feel like I have let him down as I struggled with chronic pain for a few months which was the negative cycle and that's all he can focus on. Even admitting that everything had been going really good, but that as we have good then bad is is trying to make it go bad to justify his decision. I want to help but need to focus on me. How do I get over this so it doesn't have my stomach in knots, and like being stabbed in the heart.

Sarah86 How to let go of resentment?
  • replies: 8

Hi, I’m struggling with holding on to resentment and the thoughts of why life is so unfair. 4 years ago I found out that my now ex husband was cheating. We had 2 young children at the time 4 and 6 years old. We met overseas, lived in another country ... View more

Hi, I’m struggling with holding on to resentment and the thoughts of why life is so unfair. 4 years ago I found out that my now ex husband was cheating. We had 2 young children at the time 4 and 6 years old. We met overseas, lived in another country together and eventually moved back to Australia so that I could be near my family. Anyway after building a life together, kids, buying a house etc I found out that he had been having an affair and that it was not the first time. He was giving his number out at work. All while coming home to his family. I’m sure there were signs I missed, but I was focused on raising our beautiful children. When I found out about his infidelity I was obviously shattered. I couldn’t understand why he would do that to me. I took care of him, loved him and put everything into my family. He never said he was unhappy. To this day he tells me he wasn’t unhappy. He has since moved on. They are now having a baby together. I am still single, have our children 99% of the time. I work full time and weekends are taken up by kids sport. Don’t get me wrong I adore my children and I am so thankful that I have them. My relationship with them has improved since I left their father. They have improved dramatically.they are completely different children. They are happy, content and thriving which makes it all worth it for me. I give them 100% of me to make up for their seemly absent father. He is very much a Disney dad and throws money at them but doesn’t give much of his time. I still hold on to so much resentment. I can’t wrap my head around how he can behave so horribly but he is the one that gets to move on and be happy and have another child and live in a big house. I on the other hand have been single for many years, live in a small 2 bedroom apartment where I sleep on the lounge to allow my kids to have their own rooms. All I do is go to work and come home. I want to be happy again. I want to fall in love again and share my life with someone. I don’t miss my ex, I would never consider taking him back. So it’s not that he has moved on that is the issue. I hate feeling that life is so unfair. How can you be a good person and do the right thing by people but still not be rewarded by happiness. I really want to get rid of this resentment so that I can have a happy future. It’s hard when my kids are getting excited about a new sibling when all that brings me is further heartache. When do I get my happily ever after??